Reflections on an Amazing Holiday

This morning, I had some quiet time to think and reflect over the past few days. I'm still in awe that our holiday is still continuing through today... and I've hope to keep that sense of peace, slowness, joy, and relaxation going throughout the week despite the "work" thing. 

The best gifts of this Christmas, weren't those found under a Christmas tree. They've come in different shapes and sizes...

* The scent of my house on Friday (turkey) and on Saturday (pumpkin pie).
* The feel of a solid half hour of snuggling, giggling, watching, and "chatting" with my youngest all to myself.
* Watching my children dance to carols, under a tent they made.
* Holding my eldest in my arms while she slept. Breathing her in, all too aware of how she is growing...
* The taste of turkey mixed with sauerkraut, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes and string beans...
* Savoring the flavor of pumpkin pie with real whipped cream.
* Realizing, that journaling, with pen and paper is a gift I hadn't really appreciated until I made time for it again.
* Making time to read.
* Finally feeling that the amount of presents for the girls was just right - not too many, and not too few, and each and every gift was fully enjoyed and played with that day.
* Dancing together as a family.
* Having my husband tell me that he's been enjoying dancing with me.
* Hearing my youngest tell me when she's tired, then off to "Night! Night!" and snuggling up in bed or on the couch to rest up.
* Hearing my eldest tell me about how she can see the improvement in her drawing and dancing.
* Watching as she enthusiastically creates books for each of us, using the empty books we made her using construction paper for Christmas... she's lost track of how many (at least 5 by my count). She got them Saturday... it's Monday.
* The slowness, the lack of feeling rushed, the sweet joy of sleeping in, and gracefully moving through the day...

Yes... an amazing holiday indeed.

New Flooring

Saturday morning, after we emptied the room, I stepped in to remember. The emptiness reminded me of the flux that has been my life, with kids (and before kids), things are continually changing. And now, this room will change again.

 It has been privileged to live many life times, this room. First, it severed as hubby's bed room when we first bought the house and before we were married. Then, it became our guest room when people visited. When I became pregnant with Pook, it was turned into her room.

The walls were painted in colors with an animal trim. We tenderly put in her crib, peppered the room with baby toys, books, clothes, and other good things.

As eldest grew, the crib turned into a bed, and more toys entered the mix. When the second one was expected, we added in a crib and more baby stuff. It was getting pretty cluttered in there, but they loved it.

And now, it stood empty, warmed by the sun, waiting for it's next metamorphosis. I walked in and began to lift the carpeting. I pulled it up, pulled up the carpet strips and staples, until you could see the floor beneath.

And then it began. Thanks to a precious gift from friends, we began to install the new flooring. The new floor that would help our little one to deal with her dust mite allergies.

 Slowly, we watched the floor come into place. It was gorgeous. As we put the stuff back in, Pook had a simple request for space. She didn't want all the stuff back in. She wanted a simple corner, or two, where she could sit and be quiet. And, space in the floor of the closet where she could keep her big blocks to build her castle.

Complete with guards.

So now, this room has changed again. It's peaceful, colorful, and the least cluttered room of the house... It's given me food for thought about the rest of my house. (Especially since I need to reorganzie a few things and get rid of or find space for more of the toys... Hmmm....

Sometimes, we don't realize that we want space until we see it and are given it.

Morning Into Evening

I've been managing to awake with the husband the last few weeks. I like to do this so that I can braid his hair for work. It's gotten quite long, and he's promised not to cut it until after our tenth wedding anniversary - which is in May. I love the feel of his hair in my hands... over, under, over, under... as I weave his hair into a long plait. It's become a simple morning ritual that I enjoy, despite feeling groggy at times.

Getting up at 5 a.m. has it's benefits, as I get some quiet time. I used to use this time to exercise, but now I use it to work. I finish up my lessons, and just when I ponder making a cup of tea and curling up on the sofa with a book or crocheting, my eldest wanders out. Their timing is impeccable.

She is wearing her flannel PJs, and she comes to me so that I can hold her in a morning hug. I breathe her in - she's so big now. We chat for a bit, and then my youngest wanders out, wiping the sleep from her eyes and squinting at the light. I give her a squeeze as I prep her morning bottle.

I ask my eldest if she wants to eat now, or wait until I've exercised. She decides to wait and curls up with a book. I opt for no music today, as I work out and stretch, while dodging a little miss who comes in for hugs and imitates my movements. I've been trying to do this at least 3 days a week, and I can feel the difference in my moods. Eventually, I hope to fit in walking... we shall see, as we are still getting used to the autumnal rhythm of our week.

I make breakfast for all, then start the soup for dinner tonight. I love making it. It connects me to the earth and motherhood - the sheer act of nurturing my family with food grown in the earth. I rinse and chop the onions while the olive oil heats in the pot. I add in the onions and garlic, and when they become iridescent, I add in the chicken broth.

My eldest has offered help (she is a part of this soup ritual of mine). I let her stir the pot, lifting up my youngest to watch. "Was-in here?" she asks in her squeaky voice. Her face is alive with curiosity. My eldest proudly explains to her that we are making soup. One day, she will make it on her own, she tells me. I secretly hope that day will be a while away, as I enjoy doing this with her.  She's growing so fast already.

Eventually, I am able to continue chopping the vegetables to add in: celery (fresh from my friend's garden), carrots, potatoes and swiss chard (also from my friend's garden). I let them add the lentils - green, orange and indigo ones. The smell is intoxicating, and as I'm adding the last ingredients, my friend arrives to do yoga. I set it to simmer and join her.

My eldest has set up the mats, and after a bit of chat we fall into the rhythmic poses. Well, my friend does. My beginning is a challenge as my youngest is clingy and wants to be held. I scoop her into my arms and try to calm her, longing to be in downward dog pose feeling my calves stretch. Instead, I am focused on the wee one in my arms, who is still processing the sensory integration from yesterday's class. I can tell by her mood.

Eventually, I'm able to complete an asana or two. My eldest started with us, but decided she was having balance issues today. Thus, it's not long before she is cozied up on the couch with a good book. She's read through two Magic Treehouse books this morning.

I do a few of the poses while holding my youngest at the end. This comforts her, and causes her to laugh. For the last pose, she needs her own pillow, then lays down imitating us. Namaste. I love the Savasana at the end. I could lie there all day, but that is simply not to be.

A bit more chat, and my friend is gone. The girls are hungry so we eat lunch. My eldest complains about the smell of my veggie burger, and my youngest is wearing most of her yogurt. I long to eat my meal in quiet, and savor my hot tea. Just as I finish, and am trying to enjoy my warm tea, the youngest announces she is done. I clean her up, load up the dishwasher, and wipe the table.

After lunch, we start math with eldest. Youngest is fighting sleep. I get my eldest started, and lay down with the youngest. We read a book about three times. She pushes for four. I give in. Finally, I use joint compression and massage to calm her. It's not long before she drifts to sleep.

I return to eldest who is doing a math assessment to check in. She's progressing well. I check into work to see my other students have been active. I take a glance at Facebook to see what's happening. I linger on Soulemama's post. She's recently moved, and found a place she calls home. The happiness I feel for this woman I've never met (but long to) is overflowing. She's inspired me in so many ways. Her photos and writing is a soft balm to me on those days when life proves challenging and rushed. Her blog forces me to stop and breathe for a moment during the day. Thank you, Amanda. Thank you.

I quickly check on the soup, remember to finally turn on the dishwasher, and that there is laundry down stairs. Checking in with the eldest who's finished the assessment, I get the clothes to fold them.

I am amazed at the amount of pink and red clothes that I am folding. Most belonging to the kids, although I confess that there are a pair of pink pj's, red fuzzy socks, and two tops that are mine. My thoughts wander to the floor that we need to put in this weekend, and how we'll be moving the clothing that I'm folding into another room. I shove the clothes into the drawers, hang up what is needed, and smile at my sleeping angel. Which reminds me I need to prep her snack for when she wakes up.

Back into the kitchen, I prep a snack, check on eldest (who's been decorating her worksheets), and sit in front of the computer to fit in some work while keeping an eye on my little artist. I sit down and take a breath as I stare at the screen.

I can smell the soup wafting through the house. I hear the gentle lull of the dishwasher, and the tune my little artists hums while figuring out math problems. I can feel autumn's chill drift in on the air through the open window. I see the green trees sporting bits of red here and there. And I see that yet another student considers me to be his favorite teacher. I breathe deeply. I can do this.

I begin to tackle my work, ignoring the urge to check email and Facebook. My eldest wants to talk about America. She's decided to learn a bit about California (where she gets to design her own surfboard) and Colorado today.

I finish up what I can for work, and check on the soup. Hubby will be home soon, or not, as the phone rings and he informs me that he's stuck in traffic. Bummer. I stir the soup while chatting with him. Grabbing a handful of almonds to eat, I put the Kuerig on (as opposed to the kettle), and settle in to check math while snuggling eldest who's trying to figure out California's nickname (which was encoded). Oh, yeah, I wanted to make tea.

I hop up to make a cup, pop in tea to steep, listen to see if Sleeping Beauty has awaken, grab more almonds, and return to check math. I find a few things to see if she can fix them, and she recognizes the errors right away. I clear up the sheets and start prepping for tomorrow's lessons.

Hubby calls to inform me of the traffic situation. I ponder if I should clean the bathrooms, or check email. I opt to tackle a few more work posts after skimming Facebook. As I finish up a post, I hear what sounds like a tea kettle sound. I go in and gather my little one for her snack.

Holding her in my arms, I opt to gather the kids on the couch and feed her there. I call forth the eldest, to snuggle while finishing her work up. I gather the food, and remember my tea - which is now warm - and hit play on the CD player. The girls are snuggling together, so I grab the opportunity for a photo before the eldest makes a run for it followed by the youngest. Which ends back on the couch in a fest of giggles, at which point hubby calls and is coming home.

I empty the dishwasher with my usual rhythm, and my littlest helps me set the table.  I set out the bowls; she set the spoons. I feel my body relax into the calming music. Hubby arrives and I spoon out the soup. We sit at the table chatting about the day, smiling, relaxing.

I will not clean this evening. No, I have finished up work for the evening. I'm going to log off, and settle in with the family. I need more snuggles I think. Maybe, I'll make time to read or crochet or watch a movie. I'm looking forward to the next chapter of The Wind and The Willows at bed time.  It's a good book that reminds us of dear friends, and the perfect way to settle down before bed. 

This is my life. Peppered with moments of all kinds. I need to stop, to put this into words, so I don't forget.

A Monthly Birthday Celebration

This weekend, I shall celebrate another birthday. Pook, ensures me that it will be the "best birthday ever", for in the eyes of a 7YO, each birthday is better than the next. And, I happen to agree with her. She is quite smart you see.

She also informed me that I should celebrate it the entire month. (I mentioned she was a smart one!) So, I decided that I would. I'm taking this month to relax and enjoy my family. I will not be formally homeschooling. I plan to spend time at a pool or two (there is something about water in the summer). Enjoy the summer breezes (it's been heavenly this week). Play lots of games (someone is learning checkers). Read for enjoyment as well as to learn. And to take the time to pause, breathe, and enjoy things like cooking and food prep.

Squeak has been having a lot of break throughs, so I want to make sure that we take the time to nurture and celebrate how far she's come, and how close she is. I want to give her attention as she works on her sensory issues. She's been inspired by a new friend, and I don't want to loose that. I also want to make sure Pook is getting her fair share of attention as well.

So, I'm listening to my heart and slowing down. I want to savor things - life, moments, food, and people for a while. I want to take the time to walk slowly, breathe slowly, do things without feeling like I "have to" or feeling rushed. I want to box this feeling of slowness up and give it to you my dear readers as a gift.

I want time to think, to be, to figure out what I want to do with my life and what is currently happening in my life. I don't know if changes will be made. I hope to make a few. I do know, that I'm treasuring this month. I'm looking at it with the wonder and joy that Pook does.

Letting Go

In Autumn, most trees let go of their leaves. After a brilliant burst and symphony of color, sometimes lasting the month, and sometimes not, they let them go. Simply, naturally, each leaf falls, though some hang on for a while. It's a part of the cycle; it's a part of nature.

They let go, so that they can rest, and restore their energy in winter, and so that when spring comes, they are rested and rejuvenated, and the use that energy to create new leaves in vibrant greens and flowers for reproducing. It's an amazing and natural process - and yet, I've a tendency to fight it, as many do.

This weekend, I had the opportunity to host a retreat at a friend's. The leaves were in the midst of changing, and even though many had shed leaves, there were still trees that were full of vibrant reds and yellows. It was incredible.

It got me thinking about things that I've been holding onto tightly - sticking to the schedule for homeschooling, when letting go of a few things, and being willing to explore a few other ares. Holding onto the voice in my head that tells me "You're not doing enough. You should do more. You aren't doing this right. You've not good enough." Holding onto fear that sometimes immobilizes me, and holding onto judgments passed by another.

On Saturday, these things became clear, and a new "voice" or thought emerged. What if I'm fine the way I am? What if being this way is actually an asset, though I can't see it right now? What if I did take a new look at things, and slowed down a bit?

And so, as the leaves fell from the trees, and danced in the air, I let my own leaves fall. I've done something I haven't done in years - I chose to "Let go and let God." I chose to take a step back and another look at how we are homeschooling and the goals that I want to accomplish. I opened my heart, and nurtured my soul.

And I realized that in letting go, I am able to embrace that which will nourish me through the winter - good friends, lots of unconditional love and support, and maybe even some rest. ;)

Focusing on Fall

The last two weekends, we've had the opportunity to be together as a family. An apple butter festival, movies with popcorn, cuddle and snuggle time... it's been wonderful. It's also been eye opening. We've made some delicious meals "from scratch". We've been reading Mary Poppins to Pook. This week, we plan on going to a pumpkin patch/kid's day at a farm with the kiddos.

I am enjoying this time with my family. I am enjoying the homecooked meals, taking the time to bake and make them. I'm even enjoying doing laundry and cleaning - being aware and taking my time and being aware of the actions.

There are many thoughts in my head at the moment. How can I apply this to my life? So many other people run around from activity to activity, seemingly exhausted. I've heard the reasons, "I don't want to miss anything." "I want to do as much as I can before I die." "I need to make the most of my time." " I need to make sure that my kid's education is covered in all areas." "I want A, B, C for my kid - they need it." Etc. All of these are valid reasons. And of course, there are those souls with multiple kiddos, and multiple activities, and my hat goes off to you! (You know who you are.)

I haven't gotten to that point yet. One day, that might be me. I do not know what the future knows. What I do know, is that I'm enjoying the slowness right now. I am enjoying taking my time with things. I even want to make time to incorporate healthy eating. And that will mean rearranging things, between Pook's schooling, my work, and watching Squeak.

I'm thinking though, those moments of calm and slowness amidst the day might just be good things. We shall see.

Moments 17

I don't think that words are really needed for this:

Journey to the Sea

They say the journey begins with a single step, and ours did indeed, though the key part was the crossing of a bridge. The weather was foggy, so you could only see so far. It reminded me of how we needed to stay in the present moment, and focus on what was in front of us, as opposed to where we were going or what was ahead.

I think I smiled the entire vacation. My heart was full. I was with my family. I was visiting family and meeting friends of old and new. My heart was full, bursting with joy and gratitude. I found myself enjoying everything - the car ride, the kids, the people, the views, the food - it was heaven. I made the most of each moment, treasuring with all of my senses.

Gifts can be wrapped up in packages and tied up in string, or they can be wrapped in what you least expect. Everywhere I turn I discovered something sweet (and not just the chocolate!). We spent time with some amazing people. Even hubby enjoyed himself (and that is a rare thing when it involves new people).

When visiting my mom, she sent the kids on a radish hunt. She'd picked two, then had them search for the leaves in the garden where they got to pick more. She took the time to set up a feast in her part of the house, and fed us throughout the day, until my brother came in, and fed us more.

I found that I was not only fed on the physical level. My spirit, my very soul felt nurtured and loved throughout the week. We were able to see a few friends (sorry if we didn't get to see more of you - we only had so much time!), and even though some plans fell through (thanks to work and flash floods), everything still fell into place.

I found that when I just enjoyed what happened, when I made the most of events, people, things, and feelings, there seemed to be some type of pattern or plan in place. So, we embraced it and went with it.

Eventually we made our way to the beach. The beach has always been healing for me. There is something about the waves, the ocean itself, and the sand. I always need to say hello, and to listen. I like to stand at the edge, and let the waves kiss my toes and embrace my feet. Joy filled me, traveled through me. I wanted to dance, even go into the waves and let the water baptize me with joy and contentment. You can almost let things go with the tide, to be taken away into the oceans depths, and not have to worry about them.

We wondered how Pook would react to the water and sand this time. She loved it. It was a joy to watch her play in the sand and the waves. She made a new friend, and we made new friends. There was an overflow of gratitude on so many levels. There was full, total, and complete relaxation. And laughter, oh the laughter!


We found that time was relative. We stayed up until the wee morning hours indulging in chit-chat, chocolates and pomegranate margaritas. There were rum and cokes, 10 layer cakes, mini do-nuts ;), and other delights to tease the tast buds.

The environment was laid back and loving. The people were kind, generous, interested, interesting, and overall wonderful. There is something about being able to be with people who just take you as you are. People with whom you can let down your guard and just be yourself without worry. People whom you can laugh with, and share precious moments with.


We made some incredible memories. We had an awesome time. My heart is filled with gratitude for the people, the moments, the fun, the laughter - ALL of it.

Thank you. I am basking in blessings.

May - The month of healing, compassion, gratitude, and moments

I sit here, my vacation almost over, my heart overflowing with love and gratitude. It has been an incredible adventure, with plans gone awry, amazing people, nights lasting until 5 am, pomegranate margaritas and wine, and dear, dear friends.

I began the month with an event that resulted in a much needed healing. A door opened, a light went on, and I was able to let go of years of pain, frustration, and heartache. It was replaced with compassion, joy, and love.

Throughout the month, I've been able to reflect, embrace and bask in joy. Sunny days with my little loves, more events that led to enlightening (or the light shinning brighter). Taking time to stop and breathe, and discovering hidden gifts everywhere. I've learned that I enjoy cooking, exploring new foods and tastes, and allowing myself to let go and just sense and feel things.

I've ended this month by basking in the hugs and company of family and friends, and experiencing more healing. Though I wasn't able to meet up with everyone we wanted to, we were able to meet up with quite a few amazing people.

I basked in the sun's light. I dared to let things go. I was careful where I needed to be, and embraced adventure. I reconnected with friends of old and new.

I feel as though I've gotten closure on many things. I've released many, many things. I've embraced many things. All in all, May has been an incredible month. I wonder what June shall bring...

My One Thing

So, I've been thinking about this, a lot since my first post on it. What is my one thing? I started thinking about what my likes are, what I'm drawn to, etc. And, well, I'm coming out with an awareness about myself I believe I've been denying. Which, ties into this post interestingly enough, involving who I am.

Over the last few years, I've become a bit more logical, a bit more grounded in reality. It's been good, and fascinating, and has changed me. I've never really been grounded in reality to the extent I have been these last few years. I wouldn't consider myself to be a logical person, actually a part of me rebels against logic and rationalism. Though I've wanted to be these things, because they makes sense and can be proven, and easily defended most times. And yet, all I can say, is that many times it doesn't "feel" right.

If you met me many years ago, I'd have told you that "everything happens for a reason", just "let go and let god", karma is real, and that "everything is working out for the greater good", oh, and that yes, you definitely create your own reality via your thoughts. I'd also tell you, "I go by how it feels." I'm still on the wall with a few of these things, and I now totally understand why I got such crazy looks when I spouted these words off to others who didn't believe them. They were my truth, my center, my light and my comfort. And then, one day, someone in my life pointed out some things, and suddenly, I wasn't so sure anymore. I wasn't so sure about god either.

I'm digressing; I know.

I used to make most of my decisions based on how I felt. And, when I didn't, I ended up feeling bad. Feelings - as in sensations and emotions, have always been a large part of my life and my enjoyment of life. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how intertwined feelings are in my life. So, what is my one thing? Feeling, no, maybe a better word would be Sensual (as in basking in the senses).

I enjoy the various textures of materials. Give me soft sheets and fabric to wrap up in. My house is strewn with pillows and blankets. With the exception of the kitchen, I think I've pillows in every room actually...

I enjoy how I feel when I touch a fabric, or when I find a certain color or pattern that can only be described as yummy. Oh, how I love the calmness I feel when I see a color like khaki/sage green! Or the vivid color and scent of lavender! Pictures can stir within various sensations for me. I love how I feel when I complete a sewing project, or while I'm stitching.

I don't just look at certain things - I feel them. My grandmother's chairs feel soft and velvety, and enable me to feel her and think about her - even though she's not with me. Her crocheted blanket is the same way, and now I've her old outdoor table and chairs that are hard and firm metal, and stir emotions in me.

Oh, and food? I love chai lattes (both taste and texture) with peanut butter on toasted Ezekiel bread for breakfast. Or vanilla yogurt with fresh berries? Yum. Give me a pomegranate, and I am in heaven with the taste and texture. I love digging out the ruby red seeds (oh what color!) and feeling the crunchy squish followed by the sweet tartness - Oh how all of my senses just dance!

I love the taste of my friend Linda's homemade bread. She serves it with salad and cheese (usually), and it is heaven. It doesn't feel or taste the same if I'm not at the farm, and with her. I think it's because when I'm there, I'm not just enraptured with the taste and textures and scenery, but her love. And, I adore the feeling of love and feeling loved.

I read books, especially ones that leave me feeling good, peaceful, inspired, or blissful. And I like to read, because I like how it feels to hold a book and look at the words and just sit with it. I love reading outside, where I can feel the breeze and hear the wind chimes, and feel the sun.

When I watch a movie or video, if it moves me, it is because I feel it. I will cry if I am moved to it - be it because it is inspiring, loving, hopeful, or horrible. My heart aches along with the heart broken, sings along with the hopeful, and routes for the underdog. Whether it be watching an autistic student who was let on the team at the last minute and scores, to an underdog who's appearance only enhanced the voice, to the lady love of a native American warrior who jumps off the cliff after he was pushed rather than stay with the chieftain who claimed her - oh yeah. I'm feeling it, and crying my eyes out.

And then there are massages... oh. sweet. heaven. A massage of any kind? Bring it on! You can bet that I'm not only basking in how I feel; I'm taking in the feel of the sheets on the table as well the scent of the room and the sweet music. I absorb it all like a sponge. When I'm lucky enough to get hubby to rub my feet, or play with my hair - I bliss out.

I enjoy how I feel when I eat home cooked food versus store bought. I like the feeling of dancing to music, letting my body move to the beat, moving by feel. Before I fall asleep, I'm focused on the soft feel of the sheets and pillow, listening to the rhythm of hubby's (and sometimes the Pook's) breathing, and just basking in that moment of being and feeling and sensing it all. I like the feel of my husband's arms around me, his tender kisses, or when he looks at me and I can feel his love.

Heaven is present in my children, whom I breathe in and hold so close to me, for I know that "this too shall pass." I like to sometimes just sit and breathe and feel - the warm sun on my face, the wind blowing, the warmth and taste of hot tea or a cold drink. I enjoy experiencing events and people based on how they feel to me because I can jump in and absorb it all.

And not only do I enjoy feeling and being sensual - I like to create a sensual environment for others. When you come to my home, I aim for my guests to feel comforted, cared for, and wanted. Come for a meal, and you can bet that I (and my helpers) enjoyed setting the table, picking out music and cloth napkins, and creating a set mood.

I like inspring people feel good about themselves, and I like to help people connect with the joy, the love, being grateful and feeling wanted or needed. It's so much more when everyone feels the joy.

So, yeah, my one thing is Sensual. Definitely.

One Thing

I just read this, and had to share.

http://goodlifezen.com/2009/01/26/what-is-the-one-thing-in-your-life/

It has me wondering what my one thing is. Right now, I'm not sure. I plan on coming back to it though.

How to Take Care of You

Make a list of what fills your soul. Keep it somewhere where you can look at it on a regular basis. Then, implement it into your day/week/month/etc. Jennifer Louden wrote a great book called The Woman’s Comfort Book which has a lot of exercises and activities for taking care of one’s self. I remember reading an article a long time ago, I think on her old website about keeping your tank full. I’d totally cite it, if I had the information.

Anyway, it asked you to figure out what you personally need to fill your tank (food, sleep, etc.), the oil changes (massage, spa day, lunch with a friend or friends, pedicure, hair cut, etc.), and the major maintenance (a long vacation, a weekend retreat, etc.). Knowing these things is wonderful to keep you focused and feeling fulfilled instead of overwhelmed. Your list may change over time, so it’s good to have “check-in” days every once in a while (preferably while soaking in a tub of hot water amongst lots of bubbles, or when enjoying vanilla tea with crumpets).

When you know what makes your heart sing, what fills you with intense joy, and what brings you peace and helps you feel relaxed, it makes a huge difference as to how you live your life, and what is truly important. It’s easier to say no to things and keep focused.

Perspective, Pause, and Awareness

As you may or may not know, we live a full life. I don't like the word busy - it's a little too negative for me, and doesn't embody the richness of the word full. My days are filled with feedings, fixing meals, home schooling, working from home, playtime (with kids and hubby), and sleep. On the occasional day we need to go out for activities, play dates and classes. There is a lot going on, and by the end of the day I’m one tuckered mama.

I love it though. There have been times when I’ve been totally overwhelmed and stressed out. I’ve hit the chocolate and any other sugary concoction within reach. There have been days that whizzed by, leaving me wondering what happened, and wondering how my children have grown so fast. And then, every so often, I’m blessed with those days that leave me feeling loved and full, regardless of how the house looks and how things didn’t go according to plan.

This year, the importance of being aware of my perspective became crystal clear. I started to pay attention to how we were spending our time. I’m still working on this, and I’m much more aware of what I need, and what my family needs. And then I noticed, that by simply being aware of my thoughts and how I perceived things, made all the difference.

When I feed the baby, I remind myself that I am nurturing and loving her. I take in her scent, what she looks like, how she feels in my arms. I am focused on her. When I homeschool, I remind myself that I am nurturing my child’s mind and heart. I focus on her, give lots of snuggles and hugs, and take her in. When I am cooking dinner, I remind myself that I am nurturing and loving my family. When I am cleaning up the dishes, I remind myself that I am nurturing my home. When I am working, I remind myself that I could be making a difference in my student’s life, and that through working I am blessing my family with my income.

Life really is what you make of it. Choose to see the world through rose-colored glasses, and you'll be a lot happier in the long run (in my humble opinion that is). Take the time to notice things - precious baby toes, a child's soft skin, the feel of a strong hug, the tender life of a snowflade - and you'll find that things slow down. Be aware, and be amazed.

A letter of welcome, and reflection on life

This was a letter that I've decided to post. It was written to welcome my littlest one to this world. I've tweaked it a bit, for blogging purposes. It is here as a reminder to me about this year, and life in general. If, by some chance, you wish to share it with others, you can link them here, or just ask me.

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I sit here at 6 a.m. – the muse stirring within me, begging me to write a few words. And so I sit here, pen to paper, for when the muse wishes to inspire – I find it’s best to listen.

It has been a wild year for some of us; filled with surprises and the unexpected. At first glance, these events might seem overwhelming and easily labeled as “good” or “bad”. They are neither. They are life.

And life happens. Things happen. And we can choose to run and hide; we can choose to deny; or we can choose to embrace with acceptance. We can choose to love. We can choose to let go.

Most people I know, struggle to reach that sacred plateau that society has somehow promised us. It’s that place of security where everything goes as we’d like; we are always happy; and things, of course, are wonderful. If we find this plateau, we are then “safe”. Is this realistic, or an unrealistic expectation? I believe that there is more, much more, to it.

Life is constantly changing. We are constantly growing. There is no stop button, and the pause button doesn’t work for long. There is no plateau of safety promised to us by if/when this happens… then this…

If you want to be happy, choose it. If you want bliss, choose it. The only constant and “secure” things in life are change and love. You don’t stop change. You don’t stop love or someone from loving you either.

Over the last few months, there have been two mantras in my life:

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

I CAN HANDLE IT.

This too shall pass. Those sweet, bliss-filled moments we don’t want to end – the time with good friends, that vacation, those first few moments after a baby is born, a wedding day, a really excellent piece of chocolate. These moments only last for so long – then they end. Of course, this also means those uncomfortable moments of the unexpected, the discomfort, the stages of life in general will pass too.

We grow. We change. And so do others. This is the constant. And we can handle it.

This last year, I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to take a good look at my life. I’ve been blessed with the unexpected and having things not go the way I would have preferred. The end result has been POSSIBILITIES, LOVE (from my opened heart and the out pouring from others), and a fresh view on life.

So I guess what I’m saying is that amidst the frustrations are moments of peace and bliss. Grab hold, accept, go with the flow to see where it leads. Be willing to let go. Embrace Love. Welcome love, embrace acceptance, pay attention and fully immerse yourself in those bitter and sweet moments. Keep the memory, and release your grasp. It’s okay to let go and make space for more precious moments.

Perhaps, by focusing on the moments of peace and bliss, those frustrations won’t seem so frustrating. Maybe, you’ll even see that it’s not what happens; it’s how you react to what happens that makes the difference between a “good” and “bad” experience. Everyone sees things through his or her own eyes. Perspectives might be similar, not the same.

And so I say…

Live your life.

Dance to its rhythm – there will be songs you enjoy, songs you may not like – slow songs, fast songs. Songs you feel good listening too. Songs you may not be fond of. Some are short and others too long. Dance with your self; grab a partner.

When you welcome life – you welcome it all. And if it gets too much, there is a place of safety and refuge: a place to pause and BE.

Take a deep breath.

Close your eyes.

Let your consciousness sink with you.

Feel the quiet.

Feel the peace.

It’s always there.

It’s for you.

Sweet daughter – today we embrace you and welcome you. You have brought forth such unexpected, amazing, and wonderful gifts to our lives.

Welcome to life little one. May you always dance to life’s rhythm. May you live fully in the moment – embracing, enjoying, and remembering – “this too shall pass” and that there will always be moments that you CAN handle. May you and your sister remember this. May you know and BE love.

My sweet darlings – live your life. Welcome it as we have welcomed you. Know you are loved by those here and those who are not present today.

Be yourself. Discover what you enjoy and what inspires you. As you discover yourselves, remember to respect others as they too, are discovering. (We are all discovering.) Remember that life is not constant – nor are you.

Sometimes, you’ll need faith and hope.

Other times, you’ll know what to do.

Things will change.

You will always be loved.

There is peace within you.

This reminds me of a blessing from the movie Under the Lighthouse Dancing, and so I say to you:

Deep peace of the running wave to you.

Deep peace of the flowing air to you.

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.

Deep peace of the shining start to you.

Deep peace of the sun of peace to you.

Amidst the change and growth – there is peace and love. Just breathe and be aware.

I love you both.

Love Always, Mommy

Finding my groove again...

I sit here enjoying the chill of autumn while "talking" to my littlest one, Pookii, who is cooing up a storm, and helping my eldest, Pook, find blank paper to draw on.

This month has been filled to the brim and beyond with awesome friends and family. We've been stepping out with our two gals, and more active in the past few weeks, then we've been, possibly in the last year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with a now 8-week-old, lack of sleep, and all the running around, I feel invigorated and challenged.

This past week, I even ventured out to the park with the kiddos on my own. I wasn't quite ready for the library afterwards though - we'll try that next week.

It's becoming quite obvious to me though, that I'm finding my groove again. I'm dancing to multiple rhythms, seeking a pace that suits me, and enjoying the groove. I'm rediscovering myself, being forced to determine priorities, and enjoying it.

Some things are changing, others are being giving a new glance. It's rather exciting, and I'm definitely enjoying these moments.

Precious moments...

Sometimes life throws curves balls, and other times, it deals up blissful dishes. And then, there are those times when life deals the unexpected, and you can choose to make it a blissful dish, or, at least have a good laugh.

My mother was up here for the last week, and this weekend we are having my favorite Twins visit us from Canada. (And yes K, I know you make 3 instead of 2, we just lump y'all together now! ;) )

In the past week, I've done things I hadn't done in years - went to a kid's day at the farm with a "pumpkin patch", corn maze, petting zoo - lots of fun stuff. My mom got to come along and enjoy the fun, as Pook commandeered her for the afternoon. I dug in the earth, planted plants, helped to set up a garden for next year. We had a picnic in the backyard on a blanket (we've not done that since we've moved here - 8 years ago!)

We were supposed to go to a fall party with the homeschool group, and due to weather and Pook not wanting to leave her little sister behind, ended up having our own Autumnal Celebration with hot cocoa and snacks. We spent a lovely gray afternoon painting. Pook painted her pumpkin that was for the party. Mom painted a picture of a pumpkin for Pook. PookII (pronounced Pookie, and short for Pook the sequel) slept. And I watercolored a set of sunflower cards for myself to write sunny thoughts upon and then mail.

Oh how I've missed painting! I even helped my mom to see that painting with watercolors was fun. She had a blast. A wonderful way to end her visit.

Lately, I have noticed that I've stopped putting things on hold. I've been making plans, pushing beyond my self-imposed, fear-based boundaries, and having FUN!

I am choosing to shift my perspective to a more sunny place, and embracing the unexpected with open arms. A simple phone call has lead to 3 fun invites. This weekend is full of good friends and activities.

I feel as though I'm rediscovering life, my life, in a sense. I'm moving (as in activity, not housing). I'm enjoying. I'm making the most of things, and dragging the family along with me. ;)

Today, the possibilities are endless... and it's wonderful.

Life Speaks.

What does your life say to you (or about you)? Anyone tuning into my blog right about now, or looking back, might notice that I'm going through an intense nesting phase, that I declutter and purge my material possessions on a regular basis. I also home school our eldest, and plan to home school the rest. Hopefully they'll see that I love and adore my family, that we are eagerly expecting a new arrival, and that I'm just making my way as I go along.

In the years since I've started this blog, I've learned a lot about myself. When I first started it, I was discovering a lot. I remember that my description was more who I wanted to be than who I was. Now, I'd say it's more in tune with who I am.

I've a friend who reminds me that "Lives Speak." Her life speaks volumes. Sometimes I wonder if she truly realizes how unique and amazing she is. She's one of the smartest people I know, and our friendship always challenges me. (Her memory is amazing compared to mine. :) )

I never really thought about what my life was saying until she brought it up one day. And she's right, what we say and how we present ourselves are no match for how we live our lives. What we do speaks volumes - if someone pays attention.

I like to dream, to talk about what I'd like to do, and then I either do it, or it gets lost in the void until I want to play with the idea again. I'm great at talking about what I'd like to do, and letting myself picture what it would be like if I did it. And yet, I don't always do it. I once said that I tend to think out loud sometimes. Which can be frustrating as I verbally figure things out, then decide not to do it. (I've often wondered if this drives others crazy.)

Over the years, I've gone from being interested in "every little thing" to finally focusing on things that really bring me joy. Sometimes I'll try something based on another's suggestion (I used to do this a lot), but for now, I am getting to know myself and my likes better, which makes it easier to decide if it's something I really am interested in.


So I'm not entirely certain of what my life says about me to others, and then, that doesn't matter to me so much as what my life says to me.

When I first started looking at my life, "hearing" what it was speaking, I was appalled. Now, it's growing on me. I'm accepting who I am, working on being less judgmental, and determining what really is of value to me. I'm okay with the realization that I enjoy talking the talk, even though I might not walk that way after talking about it. And knowing I do this, helps me to focus back on what I am doing with my life currently.

I'm playing with the idea of regularly connecting to what my life is speaking to me. Either with pictures or words. I'm not sure, but there is something about "listening" to life.

What does your life speak to you?