Happy Birthday my sweet Chicadee-dee-dee!

Today, you are 7, and you are so excited that you are 7. In the last year I've caught glimpses of you transitioning from child to little lady. You are both, and now and then there are sweet glimpses of each.

I can still remember the day that you were born. It was sunny and warm. We had the check up with the midwife, and I was good to go. I remember the strength of our midwife, the serene peace that she radiated, and her quiet strength and encouragement. I remember Daddy sitting behind me in the tub, supporting me as I pushed you out. I remember seeing you for the first time, holding you to my chest, and singing "Sat nam" to you, and the quietness that followed in the room.

Last night, as I stayed up late decorating the house with streamers (because I knew that you loved them), writing your card, and putting together your birthday books, I held you in my heart.

You have been such an incredible light in my life. Every day you amaze me with your stories, your thoughts, your presence, your essence. Your smile is a light in the darkness. Your hugs and your touch the greatest treasure.

My hear overflows with gratitude for you my now sweet 7YO. I adore you. I love you. I treasure you. You are such an amazing blessing in my life. Happy, happy birthday my love!

A letter of welcome, and reflection on life

This was a letter that I've decided to post. It was written to welcome my littlest one to this world. I've tweaked it a bit, for blogging purposes. It is here as a reminder to me about this year, and life in general. If, by some chance, you wish to share it with others, you can link them here, or just ask me.

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I sit here at 6 a.m. – the muse stirring within me, begging me to write a few words. And so I sit here, pen to paper, for when the muse wishes to inspire – I find it’s best to listen.

It has been a wild year for some of us; filled with surprises and the unexpected. At first glance, these events might seem overwhelming and easily labeled as “good” or “bad”. They are neither. They are life.

And life happens. Things happen. And we can choose to run and hide; we can choose to deny; or we can choose to embrace with acceptance. We can choose to love. We can choose to let go.

Most people I know, struggle to reach that sacred plateau that society has somehow promised us. It’s that place of security where everything goes as we’d like; we are always happy; and things, of course, are wonderful. If we find this plateau, we are then “safe”. Is this realistic, or an unrealistic expectation? I believe that there is more, much more, to it.

Life is constantly changing. We are constantly growing. There is no stop button, and the pause button doesn’t work for long. There is no plateau of safety promised to us by if/when this happens… then this…

If you want to be happy, choose it. If you want bliss, choose it. The only constant and “secure” things in life are change and love. You don’t stop change. You don’t stop love or someone from loving you either.

Over the last few months, there have been two mantras in my life:

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

I CAN HANDLE IT.

This too shall pass. Those sweet, bliss-filled moments we don’t want to end – the time with good friends, that vacation, those first few moments after a baby is born, a wedding day, a really excellent piece of chocolate. These moments only last for so long – then they end. Of course, this also means those uncomfortable moments of the unexpected, the discomfort, the stages of life in general will pass too.

We grow. We change. And so do others. This is the constant. And we can handle it.

This last year, I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to take a good look at my life. I’ve been blessed with the unexpected and having things not go the way I would have preferred. The end result has been POSSIBILITIES, LOVE (from my opened heart and the out pouring from others), and a fresh view on life.

So I guess what I’m saying is that amidst the frustrations are moments of peace and bliss. Grab hold, accept, go with the flow to see where it leads. Be willing to let go. Embrace Love. Welcome love, embrace acceptance, pay attention and fully immerse yourself in those bitter and sweet moments. Keep the memory, and release your grasp. It’s okay to let go and make space for more precious moments.

Perhaps, by focusing on the moments of peace and bliss, those frustrations won’t seem so frustrating. Maybe, you’ll even see that it’s not what happens; it’s how you react to what happens that makes the difference between a “good” and “bad” experience. Everyone sees things through his or her own eyes. Perspectives might be similar, not the same.

And so I say…

Live your life.

Dance to its rhythm – there will be songs you enjoy, songs you may not like – slow songs, fast songs. Songs you feel good listening too. Songs you may not be fond of. Some are short and others too long. Dance with your self; grab a partner.

When you welcome life – you welcome it all. And if it gets too much, there is a place of safety and refuge: a place to pause and BE.

Take a deep breath.

Close your eyes.

Let your consciousness sink with you.

Feel the quiet.

Feel the peace.

It’s always there.

It’s for you.

Sweet daughter – today we embrace you and welcome you. You have brought forth such unexpected, amazing, and wonderful gifts to our lives.

Welcome to life little one. May you always dance to life’s rhythm. May you live fully in the moment – embracing, enjoying, and remembering – “this too shall pass” and that there will always be moments that you CAN handle. May you and your sister remember this. May you know and BE love.

My sweet darlings – live your life. Welcome it as we have welcomed you. Know you are loved by those here and those who are not present today.

Be yourself. Discover what you enjoy and what inspires you. As you discover yourselves, remember to respect others as they too, are discovering. (We are all discovering.) Remember that life is not constant – nor are you.

Sometimes, you’ll need faith and hope.

Other times, you’ll know what to do.

Things will change.

You will always be loved.

There is peace within you.

This reminds me of a blessing from the movie Under the Lighthouse Dancing, and so I say to you:

Deep peace of the running wave to you.

Deep peace of the flowing air to you.

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.

Deep peace of the shining start to you.

Deep peace of the sun of peace to you.

Amidst the change and growth – there is peace and love. Just breathe and be aware.

I love you both.

Love Always, Mommy

My life is no longer mine, but then, was it ever?

My sweet Dove (aka Pook II the sequel), is now three weeks old. (We call her Dove as she "coos" in her sleep.) It feels as though it has been much longer. Time is short with the breastfeeding, working on proper latching, pumping, and feedings. Pook wants to play and needs to eat too. The computer is no longer a priority, but something I might spend a brief 5 minutes on here or there providing I get a moment from Dove and Pook doesn't need me.

And I've still got another 3 weeks before I pick up with work again.

I know it's only been 3 weeks, and that things will settle into more of a routine and rhythm as we go along. I see it in little things - like the cleaning up after meals and pumping.

I've decided that my hubby is the world's best kept secret. Not only is he awesome and great; he's been such a blessing with all of the help he's been offering. He was only able to take off 2 weeks this time, and he is immensely helpful with feedings, cleaning, and making sure Pook gets time in there too. Even if he is sacrificing his sleep in the process.

For now, parts of our life are on hold. The homeschooling routine (the set curriculum books and projects) is on hold, though we are always learning. The house is not as neat as it once was, and in regards to food, we do what we can. I've found that while pumping, I can get reading done. Maybe I'll be able to do it if the nursing continues to improve as well. We shall see.

For now, I'm going with the flow, watching things develop, and learning a lot with how I prioritize things. I've got some decisions to make in the next few months, in particular when I return to work. Maybe I'll find time to write about that later. But for now, my time on here is up as Dove is calling and Pook wants to play.

Brief Hiatus....

In celebration of the birth of our newest little addition... I'll be taking a bit of a hiatus to get some rest and to get adjusted with everything.

In the mean time... allow me to introduce you to Pook II - The Sequel.

No Baby Yet!

The wait is still on. When will Pook #2 arrive? Who knows! :) But I think she's driving Daddy crazy with the waiting.

As for me, I'm just enjoying the extra gifts. The quiet moments, the reading, the time with hubby and Pook. It's been a real blessing, though the not feeling so great and continuous bumping of the belly can be slightly frustrating.

Since day one, Pook 2 has defied expectations. Perhaps, she is waiting for a day that no one has claimed. (Days 15-20 - the bets have been placed.)

One thing is certain, this child has blessed me with more gifts than I'd ever imagined. My whole life perspective has shifted, I'm able to see the gifts in area I wasn't before, and the possibilities are endless now.

This too shall pass

This has been my latest mantra. I've used it before, and lately, it's been really keeping me on track in many aspects.

I find myself saying it when the baby within me stretches into tender sections of my side or rib cage, or when I see a bump in my belly that is most definitely a knee. When I rub my belly and feel movement within, or think about how my belly will be gone once this baby joins us on the outside.

When I start to think about labor, I remind myself that "This too shall pass". I won't be in pain forever, and at the end, I'll get a sweet little gift to hold and cuddle.

I'm sure that it will be at the forefront of my thoughts on those nights I'm getting up to feed, changing diapers, and caring for the new little one.

And too, when I'm counting little fingers and toes, taking in that baby smell, I will be reminded that "this too shall pass". Especially when I look at my sweet 5-year-old.

Yesterday, when I went for my check up, we discovered that I am 50% effaced and 1-2 centimeters dilated. Oh yes, reality of how close I am to holding a new little one is hitting hard. I am treasuring each moment, taking it all in, basking in the belly, the free time, the quiet mornings... because I am all to aware, that "this too shall pass".

August already?

Where has the time gone?

According to the little electronic record keeper that is programmed with my due date of September 3, 2009, I've got 31 days until the due date.

Although between last night and today, I'm convinced this little one is ready to make an appearance at any time. Between the back pain, the moving little being within, and the braxton hicks contractions... I am feeling it.

And I'm giddy. I'm excited to greet this new life within me, and at the same time, doing my best not to remember too much about the pain from my first birth. I'm on my way to being a momma twice, and with each day, each moment, it becomes more real.

Seeing the little bumps as the feet move across my belly. Feeling the discomfort as the little one stretches, pushing the head deeper into my cervix, and those little feet along my rib cage.

I've found myself wondering what the baby will look like, what my body is going to look like after this one, what my life is going to be like... And I don't know. There's something to that not knowing I think. :)

In about 30 days (or more or less) - my life is going to change. Our lives are going to change. Wow.

2 months until the first due date

As of today, July 3rd, I've officially got 2 months to go until September 3rd, the due date for this little one growing in my belly.

I'm still not sure where exactly June has gone, but it's gone, and it's 3 days into July already.

Wow.

For the first time in about 7 months, I'm finally feeling really good. These last seven months have been a challenge filled with busy-hecticness, illness, and more.

But now, summer is here. Activities have slowed down. I'm making time to read and be quiet. I'm getting up early again, excited to get the things of the day done. Excited to make the most of these last couple months before our lives change with a new little bundle of joy to embrace and love.

I'm actually embracing the unknown, the not knowing if it will be a boy or a girl, or how things will be with a new baby and 5-yr-old. With Pook, we so thought we had it figured out. Not this time. This time, there are no expectations. There's a little fear, but overall, it's very freeing this not knowing.

And so, today I realize I've only got 2 months (or about that) to go. I'm making the most of my now thick and luxurious hair, my beautiful belly, my sweet pregnancy clothes (that I love I tell you, LOVE).

Once Baby is here, my body will change. My belly will be empty. My hair will start to thin out again. I'll have another little one to care for. In two months, my life is going to change.

I'm excited. I'm a little nervous.

PS> We've been getting a lot of questions about what we might need. We have a lot of the things from Pook. However, if you feel so inclined and you are in the area - meals would be SO lovely. Offers to clean the house will also be accepted (as hubby's been spoiled with me doing the cleaning for a while!) ;)

If you aren't in the area, knowing that you are thinking of us would be dandy. Pook is big on mail too. And I've been wanting a sleep sack or two like here.

Seriously though, we really don't need anything. Thoughts and good wishes are most appreciated though.

In a heartbeat...

In a heart beat, life can change. Today, we heard the heart beat of our next child in my womb. The looks on Pook's face were so very precious. She is so excited, and SO ecstatic to have a sibling, whom, she's determined is her baby brother. We will hopefully know for sure on March 31st.

I've known that I've been pregnant since I took the test back in December. Physically, I felt the "afternoon" sickness and the exhaustion. And though my body hasn't really changed too much (my clothes are just starting to get a bit snug), it wasn't real until now. Until this morning when the midwife found my sweet angel's heart beat. It's strong. It's beautiful. And after the last week, it was just what I needed to here.

I'm pregnant again. And today, I found that moment, that pause to just breathe. The joy in my heart is overflowing. Suddenly, in a moment, I just knew that everything was wonderful. I found that knowing again, that connection I'd misplaced.

Today, in a heart beat, my life opened up, and I embraced joy.