I'd like to thank Phil, Stacie, Canadian Penguin, and Ed for your input to my last post about Christmas. You've all given me SO much to think about. Everyone made wonderful points, and I think that the key in all of this, is balance.
Ed, your last post really, really hit home (welcome to my blog!). I think I got it in my head, that if I cut back on gifts and things, and tried to instill in my daughter how I feel now, by imposing it, it could really backfire. Thank you for your 8 cents, it really connected with me. Stacie, your general acceptance that you know what your parents would do, shed a new light and perspective on a situation where I felt just as Phil did. And Phil, I do indeed feel that in some cases, limits are appropriate. And, precious Canadian Penguin - I did suggest bonds, which they do get in addition to the gifts.
Plus, over the weekend, I was talking to a friend of mine who is a grandma, and informed me that she's blessed we share our opinion's with her, because it's helped her to see things through a new perspective for her own daughter. And, she admited, that she's from a generation where you just didn't tell your parents what to do, and when her daughter does tells her what to do, it's very hard.
So, I think that taking it all into consideration, I just need to trust my little girl, set limits where needed and include the grandparents in helping me come up with a solution. At least now, we can use the excuse that we have no space for stuff.
Ed, I've been thinking about your comment, about what made *us* can focus, and mine didn't really change until this year, and I started to appreciate things and cultivate gratitude. Actually, it was the trip to Taiwan that really opened my eyes. I realized, that I came from a background that taught the only way to feel good about yourself, was to be better than everyone else, and that you were "owed" certain things. Which, doesn't leave much space to be grateful for what you feel you are "owed". But, that's another story.
In any case, I think just being aware of gratitude, helping others, and, letting go of the control/over protectiveness on my part, will all help influence my little one.
Thank you all! I hope I continue to get such great insights into different things!
Coming soon... reflection on 2005 and expectations for 2006. Oh, and I hope you'll all have more comments to add!
Friday, December 30, 2005
Monday, December 26, 2005
One week left of 2005
Does anyone else ever feel a bit of a "let-down" after Christmas is over? All the hub-bub for one day, and then, it's back in the saddle until New Year's Eve.
Oi.
I remember how I used to love the holiday, not only because of the presents, but because of the week off in between. And, with my job, even though I am a teacher, just in a different environment, I no longer have that option. Yes, I know, I at least get to work from home, but there was a certain magic of having that time off in between. It was a time to settle in, or go out spending that Christmas money that you got at the malls during the week.
This year though, things feel different. Yesterday, as Da Pook was opening her presents, I was deeply saddened. You see, the last few days, she's been getting gifts each day from my ILs. And, as she goes to play with one, she's given another. Then, yesterday, my heart sunk, as I watched her try to play with one toy, only to have another gift shoved on her. And, then later on in the day, while I was resting, I heard her ask for more presents.
I could hear my heart "thud". The very thing I'd been dealing with myself, and wishing to avoid, has happened. She now associates the holiday with gifts. I just let myself lay there and feel sad. I realized, I have several options:
* post limits on the gifts from the grandparents, thus stirring up contention and in a way, ruining their version of Christmas
* ask people not to get gifts (however, they don't listen anyway)
* as my hubby said, just forgo the holidays altogether. (yeah, right)
So what are your thoughts? I'm feeling I should leave it be, and just be grateful she's got grandparents that love her.
I'm torn, but I also realize, that I can't control every aspect of what my dear lil one is exposed to. She's going to face the real world eventually, and I can only do so much. But it broke my heart, reliving my own childhood, when the same thing happened. And then came the days when I just wanted the presents, forget about enjoying them, I just wanted more.
*Sigh*
Ah well, it provides a wonderful opportunity to practice gratitude, grace, and love. Right?
Merry Christmas.
Oi.
I remember how I used to love the holiday, not only because of the presents, but because of the week off in between. And, with my job, even though I am a teacher, just in a different environment, I no longer have that option. Yes, I know, I at least get to work from home, but there was a certain magic of having that time off in between. It was a time to settle in, or go out spending that Christmas money that you got at the malls during the week.
This year though, things feel different. Yesterday, as Da Pook was opening her presents, I was deeply saddened. You see, the last few days, she's been getting gifts each day from my ILs. And, as she goes to play with one, she's given another. Then, yesterday, my heart sunk, as I watched her try to play with one toy, only to have another gift shoved on her. And, then later on in the day, while I was resting, I heard her ask for more presents.
I could hear my heart "thud". The very thing I'd been dealing with myself, and wishing to avoid, has happened. She now associates the holiday with gifts. I just let myself lay there and feel sad. I realized, I have several options:
* post limits on the gifts from the grandparents, thus stirring up contention and in a way, ruining their version of Christmas
* ask people not to get gifts (however, they don't listen anyway)
* as my hubby said, just forgo the holidays altogether. (yeah, right)
So what are your thoughts? I'm feeling I should leave it be, and just be grateful she's got grandparents that love her.
I'm torn, but I also realize, that I can't control every aspect of what my dear lil one is exposed to. She's going to face the real world eventually, and I can only do so much. But it broke my heart, reliving my own childhood, when the same thing happened. And then came the days when I just wanted the presents, forget about enjoying them, I just wanted more.
*Sigh*
Ah well, it provides a wonderful opportunity to practice gratitude, grace, and love. Right?
Merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
And so the light comes forth yet again...
Cycles.
The word is full of them. Winter Solstice was yesterday, and not the cycle of the sun returning and days growning longer begins. The moon cycles from darkness to fullness, with halves in between. You've got the tides of the oceans, also based on moon rhythms. The seasonal cycles as well.
I'm particularly fond of the seasonal cycles. I'm starting to honor them. For instance, in fall, I'm hit with a massive urge to declutter, shed things, and prepare for the quietness of winter. In winter, we hibernate and honor the quietness of winter. (If you've even been outdoors in the woods, when it snows, it's incredibly quiet.) In spring, I'm ready to be social and bloom again. And in summer, it's time to relish in the sun, the harvest, good fun, and be cleansed by swimming outdoors.
Women have menstrual cycles. (So, if you're a man or a woman reading this, and uncomfortable with discussing or reading about women's monthly cycles, you might just want to skip these next four paragraphs.) And, if we pay attention, you can sense through the course of 28 days, how your body and mood changes and shifts. It's really quite marvelous. For instance, I've realized that after my utterus has cleansed itself, I'm pumped, energized, and refreshed. It's pretty obvious when I'm ovulating (just ask my hubby). If I really pay attention, I actually can feel it. And right before, I'm sluggish and swollen, as my body prepares to cleanse itself.
Most women aren't happy with the cramping or the bleeding. In fact, many of the connotations associated with our monthly cycles are negative. After all, many feel it interupts things, and gets in the way. "Aunt Flo is visiting", "on the rag", and "period" are few of the terms (the nicer ones) used to speak in code about it. I've heard other women get excited about menopause - because then they can get on with their lives uninterupted. (I could go off on a tangent with this, but perhaps I'll remember to return to it at a later time.)
The fact is - it's natural. It happens, it's a way to be connected with life. I use my cycle to get in tune with myself. It reminds me to slow down and nurture myself while my body sheds and rejuvenates itself. It gives me a chance to get intouch with my inner feelings (have you realized just how hard it is to surpress how you "really" feel when your hormones are surging?) and deal with them. I've found that I need more sleep, warm foods, naps, and to just slow down in general just before and the first few days of the bleeding. I also become extremely cuddly and loving (after the cranky mood).
And so, when my cycle runs it's course, and I prepare to shed the inner uterine lining, I put my hand over my womb, thank it for being fertile and cleansing, and reminding me each month, that I need to take care of me once in a while. I enjoy being a woman, and, having my own special cycle to celebrate it. But then, that's just me.
****
Okay, for those too squeamish, I'm done. :)
In any case, I always find it interesting to see the cycles in things. We've all got them. And we've got the choice to celebrate them, or ignore them, or ocmplain about them.
And that's my two cents for today.
The word is full of them. Winter Solstice was yesterday, and not the cycle of the sun returning and days growning longer begins. The moon cycles from darkness to fullness, with halves in between. You've got the tides of the oceans, also based on moon rhythms. The seasonal cycles as well.
I'm particularly fond of the seasonal cycles. I'm starting to honor them. For instance, in fall, I'm hit with a massive urge to declutter, shed things, and prepare for the quietness of winter. In winter, we hibernate and honor the quietness of winter. (If you've even been outdoors in the woods, when it snows, it's incredibly quiet.) In spring, I'm ready to be social and bloom again. And in summer, it's time to relish in the sun, the harvest, good fun, and be cleansed by swimming outdoors.
Women have menstrual cycles. (So, if you're a man or a woman reading this, and uncomfortable with discussing or reading about women's monthly cycles, you might just want to skip these next four paragraphs.) And, if we pay attention, you can sense through the course of 28 days, how your body and mood changes and shifts. It's really quite marvelous. For instance, I've realized that after my utterus has cleansed itself, I'm pumped, energized, and refreshed. It's pretty obvious when I'm ovulating (just ask my hubby). If I really pay attention, I actually can feel it. And right before, I'm sluggish and swollen, as my body prepares to cleanse itself.
Most women aren't happy with the cramping or the bleeding. In fact, many of the connotations associated with our monthly cycles are negative. After all, many feel it interupts things, and gets in the way. "Aunt Flo is visiting", "on the rag", and "period" are few of the terms (the nicer ones) used to speak in code about it. I've heard other women get excited about menopause - because then they can get on with their lives uninterupted. (I could go off on a tangent with this, but perhaps I'll remember to return to it at a later time.)
The fact is - it's natural. It happens, it's a way to be connected with life. I use my cycle to get in tune with myself. It reminds me to slow down and nurture myself while my body sheds and rejuvenates itself. It gives me a chance to get intouch with my inner feelings (have you realized just how hard it is to surpress how you "really" feel when your hormones are surging?) and deal with them. I've found that I need more sleep, warm foods, naps, and to just slow down in general just before and the first few days of the bleeding. I also become extremely cuddly and loving (after the cranky mood).
And so, when my cycle runs it's course, and I prepare to shed the inner uterine lining, I put my hand over my womb, thank it for being fertile and cleansing, and reminding me each month, that I need to take care of me once in a while. I enjoy being a woman, and, having my own special cycle to celebrate it. But then, that's just me.
****
Okay, for those too squeamish, I'm done. :)
In any case, I always find it interesting to see the cycles in things. We've all got them. And we've got the choice to celebrate them, or ignore them, or ocmplain about them.
And that's my two cents for today.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Purposely being a slug
Today, I was supposed to go down and run errands in town. But, I don't want to leave the house today. I really don't. I'm in one of those moods where I don't want to do anything but lounge around and be slug-like. So, that's what I'm doing with the Pook today. Why? For the sheer reason that I can. :)
Lovin' it.
Of course, I can probably work on some packing and cleaning today too.
He, he, he... yeah. Right.
Lovin' it.
Of course, I can probably work on some packing and cleaning today too.
He, he, he... yeah. Right.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Monday
It was a weekend of visiting. Next weekend will also be a weekend of visiting, only it will be us doing the running around and visiting, instead of people visiting us here.
This weekend was okay, it wasn't bad, but I still feel as though I'm missing something. I hurt my side, so didn't do any yoga or walking for 3 days, and that always seems to throw me off. Add to that all the chocolate covered cream puffs, white sauce lasange, pumpkin roll, saurkraut and beef sausage, italian veggies, that I packed away on Sunday, and Whoo wee!
Thankfully I was able to do yoga this morning, and return to my centeredness. Today, I'm feeling okay, which is better than BLAH. We've been packing for our weekend trip, and I'm trying no to stress out over hubby being stressed, but it's hard. He's not social, and I am on more occasions than he is.
For some reason, this year, I just feel this need to cram in seeing everyone that we can. Probably because next year we won't be coming back for the holiday, as it'll be on a Monday. Ah well.
Weird.
This weekend was okay, it wasn't bad, but I still feel as though I'm missing something. I hurt my side, so didn't do any yoga or walking for 3 days, and that always seems to throw me off. Add to that all the chocolate covered cream puffs, white sauce lasange, pumpkin roll, saurkraut and beef sausage, italian veggies, that I packed away on Sunday, and Whoo wee!
Thankfully I was able to do yoga this morning, and return to my centeredness. Today, I'm feeling okay, which is better than BLAH. We've been packing for our weekend trip, and I'm trying no to stress out over hubby being stressed, but it's hard. He's not social, and I am on more occasions than he is.
For some reason, this year, I just feel this need to cram in seeing everyone that we can. Probably because next year we won't be coming back for the holiday, as it'll be on a Monday. Ah well.
Weird.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Quiet on the Homefront
It's been really quiet on the home front as of late. As much as I'd like to be inspired to write something, I haven't been. But, I'm still around. Just, you know, in case you were wondering.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Liars!
No snow. Okay, we'll some snow. But not what they were calling for, and I'm a wee bit bummed out. I wanted it to snow so badly.
Ah well. At least Pookie's feeling better today. And, it's Friday, which means hubby's got off tomorrow. Yay!
Ah well. At least Pookie's feeling better today. And, it's Friday, which means hubby's got off tomorrow. Yay!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Let it snow!
The are calling for snow tonight and into tomorrow. 6 inches of it. I'm really, really hoping that they are right about it. I'd love for hubby's work to be closed, and him to be home, so that all of us can play in it.
This week has been interesting, and today, Da Pook is sneezing over everything. And clingy. Thugs, she's not feeling well.
So, instead of fretting about how I'm going to get my work done today, I'm just going to snuggle up and enjoy time with my baby. Yay!
This week has been interesting, and today, Da Pook is sneezing over everything. And clingy. Thugs, she's not feeling well.
So, instead of fretting about how I'm going to get my work done today, I'm just going to snuggle up and enjoy time with my baby. Yay!
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Saturday
I love Saturdays. Especially when Hubby has off on Mondays, and I've gotten the chance to spend time with friends over warm tea, with cucumber sandwhiches, dried fruits and nuts, pretty plates, lots of candles, and good conversation.
Lots of fun.
Lots of fun.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Happy Friday, Happy December
Today looks to be a snowy day. It's a light snow, but beautiful none-the-less. It looks to be laying about now. I'm sure once I open the curtains, Da Pook is going to want to play. I only wish da hubby was home to be able to enjoy it with us.
Ah well.
Seems as though the affimations have been working overtime. Here I started just focusing on the basics this week, what absolutley needed to be done, and dang if I didn't end up doing a ton more by baking the rest of the pumpkins and making pumpkin muffins and pumpkin bread. Go me!
Today will be about baking a cobbler for desert, and getting the veggies prepped for our dinner guest tonight. On the menu - hubby's famous stuffed mushrooms, Cornish hens, spaghetti squash, and cauliflaur and brocolli (possibly steamed, but not sure), and my homeade berry cobbler topped with freshly whipped cream and hot cocoa lattes for desert. Can we say NUMMY?
Tomorrow I'm having a ladies' tea for four friends. I created some herbal teas that look very pretty (red clover, chamomile, burdoch, speariment, lemon balm, lemon verbana - in varying combinations). Hopefully they'll taste as good. We'll see. I'm excited to use the china, and set everything up. I love entertaining, but it's so much more fun when done on a small scale.
I'm looking forward to the weekend. And, though I hope it won't snow tomorrow, because I'd really like to have the tea, I'm cool either way. It just means family snow time.
Ah well.
Seems as though the affimations have been working overtime. Here I started just focusing on the basics this week, what absolutley needed to be done, and dang if I didn't end up doing a ton more by baking the rest of the pumpkins and making pumpkin muffins and pumpkin bread. Go me!
Today will be about baking a cobbler for desert, and getting the veggies prepped for our dinner guest tonight. On the menu - hubby's famous stuffed mushrooms, Cornish hens, spaghetti squash, and cauliflaur and brocolli (possibly steamed, but not sure), and my homeade berry cobbler topped with freshly whipped cream and hot cocoa lattes for desert. Can we say NUMMY?
Tomorrow I'm having a ladies' tea for four friends. I created some herbal teas that look very pretty (red clover, chamomile, burdoch, speariment, lemon balm, lemon verbana - in varying combinations). Hopefully they'll taste as good. We'll see. I'm excited to use the china, and set everything up. I love entertaining, but it's so much more fun when done on a small scale.
I'm looking forward to the weekend. And, though I hope it won't snow tomorrow, because I'd really like to have the tea, I'm cool either way. It just means family snow time.
Monday, November 28, 2005
New Day, New Week Beginning
This week is going smoothly and easily. I am filled with joy, peace, and serenity. It is a good week.
My work goes smoothly and swiftly. I have more time than I'll ever need to get everything done.
Yes, affirmations for the week. I figure it's better to have a positive mindset, as opposed to focusing on all that's going on and feeling overwhelemed.
My work goes smoothly and swiftly. I have more time than I'll ever need to get everything done.
Yes, affirmations for the week. I figure it's better to have a positive mindset, as opposed to focusing on all that's going on and feeling overwhelemed.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Solstice traditions
After my last post, I got to thinking about how Christmas is connected to the Solstice and the like. I discovered a few new things. Red, green, and white are pagan colors. Hmmm... And, if you look it up, looks like Christ wasn't the only son of the gods being celebrated in the past. There are lists for each culture. Again, very interesting.
These sites had some interesting info on the Solstice:
http://www.shambhala.org/arts/fest/unconquered.html
http://www.religioustolerance.org/winter_solstice.htm
http://www.circlesanctuary.org/pholidays/SolsticeArticle.html
And I'm sure there's a plethora of more sites too. But, those were ones I was looking at this morning.
I don't want to be all Bah Humbug and stuff, and I love opening presents as much as the next person. It's just that I keep coming back to this weird feeling inside that there's something MORE. Even reading through all these rituals for the seasons... Oi! It's all got me thinking about so much...
Over the years, we've cut back on giving material gifts to people. It just got to be too much. So, now we offer our time - like a dinner at our place, a weekend retreat, or just time spent together. We don't give these gifts to everyone, but in the case of the ILs, it's the best. They can buy whatever they want anyway, but MIL is always cooking. So now, for her birthday and Christmas, she gets a weekend here, all meals cooked and enjoying her granddaughter twice a year. This year we signed FIL up for the Pook Picture of the Month club. Da Pook works in a medium of crayons, paint, etc. and off to Grandpa it goes.
This year I was doing the cookie thing for people too. But even that got old. After my 75th gingerbread cookie, I was tired, and felt I could've been doing something more productive with my time. Plus, with everyone on diets and the like, it just takes all the fun out of it! Blarg!
So, I've been trying to get creative with gifts that I can give. I don't mind giving my time to some people, but in some cases, we are way too far away or it's just not an appropriate gift to give. Part of me just doesn't want to do the gift thing any more, especially after reading this:
http://www.aliveness.com/kangaroo/NoChristmas.html
This site really hit home for me. Maybe it was trying to figure out what to get people, getting fed up with all the materialism this time of year (buy this, but that, etc.) I tried to think about what Christmas would be like without giving gifts. It scared me, because, hey, let's be honest, thanks to some people, I can really cash in on things. :) Hubby and I caught ourselves buying more stuff for each other (winter coats, he got a computer game, we got some art books, etc.) and Da Pook (instruments, books - I'm a book lover in many cases, readily admitting Book Stores are DANGEROUS territory for me, educational toys - an alligator you can thread a string through, etc.). All in all? We are over budget.
I can only imagine those people who spend a lot of money getting their parents things, plus all the other family members. I know people who buy things for a family of at least 20 (and we are talking about $25 a pop, if not more on the parents!) and then get nice, expensive things for their friends. Now, if they actually had the money to do this, no problem. But most of these people are already in credit card debit over their heads, and going fruther into it.
I must admit though, strolling into Barnes and Noble, buying things and crossing them off a list, wrapping presents in pretty packaging, does fill me with an amount of exquisite joy. *Sigh* Especially the jaunt through the book store, with all the lovely seasonal books, the sales... er, um... yeah... I was blogging here...
So maybe, just maybe, I can find some semblance of balence between the two. Argh. Think I've given myself a bit of a headache on this one, or maybe it's the constant Christmas Dora the Explorer DVD in the background that I now know by heart.
I need to reat my brain for a bit.
However, comments and thoughts are welcome on this.
These sites had some interesting info on the Solstice:
http://www.shambhala.org/arts/fest/unconquered.html
http://www.religioustolerance.org/winter_solstice.htm
http://www.circlesanctuary.org/pholidays/SolsticeArticle.html
And I'm sure there's a plethora of more sites too. But, those were ones I was looking at this morning.
I don't want to be all Bah Humbug and stuff, and I love opening presents as much as the next person. It's just that I keep coming back to this weird feeling inside that there's something MORE. Even reading through all these rituals for the seasons... Oi! It's all got me thinking about so much...
Over the years, we've cut back on giving material gifts to people. It just got to be too much. So, now we offer our time - like a dinner at our place, a weekend retreat, or just time spent together. We don't give these gifts to everyone, but in the case of the ILs, it's the best. They can buy whatever they want anyway, but MIL is always cooking. So now, for her birthday and Christmas, she gets a weekend here, all meals cooked and enjoying her granddaughter twice a year. This year we signed FIL up for the Pook Picture of the Month club. Da Pook works in a medium of crayons, paint, etc. and off to Grandpa it goes.
This year I was doing the cookie thing for people too. But even that got old. After my 75th gingerbread cookie, I was tired, and felt I could've been doing something more productive with my time. Plus, with everyone on diets and the like, it just takes all the fun out of it! Blarg!
So, I've been trying to get creative with gifts that I can give. I don't mind giving my time to some people, but in some cases, we are way too far away or it's just not an appropriate gift to give. Part of me just doesn't want to do the gift thing any more, especially after reading this:
http://www.aliveness.com/kangaroo/NoChristmas.html
This site really hit home for me. Maybe it was trying to figure out what to get people, getting fed up with all the materialism this time of year (buy this, but that, etc.) I tried to think about what Christmas would be like without giving gifts. It scared me, because, hey, let's be honest, thanks to some people, I can really cash in on things. :) Hubby and I caught ourselves buying more stuff for each other (winter coats, he got a computer game, we got some art books, etc.) and Da Pook (instruments, books - I'm a book lover in many cases, readily admitting Book Stores are DANGEROUS territory for me, educational toys - an alligator you can thread a string through, etc.). All in all? We are over budget.
I can only imagine those people who spend a lot of money getting their parents things, plus all the other family members. I know people who buy things for a family of at least 20 (and we are talking about $25 a pop, if not more on the parents!) and then get nice, expensive things for their friends. Now, if they actually had the money to do this, no problem. But most of these people are already in credit card debit over their heads, and going fruther into it.
I must admit though, strolling into Barnes and Noble, buying things and crossing them off a list, wrapping presents in pretty packaging, does fill me with an amount of exquisite joy. *Sigh* Especially the jaunt through the book store, with all the lovely seasonal books, the sales... er, um... yeah... I was blogging here...
So maybe, just maybe, I can find some semblance of balence between the two. Argh. Think I've given myself a bit of a headache on this one, or maybe it's the constant Christmas Dora the Explorer DVD in the background that I now know by heart.
I need to reat my brain for a bit.
However, comments and thoughts are welcome on this.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Holiday Humbugs?
So, here I sit. Thanksgiving's come and gone. On Friday up went the Christmas decor. And, while those who know me, know how much I adore decorating for Christmas (and the seasons in general), this year, something just wasn't, hmmm... isn't quite there.
I started by opening the two huge plastic tubs of decor. As I hung the garland, and tried to figure out where to put things, I found myself feeling frustrated after an hour or so, wondering why, if I wanted to simplify my life, I was putting up all this extra stuff? While putting the tree together (Hubby's alergic to pine), and adding the lights, red beaded garland, and placing the ornaments with the thought of a toddler in mind... I found myself not caught up in the normal "Christmas Spirit". (And I was even listening to carols mind you!) I found myself trying to figuring out how to simplify things, while wanting more things to decorate more rooms. How mussed is that eh?
Of course today, we watched the movie "A Polar Express" and "Charlie Brown's Christmas", and I found myself realizing, that people paint this perfect picture of Christmas. You are supposed to have white snow on the ground, or falling, but safe enough for people to travel. You are supposed to have lots of lights, gifts that people love, and that feeling of good cheer, which seems to have severely disapated over the years. I mean, think about it.
So, is that why I'm in this Christmas Humbug funk? Is that why it doesn't feel the same? Or, is it simply a connection to something different? Something bigger that I'm not connecting with? Is it because I'm so tired? What is this feeling? What happened to my Christmas Spirit?
There was a time, that knowing Santa was coming made the holiday. Dare I pass that tradition on to my kids? There was a time, that knowing we were celebrating the birth of Christ meant something. However, I've since learned the connection of Christmas (originally the pagan holiday of the Winter Solstice) and how "they" combined Christ's birth with the pagan traditions ... well... you can see where that is going.
I could take a moment to go on a ramble about how my once devout Catholic beliefs have since been transformed immesurably with what I've learned the older I've gotten, but I won't. However, I think my lack of spirituality lately might have something to do with it. That whole spirit thing again.
Whatever I'm going through, I'm not sure, but I feel as though I'm on a journey. And, hopefully, I'll find Spirit of some kind, or a connection of some kind at the end of it.
At least my home looks lovely at the moment.
Peace out.
I started by opening the two huge plastic tubs of decor. As I hung the garland, and tried to figure out where to put things, I found myself feeling frustrated after an hour or so, wondering why, if I wanted to simplify my life, I was putting up all this extra stuff? While putting the tree together (Hubby's alergic to pine), and adding the lights, red beaded garland, and placing the ornaments with the thought of a toddler in mind... I found myself not caught up in the normal "Christmas Spirit". (And I was even listening to carols mind you!) I found myself trying to figuring out how to simplify things, while wanting more things to decorate more rooms. How mussed is that eh?
Of course today, we watched the movie "A Polar Express" and "Charlie Brown's Christmas", and I found myself realizing, that people paint this perfect picture of Christmas. You are supposed to have white snow on the ground, or falling, but safe enough for people to travel. You are supposed to have lots of lights, gifts that people love, and that feeling of good cheer, which seems to have severely disapated over the years. I mean, think about it.
So, is that why I'm in this Christmas Humbug funk? Is that why it doesn't feel the same? Or, is it simply a connection to something different? Something bigger that I'm not connecting with? Is it because I'm so tired? What is this feeling? What happened to my Christmas Spirit?
There was a time, that knowing Santa was coming made the holiday. Dare I pass that tradition on to my kids? There was a time, that knowing we were celebrating the birth of Christ meant something. However, I've since learned the connection of Christmas (originally the pagan holiday of the Winter Solstice) and how "they" combined Christ's birth with the pagan traditions ... well... you can see where that is going.
I could take a moment to go on a ramble about how my once devout Catholic beliefs have since been transformed immesurably with what I've learned the older I've gotten, but I won't. However, I think my lack of spirituality lately might have something to do with it. That whole spirit thing again.
Whatever I'm going through, I'm not sure, but I feel as though I'm on a journey. And, hopefully, I'll find Spirit of some kind, or a connection of some kind at the end of it.
At least my home looks lovely at the moment.
Peace out.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Oh Sweet Gratitude!
I love holidays. I adore holidays. I especially dance for joy during those holidays when we aren't traveling anywhere.
The very first Christmas up here, we spent together just the two of us. This was, of course, before there were the three of us. It was the best Christmas. Christmas even we opened one gift each, then snuggled over hot cocoa and White Christmas. In the morning, we hung out in PJs all day, dined on our crockpot Turkey dinner, drank wine, and watched Christmas movie in
Things have thankfully slowed down workwise. And, tomorrow, we've got another holiday where it's just the three of us. And yes, you'll find us wearing PJs all day, dinning on Turkey dinner throughout the day, watching movies, playing with Da Pook, and being thankful for a great many things in my life.
The very first Christmas up here, we spent together just the two of us. This was, of course, before there were the three of us. It was the best Christmas. Christmas even we opened one gift each, then snuggled over hot cocoa and White Christmas. In the morning, we hung out in PJs all day, dined on our crockpot Turkey dinner, drank wine, and watched Christmas movie in
Things have thankfully slowed down workwise. And, tomorrow, we've got another holiday where it's just the three of us. And yes, you'll find us wearing PJs all day, dinning on Turkey dinner throughout the day, watching movies, playing with Da Pook, and being thankful for a great many things in my life.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
I love Saturday
I especially love this Saturday. Last night I was supposed to got to a potluck business dinner at a friend's house, followed by hot tubbing and a walk in the woods this morning. However, last night, I was all packed and ready to go, when I burst into tears.
Being a mom, there are times when you really want to just run away and be on your own, but this past week has been rather hectic and hellish, and I didn't get much family time. So, yesterday evening, while hugging my precious Pook, I was in no mood to up and run off, when I felt I barely got to spend time with her this week. That and I missed my sweet hubby.
You see, November is National Writing month doncha know, and, each year (except last year I think), he's signed up to write 50,000 a month via NAMO. Thus, in November, his free time is devoted to writing, which I totally support, because it really seems to be beneficial for him on so many levels. Of course, this usually means that the only quality time that we get is snuggling in bed, right before we go to bed, and unlike some people who only get up early if their dog's wake them ;), we choose to get up early so that he can write and get home before 5pm.
Add in dinner, playtime, and this is when I usually get a good chunk of work done while he babysits... before you know it it's bedtime. We have a routine with Da Pook, where we aim to all be in bed between 8-9pm (some nights earlier or later depending) for stories, then off goes the light until Da Pook roles over and announces, "Time for my bed!"
In any case, I'm happy that I decided to just stay home and be with family last night.
Simplicity.
Family.
Snuggle time.
Listening to my inner needs.
Yeah. That's what it's all about.
Being a mom, there are times when you really want to just run away and be on your own, but this past week has been rather hectic and hellish, and I didn't get much family time. So, yesterday evening, while hugging my precious Pook, I was in no mood to up and run off, when I felt I barely got to spend time with her this week. That and I missed my sweet hubby.
You see, November is National Writing month doncha know, and, each year (except last year I think), he's signed up to write 50,000 a month via NAMO. Thus, in November, his free time is devoted to writing, which I totally support, because it really seems to be beneficial for him on so many levels. Of course, this usually means that the only quality time that we get is snuggling in bed, right before we go to bed, and unlike some people who only get up early if their dog's wake them ;), we choose to get up early so that he can write and get home before 5pm.
Add in dinner, playtime, and this is when I usually get a good chunk of work done while he babysits... before you know it it's bedtime. We have a routine with Da Pook, where we aim to all be in bed between 8-9pm (some nights earlier or later depending) for stories, then off goes the light until Da Pook roles over and announces, "Time for my bed!"
In any case, I'm happy that I decided to just stay home and be with family last night.
Simplicity.
Family.
Snuggle time.
Listening to my inner needs.
Yeah. That's what it's all about.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Feeling a wee bit unmotivated
Okay, so it's a lot more than a wee bit. I don't want to do jack. I'm not certain of what I want today (other than curled up amongst flannel sheets sleeping, waking softly to open my eyes, look across the room, then smile as I happily fade back into sleep). So maybe I do know what I want, it's just that Da Pook isn't up for an all day nap. *Sigh*
Tonight I'm visiting friends, and possible hot tubbing. Outside. In the cold. I'm weirdly nervous, as I just feel like being a homebody lately. I'm wondering if I'm just in one of those slumps, because I was expecting more time after releasing that business, and I'm ending up with more hours. Argh.
What do I want? If I give up what I do now, which makes money, that's not going ot be cool. However, maybe I can find a way to cut down my hours? Hmmm... great. More to think about.
Blarg.
Tonight I'm visiting friends, and possible hot tubbing. Outside. In the cold. I'm weirdly nervous, as I just feel like being a homebody lately. I'm wondering if I'm just in one of those slumps, because I was expecting more time after releasing that business, and I'm ending up with more hours. Argh.
What do I want? If I give up what I do now, which makes money, that's not going ot be cool. However, maybe I can find a way to cut down my hours? Hmmm... great. More to think about.
Blarg.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Ah... Thursday
I am so happy right now, right here, in this moment. Why? Because I have time that I'm not working on this computer for a change. I had a liesurely lunch today with someone in need of love and compassion, and though I enjoyed the lunch, I realized, that I don't think I can meet her needs or expectations. So, I wrote her a thank you note, in which I informed her that I do love and care for her, I'm just dealing with my own stuff, and, as always, I never seem to do things quite the way people expect, and that is just me.
I also jotted a letter (hand-written) to my grandma and I'm mailing a drawing from Da Pook with a message telling my dad she misses him. Rumor has it my brother, my adorable nephew, my DSIL, and my dad, are supposed to come up for a visit. I'll believe it when it happens. We live in a different state then them, and I've been here for 5 years, of which he (my dad) has only visited once. My bro has came up with him that time, and the month after his precious neice was born.
I love them all dearly, and hope they'll visit, but, as I've learned, it's best not to get those hopes up, nor have expectations when it comes to my bro and my pa - that's just how they are. Granted, it took me 28 years to realize that, but, I did, and it makes the relationship so much easier.
It wasn't until earlier this year, I decided to hand write letters to my grandmas. I don't have any grandads still on this Earth, and its amazing how much a hand-written letter is appreciated. Even more, it's amazing how receiving letters from them makes my day! :) If you have grandparents, and want to make their day - write them. Find the time, get special paper and envelopes, stickers too, and those Love stamps and write. Parents appreciate it on occasion too - even those who've got email. All you need to do is write about the daily-ness. I write about what's going on, how I'm looking for the holidays. My one grandma obsesses with what we eat, so I'll describe special meals I've made.
So, that's my tip of the day.
Right now, I'm off to empty out a pumkin so that I can make some pumpkin pie for a potluck on Friday, and of course - make some nummy crunchy pumpkin seeds! Mmm...
I also jotted a letter (hand-written) to my grandma and I'm mailing a drawing from Da Pook with a message telling my dad she misses him. Rumor has it my brother, my adorable nephew, my DSIL, and my dad, are supposed to come up for a visit. I'll believe it when it happens. We live in a different state then them, and I've been here for 5 years, of which he (my dad) has only visited once. My bro has came up with him that time, and the month after his precious neice was born.
I love them all dearly, and hope they'll visit, but, as I've learned, it's best not to get those hopes up, nor have expectations when it comes to my bro and my pa - that's just how they are. Granted, it took me 28 years to realize that, but, I did, and it makes the relationship so much easier.
It wasn't until earlier this year, I decided to hand write letters to my grandmas. I don't have any grandads still on this Earth, and its amazing how much a hand-written letter is appreciated. Even more, it's amazing how receiving letters from them makes my day! :) If you have grandparents, and want to make their day - write them. Find the time, get special paper and envelopes, stickers too, and those Love stamps and write. Parents appreciate it on occasion too - even those who've got email. All you need to do is write about the daily-ness. I write about what's going on, how I'm looking for the holidays. My one grandma obsesses with what we eat, so I'll describe special meals I've made.
So, that's my tip of the day.
Right now, I'm off to empty out a pumkin so that I can make some pumpkin pie for a potluck on Friday, and of course - make some nummy crunchy pumpkin seeds! Mmm...
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Someone send me a lifepreserver please!
On the good side, I'm getting more time with work, which means more money. And, I'm really freakin glad I made that decision I did, because damn would I be swamped and mush right about now.
So, if it's quiet on this end, it's probably because I'm plum wiped of looking at a computer screen.
So, if it's quiet on this end, it's probably because I'm plum wiped of looking at a computer screen.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Saturday
I got to sleep in this morning.
There is something about a Saturday that has just the right mix of accomplished projects, laundry, picnic with movie in the living room, cheddar popcorn, napping with Da Pook, and paying the bills.
Topped off with homeade soup. I'll have to let you know how the soup turns out - it's an experiment!
Oh, and we were naughty this weekend and invested in a Hot Chocolate Latte machine. It's AWESOME! I first saw it in a catalogue for 40, but we found it at Walmart for 28, and, as we are avid hot cocoa drinkers, this was TOO perfect! It looks like a blender, but heats it up, then you pour it from the spout. It's perfect, because I make my own mix for use with fresh milk!
There is something about a Saturday that has just the right mix of accomplished projects, laundry, picnic with movie in the living room, cheddar popcorn, napping with Da Pook, and paying the bills.
Topped off with homeade soup. I'll have to let you know how the soup turns out - it's an experiment!
Oh, and we were naughty this weekend and invested in a Hot Chocolate Latte machine. It's AWESOME! I first saw it in a catalogue for 40, but we found it at Walmart for 28, and, as we are avid hot cocoa drinkers, this was TOO perfect! It looks like a blender, but heats it up, then you pour it from the spout. It's perfect, because I make my own mix for use with fresh milk!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Oh, happy weekend!
Yes, the weekend can officially begin now. This has been a long week for me, and I'm oh so happy I can be computer-free for two days at least. Well, I don't know if I'll go computer free, but at least I won't have to work for my at-home job.
And so, I'm too tired to do much, but drag my weary butt to bed for a good night's sleep. The last few nights, that's all I've been doing. I get in bed, and I crash.
Ah well...
G'night!
And so, I'm too tired to do much, but drag my weary butt to bed for a good night's sleep. The last few nights, that's all I've been doing. I get in bed, and I crash.
Ah well...
G'night!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Oh, to breathe again!
It's it really Thursday? Where has the week gone? Oh, yes... let's see working, working, a lunch that turned into a 4 hour excursion, a brief visit from a distraught friend who's found love again at the again of 65 only to find out her fiance' has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor that is still growing and seems to be ready to pass on, a 5 hour trip (3 of it driving) to go to a Children's hospital and find out "Da Pook" is doing fine and dandy, Da Pook wanting play and Mommy time, phone calls to soften the blow that I told one person about dissolving B instead of both people at the same time only to hear about how this said person is feeling unloved and unwanted... and... and...
Whew!
It's taught me many, many valuable things this week:
1. I'm SO glad I'm letting go of B.
2. I need to plan my weekly excursions and when I do work a little better.
3. I'm so looking forward to just letting go, decluttering, and releasing that which no longer benefits me or brings me happiness.
4. I want more family time Dammit!
5. Some people truely and honestly believe that people have the power to "make" them feel a certain way. Dude - you SO choose this. Yes, someone might make a comment about something that might hurt your feelings, but it all boils down to the person who made the comment having the issue.
For instance, take blurbs from my latest conversation:
This from the person "S" on other end of the phone:
You know, I know X is going through a hard time with her boyfriend having a brain tumor, but she makes me feel so unwanted and unimportant. You know, she makes these comments that are so mean. I know she's going through a lot, but some of the things she says... *list of sins X has apparently commited according to S*...
Thankfully, I was able to be compassionate and listen to S, who clearly has very low self worth and a desire to be important and needed. Of course, I just listened, because I wasn't sure what to say.
I don't understand why, when in a relationship, some people seem to feel that it's up to the other person to make them happy. If this is the case, that's a large burden for both partners or friends. When you look at the issues in relationships today, a lot of issues arise from expectations that haven't been met. I know, because I used to expect hubby to know what I wanted. Of course, I also knew that he wasn't a mind-reader.
Being married, I've learned many things:
1. Spell things out. People aren't mind readers. I've since learned that it's best for me to pick certain things out that I know I like. Or, provide hubby with a link and a *strong hint* that I like something.
2. Only you can make you happy. Other people might help you feel happy, but no one is responsible for your happiness but you. Plus, when I do things that make me happy, it makes my relationship with hubby even better, because there is less pressure on him.
3. Know thy partner; and accept it. I learned very quickly that my beloved hubby is not one of those hubby's that does the flower and chocolate things. Oh, he has done this, but it's not an often thing, and usually, lately if I want flowers I buy them myself, or make a comment like "Honey, I want flowers. Now." (This is usually made in the store while grocery shopping.) Most times I just look at them wistfully.
Now, before I got married, I had it all figured out. I wanted a hubby who'd romance me with flowers, fancy dinners, dancing, parties, back rubs, love letters... Luckily I'm not really a jewelry person. I learned very fast after I was married that hubby wasn't into that stuff. He'll dance with me if we're at a wedding together; and sometimes when we are at home. I do get flowers when I ask. He doesn't like parties (and people on occasion), and writing (and the back rubs *sigh*) hurts his hands.
So, I had a choice. Were these things really important? No, not really. I like them, but they aren't the reasons why I married him. My hubby does other things - he talks to me and listens, we can let each other know when we are upset with one another. We share hopes and dreams. He does laundry, helps me clean, he's an awesome dad, he loves to cuddle, he cooks, he does enjoy eating out at good restaurants, he's very supportive of me taking time out for myself, he's kind and loving, and all of the other things I could want in a hubby. And sometimes he does surprise me with flowers, a back rub, or something else I wasn't expecting.
While I was on the phone with S last night (her and X are roommates and share a business together), I realized that she knows exactly how X is, and what X is dealing with. Yet, she still gets mad at X for not living up to S's expectations. Hmmm... that's something to think about, eh?
The beauty of my relationship with hubby, and in the last few years my friendships, is that I'm learning to accept them for who they are, and to grow from that. Last night on the phone, I could've pointed out to S what X was going through, and that some people might interpret S's rampage against X as being quite selfish. But I was able to see past that, to a very scared and frightened 70-yr-old, who's spent her life being unworthy and longing for compassion from others.
I keep wondering what would happen if S learned to respect and honor herself. If she stopped taking X's comments so personally, and respected that X is dealing with a HUGE event in her life. But then, S is S. And I don't think she'll change. I am able to accept S, for who she is. But, I'm also able to honor myself enough to know that I'm not responsible for S's happiness, and that I have the choice to put some space there. (Which I have been doing, and which she's probably been picking up on.)
You see, if you don't accept your partner, there will be issues. Not everyone is willing to change (S), though some people are. But if you are choosing to commit to a lifetime together, I reccomend the art of acceptance. The beauty too, is that even when you accept someone for who they are, you don't have to like it. There are some people I don't enjoy being around, so, I just choose not to spend time with them. That's the beauty of choice.
Ah... seems as though I've missed my time here. It's good to be back. I only hope it all makes sense. Although, I'm sure it gives a good picture of what's been going on here the last few days.
And now... Da Pook would like my attention.
Whew!
It's taught me many, many valuable things this week:
1. I'm SO glad I'm letting go of B.
2. I need to plan my weekly excursions and when I do work a little better.
3. I'm so looking forward to just letting go, decluttering, and releasing that which no longer benefits me or brings me happiness.
4. I want more family time Dammit!
5. Some people truely and honestly believe that people have the power to "make" them feel a certain way. Dude - you SO choose this. Yes, someone might make a comment about something that might hurt your feelings, but it all boils down to the person who made the comment having the issue.
For instance, take blurbs from my latest conversation:
This from the person "S" on other end of the phone:
You know, I know X is going through a hard time with her boyfriend having a brain tumor, but she makes me feel so unwanted and unimportant. You know, she makes these comments that are so mean. I know she's going through a lot, but some of the things she says... *list of sins X has apparently commited according to S*...
Thankfully, I was able to be compassionate and listen to S, who clearly has very low self worth and a desire to be important and needed. Of course, I just listened, because I wasn't sure what to say.
I don't understand why, when in a relationship, some people seem to feel that it's up to the other person to make them happy. If this is the case, that's a large burden for both partners or friends. When you look at the issues in relationships today, a lot of issues arise from expectations that haven't been met. I know, because I used to expect hubby to know what I wanted. Of course, I also knew that he wasn't a mind-reader.
Being married, I've learned many things:
1. Spell things out. People aren't mind readers. I've since learned that it's best for me to pick certain things out that I know I like. Or, provide hubby with a link and a *strong hint* that I like something.
2. Only you can make you happy. Other people might help you feel happy, but no one is responsible for your happiness but you. Plus, when I do things that make me happy, it makes my relationship with hubby even better, because there is less pressure on him.
3. Know thy partner; and accept it. I learned very quickly that my beloved hubby is not one of those hubby's that does the flower and chocolate things. Oh, he has done this, but it's not an often thing, and usually, lately if I want flowers I buy them myself, or make a comment like "Honey, I want flowers. Now." (This is usually made in the store while grocery shopping.) Most times I just look at them wistfully.
Now, before I got married, I had it all figured out. I wanted a hubby who'd romance me with flowers, fancy dinners, dancing, parties, back rubs, love letters... Luckily I'm not really a jewelry person. I learned very fast after I was married that hubby wasn't into that stuff. He'll dance with me if we're at a wedding together; and sometimes when we are at home. I do get flowers when I ask. He doesn't like parties (and people on occasion), and writing (and the back rubs *sigh*) hurts his hands.
So, I had a choice. Were these things really important? No, not really. I like them, but they aren't the reasons why I married him. My hubby does other things - he talks to me and listens, we can let each other know when we are upset with one another. We share hopes and dreams. He does laundry, helps me clean, he's an awesome dad, he loves to cuddle, he cooks, he does enjoy eating out at good restaurants, he's very supportive of me taking time out for myself, he's kind and loving, and all of the other things I could want in a hubby. And sometimes he does surprise me with flowers, a back rub, or something else I wasn't expecting.
While I was on the phone with S last night (her and X are roommates and share a business together), I realized that she knows exactly how X is, and what X is dealing with. Yet, she still gets mad at X for not living up to S's expectations. Hmmm... that's something to think about, eh?
The beauty of my relationship with hubby, and in the last few years my friendships, is that I'm learning to accept them for who they are, and to grow from that. Last night on the phone, I could've pointed out to S what X was going through, and that some people might interpret S's rampage against X as being quite selfish. But I was able to see past that, to a very scared and frightened 70-yr-old, who's spent her life being unworthy and longing for compassion from others.
I keep wondering what would happen if S learned to respect and honor herself. If she stopped taking X's comments so personally, and respected that X is dealing with a HUGE event in her life. But then, S is S. And I don't think she'll change. I am able to accept S, for who she is. But, I'm also able to honor myself enough to know that I'm not responsible for S's happiness, and that I have the choice to put some space there. (Which I have been doing, and which she's probably been picking up on.)
You see, if you don't accept your partner, there will be issues. Not everyone is willing to change (S), though some people are. But if you are choosing to commit to a lifetime together, I reccomend the art of acceptance. The beauty too, is that even when you accept someone for who they are, you don't have to like it. There are some people I don't enjoy being around, so, I just choose not to spend time with them. That's the beauty of choice.
Ah... seems as though I've missed my time here. It's good to be back. I only hope it all makes sense. Although, I'm sure it gives a good picture of what's been going on here the last few days.
And now... Da Pook would like my attention.
Monday, November 07, 2005
More thoughts on simplicity
Okay, so, I'm all excited to let B go (see previous post) and then, while gathering the tax info together and designing a spreadsheet to keep track of things (more simply, of course), that and a call from a previous client wanting to get together to do work... I admit to reconsidering my decision. I mean, you know, there's that whole possibility of the money thing and...
Good grief! Who am I kidding? All weekend I've been so incredibly blissful and ecstatic to release this burden and focus more on the pook. For four months (probably more) I've longed to be doing less in my life.
I've decided I'm not making the official decision until lunch tomorrow though. (I.E. That'll be when I announce it to the rest of the world.) Tomorrow, I'm meeting with the partner and possible partner (who obviously if I dissolve it, won't be). Then, I can talk things through, firm things up, and take the steps to officially let go.
And then, I'm going to celebrate in a big way.
I do find it incredibly interesting how tempting the promise of making more money is though. Any anonymous benefactors that'd like to donate some my way? ;)
Good grief! Who am I kidding? All weekend I've been so incredibly blissful and ecstatic to release this burden and focus more on the pook. For four months (probably more) I've longed to be doing less in my life.
I've decided I'm not making the official decision until lunch tomorrow though. (I.E. That'll be when I announce it to the rest of the world.) Tomorrow, I'm meeting with the partner and possible partner (who obviously if I dissolve it, won't be). Then, I can talk things through, firm things up, and take the steps to officially let go.
And then, I'm going to celebrate in a big way.
I do find it incredibly interesting how tempting the promise of making more money is though. Any anonymous benefactors that'd like to donate some my way? ;)
Friday, November 04, 2005
Simplicity and letting go
I had an interesting phone conversation with a colleague and dear friend this morning. I am the owner of my own business, and a partner in another business. Let's call them A and B respectively.
Business B was my dream career, or, so I thought. It's kept me busy this year, and I must admit the payoff's been nil. Granted, it's not even a year old, but...
You see every fall I'm given the opportunity to reevaluate my life. This last year's been incredibly hectic. In March we traveled for a good two weeks out of country. May and June were fabulous, and then in July we agreed to host a foreign relative for 2 months. She was 14 need I say more? Weekends from August - October were literally booked (and not with fun stuff, mostly business stuff).
And now we're in November - with no plans for the weekends. I admit that I am seduced by having no plans on weekends for the month. So much so that it's gotten me thinking about Simplicity.
Technically, I've got about 4 jobs - the paying one (A), B, being a mom, and the house. On occasionally I do the website thing too. So, I guess that's what - 5? Add to that, that I want to homeschool the pook. That would be 6. And I haven't even figured in couple or self time.
For months my friends have been looking at me in amazement when I casually tell them what I've been up to. Now I see why. With the pook being ill, I've been able to think about things. And I'm thinking I need to let something go. Homeschooling my lil one is very important to me, and I'm not willing to let go of the pook or the hubby that's for sure! A helps to pay the bills.
So really, that would leave B. Of course, I can always let the house stuff slide too, or just better organize things.
The good news is, that because my desire to simplify is so strong, picturing free weekends, an unscheduled year, without redesigning things, or thinking about packaging is lovely. Just thinking about dissolving B, I feel lighter. So, maybe I'll just do what I did for B as a side hobby instead. Or, maybe I'll just take a year off and see how I feel.
A psychic friend of mine mentioned that what I did for B was important, but would never make a lot of money, nor was it what I'm supposed to do. I'm actually really okay not knowing what I'm supposed to do. Maybe because I'm enjoying what I'm doing, and, I'm already working from home.
It's pretty obvious, I think, to let go of B. The more I think about it, the more it feels right. But, there's still the thoughts and the energy I've already invested in B.
Ah, who I am kidding? I'm more ready to let go of B than anyone. I hate the finance and tax crap. That's the only thing I miss working for a someone else. They figure out the tax and IRA stuff.
Business B was my dream career, or, so I thought. It's kept me busy this year, and I must admit the payoff's been nil. Granted, it's not even a year old, but...
You see every fall I'm given the opportunity to reevaluate my life. This last year's been incredibly hectic. In March we traveled for a good two weeks out of country. May and June were fabulous, and then in July we agreed to host a foreign relative for 2 months. She was 14 need I say more? Weekends from August - October were literally booked (and not with fun stuff, mostly business stuff).
And now we're in November - with no plans for the weekends. I admit that I am seduced by having no plans on weekends for the month. So much so that it's gotten me thinking about Simplicity.
Technically, I've got about 4 jobs - the paying one (A), B, being a mom, and the house. On occasionally I do the website thing too. So, I guess that's what - 5? Add to that, that I want to homeschool the pook. That would be 6. And I haven't even figured in couple or self time.
For months my friends have been looking at me in amazement when I casually tell them what I've been up to. Now I see why. With the pook being ill, I've been able to think about things. And I'm thinking I need to let something go. Homeschooling my lil one is very important to me, and I'm not willing to let go of the pook or the hubby that's for sure! A helps to pay the bills.
So really, that would leave B. Of course, I can always let the house stuff slide too, or just better organize things.
The good news is, that because my desire to simplify is so strong, picturing free weekends, an unscheduled year, without redesigning things, or thinking about packaging is lovely. Just thinking about dissolving B, I feel lighter. So, maybe I'll just do what I did for B as a side hobby instead. Or, maybe I'll just take a year off and see how I feel.
A psychic friend of mine mentioned that what I did for B was important, but would never make a lot of money, nor was it what I'm supposed to do. I'm actually really okay not knowing what I'm supposed to do. Maybe because I'm enjoying what I'm doing, and, I'm already working from home.
It's pretty obvious, I think, to let go of B. The more I think about it, the more it feels right. But, there's still the thoughts and the energy I've already invested in B.
Ah, who I am kidding? I'm more ready to let go of B than anyone. I hate the finance and tax crap. That's the only thing I miss working for a someone else. They figure out the tax and IRA stuff.
Happy Friday
Normally, I'm not too concerned about Fridays, though I do get excited because it means hubby gets two days off work and I'm not home alone all day with the pook. But after this week, I'm jubulantly jumping up and down with joy (how's that for alliteration?) for Friday.
Any parent can tell you, that when your lil one isn't feel good, it makes life a bit interesting. As of Tuesday, the pook's been feeling bad. It started with a runny nose, and has now settled into congestion. Seems Daddy's got something similar now too. Luckily, we've actually got no plans this weekend.
I did want to check out the craft show in town, however, when I think about dealing with the traffic, the people, and how I'm really trying no to spend extra money. Well... I think it's best to stay home. Besides, we've got plenty of projects.
Ah, there I go with the projects again. I was in the back of the basement yesterday, and caught myself thinking about how marvelous "it" would be if I cleared out the pile of good will stuff, straightened off the took bench, put down the linoleum, thuroughly cleaned everything, and got rid of those boxes hubby still has yet to get through... but then, what is "it"? Will I be happier without the junk lying around? With a clearer space? Granted, I'll feel better because it's no longer there and I admit to clutter, especially lying all over the place, drives me buggy. But how cool would it be if I was okay with it until it got done? OMG! What a concept!
Aside from this bit of enlightenment, I did actually get to play yesterday. No, seriously! Pook and I sat down and played with water colors. Maybe if I get around to it, I'll actually post pictures. Once I figure out how to do that, that is. :)
The feeling of listening to music, sitting at the kitchen table, and painting with my daughter was just absolutely amazing. It's been so long since I've painted, and it was so nice to share this with pookie. There was something about spending (and it was only maybe 30 mintues) playing with colors and brush strokes.
It reminded me how much power I have to create a serene environment of comfort and coziness in my home. Now, can someone remind me of that next time I get stressed out? :)
Speaking of pook... looks like she needs some Momma cuddles!
Any parent can tell you, that when your lil one isn't feel good, it makes life a bit interesting. As of Tuesday, the pook's been feeling bad. It started with a runny nose, and has now settled into congestion. Seems Daddy's got something similar now too. Luckily, we've actually got no plans this weekend.
I did want to check out the craft show in town, however, when I think about dealing with the traffic, the people, and how I'm really trying no to spend extra money. Well... I think it's best to stay home. Besides, we've got plenty of projects.
Ah, there I go with the projects again. I was in the back of the basement yesterday, and caught myself thinking about how marvelous "it" would be if I cleared out the pile of good will stuff, straightened off the took bench, put down the linoleum, thuroughly cleaned everything, and got rid of those boxes hubby still has yet to get through... but then, what is "it"? Will I be happier without the junk lying around? With a clearer space? Granted, I'll feel better because it's no longer there and I admit to clutter, especially lying all over the place, drives me buggy. But how cool would it be if I was okay with it until it got done? OMG! What a concept!
Aside from this bit of enlightenment, I did actually get to play yesterday. No, seriously! Pook and I sat down and played with water colors. Maybe if I get around to it, I'll actually post pictures. Once I figure out how to do that, that is. :)
The feeling of listening to music, sitting at the kitchen table, and painting with my daughter was just absolutely amazing. It's been so long since I've painted, and it was so nice to share this with pookie. There was something about spending (and it was only maybe 30 mintues) playing with colors and brush strokes.
It reminded me how much power I have to create a serene environment of comfort and coziness in my home. Now, can someone remind me of that next time I get stressed out? :)
Speaking of pook... looks like she needs some Momma cuddles!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Thursday morning
It would've been lovely to sleep in, but of course my angel gal awoke bright and early (1/2 hour before Daddy's alarm) so today should be interesting. It's a Thursday, and since I worked ahead last night, it shouldn't be too bad.
Oh yes, I work from home and I love it. It took a while to get used to, but when you've don't want to do the day care thing, but would still like added income, it's marvelous. Now, if only we can get Daddy to work from home.
My darling husband and I have an interesting relationship. There are those of our friends who rarely seem to spend time together, then there are those who do everything thing together. As for us, I'd love to do everything together, however, my darling hubby has a cave complex. If he doesn't get time to himself, he gets grouchy.
For years, I never knew that I, too, needed time for me. And when you become a mom - that's a BIG deal, especially as it's so rare. Now, if I don't get time to me I get grouchy. The funny thing is, hubby's much more likely to take it than me. I can always find some project I need to be doing, and, as I actually have 2 businesses I run, plus the mom thing, plus keeping up the house stuff... as you can see, time for me is a rarity.
I realized the other day, that I'd stopped my hobbies after the baby was born. I used to love to paint, create stuff around the house, write poetry, update a personal ezine... all of which have fallen to the way side. Though, I have been inspired on occasion to jot out a poem here and there.
The thing is though - were these things fun? Were they play? Hmmm... good question, because in many instances they were actually projects with a deadline. But, I did enjoy doing them. So...
So, this is where my thoughts leave me today. What is fun? How do I have fun? How does one play?
Hubby loves movies and video games. I enjoy a good book (rare with the lil one around), sketching or drawing (especially without a purpose), coloring, dancing, playing in the leaves, laughing... Laughing is important when one is being playful; or at least one of those grins that surfaces from deep down in the belly.
What can I do today to play and laugh?
Oh yes, I work from home and I love it. It took a while to get used to, but when you've don't want to do the day care thing, but would still like added income, it's marvelous. Now, if only we can get Daddy to work from home.
My darling husband and I have an interesting relationship. There are those of our friends who rarely seem to spend time together, then there are those who do everything thing together. As for us, I'd love to do everything together, however, my darling hubby has a cave complex. If he doesn't get time to himself, he gets grouchy.
For years, I never knew that I, too, needed time for me. And when you become a mom - that's a BIG deal, especially as it's so rare. Now, if I don't get time to me I get grouchy. The funny thing is, hubby's much more likely to take it than me. I can always find some project I need to be doing, and, as I actually have 2 businesses I run, plus the mom thing, plus keeping up the house stuff... as you can see, time for me is a rarity.
I realized the other day, that I'd stopped my hobbies after the baby was born. I used to love to paint, create stuff around the house, write poetry, update a personal ezine... all of which have fallen to the way side. Though, I have been inspired on occasion to jot out a poem here and there.
The thing is though - were these things fun? Were they play? Hmmm... good question, because in many instances they were actually projects with a deadline. But, I did enjoy doing them. So...
So, this is where my thoughts leave me today. What is fun? How do I have fun? How does one play?
Hubby loves movies and video games. I enjoy a good book (rare with the lil one around), sketching or drawing (especially without a purpose), coloring, dancing, playing in the leaves, laughing... Laughing is important when one is being playful; or at least one of those grins that surfaces from deep down in the belly.
What can I do today to play and laugh?
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Thoughts
I sit here, way past my bedtime, adding thoughts to this screen. I should be sleeping, as I'm an early morning lass and my sweet angel of a daughter's been ill and in need of Momma's nurturing comfort (i.e. wrapping her arms around my neck, burying her head in my chest, wraping my own arms around her, and lying there while watching the room). Hubby gets up for work about 5 am (sometimes earlier) depending on our sweet lil' one or how well he sleeps.
Ironically, there was a time when he'd do anything for those extra 5 minutes of sleep in the morning, but now, he seems to realize the value of that early morning alone time. There really is something to being up before the sun rises, basking in the silence of the darkness. As though darkness is silent . ;)
Who am I? That's a good question with a plethora of answers summed up with, "I am me" at the moment. Actually, if you really want to know, I have many parts: there's the ME, muse, mother, wife, spirit, soul, teacher, mentor, webdesigner (sort of, I dabble in it and put up basic stuff), retreat facilitator, creator, writer, and of course, none of this is in any particular order, because honey, I change my mind and moods at will. Just so you know.
I've chosen the name Playful Grace, because that was a name given to me by someone a long time ago. I didn't think anything of it at the time. In fact, I thought it was rather ridiculous, but then, that seemed to go with my arrogance of the age. Now that I've crossed from maidenhood to motherhood - things are seen in a different light.
This name has come to mean much more, as I'm at a point in my life where I'm not sure what fun is anymore. It used to be friendly competition (no longer my thing), flirting with men (so married now), dancing (the club thing and clingy guys - no thank you!), and other things that slip away as my minds begs for sleep.
So now I'm on a quest as to whether or not the name fits. Am I playful? Am I graceful? To many extents I think I can be, and there are times when I am. But to take a name like this, now that I see the beauty and strength in it, requires a bit of excavation on my part.
Ah, and the otter part? Well... that's the interesting part. You see that's what gave me the name. The Otter is one of my totems, and, well, they are indeed very playful creatures.
So, join the exploration. Input welcome I suppose.
I don't know how deep this will go, but, I'm willing to give it a shot.
Ironically, there was a time when he'd do anything for those extra 5 minutes of sleep in the morning, but now, he seems to realize the value of that early morning alone time. There really is something to being up before the sun rises, basking in the silence of the darkness. As though darkness is silent . ;)
Who am I? That's a good question with a plethora of answers summed up with, "I am me" at the moment. Actually, if you really want to know, I have many parts: there's the ME, muse, mother, wife, spirit, soul, teacher, mentor, webdesigner (sort of, I dabble in it and put up basic stuff), retreat facilitator, creator, writer, and of course, none of this is in any particular order, because honey, I change my mind and moods at will. Just so you know.
I've chosen the name Playful Grace, because that was a name given to me by someone a long time ago. I didn't think anything of it at the time. In fact, I thought it was rather ridiculous, but then, that seemed to go with my arrogance of the age. Now that I've crossed from maidenhood to motherhood - things are seen in a different light.
This name has come to mean much more, as I'm at a point in my life where I'm not sure what fun is anymore. It used to be friendly competition (no longer my thing), flirting with men (so married now), dancing (the club thing and clingy guys - no thank you!), and other things that slip away as my minds begs for sleep.
So now I'm on a quest as to whether or not the name fits. Am I playful? Am I graceful? To many extents I think I can be, and there are times when I am. But to take a name like this, now that I see the beauty and strength in it, requires a bit of excavation on my part.
Ah, and the otter part? Well... that's the interesting part. You see that's what gave me the name. The Otter is one of my totems, and, well, they are indeed very playful creatures.
So, join the exploration. Input welcome I suppose.
I don't know how deep this will go, but, I'm willing to give it a shot.
Here I am
Well, here I am. I'm not quite sure why I've done this, but, I have. I'm not sure what exactly I'll post, aside from daily bits here and there, or what I'll post. Nor have I decided if I'll tell people that I know that I'm posting here. :)
But, I am here.
But, I am here.
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