Isn't it just the most glorious day?

These were the words my eldest greeted me with this morning. Every day, she announces that it's the most wonderful, or the best day. Today, she announced, was a glorious day.

And do you know what? At the end of the day, she says the same thing.

Now, we do have moments when she claims "this is not a good moment". And, I think we had a "this is the worst day ever!" once or twice, but by bed time? It had been a wonderful day.

This child is such a complete gift in my life. She enriches it in so many ways, and she is such a great teacher.

Just think about it - what if each day really could be glorious, or the best day ever?

Lady Tigress

That is how I feel after this week. We've finally got a diagnosis with Squeak as to why she isn't eating solid foods. She's got sensory issues, and needs to be in Birth - 3. I'm not sure what happened this week; perhaps it's the year's events building up and I'm reaping the gifts. Maybe, it's that this momma has had enough.

My child will eat. Allergies or not, I'm going to fight this and will see it through.

The whole experience has been interesting, as has this year for that matter. It's been interesting to see who's offered support, who's really reached out to be there for us, and who truly cared about what we were going through. We've a clear view of who gets it (and us) and who doesn't.

In the beginning, I felt small and scared, tender and raw. And then, a wave of love and friendship surrounded me, lifted me up, and helped to hold me together. I didn't have to ask. I didn't have to tell someone what I needed - they just knew. I didn't worry about being compared, about not doing enough. And now? I've gone from the scared-hiding in the shell (so I don't get hurt) hermit crab, to an elegant Tigress.

Reclaiming my power? Perhaps. Having a good day? It could be that too. Or maybe it's the final inspiration and encouragement from a good friend who's found himself, and isn't afraid to follow his intuition.

I feel as though I'm coming back to myself in many ways. That I'm accepting the darker parts of me, that I'd labeled "unacceptable" because others thought they were. Those parts I denied, tried to rub out and change, or hide. But beneath it all - they are a part of who I am.

In the past, seeing these bits has caused me to try and cover up, dive deep into my shell to hide them. My confidence crashed as I allowed these bits to be picked apart, dissected, and displayed before me. Everyone has dark parts, just as everyone has light parts.

I no longer have the urge to shriek out, "This is who I am - and it's okay!" Instead, I smile quietly, knowing, that I am enough. I am amazing. And most of all - I am loved. And I know, that those reading this who love me, are probably smiling right now.

And those of you who knew this Tigress before the tender hermit crab stage of the last few years, are probably cheering and shouting, "That's the girl we know!" (And thank you for those of you who've told me in person.) ;)

I'm not sure how long this feeling will last. I'd like to think I've gotten over that hump, that I've found a new me. As two wise friends have reminded me - life goes in cycles. So I'm taking baby steps. I'm delegating. I'm recruiting backup.

And I'm enjoying this feeling.

Dealing with a life storm

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."-Vivian Green.

Yesterday, we took our 1YO to the allergist. She still won't eat baby food. She flat out refuses it. She won't put things into her mouth either. At first, we thought it was a texture thing, or that she wasn't ready for food. Turns out it was something more than that.

She's had weird reactions to 2 foods, so we suspected something. Apparently, when a baby refuses food, it could be because it is an allergy, as was the case with our babe.

Things have been working out for us, in a very synchronistic manner. Due to the implementation of a new computer program, we ended up with a different doctor (the other one we happen to like). Turns out, he has a child with food allergies. We ended up going to the allergist he recommended, and ended up getting in yesterday due to a cancellation.

They did the prick test on her back. Her tiny little back was filled with welts - poor babe was even sensitive to the saline. We've discovered that she's extremely allergic to wheat and egg, following comes coconut, rye, oats, and probably barley.

Knowing she had food allergies was daunting, though not nearly as scary as learning how to use an epi-pen, and finding out each one gives you 15 minutes before it wears off. That's 15 - 30 (you usually are prescribed 2) to get your child to the hospital. That was the scary part.

At first, I felt really overwhlemed. Today, I am feeling better about things. I am deciding to be positive about this and look at it in a creative sense.

I get to figure out new recipes, and maybe even do so with a friend. The amount of support I've recieved has been seriously overwhelming in a good way. We've decided to make a positive dietary change for all of us, and try new things.

There is a chance, and the hope, that she'll grow out of this. Until then, we are choosing to make the most of it. It's a good thing we like to dance - when it's dry and in the rain.

Thursday's Thoughts...

It amazes me how people view being a parent, especially when they aren't. (Sorry, but pets don't count! Had 'em before I was a parent, and they really don't prepare you for what lies ahead.) I amazed myself, and it wasn't until I was a parent, and started researching all sorts of lovely things (reasons for natural childbirth, how to nurture a child's self esteem, how to teach a child right from wrong), that I realized, what you think you will do, and what you end up doing, change.

I've a friend who wanted to homeschool her children, but realized it wasn't the best thing for her or them, when she realized how much time and energy went into it. I know women who homeschool all 5 of their kids (and then some). I know one mom who changed her entire lifestyle to vegetarian, and goes out of her way to feed her kids organic food on the little money she makes.

The fact is, until your a parent, you can dream and have visions of how you'll do what you'll do. But it all changes once you hold that little one in your arms.

I adore my child. And I want what is best for her. I haven't quite done things the way I'd liked, but I've learned what works for her and me, and that is what I work with. I have a wonderful child. (Seriously, she can play quietly for 20 minutes in a room full of meditating women.) It could just be her personality, or it could be how we choose to raise her.

For me, I mother according to how I was raised. (Usually, doing opposite of my parents.) I don't like the idea of spanking, because I've seen some really bad results from it. So, I've been discovering alternate ways. The key to it all, is respect between the parent and child. That is my belief. It was respect for my mother that got me home on time, not fear.

I respect and trust my daughter, even at the tender age of almost 3. And, I find the more I trust her, the more she responds in turn. There are times when I'm firm (like when she needs to sleep in her own bed), but I find that firmness is enough. Last night, she threw her first huge tantrum, and it was precious. I put her in her room, told her to let it out and when she was done, I was here, and still loved her even though she was upset. We tried not to laugh as she explored ranges of screaming and crying. But, deep down, I knew it was important not to stifle her, to let her get out her rage.

I feel that she needs to know it's okay to hurt, be sad, be angry, and explore and release her feelings. I watched how the kids in my family were told - don't cry, it's okay. And I wonder, how is that teaching a child how to deal with his or her feelings? In our society, you are told via the media, what to wear, how to look, what to eat, etc. Can you imagine a world where people knew what they needed instinctively?

Thus, knowing the age of my child, I always keep in mind that for her age, there are somethings she doesn't understand. In the store, if she gets upset - she can't tell me why, but sometimes, she just needs to be held. Just now we are realizing she can't quite explain to us what she's feeling or even wants, so, we try to be open to that.

For me, I think a lot of my own perspective is tainted from the last few years, of myself rediscovering my true feelings. For years, I'd ask 20 people for advice before making a choice. I totally depended on other people's thoughts. I thought that I'd look good in something because it was "in style".

Perhaps it's my humble age of 31 going on 32 this year, but I now know myself better than ever, and just as I'm learning to trust my daughter, I'm also learning to trust me. The day she was born, I knew that my life would be filled with many gifts, and that I was being blessed with a little teacher that I would be teaching too.

And this morning, as I cradle my little one in my arms, breathing in her scent, my heart is full, and I give thanks for this little teacher in my arms.