Ending of December

How quickly the month has flown by, and in a few days, 2007 will be upon us. For those who don't know, January and February begins our 2 months of hibernation. After New Year's Day, we keep plans to a minimum. Weekends are spent at home. Family is the focus. This year, I might get some reading done, amongst the plans to go through the house room-by-room and get rid of everything that we don't need. And, make lists and breakdown the house projects into doable stints.

So, if I'm not here for a bit, it's because I'm choosing to focus on the homefront for a bit. (And because, I think I need to work on my computer addiction. Oi!)

To Grandma's House we go

Today, I was able to receive, and to give, a wonderous gift. I surprised my grandma in her assisted living residence with my mom, brother, DSIL, and sweet nephew (my lil buddy) in tow.

Within seconds, the woman who had been sitting sadly slumped in a chair, perked up with smiles as we entered her room. To see two of her grandchildren, and two of her great grandbabies, filled not only her, but us with joy and love.

It was a good day today. We visited and talked. We snacked on chocolates. She took us around, and showed off her proud family to the other residents sitting in the foyer. Da Pook proudly sat on her lap in the wheel chair (when she wasn't sitting in there with my lil buddy, being given a ride from Uncle T). Lil Buddy ran around, blowing kisses and saying hello.

What saddened me most, was all these other lonely souls sitting in the main lobby on Christmas eve. Where were their families?

Before we left, we took her down for lunch. I didn't want to leave. For the first time in years, my grandma was happy. She wasn't bitter or upset. She was filled with joy. As we left, we all teared up. I didn't want to leave her there. I didn't want her to be without us.

I left there missing my grams, yet happy that we could brighten her day. I discovered she's closer then I thought, and, we've decided that we'll try to get out and see her more. I was delighted to see the joy the children brought to the faces of the other residents; torn that we had to leave; and resoluting that we would be back to visit again.

Basking in Love

This morning, my heart is open, love pouring forth. I am blissfully happy and content.

I realized, for the first time (ever I think, save for those years as a child this might've applied!) I do not want. Yes, there are things I'd like, but I don't NEED them, nor do I have that incomplete feeling when I think about them.

I have all I need:
- A wonderful, amazing, loving husband, who understands me and my quirkiness, yet embraces me anyway.

- A sweet, angelic child who knows just when her kisses are needed, and takes my face into her hands to do so.

- A place to call home, that's cozy and warm, and filled with happy memories.

- Family and friends who are absolutely amazing, wonderful, and marvelous gifts in my life.

- A sense of happiness, a heart overflowing with love, and the ability to be aware of my life blessings.

Aho!

Happy Winter!

Well, it's officially Winter. Happy Solistice!

I'm starting to realize, that this past week things have been surfacing, manifested in familial grumpiness all around. Pook's been acting out, demanding all sorts of attention. I feel I've been neglecting her, as I scurry about making sure gifts are wrapped and packed, cleaning is done, laundry completed, playdates kept... and even my darling hubby's given into the grumpiness.

I've been snippy (doesn't help where I am at cyclewise either), impatient, snappy, and not very Christmassy the last few days. It bothers me that I'm at that point where I am looking forward to it all being over and done with.

So this morning, in the quiet of the darkness, I am taking time to look into my heart and dig up the joy that I know that's there. This Christmas, I'll get to see my sweet nephew on Christmas morning and open gifts with him and my family, just like old times - and I'm estatic! Especially because I don't know when I'll have this opportunity again.

My mother loves Christmas. I don't know if they'll have the Marth Stewartish tree this year, due to my sweet nephew, but I don't care. I love my ILs, but they just don't savor or celebrate the holidays, even birthdays, like we do.

I was raised to celebrate life each moment that it presents. Each holiday, when I was able to attend the familial functions on a consistent basis, I always remember that feeling of celebration, FAMILY, and laughter. There were always lots of hugs, grandma kisses, good food, and a general atmostphere that you were loved.

My ILs aren't very huggy-feely people, though they've gotten moreso since the pook. And my DMIL, comes from a culture where displays of affection are frowned on. So, there is always a coldness there, that isn't with my family. I understand and accept it, but I still feel uncomfortable around it.

Mind you, each family has it's own issues at times! And each family has points that I appreciate. But I love the feeling of love, the hugs... regardless of the underlying issues, there is always that love. And this year, I'm going to bask in it full force!

Sweet Morning Bliss

She's half the length of me, her body draped over my lap, arm snuggled around my neck. She smiles at me, with a face that fills me with joy. She curls her body up, nuzzling her head into my shoulder. She sighs.

She is love. I am in love.

We are blessed.

Focus on 2007

There are 4 new things I'm focusing on for 2007:

• To live consciously
• To make it a point to enjoy life more
• To continue to create a home environment that radiates contentment, peace, love, nurturing, and joy
• To spend more time outdoors

Each of these has various aspects to it, that I'll expand on below.

1. Live consciously.
This is a big category, that encompasses many things for me. I'll try to break them into smaller sections.

• Be aware of blessings. By making the most of what we have, just being aware of all we have, and working with what we have. Honoring our little family and our home. And, to bask in gratitude and apprecition for those blessings.
• Be aware of my internal rhythms, and listen to inuition. Make time for quietness, and spiritual reflection - even if it's only 15 minutes. Take a step back to look at the bigger picture.
• Live more Greenly. Give gifts that can be used, or make donations in the name of others. Start to recycle. Freecycle or donate items when applicable. Get a compost bin, and create compost. Support local farmers. Try to buy things with less packaging, and/or packaging that can be recycled. Bring own bags to store. Continue to determine how to live more greenly (http://www.treehugger.com/)
• Create a compact pledge that works for us, and following through for at least a month, if not longer.
• Be aware of how we, as a family, can eat healthier. Try to eat less processed and packaged stuff, by making own breads, soups, and fresh foods. Create healthy snacks by keeping carrots, hummus, and other fruits and veggies on hand and accessible to Pook. Learn how to can our own veggies and the like.
• Be conscious and aware of spending. Spend wisely, frugaly, and continue to invest in savings. Also, be aware of what we really need, and what we need to buy. What are the necessities? Heaven knows we don't need any more knick knacks or decor!
• Bless others. Through monatary donations and freecycling.
  Spend more time outside.

2. Enjoy life more; have some fun.

Silly to have to post this, but a big thing for me. Do fun things, do more of what we enjoy, keep a perspective of positivity. Continue to say No to those things (and people) that drain us. Plan a fun vacation. Take care of myself by doing things I enjoy, spending quality time with friends, and doing things that decrease stress (massage, Reiki, diva days...)

3. Continue to create a home environment of contentment, peace, love, nurturing and joy.

Nurture a postive and loving attitude. Show my family I appreciate them by nurturing them with love, good food, and appreciation. Honor those who enter my house - family or friend, and nurture them with respect, good food, and love, and shower them with appreciation.

Honor our house by enhancing it with creativity and love:

• Indoors: Continue to get rid of clutter (those things that we feel bad/guilty about, things we don't need or like, or have space for) and create more space in our home. Paint the main areas, new curtains for dinning room and living room, new bed for Pook, clear out Pook's room to make room for new kitchen set, repaint basement, set up office/study area in basement, repaint study (this will be later, as when it's repainted, chances are, it'll be turned into a baby room), repaint Pook's room.
• Outdoors: Create our own Secret Garden of tranquility. Fence, clear out back, put in cement patio, steps to patio, garden, plant an apple tree. Shed, potting area, and compost bin.

*Not all listed above needs to be done at the same time, not all in 2007, though it would be nice to have it all done in 2007. :)

4 Spend more time outdoors.

Walk to the park. Take notice of walking to the car, or from the car to house, or building. Make the most of nice weather. Take pictures to help encourage more walks.

***********************

I know that for some, this is a large list. It helps to just write things out, to get a clear view of things. Next year, I plan to blog more on how we are faring on each of these topics. I may need to edit here and there a bit as well. We shall see!

Make note: This is subject to updates!

Reflections on 2006

Last year, there were five things I decided to focus on. I must say, that I think I did a really good job of staying on target.

1. Continuing to Simplify my life

I continued to declutter and get rid of things we no longer loved nor needed. I think I made a total of at least five trips to the Good Will, and countless friends benefited from stuff we let go of.

In the last few months, I've really been clearing out my thoughts, focusing on the blessings in my life, and what we have. It's been amazing!

We said no. We scheduled weekends of no plans. We definitely did less, and did more of what we enjoy.

In 2007, we'll be continuing along this line, as we pare down to make more room in our home, that we're now staying in.

2. Continuining to improve my lifestyle and eating habits.

We did pretty good the beginning of the year, and have done a fair job through the year. Now, we are slowly working our way back to where we were.

3. Spend wisely and consciously.

We did well on this aspect, too. We've managed to save the most money since we've been married. Next year though, we've got specific house projects we'll be dealing with, but we've realized, that we really don't need anything. There are things we'd like, but we'll need to rearrange things to make more space.

4. Stay in tune with Rhythm; honor and getting to know my inner/intuition.

I'm gradually getting back in touch with myself, as for I while, I got lost. I allowed my knee injury to through me off, and I made excuses. Might need to revisit this in 2007.

5. Continue to connect with appreciation and gratitude.

This has been a big one this year. I've purposely gone out of my way to show my appreciation to others, and to be more appreciative in general. My Thank Yous are truly heartfelt, and I express this as often as I can. Basking in gratitude has been lifechanging for me, and helped me to really appreciate and be aware of the blessings in my life.

All in all, it's been a year of many, many blessings. I am filled with gratitude when I think about things. I've reconnected with people (like Stacie), got to spend time with Phil and see his home (finally), spent quality time with those I love, and bask in the bliss of being a mom.

We didn't move, but I think we've gained an even greater gift by deciding to stay. Ah... bliss.

Compact Backlash

I was actually a little surprised to find that some people are harshly against the whole Compact movement. This article gives a little more information about the attention that this has been getting: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16259064/

I can see how it might effect the economy if more people started living this way, but the fact is, that many people don't want to live this way. It does floor me how funny people are about this though. And what about those people who have no money, nor any other choice but to live most of their lives this way because they have no money?

The point is, these people living this way, are living like this because it makes them feel good about themselves, and they are living consciously. Like I said, I don't know if I could honestly live that way for an entire year. Shopping second hand can be a headache for me. BUT - I can (and have) joined a freecycle group (if just to pass stuff on to someone who can really use it). I can recycle my leftovers to compost, my cardboard, glass, etc. And I can take steps that I personally feel are making a difference in my life.

It's gotten me thinking about how we easily jump to judge others, because we feel we know what is best for them. Fact is, and we need to face it, unless you are in that person's shoes, walking their walk - you've really no right to pass judgement. Hmmm... a good topic for another post, me thinks.

Edited to add: Besides, what's going to happen to the economy if suddenly, everyone had to pay off all that credit card debt? Hmmm...

A gift revolution...

I just had to share the coolest idea. Instead of exchanging gifts each year, my friend and her hubby create experiences together. They do things they've never done before - like the opera or symphony. Or, they do simple things like going to the zoo, a weekend in Gettysburg, etc.

How cool is this?

Recently, we've been discussing gifts in regards to our kiddos, and came up with an awesome idea. Instead of exchanging material gifts or toys, we will make plans to create an experience for the kids. Be it the zoo, a park, etc., we'll all get to hang out and see each other. We'll take lots of pictures, and then each girl will put together a scrapbook page for the other's book.

Of course, this means I get to embark on scrap booking, which I'm not sure how I feel about. The little doodads and stuff are cute, but that means investing in bits and bobs, that I don't know if I'm ready for yet.

In any case, I'm sure it's going to be beautiful regardless, and a neat project for me and the Pook.

Holiday Hectiness - a vent of sorts

I'm not sure why I never noticed it before, but the holidays seem to catch me off guard each year. For some reason, in my mind at least, I just don't want to do much of anything between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

And I can't help being aware of the fact that I feel an incredible amount of relief once the holiday and season is over, which is ironic considering how excited I am when I start off!

Hubby's been telling me for years how stressful this time of year it is for us, and I've been... well, gosh, I've been in denial (I can be so good at this!). But he's right, and I'll elaborate for you.

You see, my parents are divorced (and thankfully not remarried or it might be more challenging). Hubby's are not. My mom has one brother. My dad has two. Hubby's dad has 5 other siblings. His mom's siblings are in another country.

There was a good ten year stint after the divorce where I believed my dad's side of the family didn't love me and wanted nothing to do with me, which made holidays a breeze, as I was unmarried, and therefore joyously celebrated Thanksgiving with my dear aunt, uncle, mom and grams, as well as Christmas.

And then, my grandfather, my dad's father, ended up in the hospital for his last visit. Perhaps I'll blog about that experience some other time, but for now, I'll skip to the part where I ended up reconnecting with Dad's family, while visiting my sweet Popop in his last days.

In any case, this now meant I was officially invited to my Aunt P's house for Thanksgiving, which, mind you is HER holiday. Seriously, the food that is served makes your mouth water just to hear the menu. It's a big deal.

Now, by this time, Hubby and I had begun dating, so he tagged along. It was the first Thanksgiving I didn't spend at my uncle R's, and I missed them. Christmas was back with my mom's, and we fit in Hub's family too.

When we moved to WV, there was usually only one holiday to contend with, as we decided that we'd either go back for Thanksgiving or Christmas - not both. And, we need to shuffle around three families. For a while, we'd spend Christmas with hubby's family, the day after with my mom, and we'd make other arrangements for dad's. (And let me tell you right here and now, that I do know that I'm lucky I only need to worry about 3 familes, where as my brother married a beautiful gal who's parents are divorced too... and it gets crazy.)

This worked for a while - until the Pook came along.

Now, everyone wants to see us and the Pook - on the day of the Holiday.

And then, there's the guilt. My family seems to "win-out" over hubby's family. But then, when we visit, we stay with my ILs, so my family feels slighted. Although, it used to be we'd just do things with my family, and his really was slighted, but I've been trying really hard to balance everything.

This year, my grams (mom's mom) is going through altziemer stages, and my mom and uncle are having a really rough time. Suddenly, being there on the 26th (her birthday) is not okay. She wants to open presents with Pook Christmas morning. So, we rearrange our plans so that we are there Christmas morning, and having dinner with the ILs. Thank God my DMIL is hosting a gathering so that I can invite my dad's family and hubby's family so we'll get to see them. (Last year, we did spent Christmas with them.)

In any case, I think we are getting to the point where we just don't want to come back for the holidays. (Next year, we won't be coming back for Christmas, as it's a weekday, and I promised my Aunt P we'd be there for Thanksgiving, which you can bet is going to go over well with my mom.)

*Sigh*

I know full well that making everyone happy is a virtually impossible task. Hubby doesn't like to drive all over God's creation to visit people, which limits things even more. I love being with my family, even hubby's family, but it seems everyone has their way, their own plans, their out holiday rituals, and, well, I'm just too pooped to do it all.

*Sigh*

So, what's a girl to do? This year, I'm most torn by the fact that my mom has been suffering with watching her mom deteriorate, and that she finally opened up to me about how lonely she feels on the holidays. To me, it's just another day. Maybe one day, when I'm older, I'll feel differently, but for now, it's just a day.
Hecht, after Christmas, we have our own Christmas day with Pook (cause, ya know we've got it in with Santa), for just us up here. And you know what, it doesn't matter what the date is, what matters is that day is sacred to us.

With all this emotional baggage I've been carrying, (and hubby to an extent too) it's no wonder we tense up come November to December, and one of the reasons why we hibernate January to February.

Now, the question is, how can I make this a more loving experience, instead of continuing to get stressed out? (Aside from ditching the holidays altogether.)

This is something I need to ponder on, and that I'm open to suggestions in regards.

Divine Gifts

Sweet kisses from the Pook. The kind where she puckers up, takes your face into her hands, and plants tender kisses upon your cheeks.

One of those days...

I'm having one of those days... Pook got up at 4:30 am. I had 3 hours of work this morning, that might've been less if I didn't have my sweet helper in my lap. We're supposed to be leaving for lunch with her freinds, and Pook is passed out in dreamland.

I've been procrastinating like you wouldn't believe. Blogs are good for that, doncha know.

But the difference is - despite it all, I'm in a flippin' good mood. If I'm late - Oh well!

But now... I really must get moving! Did I mention I'm still in my PJs?

Another Early Morning

Well, it's another very early morning for me, but only because I was unable to get back to sleep. I woke up with a bit of congestion, and I'm eagerly awaiting my sage tea with honey.

I'm hoping that once I get it in me, I'll be able to get back to sleep for a bit before the Pook awakes. We'll see. Da sweet hubby isn't even up yet.

I'm debating whether or not to take it easy today. I've been running a lot lately. Packing up last minute bits, wrapping last minute gifts, scheduling things for the holidays. I've still got to back some mini loaves for the grandmas for Christmas (we decided to make breads, as they are healthier then cookies). I was on my feet a lot, so yesterday, my knee and back were really tender.

I'm not sure what's in store for today. I'm thinking some circle time, and then camping the rest of the day on the couch to stay off my feet. Oh, and calling in to schedule a massage. Why? Because I've got the most awesome hubby in the world.

Freecycling

I took another step toward living more consciously today. I joined my local Freecycling group. You can find a lot of information in regards to freecycling on http://freecycle.org/.

I have also been thinking of creating my own Compact Pledge. We are planning to buy the Pook a new bed in January, but after that, I think that we might try to Compact for the month. I love the general aims of the Compact yahoo group:

• "To go beyond recycling in trying to counteract the negative global environmental and socioeconomic impacts of disposable consumer culture and to support local businesses, farms, etc. -- a step that, we hope, inherits the revolutionary impulse of the Mayflower Compact. I've been working my way to the Farmer's market, and we've cut down the trips to Walmart in favor of a Kroger. I think this will be the most challenging part too. As I need to research into where to recycle. Of course, if on the Compact, I won't really be buying anything other then food, and the other bits mentioned below. So...
• To reduce clutter and waste in our homes (as in trash Compact-er). Currently in the process of doing this.
• To simplify our lives (as in Calm-pact) I really LOVE this part, and I feel that we've been simplifying our lives in a big way. We've been saying no to things, spending weekends relaxing as a family, instead of running around. When I compare what we've done this year, to last year, we've done much less, yet we are so much more content.

There are two principles:

• First principle - don't buy new products of any kind (from stores, web sites, etc.)
• Second principle - borrow or buy used.

A few exceptions - using the "fair and reasonable person" standard -- i.e., you'll know in your heart when you're rationalizing a violation: food, drink, and necessary medicine (no elective treatments like Viagra or Botox) necessary cleaning products, but not equipment (don't go out and buy the Dyson Animal, for example). socks and underwear (utilitarian- -non-couture or ornamental) pajamas for the children." More information on the details can be found here: http://sfcompact.blogspot.com/2006/01/new-years-resolution.html

I think it's pretty feasible that we can do this for a month or two. I'm sure that we could probably do it for a year even if we put our minds to it; however, I'm not quite ready for that in light of the fact we have several house projects planned. I do think that we might modify it a bit to suit what works best for us.

I'm sure if I tried, I could put into word exactly how I'm feeling right now. Exhilerated, excited, peaceful... What is it about deciding to live consciously that makes such a difference? I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Next step: Continue to declutter, keeping only what we love and have space for, and figuring out how and where to recycle.

Snowflakes

Here's some cool pictures of snow flakes to check out: http://www.its.caltech.edu/%7Eatomic/snowcrystals/photos/photos.htm

And here's the home page: http://www.its.caltech.edu/~atomic/snowcrystals/

There's another nifty website, with pictures of smoke too: http://www.photo.net/photodb/folder?folder_id=369362

We've been blessed with a sprinkling of snow up here. Just enought to make it feel Christmassy and wintery. The Pook gets so excited about the snow. She wants to make a snow man so very badly, but it's not right for it yet.

That's okay though... she's so cute!

Excuses

Have you ever just "opened your eyes" to life around you, and realized what's been going on?
I've been making a lot of excuses. Well, okay, for those that know me, I can create excuses for just about anything when feeling creative enough. (Just ask hubby about the new Christmas dish towels...)

But since we've decided to stay in our home, I've been more aware of excuses I made. When we were planning to move, I had a ton. You know how it goes, when I move - then I'll compost, then I'll garden, then I'll recycle, then I'll go outside more, then I'll...

But now, in the course of a weekend, my thinking has shifted to - how can I compost here? Hmm... let's look up those recycling stations in the area, and start making a plan. With a fence, I can garden without worrying about the cats using it for a litter box. Hecht, we can even create our own garden of Eden. There's a park down the way that we found and the lil one really enjoys. There's a bigger park and picnic area down the street with a mile and a half walk. And, we are blessed with friends who have some acreage that we can visit.

We have also decided to pare down our stuff to suit this house, as opposed to hoarding stuff for the next one. Which, we realized we were totally doing. And, who knows, we might just realize we don't need as much space as we thought. What a concept.

It's no wonder I felt as though I was putting my life on hold - because I WAS. But now, I'm claiming it back. The last two days, I began unpacking the stuff we'd pack up in the event to move. It felt SO good to unpack. I've discovered an entire shelf of books I haven't read yet. Yay for winter hibernation!

And, as a result, we've rearranged our study to include a writing space for hubby! Things will shift again once Christmas is over and the decorations are down, but for now... it's starting to feel like HOME again. I even unpacked all those family pictures you aren't supposed to have out when selling your home. PFFFT! So not doing that again. Look at my family and see how cute they are! :)

In any case, my goal is to tackle 1 to 2 boxes a day. When the boxes are done, then we can focus on the other stuff. Good Will is going to love me. As are those friends eagerly waiting to see what books I'll be passing on. ;)

Freedom

Lately, I've been aware of a tendency of mine to trap myself in a box, and forget that at anytime, I can just open the lid and crawl out, or, even better, open the door and walk out.

There've been two aspects of my life recently, where I've done this as of late, and finally, the other day, thanks to the darling advice of a friend who told me, "Grace, you don't have to do any of this", I was free.

She was right. We don't have to move. (This being the bigger of the two.) We can still look, but we don't have to MOVE. We can make do where we are, and in the process save money, spend wisely, and maybe even pay off the house.

Wow. What a concept. Right in line with The Compact I'd mentioned previously. Which has influenced us actually.

Last night, while hubby fought off his NyQuil-ed state long enough for our nightly chats (which haven't been happening due to late bedtimes and NyQuil-ed induced sleeps), we were discussing the "break" that we were taking regarding two big decisions in our lives. One being moving...

Though we've decided to still look at houses, I must admit, that part of me just wants to let it go completely, and focus on paying off the house we now live in and save up money.

As I drifted off to sleep, I found myself thinking of things that I'd want to do with the current house: I planned where I could plant a raised veggie garden, but then it might be best to fence in the backyard with all the cats round here (and deer), which would decrease the light; add steps to the back deck; get a tool shed to hold the mower, lawn, gardening and snow stuff; clear out the dead bush and shrubs in the back - maybe a small tool shed could go there; go through our stuff to see what we really need, and what we can give away or get rid of to create more space... My mind was active, very active.

But it felt good to think of these things, because for the last 6 months, I'd been thinking along the lines of - can't do that until we move, better not get that, until we move, that's on hold... until we move. I'd gotten stuck in stagnation.

I did mention how good I can be at creating little boxes in which to shut myself, didn't I?

So now, I'm feeling much better and lighter. Hubby and I still have things to talk about and discuss, but I've freed myself to be more present now. I don't know where things are going, or what will happen, which is good, as I fretted over things that hadn't happened and put things on hold until they did.

Thank goodness for friends who can let you know, that you just don't have to!

Early morning conversation

Pook, who is asleep: Mommy, I get a wish for an elephant.

Me: Really?

Pook: Yes, I get ONE wish. The elephant is walking.

Me: Okay.

Then, she rolls back over to sleep.

A little later on:

Pook: Mommy, Daddy's not here.

Rolls back to sleep.

Ah, the bliss of an early morning cuddle bug.

Compact Challenge

Recently I've stumbled upon this blog: Walk Slowly, Live Wildy. It's been very inspirational on many levels. Aside from her lovely pics, she's also created a Compact Pledge, and has been journaling about it and how they sold their home, moved to a 1-bedroom apartment, and have been living more consciously to pay off their debt. The Compact has on some level been resonating with me. There's even a blog here entirely about it, with contact information to groups you can join.

It reminded me a lot of the book written by Judith Levine Not Buying It My Year Without Shopping, which, I've been very curious to read, but haven't yet. (It's on my list of books to get at the library, when I actually get to the library. Don't ask.)

Now, I know that if I decided to Compact, that I could. I obviously haven't, but I've been playing around with the entire idea. Hey, I also occasionally check in and read The Simple Living NetWork Newsletter. It's also gotten me thinking about several things.

One of the things on my mind has been whether or not we should stay in the house we are in now, or keep trying to move. Right now, we've got a mortgage less then most apartments around here. Living here, we are able to save more money then we've ever had, and we've paid off my school loans.

Our reasons for moving are mostly that we would like more land for Pook to play about on, neighbors that are a bit further away, and a bigger home so that we can expand on our family. But are these valid reasons? If we really wanted too, we could easily add another room and bathroom in the basement. Thus solving the more room issue.

As for the acreage, there's a park right down the road that I discovered. The Post Office can be walked to as well. And, we are blessed with friends who live on farms and acreage. I would still love for Pook to be able to be free to run around on her own land, but we can make do if need be.

Do we really need all the things we've been buying? Come Christmas time, we tend to go a wee bit crazy in that we buy a lot of things. And we tend to go overboard with gifts. This year, I've done better on the gift thing. I think I mentioned www.heifer.org before and the baking. I'm finding much more satisfaction in homemade gifts.

I've also noticed, that I've a unique knack for validating things I want. From books, to hand towels, if I want it, I can find a reason. So, I've decided to make a list of what else I would want for the house, and decide - do I really need it? Can I do without it? Why do I want it in the first place?

And then too, I have come to realize how blessed we are to live in a society and place where you can get virtually anything you want via internet and the like. And then I wonder - but are we responsible with our consumerism? Do we need to be?

In any case, I'm still pondering on this. It's clearly touched something in me. How about you?

Children's bliss

Nothing beats the good morning wishes and smile from a just-waking Pook, who then proceeds to snuggle up in your lap, and hug and kiss you profusely.

I adore my child.

She truly has the ability to lighten up my day and my heart.

This weekend, we broke out the Christmas decorations and Christmas movies. She's like a kid in the candy store between the new movies and the Christmas tree, oh, and the colored lights in the bedroom. As we've watched those movies, I noticed that most of them have an ongoing theme - of children growing up.

I can assure you, that this week especially, those hugs and kisses are treasured above and beyond. In fact, I've made it a point to make each of these moments sacred in some way in my heart.

Life

I've been inundated with lots of thoughts lately. Dealing with family, life, and spirituality.

And then, I found our my grandmother was in the hospital this past weekend. Her altziemer's worsening, vocalizing she wanted to go, those who are holding on to her, being aware of my mother trying to deal with everything...

So much more I can say, but I need to reast my brain at the moment.

Ah... life.

And another thing...

I've recently noticed an increase in readers in my blog. Would y'all mind introducing yourselves, perhaps saying hello if you don't mind? :)

And... last thing tonight, really...

Hubby got Pook a PS2 game. And she's hooked. :) Too funny.

Quietly giving thanks...

This year, we're not traveling for the holiday. Hubby's working on Friday, and needs to make up time, so here we are. Considering I'm all fuzzy-headed with congestion drip-drip-dripping down my throat - this is a good thing. So, it's not really much of a holiday, more of just a day to recouperate from recent events.

So, imagine me saying this in my raspy-throaty voice very quietly:

Happy Thanksgiving!

In other news, this week has provided me with the much needed quiet to focus on the homeschooling and scheduling front. Pook and I have been doing well with our own Circle time, and lots of reading. Thankfully, with a shift of priorities and scheduling, work hasn't been stressing me out as much. This, is a very, very good thing, as I've a tendency to get a bit anal about things.

Wishing you all a wonderous day of thanks, filled with lots of turkey (of which we'll not be partaking of, as we've chosen to just make it a day, and were too lazy to defrost the dang thing!) .

100 blessings in my life

(in no particular order of importance)

1. I'm thankful for an absolutley amazing and wonderful hubby, to whom I'm passionately in love with.
2. I'm thankful for an amazing and blessed daughter, who delights me everyday with her smile.
3. I'm thankful for our current house, that's just right for where we are now.
4. I'm thankful for my sweet family.
5. I'm thankful for supportive and loving friends, who can speak their truth with me, and I them.
6. I'm thankful for the smile that greets me each morning, followed by, "Good morning, Mommy!"
7. I'm thankful for the big hugs, and the little ones.
8. I'm thankful for nose kisses.
9. I'm thankful for autumn leaves of red and gold.
10. I'm thankful for dancing with the wind, upon the grass, with my arms in the air.
11. I'm thankful for sweet kisses.
12. I'm thankful for neck kisses.
13. I'm thankful for the park that's down the street.
14. I'm thankful for Pook's trike.
15. I'm thankful for walks outdoor.
16. I'm thankful for soft gloves and scarves in winter.
17. I'm thankful for song birds.
18. I'm thankful for my brother, and how he shows his love for his neice.
19. I'm thankful for the situation in VT.
20. I'm thankful for my sweet, darling sister-in-love.
21. I'm thankful for my mom, and for being able to view her from a different persepctive.
22. I'm thankful for my treasure nephew.
23. I'm thankful for my job, and being able to work from home.
24. I'm thankful for homeschooling.
25. I'm thankful for Charlotte Mason.
26. I'm thankful for having a buddy who I can talk homeschooling with, and shop with too!
27. I'm thankful for Kindermusik.
28. I'm thankful I live where I do.
29. I'm thankful for the varies choice available to me. Especially in regards to food.
30. I'm thankful for blogs.
31. I'm thankful for bloggers who blog about their lives, homeschooling, and other inspiring things.
32. I'm thankful for water colors.
33. I'm thankful for easils.
34. I'm thankful for hot chocolate.
35. I'm thankful for cozy comforters.
36. I'm thankful for our serene and peaceful bedroom.
37. I'm thankful we switched nightstands, as the bedroom now looks more spacious.
38. I'm thankful for seasons.
39. I'm thankful my Pook likes hot chocolate now too.
40. I'm thankful for quiet moments.
41. I'm thankful for my teapot.
42. I'm thankful for Earl Grey, with milk and sugar.
43. I'm thankful for the new cups and saucers I splurged on, and that go so well with my morning tea in the tea pot.
44. I'm thankful for feather pillows.
45. I'm thankful for flannel sheets.
46. I'm thankful our home is heated.
47. I'm thankful for warm showers.
48. I'm thankful we can go to the store to get food.
49. I'm thankful for all the options of food we have available to us.
50. I'm thankful for the internet, and being able to order things from anywhere.
51. I'm thankful for steamed rice.
52. I'm thankful for fresh herbs.
53. I'm thankful for Pook's laughter.
54. I'm thankful for being able to set my own schedule.
55. I'm thankful my bosses regard me so highly.
56. I'm thankful for those friends that aren't close by.
57. I'm thankful for L's farm.
58. I'm thankful for hugs.
59. I'm thankful for the Canadian luvs.
60. I'm thankful for the MD pals.
61. I'm thankful for a quiet holiday.
62. I'm thankful for each day my hubby has off.
63. I'm thankful I can drive.
64. I'm thankful for warm sweaters.
65. I'm so thankful for boot cut jeans!
66. I'm thankful for acupuncture.
67. I'm thankful for my PT's.
68. I'm thankful for kind neighbors.
69. I'm thankful for love.
70. I'm thankful for varying perspectives.
71. I'm thankful for nighttime snuggles.
72. I'm thankful, and my heart swells, each time Pook tells me she loves me.
73. I'm thankful for each time my hubby kisses me tenderly.
74. I'm thankful for each time my hubby kisses my hand.
75. I'm thankful each time hubby empties the dishwasher, takes out the trash, snuggles in bed or while watching a movie, rubs my feet, declutters his things on his own... and all the little things I forget to thank him for.
76. I'm thankful for cousins, aunts, and uncles.
77. I'm thankful for grandmas.
78. I'm thankful for the moments I've spent with my grandpas when they were alive.
79. I'm thankful for all moments with my parents and grandparents.
80. I'm thankful for my in-laws.
81. I'm thankful for a clear night sky.
82. I'm thankful for the wind's song.
83. I'm thankful for words and language.
84. I'm thankful for inspiration.
85. I'm thankful for devotion.
86. I'm thankful for a walk taken with my brother years ago at Soldier's delight.
87. I'm thankful for any quality time I get with my brother.
88. I'm thankful each time Pook counts for me.
89. I'm thankful each time Pook sings for me.
90. I'm thankful Pook is now using the potty.
91. I'm thankful for tender moments in the arms of my loves.
92. I'm thankful for hand-written letters.
93. I'm thankful for hand-written thank you notes.
94. I'm thankful for being able to walk without pain, and bend my knee.
95. I'm thankful for homeade breads, pizzas, and pies.
96. I'm thankful for each damp snow flake, each wet rain drop, each tickle of the wind in my hair, each leave that dances in the air, each blade of grass, each tree, each gift and joy of nature.
97. I'm thankful that I have as much as I do, and that I can declutter.
98. I'm thankful for all the joys in my life.
99. I'm thankful for piles of autumn leaves to play in.
100. I'm thankful I'm alive, and content where I am.


What are you thankful for?

From a friend...

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is a nobler art ofleaving things undone.... The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials.

Lin Yutang

One year...

Well, what do you know? I've officially been blogging at Otter's Way for a year!

Any ideas on how to celebrate?

Okay, so technically, it's a year and a day. :)

Thursday Thoughts

This week, I've gotten the opportunity to dump off two loads to the Good Will, and clean up the basement. Now, Pook can ride her trike indoors when the weather gets too cold.

I've finally (after a good year or more) gotten rid of the old sewing table my mom dumped off (after I'd already sent a better one back to her because I wasn't using it). There are still a few more boxes for hubby to go through, and a box I'm holding on to until my mom and SIL come to visit, then more stuff goes out. I'm even tempted to dig into the boxes we've already packed up to move again.

Of course, in peaking at a few of the containers, I discovered one is filled with her doll house stuff, and another is filled up with gifts for her that I got on sale for her birthday, Christmas, etc. (Thankfully, I haven't started shopping for her birthday. Looks like it's covered!) And then, there are about 3 more filled with toys of hers we've packed to see if she's noticed, or toys too young for her that we are saving for the next.

I always try to go through and get rid of things around Christmas. Obviously, because we usually end up with more stuff. And, once you have kids, it seems the more you get rid of your stuff, the more people give to your child. Mind you, I still want my FIL to build Pook her kitchen set, but I'd rather wait until we move as space is already tight here, and, when homeschooling, you get to accumulate stuff for that too. Although, if we haven't moved by her birthday, I may just reconsider that, and make more room. Um... yeah... here's sending out those house vibes again.

I'm still amazed at how good it feels to just let go of material stuff. I guess since I've spent most of my life clinging to it, being able to release it and embrace the more important, nonmaterial items, has made the difference.

Earl Grey Tea - Hot

I giggle everytime I drink it, as I think of Captain Picard placing his order on the Enterprise. :) I like mine with milk and sugar, and I've recently found this delightful brand that's the best Earl Grey tea I've had by far. So, for those tea drinkers out there, here's the brand:

St. Dalfour Organic Earl Grey Tea




I like that each tea bag is individually packaged. Though not the best for the environment, it does keep the tea's flavor nicely.

Plus, the tea bags are really neat. No mini metal staples to interfere with the flavor.

So, if you have the chance, and tea is your thing, give it a taste.

Holidays over the years

After responding to Stacie's comment on my last post, I got to thinking about how I used to percieve and celebrate Christmas (and general holidays) versus how I celebrate them now.

For one thing, I'd stock up on sales and gifts throughout the year. Then, I'd forget about said gifts when it came time for the holiday, only to find it a week later when restocking on more things I got on sale for the next year. Mind you, some of these things I just bought on sale, regardless of whether or not the gift recipient might like them. And did I mention, I'd give some sort of gift to every friend or acquaintence I knew?

Then, I'd always think that I needed to add to my decor every year. You know, build it up. Regardless of whether or not I had too much stuff, or if I needed it or not.

When we got married, and my sweet hubby counted that I was planning on getting and giving over 60 some gifts to people, he gave me this "we need to talk" look. We then had a really long talk. I'm blessed with a wonderful hubby, who really gets me to think about things. (And visa versa I hope...) Was it really necessary to give to all these people? (Some of whom I hadn't seen in ages, or years.) Were these people going to appreciate the gifts I'd gotten, or would then end up regifted or given away? Did I have the time to put these things together? Etc. Etc.

The first year, we bought a tree (hub's allergic to the real deal), our own beautiful angel to top it, stockings to hang, and a few greens and things to go around the house. We'd owned our own house now, so there was more to decorate. However, I also inherited an entire box of ornaments, knick-knacks, and other things from my mom's house when we moved.

We put out all the decorations. The next year, there we still decorations in the box, yet, I'd managed to buy more. Thankfully, the gift list had been cut in half, and after calculating how much we had spent for everything, I began to cut it it down again for the next year.

Now, five years later, we have all the decor we need. (Although, there are always a few things I keep on the lookout for - like embroidered hand towels for the kitchen and bath.) We only exchange gifts with immediate family, and a few friends (as opposed to all), and have made other agreements with friends. (Instead of a physical gift, we just get together to spend time together.) Some people get baked goods, some get bought goods, and this year, I'm excited because we're giving a gift that keeps giving to others http://www.heifer.org/ .

I also really think about the gifts I want to give. This has been most prevalent in the last year or so. I try to keep them clutter free (unless it's something I'm sure they'll like and use or keep). If I'm baking, I'll do a bread for some, and I do have special cookie requests I give into each year. I also try to get all gifts ordered and taken care of by early November.

The day after Thanksgiving, the Christmas decor goes up, so I like to be finished with most stuff by then so that we can just kick back and enjoy December. Though I used to enjoy waiting until the mauls... er malls... we decorated in their seasonal glory, now, it's nice to just go and enjoy, without rushing around madly to find certain things.

Sometimes I wonder how my changes will effect our children. I hope in a good way. I learned my habits from my mom, and with the help of my beloved hubby, I've found what works best for me, and for us.

So, hubby, thank you. Thank you for being you, and thank you for encouraging me to be me, and helping me find the simplicity I've been seeking. Granted, I know there are times you'd rather not do gifts at all, but I also know that you know how important it is for me to give something during this time.

Tis a Gift to be Simple

It's been a hectic, but fun weekend. I am excited about Christmas this year, as we've seriously cut down on giftgiving, and found some neat gifts to give instead. For those of you who are just joining in, we are in the midst of house hunting, and saving. Thus, we are on a budget.

By mutual agreement, with are not exchanging gifts with the BILs, my SIL, and the SO. We are giving gifts to my sweet nephew though. And, I've been stocking his up for some time I admit. And, I didn't realize just how relaxing it is, as I don't have to worry about what to get anymore. It helps too, that we are all saving money at the moment.

I admit, we've already gone a bit off budget, when I found the Pook a doll house for Christmas, that was over budget, but at 50% off for the house and furniture, irresistable. Plus, I could just see in my head how I wanted to present it to her.

I am really excited about my latest discovery though: http://www.heifer.org/. You can check out the site to find out more about it.

This site has solved many things for me. I now have a gift for the people who have everything, and I feel that I'm doing something good with my gift. Plus, I like knowing that in someway, I'm making a contribution to someone who can really use it, in the name of another. Plus, it's just cool to donate honey-bees, chickens, or a llama. :)

For the lucky ones in our family, we'll be baking them mini loaves of gingerbread, zuchini bread, banana nut bread, and pumpkin bread. Complete with recipes. The breads are healthier then cookies, and for sweet grandmas who no longer can cook homeade things, a real treat. (Apparently, Dad's like them too!)

I want to teach Pook the importance behind the gift, not the gift itself. I've been craving simplicity (usually happens after a few weeks of choas), and last year was rather stressful figuring stuff out. This year, we are buying a few things, but, they are clutter free, something wanted, or things I'd picked up throughout the year.

This will be the last year, for a while, when we try to make it back for Christmas. And, I'm looking forward to Christmas at home for a change. I love seeing and spending time with the family, but, the Santa myth really looses something. Not that we've really done anything to encourage that myth...

On the homeschooling front, I'm really excited, because a friend of mine and I decided to start our own little support group. There are quite a few coops in the area, and I have connections, but to meet every week has been challenging with the other activities. So, we've decided on once a month; however, it might be twice a month. I'm also going to sign up for one of the field trips groups as well.

I am just so psyched about the whole process. I'm looking forward to learning with her, starting a nature journal, creating projects... I have decided, that if she ever decides she wants to attend regular school, she'll have that choice. However, most of the kids I know that are homeschooled love the freedom and choices they have.

So, today, I'm just filled with that sense of wonder and contentment. I've gotten confirmation I'm on the right path with Pook, and things are again falling into place.

Interesting quote

"Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong." -Lao-Tzu (600 B.C.)

Meanings of Flowers and herbs

I just posted on Stacie's blog about this, so thought I'd plop it here for my own reference.

And, what a neat way to give your significant other a message via flowers and herbs!

I recently found a site with the history and language of flowers and herbs, that includes the origins and meanings. It's very cool. For my wedding, I enjoyed placing little bits of florals and greenery about with special meanings.

There's also this one: http://www.lynnguistics.com/navigation/gardening/herbs/meanings.html but it only lists a few herbs in comparison to the first.

And then, I found more information in regards to wedding bouquets at this site: http://www.theherbaltouch.com/articles/wedbouquet.html.

So, I suppose I'm going to have to dig up a picture of my bouquet from my wedding. I included rosemary (for rembrance), lavender (devotion / best wishes ), roses (pink, dark pink, and white, here and there), tulips (friendship/ or the perfect lover), baby's breath (pure of heart) - oh my. It was a lot. :) And we had ivy planted through out the hall.

Yup, going to have to dig that up at some point.

Friday's Fancy

Soft rain has been dancing upon the house. I am filled with a feeling of peace, in the early moments of morning. It's quiet, and I am relishing each bit of quiet I get lately.

These past two months I've been running around a lot more than is comfortable to me. My plate is full again. How does this happen?

I want to dump it, clear it off, keep it clean, let it go. That's my way of regaining sanity you know - I clean and clear the physical, and hope it works on the mental. :)

I know that part of it is because I am out of routine. We have been tired in our household. Perhaps this weekend we shall be able to sleep in. There's a Poirot DVD waiting patiently for our indulging this weekend.

There are things that I want to get done, but don't want to do. Do they need to be done? They've not been done yet, and some would benefit from being done eventually I suppose.

The rain is soothing, as is the dark before the sunrise. I am ready to greet my day with open arms.

Attitude

I recently read this post by Ed over at his blog. First, it got me wondering if I'd told people - "Just you wait until... " in terms of babies. Hmmm... Ed, I think I might have said/written something along those lines, and if I did, I apologize.

I'm not one of those people sitting by, eating popcorn in wait for new parents to have issues, or to go through what we went through; however, I realize I've a tendency to blurt out my thoughts. I think it's just become a habit for me to say things like that, as there have been some people I know who've jumped into parenthood without a clue as to what to expect. In my own mind, I think I wanted to prepare them - life inevitably changes after baby. But then, in recent events, I suppose that's a judgement on my part.

What really strikes me about his post, and Ed in general, is the way he approaches life. He has FUN. In his words:

When faced with any responsibility we tend to see "fun" in those things that match our routines and see "work" in those things that do not. And, thus, there are those who suffer through and those who celebrate the very same things. Which is just a long-winded way of saying: it's all about attitude! After doing something I enjoy, I feel refreshed. After doing something that I just couldn't make myself enjoy, I feel exhausted, as if I have been swimming against a rip tide. So, I've found I get more done by doing things I enjoy.

I've learned to find stimulation in several otherwise mundane tasks. Far from being simple for it, I've found it takes a great deal of imagination, creativity, and energy. I've also found that thinking this way has made me often scratch my head when people warn me of the trials of most things in life.

So, please, let me adjust the Nike slogan of "Just Do It" and replace it with "Just Enjoy It".

Well written Ed (although, if you ever do get around to updating your post, let me know and I'll fix it here).

Perhaps I'll come up with a few other ponderings on this at another time. But right now, I just want to savor the words.

If you can't say something nice about someone...

don't say anything at all.

Recently, I've had an interesting email conversation with someone. The conversation revealed some things about myself that took me a bit off guard, as I didn't realize I was coming across in such a way, and then to realize how I was coming across bugged me.

Granted, it was this person's opinion and issue; however, it was something I wish I'd been aware of about myself early. Not so much how I come across to others, but the fact that I was acting in a manner that when others act, bothers me.

It has really been eye-opening, and it's given me a new perspective of who I am, and how I talk about things in general. I admit, seeing myself in this light has been rather sobering, especially because it bugs me when others have done those things. Then, you realize you've done them, and Ouch.

So, I'm a little more quiet as of late, trying to figure out how I want to change this, and be less judgemental. Hmmm...

Soft thoughts

I can hear the thunder, rolling through the night sky. The wind dances with the curtains, as it passes into the room. Today, I spent the day with my sweet little girl. We had a swimming lesson (she's doing SO well since her first class, now if only we can get her to blow bubbles...). We had lunch with her friends, then her Kindermusik class. She fell fast to sleep in the back car.

Today, I was blessed with good news, and reassurance from a dear friend, that I'm a good mom. And you know what, I know I'm a good mom.

My daughter is always smothering me with kisses, telling me she loves me, that she's proud of me. And I'm so proud of her. It was a tough weekend (we started toilet training), but she's been keeping her pants dry all this week, whenever she wears them. She has realized, however, that when in the diapers (bedtime and travel for now, she can get away without sitting on it).

In any case, each day I watch her grow and do new things. She is amazing, loving, and wonderful.

To a dear friend...

I'd like to take a moment, to congratulate a dear friend of mine on his impending fatherhood. I've known him for over a decade, and I know in my heart, he's going to be an awesome dad.

Congratulations dear friend, to you and your beautiful wife. What a wonderful journey to embark on.

I am SO HAPPY for you!

And, if you need any advice, you know where to find me. :)

Of course, this means that our friendship is now bumped up to that next level - sharing the kid experiences, and dishing out kid advice! Whoo hoo! Parenthood!

A Parent's Heart

I've been sitting here, trying to think of what I want to say in regards to the recent events in schools. Sometimes I wonder just what the world is coming to. How can a person just go in and kill like that?

I've seen the depths of negativity in people. I've seen how people can pretend to be one way, but they when you finally see who they really are, you can see the pain and the venom inside them.

I wish I had something really powerful to say about this, but words elude me.

Faery names

My faery name:

Flower Saphire Skylace

or, if I took my hubby's last name I'd be: Flower Saphire Pomegranate

The Pook's faery name:

Sunshine Misty Pomegranate

Hubby's faery name:

Dillweed Wonder Owen

Curious about yours:
http://www.wishfaery.com/faeryname/faeryname.html

Snuggled under soft sheets and warm comforters, I sit with my laptop staring out the bedroom window. Pook-a-boo is watching Blues Clues and coming in to visit me and bury herself into the pillows. I love the fall.

The morning is chilled, and there are no swim lessons today, so I was able to sleep in (after having a Pook snuggled next to me all night). Now, in the quiet, I am able and motivated to get my work done.

Things seem to be settling into to a relaxed pace. Laundry, work, playtime and reading all seem to fall into place. I love the opportunity that fall provides us, to slow down with the cold. Slowing down. I like slow.

I'm feeling peaceful right now. It's a feeling I want to just bask in. Mmm... feels like it's time for a good cuppa. Yay... autumn!

Autumn's Dance

On a brighter note, autumn is arriving. I feel it in the chilly mornings, smell it in the crip air, and taste it in the homeade soups and breads. I've got that urge to purge and empty out the house, swinging open the windows to let in the fresh air.


I love autumn, because even though activities for the precious Pook pick up, it's a time for slowing down as the Earth prepares for winter. Yesterday was a day for curling up on the sofa and snuggling under a warm blanket. Soon, it will be time for hot cocoa, chai lattes, and tea in the mornings.

Tonight, we celebrate autumn's arrival with friends dear to our hearts, good foods of harvest, apple wine (with maple and cinanamon), and good times at the farm. My heart is losing the heaviness it's felt all week, and I'm pondering what I can bring as my "harvest" for the summer. It's been a time of spirtual growth (then again, when isn't it?), lessons, and learning. How to represent it all? I'm not sure yet. But I've still got quite a few more hours to ponder it.

Is this the little girl I carried?

What an emotional week it's been. For those of you who have just had babies, or know them - hold them close, memorize all that you can. It will only be a matter of time before they becoming little independent beings.

My sweet angel girl had a big week this week. Wednesday was her first day of Kindermusik. This year, they go to class on their own. For the last year, I've been able to enjoy our time in class together. Snuggling, singing, and dancing. We've made new friends. She's learned so much.

Many of the other mothers were prepped for this, as some of the kids are already in preschool, but it was the first time for me. She held the hands of her little friends, and walked right into the classroom without me. My little big girl.

Then today, she had her first dentist appointment. After watching me have mine, the little Miss hopped right up in the chair. She let them count her teeth and check them. They cleaned them, and flossed them, and my sweet little girl was totally fine.

I can't quite put into words what I'm feeling. My sweet girl is growing up. What more can I say? And as Ed now gets to enjoy being a dad to his precious daughter, I can't stress enough to enjoy and make the most of every precious moment. (Of which, knowing Ed, I am sure that he and Linda will.) Because the next thing you know, they are walking off into the big wide world, while you sit back, watch, and blink back the tears.

Around...

Though around, I'm currently juggling recooperating from a trip to Vermont to visit a BIL, new schedules for Da Pook, work, and a babysitter who made the good choice that she needs to focus on her schooling.

So, I'm basically just trying to keep my stuff together, while finding a new routine, dealing with a knee that is still sore, and whatnot.

As a reminder to me for future posts, I leave you with the following:

* If you can't say something nice about someone...
* Autumn's arrival
* Letting go as the leaves fall

Now, hopefully, when I do get around to posting an update, I'll remember what it means.

Autumn, Crickets, and Nesting

I sit here, the cool evening breezes of autumn, sifting through the curtains and into the bedroom. What utter bliss.

I adore autumn: the trees adorned in firey glory, the chill in the air, the hint of change and hibernation. It's a divine season, and my favorite by far.

This week, I've been noting the seasonal shift. Even the cricket's symphony shifts as summer moves on, granting us good harvest.

And of course, there is the nesting, which is why I've been checking in, but not commenting much. For me, autumn always brings with it the urge to purge, clean, and rearrange. For instance, little does my wonderful hubby know (until now that is) that I'm currently plotting of how I can rearrange the living room, and the Pook's room, and what else I can get rid of. He's lucky that his cave area is safe. Although, ANYTHING goes when pregnant. Which, fortunately for him, I'm not at the moment. :) (Now aren't you feeling lucky on your part Ed? I do it EVERY year, sometimes every season! You don't even want to know what I'm like when I get pregnant; I'll be sure to blog about it this time round. I rearrange EVERYTHING. By the way, Kaitlyn is a beautiful name!)

Enjoying the Quietness

Ah... quietness... I've just been cruising along, staying in the moment, and playing farm with Da Pook. Yup. The last two days I've been "Simon" the lamb (named from a precious moments movie) and she's been "Wilbur" the pig (yes, from Charlotte's web).

I've also been doing the usual work, and enjoying the time I have before swim lessons and Kindermusik start up. And... I've got a new sitter coming in on Fridays, who is amazing with my little angel. Which will work out nicely, as I'll also be working on creating a new course. I'm SO excited for this course, because it's strictly for students who want to take it and improve their writing. Instead of starting out with an A, and the grade getting lowered due to errors, students start with a zero, and have to work it from there. I'm very, very excited about this course.

I'm feeling good, because right now, I'm on top of things. I feel good. I sense fall. My door is now adorned with a sweet little fall wreath, and I got crafty and bought some slate where I wrote these words:

To our friend who enter here:
May you be humbly best
Lay your burdens at the door
You are our honored guest

This is from Seven Times the Sun (I think)

In any case, I've been a bit crafty. I think it's the fall.

Oh, and I must mention. While debating over which binder organizer I wanted to get at the store on Saturday, dear hubby wandered off with da Pook. When I was done, he asked me to follow him. So, I did... to the clothing section... where, he showed me 3 long sleeved shirts that can be used for casual, business, or dressy attire. And, I might add, he looks damn sexy in them.

The shirt resulted in him cleaning out his closet. Gone are the pleated front khaki pants (I swear, these should just be outlawed for anyone!). Gone is the pin-striped suit. Gone is the oversized sport coat. On Monday, after signing Pook up for swim classes, we stopped off at Kohl's, where my love picked up two dress pants, jeans that aren't 3 sizes too big, two spiffy button downs (one long sleeved and one short), a jacket that fits, and then came home where he cleaned out the closet even further, and even resulted in gaining two more sweaters, that sadly belonged to me. Fortunately, he looks mighty good in these too. (Hey, I used to love the bagginess of men's clothes, until I woke up and realized that I'm actually a medium in ladies sizes. But that's another story!)

Did I mention he's even mentioned getting dressier T-shirts to wear? Just TRY to hold me back!!! Not that he has or anything... ;)

Enjoying life, be back eventually...

Dealing with things, one baby step at a time. Going with the flow. Snuggling into quietness where I can, keeping to the priorities of life, and healing what needs to be healed.

Letting go... embracing the important aspects, living in the moment, loving and enjoying my family.

Quietness, on most ends, who knows for how long?

No more stasis, life has been happening. Fall is on its way. You can hear it in the afternoon symphonies, feel it in the change in the air, and see it in the movement of the sun. Ah... what bliss.

Seasons are shifting, things are moving, and I'm in blissful love with my adoring hub and daughter. I'm reconnecting to my spirit, to God, to that sacred divinity within and around us.

Take time out to notice the shift. Bask in your senses. Indulge in lovin' friends, family, and Spirit, bask in their love and your own. Have a love fest. ;) Find something to read on a spiritual level, and take it in.

The poet Lu Yu wrote:

The clouds above us join and seperate,
The breeze in the courtyard leaves and returns.
Life is like that, so why not relax?
Who can stop us from celebrating?

(From the Tao of Pooh, by Benjamin Hoff. The Te of Piglet is pretty cool too.)

Quiet Healing

It’s been quiet on this end. I’m on vacation you see, and I’ve been having a marvelous time. On Monday, I had a lovely day spent with a dear friend of mine, and had lunch with someone I’ve known most of my life, but who I’m excited about reconnecting with. (And who I’m very thankful for treating us to lunch – Thanks!) That evening I met up with other dear friends, where I was treated to even more good conversation, and the best steamed crabs ever. Tuesday and Wednesday were spent with family, today with more friends, and tonight, I had the pleasure of reminiscing and chatting with Charming – in person after 5 years.

Charming, I didn’t get a chance to tell you, that you look wonderful, and that talking with you tonight was simply lovely. In fact, it was very healing for me as we reminisced about the past and I was able to talk about things I hadn’t thought about in years, only to realize that I could look back and laugh now. It was so nice to know, that regardless of the space between us, we’ll always have that connection. I feel as though you’ve got some really wonderful things in store for you in the coming months.

After talking with Charming, I’ve decided, that I want to write about other people in my lives, who’ve touched my life in some way. However, I’m going to give them nicknames. This way, you can have fun guessing who is who (just don’t post real names if you figure it out please, although you can ask in regards to clues or initials), and, get to see my perspective of the individual’s presence in my life.

My visit here has been full, but healing for me on many levels. I feel as though I’ve been reconnecting with bits of who I was and who I am. It’s been an interesting journey this week. Emotionally all over the place, but, it’s working itself out.
I wish I had another week to be here. It’s been nice not having to plan things, coordinate schedules, and rushing around. Instead, I’m just enjoying things as they are, and what I have. That’s all I can do. Be present and enjoy.

The gift of friendship

Once upon a time, there was this shy, awkward girl who's youth minister believed that she had the gift of leadership and promise. He pushed and prodded until she relented and interviewed for a special youth leadership program known as High-LI. After almost botching her interview (she was saved by interference and perserverence of her youth minister), she was accepted into the week long program.

At this program, there was another participant: a cute, boyishly charming, popular blond guy who showed promise of being a great leader. We'll call him Charming. Somehow or other, these two managed to form a friendship. (Probably because after mentioning she was a lifeguard, he managed to dunk her in the pool; more than a few times.)

They lost contact for a bit, until one day, while walking across her college campus, she found herself delighted and surprised to meet aforementioned Charming. With grace and humor, he already seemed to be popular with the boys (and attracted much attention from the ladies, though, I do think he was a wee bit oblivious to this).

The friendship grew stronger. If she was down, there was always Charming. If he was down, he always managed to ring her. They had a ritual you see, where they'd meet for dinner, hug, then chat until both were feeling much better. They'd end the evening with a hug, and both were recharged and ready to take on the world.

She saw the light inside of him, and he always saw the light inside of her. Whenever she felt down, or depressed, or believed herself to be a horrible person, he was there to wipe her tears and give her a hug. Eventually, they feel pray to the evils of VAX and email, and the dinners became less and less. Gradually, as they each found different partners, graduated, and found different ways of life, communications dwindled.

Dinners became rarer and rarer, and once she moved to another state, the dinners and the emails trickled to almost nothing. Occasionally, she'd hear from him if she sent out a hello, and sometimes not at all.

Charming, I know you read this on occasion. I hope we get the chance to meet up this week. Five years is a long time. Talking with you on the phone, hearing your voice, was wonderful. It was a great reassurance to know, that even though we are far apart, we'll always have our friendship. And maybe, next time we won't let so much time pass in between emails, but just in case it does... know that you are never very far from my thoughts.

And just so you know, I've a box of letters I keep and reread on occasions. Several in there are from you.

Healing

And so the healing process begins. For the first time this week, my head is clearer. My heart is open. The tears flow on and off, but as they flow, I know they are part of the healing process. As some of you know, a sweet friend died the past weekend. I don't think I've let it hit me until today.

I think it hits close to home, as I've been dealing with the inevitable passing of my grandmother. She's "not dead yet", but she's been saying things that leave you wondering if she's not ready to go.

In any case, that's where I am right now. As vacation is starting, I'm shifting into quiet mode. (We'll see how long it lasts.)

Revelations!

Ever had something happen, when you're already emotionally worn, only to sleep on it, get the support of a wonderful significant other (in my case hubby), and wake up enlightened?

Ah, I'm feeling so radiant today compared to yesterday. A situation has not only resolved itself, but provided a clear view into myself, and removed a mask that another person in my life was wearing.

all made well...

When the soft breath of a sleeping child is felt against your arm while you work.

*sigh*

email is not a good thing today.

I logged on this morning, to discover two things:

A friend of mine, Gigi, the sweetest lady you'd want to meet, and the key to most new age stuff in WV, died the other night.

A letter from BIL and GF that I'm not sure how to take, was relieved to receive, but suspect that there's more to it that meets the eye.

In regards to Gigi, as she's fondly referred to, I've found myself to be really sad. She loved Pook, and was getting older and more lonely with age. This gal still managed to up and drive herself to FL. She was a sweet soul, and I could've called more or visited, which I didn't. I know in my heart, she's been ready to go for a while, but, it still makes me sad.

The whole day, I've been really bummed out. I'm thinking that there's a lot more to this picture here, then the whole gift thing.

Sometimes, email is not my favorite thing.

Thoughts

The more you have, the more you're occupied; the less you have, the more free you are.

Mother Teresa

Let's just say, I'm feeling very occupied right now.

Having one of those, make that 2 of those weeks

Thank God tomorrow is Friday. Seriously. In the past two weeks, I've gotten very behind in several areas of my life because of time constraints, overscheduling, and the like.

*Sigh*

And here I am blogging about it, instead of doing something productive, like clearing out my inbox (both email and the other).

Lately, when I'm not working, we're house hunting. When we aren't house hunting, I'm trekking around to playdates for Pookie or running errands. And, all the rest of the time, we're parenting. Which, is technically ALL the time, with the other bits in between.

My To Do lists are growing, my routines (aw hell - WHAT routines at this point?) have evaporated... I feel like a juggler with about 8 balls in the air, three balanced on my toes, and two under the chin.

The question is - when did I loose control, and how to get some semblance of it back?

Right now, I'm tempted to go through the house, getting rid of half of everything we own (so we don't have to MOVE it when it's time) .

I feel as though I'm in flux. Packing, prepping, getting ready to move. Then, we get to move, settle in...

In the meantime, I get to make the most of living in between. Blarg.

Freaky...

Your Life Path Number is 5

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences. You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas. You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms. You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people. In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long. You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret. Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs. You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

If you're living a bubble avoiding news - don't read this.

I don't think I'm going to eat out anymore. At least in places where there are TVs that keep CNN on all day long.

Today, while dinning at Panera, I managed to snag another seat close by to a TV. In the middle of trying to eat a bite of salad while feeding a 3-yr old soup... I look up just in time to see more bombs going off, and to hear the report of a 3 and 9 year old killed while playing in their yard. My eyes filled with tears as I look at my own 3-yr-old sitting beside me eating soup. I pulled her closer, blinking back my tears.

But that wasn't the kicker. A gentleman wearing an army green jumper with a military patch on his arm walked up to listen closer to the news. My friend who was with me asked him, "How bad is it?"

He responded, "Pretty bad, ma'am."

"Is this going to effect you?" she asked, nodding at his patch.

"Ma'am, if this keeps on going like it is, it's gonna effect us all." He gave us a sideward smile and one of those sad all-to-knowing looks. It was then, at that moment, my heart reached out to him. Would he be sent to the front? Was he worried?

I could see in his face a multititude of emotions. He knew what he'd signed up for. And when he looked at our kids today, I could see in his eyes, that he was willing to fight to protect us. We've got men and women, willing to put their lives on the line, to preserve our freedom, to keep us safe and to fight for the freedom of others.

This man, this stranger in a uniform, touched my heart today in a way that I can't express (though tears seems to be the most popular method today). I found myself praying that God watch over and protect this soul, who might be sent to the battle front due to the issues in Israel now.

I don't agree with war. In fact, I hate war - the politics, the death, the devestation... and what I really hate, is people getting involved to fight a war that isn't theirs, but because sides are taken.

God, in the name of peace and all that's holy - please, please stop this before it gets any more out of hand. I beg of you.

So... tired

I'm so tired this morning, and it's only day 2 of a full week. I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed. My knee's holding up, though my hormones are driving my nutty. I want to spend the day in bed, but, there is too much to do and get done. I keep taking things one day at a time, but it's been challenging. My house, as usual, is a reflection of my state. (Don't ya just hate that?)

Tonight, however, is a yoga class. And I'm hoping that it will help me to reconnect with something, and just help me to settle down.

We shall see. In the mean time, I'm just breathing.

Oh yeah, and my little bubble of avoiding the news, has been busted so bad. My greatest wish at this moment, is that everyone just stop the fighting, the killing, the pillaging, the destruction... I can't imagine what it's like to live over there, or to live in a war zone. And forgive me, but I don't want to, because I don't know if I could handle it.

Stacie pointed out yesterday, the strong possibility of WWIII. I'm not even going to go into how depressing this is for me. (And it's probably not helping my moods either.)

Why can't we all just get along?

Sunny Sunday

The day was hot, sunny, and the food was sweet. Today, we had my company picnic. It was interesting, enlinghtening in a sense, and, a general good time. It's left me feeling very tired though. I want, and am ready, to curl up and got to sleep.

I spent yesterday typing up thoughts in regards to the wars of the world, and how tolerance and acceptance are a key to world peace, but it drained me too much. I avoid politics and news for this reason. I know, some people are all up for it, but not me.

Seeing all the devestation, that I, being who I am (and not Mia Farrow, Angelina Jolie, or some other famous person making big bucks), can't do much about the situation other then hope and pray. So, last night, while drifting off to sleep, I reconnected to my conversations with God. Which, were interesting.

In other news, this should be an interesting week. The Pook has summer camp all week, I've got errands to run, and this next weekend involves pictures with Pook and my nephew, lots of driving and running around. Should be fun, eh?

What time of Day are you?

So, do you think this fits me, or not?

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Friends

I've had many friends in my time. At one time, I could count them on hands, feet, and then some. Now, I find that through the years, my friends have dwindled down. There are those friends from before, that were always there when my life was full of drama and in crisis, but now that I lead a different, less dramatic life, the connections seem to have dropped. I have friends over the internet, friends I don't see often, but are close to my heart, friends that I once wished I was closer too, friends that weren't really friends, and then there are people in my life who want to be friends, but I'm not sure if I want them to be friends. ;)

There are friends I remember, but have since lost touch with, and friends I wished had kept in touch more. I've lost friends to significant others who didn't like me, distance, gossip and the like. there are even people out there, who were once very close friends, but whom I rarely if ever hear from. So, who knows if we are still friends, or, two souls that've drifted apart on different paths.

Today, a dear friend of mine, who I hadn't seen in a while (*cough* 5 years!) but was able to see a few months ago, sent me a beautiful gift of pictures of flowers he took. Thanks Dear! - Ya know who you are. It reminded me, that there are those friends out there, that are far away, that are there when there is no drama, that are there if you need someone to listen to you, that are just there, with lovely little gifts, for no reason whatsoever. I am blessed to have a few of these. :)

This friend in particular, has a special soft spot in my heart, as when I lived in MD, he'd cook for me on occasion, totally supported me through my grandfather's death, and, stood up for me when someone had made a mean comment about me. This meant a lot, because at the time, I had lost a lot of friends due to miscommunications, misperceptions, and probably a plethora of other things I don't care to go into at the moment. But he remained, and was a wonderful support. I don't know if I told you these things or not dear friend. I'm very thankful that the blogging world has enabled us to reconnect again.

So here's a nice cuppa raised to my dear friend! Thanks for the good times, thanks for the support, and thanks for all the little things! Love ya babe!

Thursday Thoughts

It's gray and overcast here, with bits of rain off and on. It's the type of day to stay in bed, bundled under covers, drifting in and out of sleepy dreams, pausing only for tea with milk and sugar. Of course, I type this as my legs are caught in the airconditioned draft. I've not yet been outside, but if the air's on, I'm betting it's a wee bit muggy out.

I'm sitting on the bed, knee propped up, labtop on the lap, with dreams of doing something else. It's a weird day today, Hubby had trouble sleeping (woke up to dry heaves in the wee hours), and is hopefully downstairs napping as I type. Thankfully, he's doing just fine now.

We spent the morning reading cards, eating toast, drinking tea. He's on his own search at the moment, trying to figure things out, and where to go. I've resigned to just letting things happen - in regards to the house and other life stuff. Otherwise, it's too much to ponder and might not be worth worrying, as who knows how it will end up.

A bird sits perched on the mailbox flag. A confident lil bugger, pouncing about, fluttering away. Hmm... think I've got a hunkering for some hot tea with milk... and maybe a side order of motivation.

House Hunting

Well, we saw two houses tonight. One was falling apart, but on beautiful land. It was smelly, and freaked me out when I saw something furry climbing into the heater. Um... gross.

The other place was quite lovely. Most of the property was surrounded by trees, there was a bit of a front porch, lovley sized living room. 3 bedrooms, dinning room, lovely sized kitchen, sweet little back porch, with trees right there to keep it shaded (you felt like you were in a tree house!)... we could almost see ourselves living there, until we walked in the basement. It was gorgeous, however, the bathroom dow there was moldy, and the air was humid and damp. Plus, in the back corner water had gotten in, and the linoleum peeled right up. Bleck.

I keep affirming that each house we look at brings us closer to the one we want. I admit though, I'm getting ansy. I just want to get a house (that we love and adore, and that's in good shape!) and move, so I can get things settled and organized. I feel almost like I'm in a limbo. I want to NEST darn it!

Sleeping beside me...

Is the most angelis little being. Her body, spent from waking up early due to a nightmare involving a lost purse at 5:30 am, finally collasped into sweet sleep. She, is my precious angel girl. Her skin so soft and warm, her arms, wrapped around a pillow as though it were her sweet daddy.

She had me send the sitter home early, so she could trustingly succumb to the exhaustion that had been the cause of her crankiness throughout the day. She is sweet innocence.

I am in love.

Remembrances

I remember the first sting of a sly comment made from a guy I was intrigued by (J). We'd exchanged emails in college, a story we wrote together, each one of us adding to it. It was an outlet for me to vent my frustration with adventure, romance, and beauty. I remember believing that he liked me, based on a comment made by an ill-willed "friend". I remember him being aloft and cold, not very handsome, but, I enjoyed his writing, and writing with him.

I remember sitting on the couch, a male friend of mine visiting me at my mom's house (T), and he was dating a female friend of mine (C). We were sitting around chatting, I was already feeling a bit down, when he made some comment along the lines of have fascinating conversations with my friend (who mind you, is very intelligent), and then came the cutting line in regards to "so much better than mere stories".

My ego was quite bruised by this remark, and I didn' understand why he felt this need to be so cutting to me. I blinked back the tears, and even T looked at him like he was a moron for saying something so mean. And T didn't even know of my love for stories. Then again, I apparently had a knack for ticking people off, and not even knowing it, but that's another avenue.

The funny thing is, that I married a man filled with stories. One of the things that drew me in where those stories. An intelligent conversation can be very stimulating, I suppose, I'm not sure what he meant by that, or what J and C talked about even. I just enjoyed pretending that I was the main character, following her on her journey, filling her with my desires to love and be loved, and experience adventure along the way. It was an outlet for creativity and other things.

Marrying my story man has made life interesting, because he doesn't like that I want to change the bad guys to good, or see a glimmer of good in them. He particularly hates it when I created a female character who's beautiful and radiant, and wants nothing more than romance. This was what I craved in the beginning, driving him nuts no less.

However, now, my characters have evolved. They aren't radiant beauties getting themselves into romantic situations (although I bet Harlequin might love a few of those!). Now, they might be dealing with a complicated issue, death, or the desire to be enlightened. They no longer long, or look for romance, they just take the journey, and see where it leads.

As for J, I don't know what happened to him, though, like many who've been in my life, the thought crosses my mind. I wonder if his intelligence led him to finding a woman (or man) that could meet him on the level he was seeking. I hope he did, and that it brought him joy. I know that finding and connecting with my beloved, has brought me all the joy, and so much more.

Happy Monday

I've actually been taking it easy today. Working in play, with rest and work as well. Nothing new to post, save that on Wednesday we get to see 3 houses, and I'm currently on a fictional reading binge, trying to clear through all the books I've borrowed.

Tomorrow, we'll be trying to go to the park, and I'm confident that my knee will do just fine.

Fabulous Friday

It's been a lovely day today. Played with Play-doh, visited with a dear friend, got outside, finished work, cuddled with the Pook, and now I'm enjoying time with family, and will soon delve into a good book.

Ah... lovely!

Singsong Serenade

I sit here, the soft wind teasing the curtains, listening to the songs of the birds that have nested nearby. It's amazing and comforting, as I've not been outdoors for a bit.

Today, I did end up venturing out to the store with the little miss. *sigh* She had to wear her hat, and bring a purse. Cutest-thing-ever. My sweet angel girl is swiftly growing up. Of course, this meant that later in the day, she wanted to parade around with her hat and purse again, and I was to wear a hat and carry a purse as well. Ah... being a parent.

In other news, I ask your prayers for a dear friend of mine in MD who was admitted to the hospital yesterday. So far things are looking better, but she's pregnant, and the baby is at 30 weeks gestation. They are hoping that she'll be able to keep him in gestation for another week (I'm praying longer), before they'll have to induce her. She's being kept in the hospital until then.

K - if you get to read this. You and G-baby are in my thoughts GF. Take care, rest up.

Early Morning Wisdom

Yesterday, I had a CST session with a dear friend of mine to help expediate the healing of my knee. During the session, I worked with T to access inner parts of myself I'd been denying, and to discover that I'd been using my fear as a safety net to keep me from moving forward.

Moving forward... sore knee... most definitely a connection.

I suppose I might state, that I'm big into energy work. A Reiki practitioner myself, I've found CST done by T to be extremely effective. It's not just CST (Cranio Sacral Therapy), but she also counsels you to get to those points of the inner you might not be able (or willing) to go to on your own. It's different for each person, but it works.

She's worked on me several time, and used CST to help hubby recover from his car accident years ago. Each time she works on me, I discover something new about myself.

Yesterday, after she finished, she looked at me, and told me that I was a very wise and powerful person. Me, wise? Powerful? At the tender age of 32? Make note, that T is into her 50's - I think. As she looks 40, maybe. To me, in my eyes, she is wise and knowing. But me? It then hit me, that look and smile on her face. She KNEW something after working on me.

But then, I thought about when we were doing the CST together, I wasn't afraid to go within. I'd known there was an energy block in my knee, and that I was "afraid" to go there on my own to remove it. She simple helped facilitate the process. The trust involved, was so intense, and, trust is something that I am working on, in the sense of trusting the universe/god/goddess/divine or what have you.

You see, all of my life, I've been and am "watched over"/protected/cared for by something greater. I was in car accidents people wonder how I've survived. I've been in situations that could've been worse, but I'm always provided for and protected. Deep within the core of my being, I KNOW this. I sense this ethereal connection. Yet, there is still that doubt, and that fear, which is now considerable less that it was, because the end result, though for the "greater good" might not be what I'd want.

My mother got a reading done in Hawaii. Though she got a ton of info on all other family members, she got a tidbit about Hubby, and was only told that I would be just fine. She couldn't understand why she didn't get more details, so I explained to her, that I'm not supposed to know. "What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"It's simple. If I know where my path is headed, I'm going to bolt from Point A to Point B, and ignore the path to get there."

"Oh," she responded, her confusion quite clear.

I've been to fortune tellers, readers, I have friends who do this, and I never get a clear cut picture of where I'm headed. And I know that it's because I wouldn't enjoy the journey, as I'd be too concerned to get to the end. And I do get some messages, those that are pertinent to me, and the lead me to a certain point when I request guidance.

T saw this in me. She saw the KNOWing. And she asked to me to commit to doing what I know. And I did. That simple step, as well as a few others helped to free the energy. I could feel it flowing throughout my body, unblocking my knee, and connecting me to the greater. (Sometimes, particularly in meditation, you can be filled with that sense that you're a part of everything, and everything is a part of you. It's a wonderful feeling of love and connectedness.)

I had a few other amazing things happen during the session, and when T left, I was walking straighter, and the ibuprofen wasn't needed. The silly thing about this knee, is that I know it happened to help me slow down, to stop even. If it hadn't happened, I'd be speeding along the road, keeping myself in a protective layer of fear, going no where.

But now, the door is open. I am open and receptive to all good, and I release my expectations. I embrace joy, light, and love. I trust that I am provided for on a divine level, as I know that I am. I am willing and able to move forward. Whatever will be will be... for I know, I feel it in the core of my being, that it's all leading to something wonderful.