Holiday Hectiness - a vent of sorts

I'm not sure why I never noticed it before, but the holidays seem to catch me off guard each year. For some reason, in my mind at least, I just don't want to do much of anything between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

And I can't help being aware of the fact that I feel an incredible amount of relief once the holiday and season is over, which is ironic considering how excited I am when I start off!

Hubby's been telling me for years how stressful this time of year it is for us, and I've been... well, gosh, I've been in denial (I can be so good at this!). But he's right, and I'll elaborate for you.

You see, my parents are divorced (and thankfully not remarried or it might be more challenging). Hubby's are not. My mom has one brother. My dad has two. Hubby's dad has 5 other siblings. His mom's siblings are in another country.

There was a good ten year stint after the divorce where I believed my dad's side of the family didn't love me and wanted nothing to do with me, which made holidays a breeze, as I was unmarried, and therefore joyously celebrated Thanksgiving with my dear aunt, uncle, mom and grams, as well as Christmas.

And then, my grandfather, my dad's father, ended up in the hospital for his last visit. Perhaps I'll blog about that experience some other time, but for now, I'll skip to the part where I ended up reconnecting with Dad's family, while visiting my sweet Popop in his last days.

In any case, this now meant I was officially invited to my Aunt P's house for Thanksgiving, which, mind you is HER holiday. Seriously, the food that is served makes your mouth water just to hear the menu. It's a big deal.

Now, by this time, Hubby and I had begun dating, so he tagged along. It was the first Thanksgiving I didn't spend at my uncle R's, and I missed them. Christmas was back with my mom's, and we fit in Hub's family too.

When we moved to WV, there was usually only one holiday to contend with, as we decided that we'd either go back for Thanksgiving or Christmas - not both. And, we need to shuffle around three families. For a while, we'd spend Christmas with hubby's family, the day after with my mom, and we'd make other arrangements for dad's. (And let me tell you right here and now, that I do know that I'm lucky I only need to worry about 3 familes, where as my brother married a beautiful gal who's parents are divorced too... and it gets crazy.)

This worked for a while - until the Pook came along.

Now, everyone wants to see us and the Pook - on the day of the Holiday.

And then, there's the guilt. My family seems to "win-out" over hubby's family. But then, when we visit, we stay with my ILs, so my family feels slighted. Although, it used to be we'd just do things with my family, and his really was slighted, but I've been trying really hard to balance everything.

This year, my grams (mom's mom) is going through altziemer stages, and my mom and uncle are having a really rough time. Suddenly, being there on the 26th (her birthday) is not okay. She wants to open presents with Pook Christmas morning. So, we rearrange our plans so that we are there Christmas morning, and having dinner with the ILs. Thank God my DMIL is hosting a gathering so that I can invite my dad's family and hubby's family so we'll get to see them. (Last year, we did spent Christmas with them.)

In any case, I think we are getting to the point where we just don't want to come back for the holidays. (Next year, we won't be coming back for Christmas, as it's a weekday, and I promised my Aunt P we'd be there for Thanksgiving, which you can bet is going to go over well with my mom.)

*Sigh*

I know full well that making everyone happy is a virtually impossible task. Hubby doesn't like to drive all over God's creation to visit people, which limits things even more. I love being with my family, even hubby's family, but it seems everyone has their way, their own plans, their out holiday rituals, and, well, I'm just too pooped to do it all.

*Sigh*

So, what's a girl to do? This year, I'm most torn by the fact that my mom has been suffering with watching her mom deteriorate, and that she finally opened up to me about how lonely she feels on the holidays. To me, it's just another day. Maybe one day, when I'm older, I'll feel differently, but for now, it's just a day.
Hecht, after Christmas, we have our own Christmas day with Pook (cause, ya know we've got it in with Santa), for just us up here. And you know what, it doesn't matter what the date is, what matters is that day is sacred to us.

With all this emotional baggage I've been carrying, (and hubby to an extent too) it's no wonder we tense up come November to December, and one of the reasons why we hibernate January to February.

Now, the question is, how can I make this a more loving experience, instead of continuing to get stressed out? (Aside from ditching the holidays altogether.)

This is something I need to ponder on, and that I'm open to suggestions in regards.