New Flooring

Saturday morning, after we emptied the room, I stepped in to remember. The emptiness reminded me of the flux that has been my life, with kids (and before kids), things are continually changing. And now, this room will change again.

 It has been privileged to live many life times, this room. First, it severed as hubby's bed room when we first bought the house and before we were married. Then, it became our guest room when people visited. When I became pregnant with Pook, it was turned into her room.

The walls were painted in colors with an animal trim. We tenderly put in her crib, peppered the room with baby toys, books, clothes, and other good things.

As eldest grew, the crib turned into a bed, and more toys entered the mix. When the second one was expected, we added in a crib and more baby stuff. It was getting pretty cluttered in there, but they loved it.

And now, it stood empty, warmed by the sun, waiting for it's next metamorphosis. I walked in and began to lift the carpeting. I pulled it up, pulled up the carpet strips and staples, until you could see the floor beneath.

And then it began. Thanks to a precious gift from friends, we began to install the new flooring. The new floor that would help our little one to deal with her dust mite allergies.

 Slowly, we watched the floor come into place. It was gorgeous. As we put the stuff back in, Pook had a simple request for space. She didn't want all the stuff back in. She wanted a simple corner, or two, where she could sit and be quiet. And, space in the floor of the closet where she could keep her big blocks to build her castle.

Complete with guards.

So now, this room has changed again. It's peaceful, colorful, and the least cluttered room of the house... It's given me food for thought about the rest of my house. (Especially since I need to reorganzie a few things and get rid of or find space for more of the toys... Hmmm....

Sometimes, we don't realize that we want space until we see it and are given it.

Let's Do It

It's that time of year again. Only a few more days until 2010 begins, and I'm feeling the urge to purge on many levels.

In terms of the house, I want to go through every nook and cranny and just let it go. Too long I've been holding on to things "just in case" and now I realize, that this is more that just decluttering for me. It's about making space in my life, daring to let go of things so that I can make "make space for what really matters - old or new" (as a good friend wrote). In a way too, it's taking a step in faith - trusting that I'll be provided for on some level.

In terms of my body, I've been eating foods that I don't even like, that don't make me feel good. Add to that my youngest's food allergies, and I'm thinking it's time to purge the pantry, to make room for the good stuff. Maybe even purge the cook books too.

In terms of homeschooling, we've been hitting the books hard, and sacrificing afternoons of reading and spontaneous art projects that haven't been "planned". It's time to find that balance and figure out what exactly I want to do. It's time to purge and release what isn't working.

In terms of time, I've been spending too much of it in ways that I'd rather be spending doing something else. So, I'm hoping to figure out ways to save time and make the most of it, and eventually, find the courage to purge a few time-sucking things to boot.

So, starting tomorrow, it begins. I'm taking advantage of this mood. Anyone want to jump aboard?

Let's do it.

It's Autumn

It's chilly today... you can feel it in the house. It's been overcast all day... adding to the feeling of autumnal bliss. My youngest is sleeping, and my eldest is entertaining herself. It's been another day that has not gone quite as planned, and it's okay. I'm getting quite adept at going with the flow. I think as a mother (or parent in general), that is your best best.

Both kiddos were up at 5:30am, so I had to tweak my routine. I'm itching to get rid of things again. Hubby says that it's because it's autumn, and I'm always wanting to purge at this time of year. He's right.

I did manage to get some of the house clean today, amidst the schooling and working (that I should be doing now). There are a few things I've found to purge, and I'm wondering just how long I will be able to go before I end up letting myself just go at it.

There are so many things in this house that are unused, or not kept in a convenient place. And, when you have two or more little ones (two-legged or four), everything having a place where the parental units can find things makes life much easier.

It's also brought to light some mental things that are in needing of purging as well.

In any case, once the toddler wakes, Pook and I are planning on snuggling up with some Halloween DVDs... maybe even popcorn. We'll see. It's that kind of day. I'm rather hoping tomorrow is too... Pook doesn't have much school to do... and I've found some neat rainbox yarn that she's asked me to crochet into a scarf. Lovely.

Gorgeous Monday morning and a delightful August Airing

Lately the weather here has been really lovely. We've spent the last two - three days with the windows wide open and breezes dancing through the house accompanied by bird songs and symphonies of crickets in the evening. Bliss.

It's been wonderfully freeing to enjoy the cooler weather and be serenaded by the sounds of nature. Obviously, autumn is around the corner, and yet it's still blissfully summer. Perhaps that is why I am so inspired to let go (other than that little fact that I am in full blown nesting mode).

This weekend, in my extremely productive nesting mode, we began to reorganize and go through our "stuff". (My husband is going to be happy to have a "break" after the baby comes. :) ) After my last post on simplicity, as much as I love the idea of getting rid of all our stuff and replacing things, and not obsessing about stuff, the fact is, we have stuff, and we use the stuff, and though I'm not passionately attached to the stuff, I do enjoy some of it.

I like the way I feel when I picture having only the essentials, and I do believe that it would be more freeing. Honestly though, I'm not ready to take it that far. It's one thing if the stuff were destroyed, or if I had an easy way to sell it. Then, maybe I'd reconsider. But for now, I don't want to spend extra money or go through the trouble of replacing something that is being used - that'd be a waste. However, it doesn't mean I can't take a good look at the stuff around me, and figure out what's not being used or not working, and let it go.

So, this weekend, we started with the dinning room. In my dinning room, we have the dinning set that was my grandmother's. The table and chairs are showing their age, the display cabinet is huge and bulky, and if someone offered us a price that would enable us to get something more practical, we'd probably sell it.

After this weekend, I took something that had been annoying me, something that I wanted to replace, and made it useful. What once was a display for dishes and tea sets, is not a serene cabinet that still holds those things, but also 2 book shelves of homeschooling and art supplies, neatly tucked behind gorgeous fabric panels.

The end result was not only a more serene dinning room (serene is good with a pregnant momma), but spilled over into part of the kitchen, living room, and bed room. Another Good Will pile has been started, and this time, it was much, much easier to let things go. There are still things that will end up on our ambivalence pile as well, but if we have a doubt, it goes there for now.

Thus, we may not be down to the bare essentials, I'm not sure if we ever will, unless moving across county or to another country, or some other event where we would absolutely need or have to, we may not. And that is okay. The thing is, it gave me a great perspective on what is possible, and what is present. And the end result is a divinely spacious, better functions, and much more organized dinning room with less stress over having to look at all the stuff.

Nesting Part 3 - Living Room, Hallway and Guest Room

The nesting continues, so feel free to skip this post if you aren't into it. Last weekend we tackled the Living Room, which ended spilling over into the hallway and guest room. The Living Room (LR) is still in the works, but has started to take on a definite shape.

When discussing the room, we discovered a variety of functions and purposes. The LR is where we play, relax, read, have fun, entertain, rest, unwind, live and learn. It's an eclectic mishmosh of furniture with a variety of bookshelves, a small TV hidden away in an armoir, two old Victorian type chairs in royal blue velvet that were once my grandmother's and a sofa with a bright red sofa cover on it that was once my mom's. (Hint: Sofa covers rule when you have kids. Cleanup is SO much easier!)

So, though it's not necessarily what we've have picked if we'd decorated it ourselves, we are blessed in that most of the things were given to us by others. And, with a Pook and another on the way, I really, really, appreciate the fact that our furniture comes from others. :)

The focus of the room used to be a huge charcoal drawing of my brother when he was a toddler. Though beautiful, it didn't quite fit the feel that we were going for, so, we took it down and replaced it with a lovely sea otter and (can you guess?) more pictures of nature. Interestingly enough, there seems to be a fall theme going on in the pictures, with the changing leaves that we noticed after we'd hung them.

We even took into consideration what pictures we wanted to see and from what angles, so that the one we really enjoyed can be seen from various rooms of the house.

Since the hallway is right next to the LR, we hung the pics of Pook back up, complete with her map of the world at her eye level. It's still taking me to get used to the lack of space, but as she loves to point out various places like Madagascar, Taiwan, and Antarctica, it's definitely serving it's purpose.

As for the guest room, we were going to hang the charcoal of my brother in there, until I talked to him (my actual brother, NOT the one in the picture!) ;) and found out that he really wanted it. I was going to hold on to it until I was sure, but knowing that it's going to a new home (where I'll likely get to enjoy it anyway) makes me feel really good. Plus, I didn't realize the relief I'd feel, as now Hubby won't have to worry about hanging it (he hates hanging it!) and I don't have to find it a space on the wall.

So, the guest room hasn't really changed picture wise, save for we changed one and didn't return another. The other day, I cleaned out the closet and armoir that's in there, adding to the pile on the basement, which might just be tackled this weekend. Maybe. :)

The hall is definitely finished, complete with the purging of the hall closet and removal of old medicines, bug sprays, and suntan lotions. The pictures will hopefully be updated after the arrival of Pook 2. We shall see. :)

The guest room too, is pretty much done. The armoir's been reorganized and purged, as has the closet. And the LR is still in process, as I sift through books (I'm LOVING paperbackswap.com - which encourages me to get rid of books that others are wishing for) and decide on pictures. I may just need to leave a blank spot for a while. We shall see.

Slowly, the house is taking shape, and interestingly enough, I'm not in a rush, save to figure out which pictures to send back with family in June. (Only because I'd like them out of the house!) :) Aside from the basement, there is the dinning room, kitchen, and foyer, and the storage area of the basement which doesn't need decorating, so much as reorganization and purging.

It's been interesting watching what we now enjoy, and giving ourselves permission to put up those pictures that really touch us, and discovering just what those are.

This weekend, we'll be in the basement.

Nesting Part 2 - The Misty Forest (aka Master Bedroom)

This weekend, we focused on the Master Bedroom. Before putting any of the pictures back onto the walls, I asked Hubby to take a few days and think about what he wanted to feel when he was in the Master Bedroom (MB). The words that came to mind for him were: tranquil, relaxing, and comfortable. We then thought about the look, feel and function of the room.

In regards to the look and feel, he feels most peaceful in a misty forest at dawn. That moment when you hear the birds singing along to other outdoor sounds, a sense of quiet, yet being alive. He wanted to wake up feeling alive and rejuvenated, yet go to bed feeling peaceful, tranquil, and safe. Fortunately, I too adore forests, so I was on board. :)

As our walls are cream on opposites sides and a khaki green on the others, matched with the bedding, this wasn't hard to pull off. We agreed the pictures needed to be of nature. And, the ocean picture I loved, would need to find another home. We have a print of a blooming tree in the middle of the forest that fit the bill. Of course, I wanted to try it in the foyer, but after our talk, it was clear the MB was the best place for it.

The function and purpose of the room were pretty obvious: sleep, relax, meditate, intimacy, getting dressed, starting and ending the day there.

I brought up a few pictures from the basement to get a feel for things. We ended up using some, and one we didn't think we would, but in a certain spot, it fit perfectly! So, it stays. One we weren't sure of, and has since been removed. But the rest, we love.

When you walk in the room, you'll think of a misty forest if you look at the pics. I adore the one corner that can be seen from the hall and the Master Bath. (The Master bath is actually a continuation of the forest theme. I only need to replace 2 pics, and go through the rest of the stuff.) The rest is still coming into place. I'm not sure of knick knacks, or what will go where just yet. Discussing what we wanted the room to feel like, has been really helpful in determining what goes where.

It's still a work in progress, but it's getting there. And hey, tonight, he gets to sleep with pictures on the wall! :)

Nesting Part 1 - Decluttering on a new level

I've mentioned a few times that I'm getting ready to purge our house of stuff. Okay, maybe more than a few times. ;) But right now, things feel different. I'm taking it to a new level.

Yes, I'm nesting. Being 22 weeks pregnant, this is a natural thing. So, this could be a big part of what is inspiring me to do this. That, and the fact that if I don't, it's going to be pretty tight around here. I also need to give credit to a dear friend of mine (you know who you are!) who has been going through a massive purge of her own, or the Great Heave-Ho as I believe she's referred to it.

If you've been reading this blog for a while, then you'll note that I get urges to declutter on a regular basis. In fact, I've noticed that I get the urge to purge particularly when I've felt that my life was out of control. It was a way to regain control over my environment.

But, I could only take it so far. There were things that I was extremely attached to and couldn't stand to part with. There were things that were given to us, so I felt guilty if I returned them. And when I decluttered, it was all or nothing. I'd take on the whole elephant, instead of baby steps. If I worked on a project, it had to be cleaned up and looking nice by the end of the day.

It exhausted me. It burned me out. Yet, I kept doing it.

And then, my life changed.

For a good chunk of time, while my friend was heave-hoing her things in carloads and going deeper and deeper each time, I had no desire to purge or do anything with the stuff. In fact, I took a month to just let things be. And then, I did something radical. Something I was never bold enough to do. I removed the pictures from the walls - and they are still off the walls weeks later. And I like the space, even the piles in the basement created from the unwalled pictures.

With the pictures gone, I began to remove various things. Again, things I thought I couldn't do without. It was now clear to me, that these were things. Just things, and things I didn't really need, and *gasp* was not enjoying as much as I thought.

Unlike before, I am in no rush to replace the wall hangings. I don't even miss the ones I thought. The more I think about them, the more I wonder what I would put up if I didn't have any pictures. There is a shift happening in my home. Things are taking on something deeper.

Originally, we'd planned to declutter with the purpose of creating more space for baby. We knew that when we started trying for Baby #2. And, most of the decluttering has been to maintain space in our home, and to keep from being overrun with Pook's toys.

I've always wanted to take it to another level. To go as far as I could, only keeping those things that I enjoyed or that brought me joy. To create more space in my home and my life. To get rid of the things that I really didn't want, but held on to - just in case, because it was good feng shui, because it was a gift, because I used to really like it (even though it's not "me" anymore), or some other reason that eludes me at the moment.

I'd dream of doing something radical, like moving to a smaller house or an RV. What would I keep? What would I be willing to move? What if I didn't have room for so much storage? And then, there was the time we were prepping to move (we decided not to), yet ended up packing things away, instead of getting rid of them.

So here I am now, blank walls, piles in the basement, and enjoying it. Actually, I am enjoying the process of discovery. I'm discovering what brings me joy. I'm discovering space. I'm discovering that I don't want to put things back as they were. I am letting the rooms speak to me for a change. I am listening to the space, and keeping space where I can. I am realizing that things I once enjoyed, I don't anymore. I am aware that space (in my home and my life) is important to me, as is joy, family, and so many other things that richly bless my life.

I am also aware that what is most important in my life at this moment, is not what is on my walls, or shelves, or floors, but what makes my house a home - my husband, my children, my friends. Thus, if I'm going to have things aside from family and friends in my house, what of these things do I really enjoy and use? What of these things could benefit others?

So this is where I am right now, with bare walls and a messy basement. I am pleased, but I also know that my hubby can only take so much. ;) So we will be going room by room through our home, actually giving thought to each room.

Today I came across some questions Peter Walsh asks of people when helping them declutter. I'll sum it up this way:

What is the vision I have for the life I want? (And hubby's too.)

What do we (hubby, Pook and I) want in our lives, homes, rooms and living spaces to look like, to feel like, and to function?

I'm going to be thinking about the purpose of each room, what words, thoughts or feelings I'd like each room to convey. And then, what things will support this.

We will not be buying new furniture (though Hubby's promised next year we get to paint - Whoo hoo!!!!) or new things. The key will be to use what we have, get rid of things we don't need (want, use or like), and find a place for the rest. I'm looking forward to it, though, I admit, in no real rush at the same time. :)

Being radical, well, for me

After our guests left this weekend, I succumbed to my urge to purge. Hubby and I took down most of the pictures in our house (save for the really difficult ones) leaving nothing but space on the walls.

At first, I think that he thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. And, I fully expected to go crazy by Tuesday and put them all back up, but something else happened. I started to like the space.

My basement has piles of pictures in it. And, following the pictures were various knickknacks. Things, I once thought I could never part with, are finding their way to the piles. I've even given him permission to place things on the pile, just to see if I'd actually miss them.

Even the piles bring me a sense of comfort. (And, those who know me are probably wondering what alien race has invaded my being - cause Otter can't usually stand piles!) But seeing them there, I smile. Seeing the walls void of pictures makes me smile.

Space. I'm loving the space. And I remember when I used to fear it. For some reason, no wall could go untouched. Something had to be hanging there. When I was into Feng Shui, the pictures had to fit. I put things I wasn't particularly fond of up on my walls because they fit the "rules".

But now, I'm wanted more space in my life. I'm only wanting things up on my walls and in my house that I enjoy looking out. How many things have I kept because they were Feng Shui appropriate? How many things have I kept because someone gave it to me, even though it wasn't really me? How many things have I kept out of guilt?

I am done with guilt. I am done with looking at things on my walls that don't make my heart sing or fill me with a sense of joy. I am creating more space. I am embracing the space that I was once so afraid of.

We are going to be welcoming a new babe into our lives at the end of August or beginning of September. At least, that's the ETA. With the amount of moving this babe's been doing, who knows? :)

Preparing for this babe means creating more space - both in the home and in my womb. We have a comfortable house that I love, and which we aren't willing to move from. So, we make space where we can and organize things to function smoothly.

This time (and maybe it's just because I'm nesting) there seems to be a shift. A new level to purging the clutter from our home. It's going beyond the stuff. As we purge our things, we are making room for the new. We are making room in our lives as well. Weekends seem to have more space to them. Even days seem to slow down. Where there was once "no time", we are finding and creating time for tender moments and ourselves.

As the spring flowers bloom and blossom, and the bulbs burst forth from the ground, so do we on many levels. Pook is blossoming, talking to people instead of hiding. My belly blossoms (and grows with life). Hubby is finding that he does have time here and there for things.

For once, I'm not concerned with what will happen, or what will be, or how we will handle things. Fact is that we will. Right now, is the now. I bask and bloom in the present moment. Embracing the moments of bliss and joy for what they are, and letting them go when it's time.

Peace. Bliss. Moments. Life.

Letting go of some mental clutter

I spent a good part of last night writing one of those letters you write to not send, but to get your thoughts in order and say all those things you'd never say to a person's face, usually because that person wouldn't understand or would take it the wrongs way, etc.

I was going to post it here, but after a short but powerful conversation with a dear friend (Hi R!) last night, I don't need to. Just telling him about it, having him listen and understand why I needed to write it, and explaining the situtation was enough.

So, dearest R, THANK YOU! And, sorry you don't get to read it, but you already got the jist of it. ;)

The best part, is that the people I was writing the letter too, well, I've had my own issues with over the past, especially in regards to one particular incident. And every now and then, something will flare up, and I realize that I need to deal with this issue on another level, and then I can let it go.

Hubby, who really doesn't care about the situation, doesn't understand why the whole thing was such an issue for me. I think it's great that it doesn't bother him and he can just brush it off, and it isn't an issue for him, but sometimes, I'm discovering new things I didn't know, and need to deal with.

Today, I was blessed to exchange emails that helped me to clearly see, that when someone is truly comfortable and confident when following his or her heart, it really doesn't matter what others think or say about the matter, because you know it to be true and right for you. I've been in this place of confidently knowing how I feel, and not needing to defend it. A smile and a simple No are hard to argue with. :)

How does this apply to the situation? Because I realized that dag nabit - my feelings were hurt. And yes, there were a lot of things that could've or should've been. The thing is that I didn't realize it, nor did I want to admit that my feelings were hurt. One, because I don't believe that people hurt your feelings, I believe you allow them to hurt your feelings because you are taking it personally. (For instance, if some one comments negatively about my parenting skills, I laugh it off, because I know in my heart, I'm doing what's best for our family and child.)

So, you can see, admiting my feelings were hurt meant accepting responsibility. What to do? Let it go, and realize that maybe things could've been different, and that maybe I don't know the whole story. And that's all okay.

Besides, just the admission and confession of the letter I wanted to write, made me feel SO much better. I have to laugh though, because there was a time when I'd write off those letters and not think twice about sending them. He he... thankfully, I've gotten wiser in my age and give myself 24-48 hours before doing anything.

Summer's Calling

Summer's been calling me, with her tender breezes and sunny days. The shady back deck and swing tease me, whispering, begging for me to come out and sit in it. The birds sing for me. And tomorrow, I will. :) Well, maybe today too.

Lately, well, since I've returned from my two week sabatical to visit family, life has taken on a new pace. You know, that slow summer pace of summer's long ago when you could just sit back, relax, and enjoy a good pool day?

I've also been taking action on my goal to streamline my life in the physical sense. Another carload was deposited to Goodwill yesterday. All that is left in the basement, is hubby's Tool Bench, the clearing off of an old computer, a bag of books eagerly awaiting someone (ahem, some twins due to visit in August - hurrah!) to look through them and take a few before the rest are off to Goodwill, the rest of my desk and a few files. And then, it'll be done. Never, in all my life did I think I'd been in this space. The space where I'd walk into my basement and not be able to find anything to let go of because it's all loved or being used. Wow.

I have gone through Pook's room and toys. I've cleared through my own rooms. Hubby joined the bandwagon this weekend by finally going through boxes of stuff that he's planned to go through years ago and going through his desk. (I'm SO proud of him!!!) And, I can't find anything else to give away - because it's in use or I really, really like it! Now, 6 months or so from now, I'm sure I'll have things (when we eventually get a new bed, the old one will have to go), but for now, there's this feeling of peace and joy just knowing - it's gone.

I've found time to make collages, to add a few summery touches to the house, to swim in the pool. Life has been quiet - purposefully I might add - the last two weeks especially, so that Pook and I can sit back and relax, and enjoy. Eventually, it'll start up again, but for now - it's summer! And I forgot how I do love thee Summer's days!

And tomorrow, well, tomorrow, we plan to celebrate summer proper with a visit to the pool, hubby's herbed burgers, and a dear friend. It will be quiet (save for the surrounding fireworks), and the perfect way to celebrate - my birthday! Cause, y'all know - those fireworks are really just for me! ;) I'm just saying...

Recentering after spinning off center.

I've another confession to make - I've been decluttering again. And not, due to Phil's comment either. ;)

Just so you know, this post is really more for me, then you. But, I'm putting it here to remind me about the haves versus the wants, and how the wants can really clutter up the mind.

When I'm feeling overwhlemed and disconnected, one surefire way to bring me back, is to figure out what I can get rid of. Usually, I get to a point where every little thing is getting to me. And, when I release the physical clutter, I find the mental clutter is soon to follow. I'm weird that way, but it works. And, the bonus is, my house gets more spacious as we go. :)

The last few weeks I've been feeling overwhelmed due to several things (it's list time!):
* The huge chunk of change due to the IRS since I techincally have my own business.
* Watching the savings account dwindle as we get our cars nice and repaired.
* The basement freezer being wierd and fritzy; wishing I had gotten an upright one instead of a freezer chest.
* The fact that one needs money, a fair chunk of it, to build a fence and stairs from the back deck.
* Though I techinically don't need a fence to plant a garden, it would keep the local cats from using any garden I plant as a litter box.
* The privacy of a fence, that I don't have, would be really super nice.
* Fresh, home grown veggies, would be awesome.
* We've a huge tub of primer in the basement. For painting. Which, may never be done, as I've not decided on color yet. and then there's the whole point of me not being able to sleep in a house due to the my glands swelling up thanks to paint fumes.
* Budget, what budget?
* Chocolate has become a staple, as well as other foods that taste great, but aren't in agreement with my body.
* Some of my friends are so together (in my eyes) - why am I not?
* I have been incerdibly hard on myself lately.

And then, this morning, I stopped. I stopped, because I realized:
* I may not have a fence, but I've a swing on the back porch AND a bistro table. Perfect for snuggling, reading, and meals.
* I can walk to my Post Office.
* I can walk to a small, nearby park.
* I can drive to several parks in the area.
* I work from home. I have a business, that lets me choose my hours. Yay for flexibility! Yay for an added income that will let us save up for the fence.
* I can spend mornings snuggled up reading with Pook.
* I can spend afternoons playing with Pook.
* Some of my friends have had gardens for years. I don't, but sometimes my friends will share their harvest. And, I'm SO grateful!
* I am blessed to have a car and access to organic foods and a farmer's market (that I've yet to go to).
* I love my house. And, knowing that one day the walls will be painted, means that I get to experiment with where to hang pictures, without worrying about too many holes in the wall. :) Whoo hoo! Rearranging!
* Our cars are getting repaired. Which means, I don't have to worry about them breaking down.
* Kids are resilient. I can only do my best as a parent.
* If I customize my homeschooling program, I can still be creative and stick to what I feel is the core program.
* I am different, which is a good thing. ;) Comparing myself to others, being hard on myself is really quite silly. I know I'm quite different then most people anyway. My ways are just that - my ways. Some might consider them wierd, unusual, and unorthodox, but, when it comes down to it, they work and I feel good about them. Besides, if everybody was like everyone else, what a boring world it would be!

So, uh, thanks for reading about how I clear my own head clutter. So easily I've tended to get caught up in the wants, forgetting about the haves. Sometimes, I miss out that I already have so much, and my wants aren't actually my needs. :) Ah... the ego.

Thoughts on Clutter

I heard the birds singing again this morning. It's been a while. But then, it's been rather chilly here.

I've been pondering on my last post, about the decluttering going to the wayside. I have gotten rid of a lot of stuff. My basement has a pile ready for the good will, a bunch of old computers I need to figure out how to recyle, and for the most part, it's really quite organized.

I would like to go through my books, and get rid of those that I know I won't read, or don't want to read, and those that I've read but know I won't read again. Books are particularly hard for me to go through. I have more pages marked with those little sticky things, and yet how many times do I go back to them? Oi!

There are times when I feel I have too many clothes. (I actually wear almost all of them though! Save for the dressier ones, as I don't get to go out much.) In reality, I think I actually have just what I need. Though, I bet I could do without a few. Matters not, as come fall, I clean through them, and I do stick to the rule, that when I buy one of something, one thing is gotten rid of.

And then there's the furniture, where we actually use all that we have, save for my grandmother's rocking chair and a papsan chair in the basement; but they have sentimental value that we've not been able to part with yet. Our shelves, cabinets, desks, tables, chest and the like are all put to good use. Although, they do take up a bit of room in our home.

We go through our stuff on a regular basis, purging where and when we can. And now, we are down to the point where we use almost every thing. The knickknacks we have, we really like and aren't ready to part with just yet. Sometimes, I get frustrated when we get more stuff, as then I need to figure out where to put it, or what I'm willing to get rid of. My MIL tells me that she doesn't have an attachment to stuff or people. Ironically, my FIL is the opposite. :)

Mentally, I get better as it goes. I'm learning what nurtures me, what drains me, and what I really enjoy. I do my best to let go of worries, or bad thoughts about people. I am in the process of creating an absolute Yes list, so, if something comes up that's not on that list, I'll need to really think about it before agreeing.

Dealing with clutter is definitely a day-by-day process. It's good to look at things, see that I'm in a good space. I realize, I'm probably burned out, because I'm getting into the territory of having a lot of stuff, but it's used stuff or stuff I really like. So, that makes it a bit of a challenge. Thus, I think a break (until fall when I seem to get bit by the declutter bug again) is a very good thing.

Though, I really should make it a point to empty out that Good will pile, eh? :)

A Quiet Sunday

Yesterday was the most splendid day. Actually, this whole weekend was quite lovely. But yesterday - it snowed! AND Daddy was home to enjoy it with us.

I love snow. I love it more when Da Hub gets to enjoy it with us. Of course, he was shoveling the sidewalk during Pook's and my outdoor walk. But he was home, and when he looked out the window, I could move up behind him, wrap my arms round his waist, and hold tight.

While walking in the snow, I am still amazed and enthralled by the quietness outside. I thought, that it being Sunday, there would be kids on sleds - but they didn't emerge until afternoon sometime. And so, sweet Pook and I walked among snowflakes, leaving foot prints.

At times, there were two sets, other times one set - from when I carried her, or she walked in mine. I'd pick her up, and she'd dust the powdery snow from my hood. Too bad it wasn't good packing snow, else, I'd have a picture of a snow man to share. But maybe, just maybe we'll get out and play in it today.

I was also blissfully aware of the flakes, and managed to notice 3 perfectly shaped (as though carefully cut from the ice) flower and crystal shaped flakes. I marveled, dared not breathe, as I watched them melt. Bliss.

For dinner, I made homeade lentil soup, to compliment homeade bread. Pook, ate 3 bowls of it!

I had a chance to read, relax, snuggle - and even let go of a huge chunk of my past.

You see, I'd had 6 binders of email tips, exercises (mental, physical, spiritual), dream house bits (pictures, paitn swatches, rooms)... and Da hub and I sat down, whilst Pook watched Robin Hood, and went through ALL of them.

Somethings, I saved (we're down to 1 binder). Others, he had to throw away for me. But by the end, I was able to toss. I'd held on to these things for over 8 years, some maybe even over 10 years. I've never once referred to them. After I read them, in they'd go. In some cases, I never even read them, just shoved them in.

And so now, I've got 5 empty binders.

At first, I was panicked! But as the day passed on, I felt freer and lighter. Just looking at those binders had been stressing me out. Even the house binder - with pictures, paint swatches, and designs of our dream home - GONE! Now, I feel free to accept a gift of a house, instead of trying to control and plan each and every detail. It's exciting to be open to possibilities, I might not be, because I'd closed them off.

And so, last night, as we all snuggled into sleep, upon fresh flannel sheets, I smiled as I realized the gift this day had been.

Excuses

Have you ever just "opened your eyes" to life around you, and realized what's been going on?
I've been making a lot of excuses. Well, okay, for those that know me, I can create excuses for just about anything when feeling creative enough. (Just ask hubby about the new Christmas dish towels...)

But since we've decided to stay in our home, I've been more aware of excuses I made. When we were planning to move, I had a ton. You know how it goes, when I move - then I'll compost, then I'll garden, then I'll recycle, then I'll go outside more, then I'll...

But now, in the course of a weekend, my thinking has shifted to - how can I compost here? Hmm... let's look up those recycling stations in the area, and start making a plan. With a fence, I can garden without worrying about the cats using it for a litter box. Hecht, we can even create our own garden of Eden. There's a park down the way that we found and the lil one really enjoys. There's a bigger park and picnic area down the street with a mile and a half walk. And, we are blessed with friends who have some acreage that we can visit.

We have also decided to pare down our stuff to suit this house, as opposed to hoarding stuff for the next one. Which, we realized we were totally doing. And, who knows, we might just realize we don't need as much space as we thought. What a concept.

It's no wonder I felt as though I was putting my life on hold - because I WAS. But now, I'm claiming it back. The last two days, I began unpacking the stuff we'd pack up in the event to move. It felt SO good to unpack. I've discovered an entire shelf of books I haven't read yet. Yay for winter hibernation!

And, as a result, we've rearranged our study to include a writing space for hubby! Things will shift again once Christmas is over and the decorations are down, but for now... it's starting to feel like HOME again. I even unpacked all those family pictures you aren't supposed to have out when selling your home. PFFFT! So not doing that again. Look at my family and see how cute they are! :)

In any case, my goal is to tackle 1 to 2 boxes a day. When the boxes are done, then we can focus on the other stuff. Good Will is going to love me. As are those friends eagerly waiting to see what books I'll be passing on. ;)

Thursday Thoughts

This week, I've gotten the opportunity to dump off two loads to the Good Will, and clean up the basement. Now, Pook can ride her trike indoors when the weather gets too cold.

I've finally (after a good year or more) gotten rid of the old sewing table my mom dumped off (after I'd already sent a better one back to her because I wasn't using it). There are still a few more boxes for hubby to go through, and a box I'm holding on to until my mom and SIL come to visit, then more stuff goes out. I'm even tempted to dig into the boxes we've already packed up to move again.

Of course, in peaking at a few of the containers, I discovered one is filled with her doll house stuff, and another is filled up with gifts for her that I got on sale for her birthday, Christmas, etc. (Thankfully, I haven't started shopping for her birthday. Looks like it's covered!) And then, there are about 3 more filled with toys of hers we've packed to see if she's noticed, or toys too young for her that we are saving for the next.

I always try to go through and get rid of things around Christmas. Obviously, because we usually end up with more stuff. And, once you have kids, it seems the more you get rid of your stuff, the more people give to your child. Mind you, I still want my FIL to build Pook her kitchen set, but I'd rather wait until we move as space is already tight here, and, when homeschooling, you get to accumulate stuff for that too. Although, if we haven't moved by her birthday, I may just reconsider that, and make more room. Um... yeah... here's sending out those house vibes again.

I'm still amazed at how good it feels to just let go of material stuff. I guess since I've spent most of my life clinging to it, being able to release it and embrace the more important, nonmaterial items, has made the difference.

Happy Pruning

So today it begins, with Ash Wednesday. I woke up with a strange desire to go to church, which is a little challenging, as I don't know where any Catholic Churches are in my area, and, as I haven't been to church in a very long time... seems sort of weird. But I think it's beause I'm longing for some sort of ritual to begin or kick off this particular season that I'm feeling really drawn to this year.

This morning while doing yoga and movement, I started thinking of things I can prune over the next 40 days:

• frowns to make room for more smiles to grow
• unhappy sighs to make room for more laughter
• chaos to make room for more rhythm
• too much focus on the past or future, so that the present can blossom
• worry to make room for contentment
• thoughts about what might be, to make room for gratitude for what is
• fear to make room for love
• focusing on the negative perspective of a situation, to make room for positive surprises
• Could've, should've, would'ves for acceptance of what is
• time spent doing things I don't love or enjoy to make room for time spent doing things I love and enjoy
• negative attitudes to make room for more gratitudes
• habits that don't benefit me to make room for ones that do
• anger to make room for more joy
• getting caught up in work and "To Do" lists to make room for more play
• stress to make room for more joy, laughter, love, and peace
• clutter to make room for more space
• complaining to make room for more enjoying

I might be adding to this through out the day, so we'll see where it goes. Suggestions are welcomed. :)

Using Lent as a time for Pruning

For some odd reason lately, I've been connecting back to my Catholic roots. Expecially when I look at the calendar to see that today is Fat Tuesday, and tomorrow, is Ash Wednesday. I once knew someone who'd gourge himself silly on this day, only to fast all of Ash Wednesday. Hmmm... wonder if he still does that?

In any case, I'm realizing that tomorrow is the start of Lent. You know, that time when you're supposed to give something up, to symbolize God giving up his only son, who rose on Easter Sunday?

I once had a friend of mine who shared a beautiful image of Lent, an image that I think I'm going to honor, and give serious thought to. You see, her old priest once gave a wonderful sermon about how we should use Lent to prune ourselves, to get rid of all the negative aspects in ourselves, to really take stock, and cut out what's not longer useful, or that which is harmful to the rest of our growth. That leaves space for new growth just like a fruit trees. Besides, as most know, a well-pruned fruit tree bears a lot more fruit.

Besides, I don't give up chocolate.

So, with this lovely image in mind, I think I'll plan to do some pruning. I've got a lot going on, but I think this is important, and something I really need to give some thought to. Ironic to, in that I'm going to a discussion this weekend on The Simple Life.

Hmmm... it's like, decluttering your mind and body. Yup, there's that decluttering theme again. :)

What are things you would prune from your life?

Thinking about doing some truly radical...

Okay, I must admit that I'm inspired by Ed's most recent posting (See "A big thank you" from Feb 8). After seeing "Last Holiday" and Ed's post about celebrating because you can, (and, he SO has a reason - congrats again!!!) and life being too short...

I feel like I'm getting this message hammered into my head. I mean, am I really LIVING my life? Or, am I just hoarding up in my home hiding from it?

I've got this desire, this potent urge, to just go through and get rid of a ton of stuff. What if I did what my one friend did, and sold everything save for basics to travel? Or, my other friends, one of whom used to have only 3 plastic tubs of stuff, a suitcase, and a carry-on bag.

You see, I live in the middle of a lifestyle between my mother (grew up Depression era care of grandma) hoards everything (just in case) and Flylady (where you keep only what you love and use). Over the past 5 years, (when I first found Flylady) I've managed to declutter my clothes so that they only fill half the bedroom closet (and, it's NOT a walk in) and 3 big drawers in the triple dresser, plus a few coats in the coat closet, when it used to fill half the closet, all of the closet in the pook's room, and the coat closet, and the one in the study.

So, right about now, I've released a lot of mateiral items, and with these items, a lot of emotional baggage and mental stuff.

But lately, I've wanted to get rid of more, but, I'm afriad to. I'm love books. I've got a ton of books. I've got boxes of books in the basement to hold on to for pook when she gets older, because I want to homeschool her. I've got a binder of dream house stuff. I've got a binder of tidbits on keeping your house (what to check seasonally, etc.) that I never refer to. I've got several binders of my writings from the past, that I plan to go back and revise. (I used to want to be a writer.)

I've got some old glass jars I've saved for craft projects, among other silly little baubles. I've got a study closet filled with art supplies for me and pook, extra notebooks, looseleaf, binders, etc. I've got books on basic HTML, books of reference for work, books that look gorgeous, but I've never read. Yet, I hold onto this stuff, because I might need it someday.

And yet, I wonder... if I got rid of this stuff, would it matter? Would I free myself from the guilt of not writing anymore? Should I get rid of the box of costume and party stuff, or save it for when Pook gets older?

Sometimes, sometimes, I want to do something radical, and just shed it all and start over. To not have to worry about stuff. To live a simple life, off in a 2 or three room cabin somewhere, focusing on growing fresh veggies in the warm months, and settling in with books in the cold months.

Having a child, of course, brings more stuff into your life. Because then, you've got toys, clothes, and a plethora of other little things.

I keep wondering if we had a smaller house, would we have less stuff, or more stuff in smaller space? Hubby wants to get a bigger house for the next kiddo, and I've got to tell you, I've got concerns that a bigger house would lead to more stuff. And, I love my hubby, but we both have issues with getting rid of certain things.

What is it that we really need? Obviously, I'm longing for simplicity again. (I've tendency of simplyfiying my life, and then some how accumulating more projects when I'm not looking. ARgh.)

Ah, and then, I look back on all of this, and realize that I'm caught up in the "what might happens", eh? Well that, and I think I've just discovered I'm rather obsessed with my house. Blarg. I'm not sure if I like that. But, considering I'm in it, everyday, for practically 24 hours a days (save a few days here and there). Oh God... I gotta get out more!

I think though, after looking at this, that my big "wonder" is what can I let go of in my life? What are the necessaries, versus the unecessaries? In other words, what am I holding onto, that I don't need to. I mean, do I really need to have all these websites listed in my favorites that I never check, and don't enjoy, but that I use to help me procrastinate from work?

Hmmm.... thoughts on this?