Ending of December

How quickly the month has flown by, and in a few days, 2007 will be upon us. For those who don't know, January and February begins our 2 months of hibernation. After New Year's Day, we keep plans to a minimum. Weekends are spent at home. Family is the focus. This year, I might get some reading done, amongst the plans to go through the house room-by-room and get rid of everything that we don't need. And, make lists and breakdown the house projects into doable stints.

So, if I'm not here for a bit, it's because I'm choosing to focus on the homefront for a bit. (And because, I think I need to work on my computer addiction. Oi!)

To Grandma's House we go

Today, I was able to receive, and to give, a wonderous gift. I surprised my grandma in her assisted living residence with my mom, brother, DSIL, and sweet nephew (my lil buddy) in tow.

Within seconds, the woman who had been sitting sadly slumped in a chair, perked up with smiles as we entered her room. To see two of her grandchildren, and two of her great grandbabies, filled not only her, but us with joy and love.

It was a good day today. We visited and talked. We snacked on chocolates. She took us around, and showed off her proud family to the other residents sitting in the foyer. Da Pook proudly sat on her lap in the wheel chair (when she wasn't sitting in there with my lil buddy, being given a ride from Uncle T). Lil Buddy ran around, blowing kisses and saying hello.

What saddened me most, was all these other lonely souls sitting in the main lobby on Christmas eve. Where were their families?

Before we left, we took her down for lunch. I didn't want to leave. For the first time in years, my grandma was happy. She wasn't bitter or upset. She was filled with joy. As we left, we all teared up. I didn't want to leave her there. I didn't want her to be without us.

I left there missing my grams, yet happy that we could brighten her day. I discovered she's closer then I thought, and, we've decided that we'll try to get out and see her more. I was delighted to see the joy the children brought to the faces of the other residents; torn that we had to leave; and resoluting that we would be back to visit again.

Basking in Love

This morning, my heart is open, love pouring forth. I am blissfully happy and content.

I realized, for the first time (ever I think, save for those years as a child this might've applied!) I do not want. Yes, there are things I'd like, but I don't NEED them, nor do I have that incomplete feeling when I think about them.

I have all I need:
- A wonderful, amazing, loving husband, who understands me and my quirkiness, yet embraces me anyway.

- A sweet, angelic child who knows just when her kisses are needed, and takes my face into her hands to do so.

- A place to call home, that's cozy and warm, and filled with happy memories.

- Family and friends who are absolutely amazing, wonderful, and marvelous gifts in my life.

- A sense of happiness, a heart overflowing with love, and the ability to be aware of my life blessings.

Aho!

Happy Winter!

Well, it's officially Winter. Happy Solistice!

I'm starting to realize, that this past week things have been surfacing, manifested in familial grumpiness all around. Pook's been acting out, demanding all sorts of attention. I feel I've been neglecting her, as I scurry about making sure gifts are wrapped and packed, cleaning is done, laundry completed, playdates kept... and even my darling hubby's given into the grumpiness.

I've been snippy (doesn't help where I am at cyclewise either), impatient, snappy, and not very Christmassy the last few days. It bothers me that I'm at that point where I am looking forward to it all being over and done with.

So this morning, in the quiet of the darkness, I am taking time to look into my heart and dig up the joy that I know that's there. This Christmas, I'll get to see my sweet nephew on Christmas morning and open gifts with him and my family, just like old times - and I'm estatic! Especially because I don't know when I'll have this opportunity again.

My mother loves Christmas. I don't know if they'll have the Marth Stewartish tree this year, due to my sweet nephew, but I don't care. I love my ILs, but they just don't savor or celebrate the holidays, even birthdays, like we do.

I was raised to celebrate life each moment that it presents. Each holiday, when I was able to attend the familial functions on a consistent basis, I always remember that feeling of celebration, FAMILY, and laughter. There were always lots of hugs, grandma kisses, good food, and a general atmostphere that you were loved.

My ILs aren't very huggy-feely people, though they've gotten moreso since the pook. And my DMIL, comes from a culture where displays of affection are frowned on. So, there is always a coldness there, that isn't with my family. I understand and accept it, but I still feel uncomfortable around it.

Mind you, each family has it's own issues at times! And each family has points that I appreciate. But I love the feeling of love, the hugs... regardless of the underlying issues, there is always that love. And this year, I'm going to bask in it full force!

Sweet Morning Bliss

She's half the length of me, her body draped over my lap, arm snuggled around my neck. She smiles at me, with a face that fills me with joy. She curls her body up, nuzzling her head into my shoulder. She sighs.

She is love. I am in love.

We are blessed.

Focus on 2007

There are 4 new things I'm focusing on for 2007:

• To live consciously
• To make it a point to enjoy life more
• To continue to create a home environment that radiates contentment, peace, love, nurturing, and joy
• To spend more time outdoors

Each of these has various aspects to it, that I'll expand on below.

1. Live consciously.
This is a big category, that encompasses many things for me. I'll try to break them into smaller sections.

• Be aware of blessings. By making the most of what we have, just being aware of all we have, and working with what we have. Honoring our little family and our home. And, to bask in gratitude and apprecition for those blessings.
• Be aware of my internal rhythms, and listen to inuition. Make time for quietness, and spiritual reflection - even if it's only 15 minutes. Take a step back to look at the bigger picture.
• Live more Greenly. Give gifts that can be used, or make donations in the name of others. Start to recycle. Freecycle or donate items when applicable. Get a compost bin, and create compost. Support local farmers. Try to buy things with less packaging, and/or packaging that can be recycled. Bring own bags to store. Continue to determine how to live more greenly (http://www.treehugger.com/)
• Create a compact pledge that works for us, and following through for at least a month, if not longer.
• Be aware of how we, as a family, can eat healthier. Try to eat less processed and packaged stuff, by making own breads, soups, and fresh foods. Create healthy snacks by keeping carrots, hummus, and other fruits and veggies on hand and accessible to Pook. Learn how to can our own veggies and the like.
• Be conscious and aware of spending. Spend wisely, frugaly, and continue to invest in savings. Also, be aware of what we really need, and what we need to buy. What are the necessities? Heaven knows we don't need any more knick knacks or decor!
• Bless others. Through monatary donations and freecycling.
  Spend more time outside.

2. Enjoy life more; have some fun.

Silly to have to post this, but a big thing for me. Do fun things, do more of what we enjoy, keep a perspective of positivity. Continue to say No to those things (and people) that drain us. Plan a fun vacation. Take care of myself by doing things I enjoy, spending quality time with friends, and doing things that decrease stress (massage, Reiki, diva days...)

3. Continue to create a home environment of contentment, peace, love, nurturing and joy.

Nurture a postive and loving attitude. Show my family I appreciate them by nurturing them with love, good food, and appreciation. Honor those who enter my house - family or friend, and nurture them with respect, good food, and love, and shower them with appreciation.

Honor our house by enhancing it with creativity and love:

• Indoors: Continue to get rid of clutter (those things that we feel bad/guilty about, things we don't need or like, or have space for) and create more space in our home. Paint the main areas, new curtains for dinning room and living room, new bed for Pook, clear out Pook's room to make room for new kitchen set, repaint basement, set up office/study area in basement, repaint study (this will be later, as when it's repainted, chances are, it'll be turned into a baby room), repaint Pook's room.
• Outdoors: Create our own Secret Garden of tranquility. Fence, clear out back, put in cement patio, steps to patio, garden, plant an apple tree. Shed, potting area, and compost bin.

*Not all listed above needs to be done at the same time, not all in 2007, though it would be nice to have it all done in 2007. :)

4 Spend more time outdoors.

Walk to the park. Take notice of walking to the car, or from the car to house, or building. Make the most of nice weather. Take pictures to help encourage more walks.

***********************

I know that for some, this is a large list. It helps to just write things out, to get a clear view of things. Next year, I plan to blog more on how we are faring on each of these topics. I may need to edit here and there a bit as well. We shall see!

Make note: This is subject to updates!

Reflections on 2006

Last year, there were five things I decided to focus on. I must say, that I think I did a really good job of staying on target.

1. Continuing to Simplify my life

I continued to declutter and get rid of things we no longer loved nor needed. I think I made a total of at least five trips to the Good Will, and countless friends benefited from stuff we let go of.

In the last few months, I've really been clearing out my thoughts, focusing on the blessings in my life, and what we have. It's been amazing!

We said no. We scheduled weekends of no plans. We definitely did less, and did more of what we enjoy.

In 2007, we'll be continuing along this line, as we pare down to make more room in our home, that we're now staying in.

2. Continuining to improve my lifestyle and eating habits.

We did pretty good the beginning of the year, and have done a fair job through the year. Now, we are slowly working our way back to where we were.

3. Spend wisely and consciously.

We did well on this aspect, too. We've managed to save the most money since we've been married. Next year though, we've got specific house projects we'll be dealing with, but we've realized, that we really don't need anything. There are things we'd like, but we'll need to rearrange things to make more space.

4. Stay in tune with Rhythm; honor and getting to know my inner/intuition.

I'm gradually getting back in touch with myself, as for I while, I got lost. I allowed my knee injury to through me off, and I made excuses. Might need to revisit this in 2007.

5. Continue to connect with appreciation and gratitude.

This has been a big one this year. I've purposely gone out of my way to show my appreciation to others, and to be more appreciative in general. My Thank Yous are truly heartfelt, and I express this as often as I can. Basking in gratitude has been lifechanging for me, and helped me to really appreciate and be aware of the blessings in my life.

All in all, it's been a year of many, many blessings. I am filled with gratitude when I think about things. I've reconnected with people (like Stacie), got to spend time with Phil and see his home (finally), spent quality time with those I love, and bask in the bliss of being a mom.

We didn't move, but I think we've gained an even greater gift by deciding to stay. Ah... bliss.

Compact Backlash

I was actually a little surprised to find that some people are harshly against the whole Compact movement. This article gives a little more information about the attention that this has been getting: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16259064/

I can see how it might effect the economy if more people started living this way, but the fact is, that many people don't want to live this way. It does floor me how funny people are about this though. And what about those people who have no money, nor any other choice but to live most of their lives this way because they have no money?

The point is, these people living this way, are living like this because it makes them feel good about themselves, and they are living consciously. Like I said, I don't know if I could honestly live that way for an entire year. Shopping second hand can be a headache for me. BUT - I can (and have) joined a freecycle group (if just to pass stuff on to someone who can really use it). I can recycle my leftovers to compost, my cardboard, glass, etc. And I can take steps that I personally feel are making a difference in my life.

It's gotten me thinking about how we easily jump to judge others, because we feel we know what is best for them. Fact is, and we need to face it, unless you are in that person's shoes, walking their walk - you've really no right to pass judgement. Hmmm... a good topic for another post, me thinks.

Edited to add: Besides, what's going to happen to the economy if suddenly, everyone had to pay off all that credit card debt? Hmmm...

A gift revolution...

I just had to share the coolest idea. Instead of exchanging gifts each year, my friend and her hubby create experiences together. They do things they've never done before - like the opera or symphony. Or, they do simple things like going to the zoo, a weekend in Gettysburg, etc.

How cool is this?

Recently, we've been discussing gifts in regards to our kiddos, and came up with an awesome idea. Instead of exchanging material gifts or toys, we will make plans to create an experience for the kids. Be it the zoo, a park, etc., we'll all get to hang out and see each other. We'll take lots of pictures, and then each girl will put together a scrapbook page for the other's book.

Of course, this means I get to embark on scrap booking, which I'm not sure how I feel about. The little doodads and stuff are cute, but that means investing in bits and bobs, that I don't know if I'm ready for yet.

In any case, I'm sure it's going to be beautiful regardless, and a neat project for me and the Pook.

Holiday Hectiness - a vent of sorts

I'm not sure why I never noticed it before, but the holidays seem to catch me off guard each year. For some reason, in my mind at least, I just don't want to do much of anything between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

And I can't help being aware of the fact that I feel an incredible amount of relief once the holiday and season is over, which is ironic considering how excited I am when I start off!

Hubby's been telling me for years how stressful this time of year it is for us, and I've been... well, gosh, I've been in denial (I can be so good at this!). But he's right, and I'll elaborate for you.

You see, my parents are divorced (and thankfully not remarried or it might be more challenging). Hubby's are not. My mom has one brother. My dad has two. Hubby's dad has 5 other siblings. His mom's siblings are in another country.

There was a good ten year stint after the divorce where I believed my dad's side of the family didn't love me and wanted nothing to do with me, which made holidays a breeze, as I was unmarried, and therefore joyously celebrated Thanksgiving with my dear aunt, uncle, mom and grams, as well as Christmas.

And then, my grandfather, my dad's father, ended up in the hospital for his last visit. Perhaps I'll blog about that experience some other time, but for now, I'll skip to the part where I ended up reconnecting with Dad's family, while visiting my sweet Popop in his last days.

In any case, this now meant I was officially invited to my Aunt P's house for Thanksgiving, which, mind you is HER holiday. Seriously, the food that is served makes your mouth water just to hear the menu. It's a big deal.

Now, by this time, Hubby and I had begun dating, so he tagged along. It was the first Thanksgiving I didn't spend at my uncle R's, and I missed them. Christmas was back with my mom's, and we fit in Hub's family too.

When we moved to WV, there was usually only one holiday to contend with, as we decided that we'd either go back for Thanksgiving or Christmas - not both. And, we need to shuffle around three families. For a while, we'd spend Christmas with hubby's family, the day after with my mom, and we'd make other arrangements for dad's. (And let me tell you right here and now, that I do know that I'm lucky I only need to worry about 3 familes, where as my brother married a beautiful gal who's parents are divorced too... and it gets crazy.)

This worked for a while - until the Pook came along.

Now, everyone wants to see us and the Pook - on the day of the Holiday.

And then, there's the guilt. My family seems to "win-out" over hubby's family. But then, when we visit, we stay with my ILs, so my family feels slighted. Although, it used to be we'd just do things with my family, and his really was slighted, but I've been trying really hard to balance everything.

This year, my grams (mom's mom) is going through altziemer stages, and my mom and uncle are having a really rough time. Suddenly, being there on the 26th (her birthday) is not okay. She wants to open presents with Pook Christmas morning. So, we rearrange our plans so that we are there Christmas morning, and having dinner with the ILs. Thank God my DMIL is hosting a gathering so that I can invite my dad's family and hubby's family so we'll get to see them. (Last year, we did spent Christmas with them.)

In any case, I think we are getting to the point where we just don't want to come back for the holidays. (Next year, we won't be coming back for Christmas, as it's a weekday, and I promised my Aunt P we'd be there for Thanksgiving, which you can bet is going to go over well with my mom.)

*Sigh*

I know full well that making everyone happy is a virtually impossible task. Hubby doesn't like to drive all over God's creation to visit people, which limits things even more. I love being with my family, even hubby's family, but it seems everyone has their way, their own plans, their out holiday rituals, and, well, I'm just too pooped to do it all.

*Sigh*

So, what's a girl to do? This year, I'm most torn by the fact that my mom has been suffering with watching her mom deteriorate, and that she finally opened up to me about how lonely she feels on the holidays. To me, it's just another day. Maybe one day, when I'm older, I'll feel differently, but for now, it's just a day.
Hecht, after Christmas, we have our own Christmas day with Pook (cause, ya know we've got it in with Santa), for just us up here. And you know what, it doesn't matter what the date is, what matters is that day is sacred to us.

With all this emotional baggage I've been carrying, (and hubby to an extent too) it's no wonder we tense up come November to December, and one of the reasons why we hibernate January to February.

Now, the question is, how can I make this a more loving experience, instead of continuing to get stressed out? (Aside from ditching the holidays altogether.)

This is something I need to ponder on, and that I'm open to suggestions in regards.

Divine Gifts

Sweet kisses from the Pook. The kind where she puckers up, takes your face into her hands, and plants tender kisses upon your cheeks.

One of those days...

I'm having one of those days... Pook got up at 4:30 am. I had 3 hours of work this morning, that might've been less if I didn't have my sweet helper in my lap. We're supposed to be leaving for lunch with her freinds, and Pook is passed out in dreamland.

I've been procrastinating like you wouldn't believe. Blogs are good for that, doncha know.

But the difference is - despite it all, I'm in a flippin' good mood. If I'm late - Oh well!

But now... I really must get moving! Did I mention I'm still in my PJs?

Another Early Morning

Well, it's another very early morning for me, but only because I was unable to get back to sleep. I woke up with a bit of congestion, and I'm eagerly awaiting my sage tea with honey.

I'm hoping that once I get it in me, I'll be able to get back to sleep for a bit before the Pook awakes. We'll see. Da sweet hubby isn't even up yet.

I'm debating whether or not to take it easy today. I've been running a lot lately. Packing up last minute bits, wrapping last minute gifts, scheduling things for the holidays. I've still got to back some mini loaves for the grandmas for Christmas (we decided to make breads, as they are healthier then cookies). I was on my feet a lot, so yesterday, my knee and back were really tender.

I'm not sure what's in store for today. I'm thinking some circle time, and then camping the rest of the day on the couch to stay off my feet. Oh, and calling in to schedule a massage. Why? Because I've got the most awesome hubby in the world.

Freecycling

I took another step toward living more consciously today. I joined my local Freecycling group. You can find a lot of information in regards to freecycling on http://freecycle.org/.

I have also been thinking of creating my own Compact Pledge. We are planning to buy the Pook a new bed in January, but after that, I think that we might try to Compact for the month. I love the general aims of the Compact yahoo group:

• "To go beyond recycling in trying to counteract the negative global environmental and socioeconomic impacts of disposable consumer culture and to support local businesses, farms, etc. -- a step that, we hope, inherits the revolutionary impulse of the Mayflower Compact. I've been working my way to the Farmer's market, and we've cut down the trips to Walmart in favor of a Kroger. I think this will be the most challenging part too. As I need to research into where to recycle. Of course, if on the Compact, I won't really be buying anything other then food, and the other bits mentioned below. So...
• To reduce clutter and waste in our homes (as in trash Compact-er). Currently in the process of doing this.
• To simplify our lives (as in Calm-pact) I really LOVE this part, and I feel that we've been simplifying our lives in a big way. We've been saying no to things, spending weekends relaxing as a family, instead of running around. When I compare what we've done this year, to last year, we've done much less, yet we are so much more content.

There are two principles:

• First principle - don't buy new products of any kind (from stores, web sites, etc.)
• Second principle - borrow or buy used.

A few exceptions - using the "fair and reasonable person" standard -- i.e., you'll know in your heart when you're rationalizing a violation: food, drink, and necessary medicine (no elective treatments like Viagra or Botox) necessary cleaning products, but not equipment (don't go out and buy the Dyson Animal, for example). socks and underwear (utilitarian- -non-couture or ornamental) pajamas for the children." More information on the details can be found here: http://sfcompact.blogspot.com/2006/01/new-years-resolution.html

I think it's pretty feasible that we can do this for a month or two. I'm sure that we could probably do it for a year even if we put our minds to it; however, I'm not quite ready for that in light of the fact we have several house projects planned. I do think that we might modify it a bit to suit what works best for us.

I'm sure if I tried, I could put into word exactly how I'm feeling right now. Exhilerated, excited, peaceful... What is it about deciding to live consciously that makes such a difference? I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Next step: Continue to declutter, keeping only what we love and have space for, and figuring out how and where to recycle.

Snowflakes

Here's some cool pictures of snow flakes to check out: http://www.its.caltech.edu/%7Eatomic/snowcrystals/photos/photos.htm

And here's the home page: http://www.its.caltech.edu/~atomic/snowcrystals/

There's another nifty website, with pictures of smoke too: http://www.photo.net/photodb/folder?folder_id=369362

We've been blessed with a sprinkling of snow up here. Just enought to make it feel Christmassy and wintery. The Pook gets so excited about the snow. She wants to make a snow man so very badly, but it's not right for it yet.

That's okay though... she's so cute!

Excuses

Have you ever just "opened your eyes" to life around you, and realized what's been going on?
I've been making a lot of excuses. Well, okay, for those that know me, I can create excuses for just about anything when feeling creative enough. (Just ask hubby about the new Christmas dish towels...)

But since we've decided to stay in our home, I've been more aware of excuses I made. When we were planning to move, I had a ton. You know how it goes, when I move - then I'll compost, then I'll garden, then I'll recycle, then I'll go outside more, then I'll...

But now, in the course of a weekend, my thinking has shifted to - how can I compost here? Hmm... let's look up those recycling stations in the area, and start making a plan. With a fence, I can garden without worrying about the cats using it for a litter box. Hecht, we can even create our own garden of Eden. There's a park down the way that we found and the lil one really enjoys. There's a bigger park and picnic area down the street with a mile and a half walk. And, we are blessed with friends who have some acreage that we can visit.

We have also decided to pare down our stuff to suit this house, as opposed to hoarding stuff for the next one. Which, we realized we were totally doing. And, who knows, we might just realize we don't need as much space as we thought. What a concept.

It's no wonder I felt as though I was putting my life on hold - because I WAS. But now, I'm claiming it back. The last two days, I began unpacking the stuff we'd pack up in the event to move. It felt SO good to unpack. I've discovered an entire shelf of books I haven't read yet. Yay for winter hibernation!

And, as a result, we've rearranged our study to include a writing space for hubby! Things will shift again once Christmas is over and the decorations are down, but for now... it's starting to feel like HOME again. I even unpacked all those family pictures you aren't supposed to have out when selling your home. PFFFT! So not doing that again. Look at my family and see how cute they are! :)

In any case, my goal is to tackle 1 to 2 boxes a day. When the boxes are done, then we can focus on the other stuff. Good Will is going to love me. As are those friends eagerly waiting to see what books I'll be passing on. ;)