In 2010 I have realized a quite a bit:
- I have not been taking the best care of myself, and it's taken a toll. I am, however, very aware of this.
- I have not been eating the best. I am also aware of this.
- I have some seriously amazing people and friends in my life who've amazed me and supported me beyond expectations, hope, and dreams. There are some really great people in my life.
- I took a chance and found a new "home".
- I have been making the most of quite a few things in my life, and it's been great.
- Creating personal policies is a good thing.
- We took a chance, and had an amazing, simple, yet rich and thoroughly enjoyable month and holiday in December. It was perfect for us.
- I can never seem to get enough of PJ days. I love them.
- I gained a new, truer perspective in a few aspects in my life - and though some were painful, in the end, it's been a blessing.
- I've become more aware of the blessings in my life.
- Reading, journaling, painting and crafting bring me joy - and I would like to do more of these.
- I have been feeling disconnected from quite a few things. It's time to reconnect I think.
2010 has brought sorrow, joys, delights, disappointments, and a bevy of emotions to go with the ride. I've almost felt as though it's been a year of stagnation in many ways. Leaves me feeling rather positive about 2011 at least. :) Which reminds me... will I create a focus for 2011? Or will I venture something a bit different. I need to ponder this for a bit.
For 2010, this is what I planned to focus on, and which, as you can see, I didn't really do such a great job of it:
1. Myself .I honor myself and recognize that I deserve time to regroup. I am taking time out for me so that I can be a better mom and wife. I can do this through massages, time with friends that really nurture my soul and help to relax me, getting out of the house, reflexology, and doing things I truly enjoy - even if it's going someplace where I can read or paint. <-Looking over the year, I realized that I did more of this than I thought, yet still realized that what I was doing, wasn't enough. I did do the massages and spent some amazing time with good friends. However, I have learned that I need to do things on a weekly basis.
I exercise on a regular basis, focusing mainly on strength training with a side of yoga, walking, dancing, pilates, and cardio. <-I slacked off on this big time, but picked it up again, then it slid, then picked it up again. I'm going into the New Year exercising though. :)
I am eating healthier by starting clean eating and trying new recipes and foods. <-A good plan, that went awry. Very, very awry.
I plan to get a physical and eye exam this year. <-Eye exam, yes. Physical, put it off and still haven't found a doctor I like.
2 Finances <-Room for improvement.
Buy only what we really need. If we don't need it, we won't get it. <-Um... well, in terms of big things we stuck to this... other things... we could've done better... Continue to save up. <- We've actually gone into savings a bit this year. Donate to Heifer.org.<-This is on hold for the moment.
3 SimplifyI'm taking it to the next level. <-I changed my mind.
- Stuff - Declutter and purge project throughout the entire house. Organize. Something comes in, something goes out. <-We started this wholeheartedly in January. And then it pittered off as things came up, life happened, and we decided to spend out time doing other things - like traveling and time with friends. We didn't get the Good Will pile out until summer, and within a week, there was another pile... this time with leftover flooring bits, and there are still boxes we need to go through, as it's not all Good Will stuff. But, maybe it should be.
- Time - New calendar with less space, thus less room to schedule things. Keep scheduling to a minimum. Respect boundaries and keep things uncomplicated. <-Oh! Oh! Score on this one for the most part! We really rocked it for the month of December. We did have quite a bit going on in the Autumn, but a good chunk was for Squeak's therapy.
- Homeschooling - Make time to breathe. Determine what is really important. <-This one still needs work. We still haven't found a good balance. We did stick to what we felt was most important though. At least... I think...
- Food - Clean eating. <-Well, we made some of the recipes...
4. Living consciously with awareness and joy.
I am slowing down and stopping to smell the flowers. I am present in the moment. I enjoy the moments and life. I am basking in laughter, gratitude and joy, and I am willing to encourage, inspire and share these with others.<-I have had moments of this through the year. It wasn't a constant though. And really, I'm okay with that, because I've made the most of those moments I've been aware of.
I continue:
-to respect my inner voice and listen to it.<-I have indeed gotten better with this...
- to hear and listen to what I need. <-and this...
- to bask in joy and gratitude. <-and this...
- to maintain a home environment of peace, love, nurturing and joy. <-this one could be better
To Complete:
- Get Information book updated and completely <-Didn't even start this.
- Huge decluttering/purge of the house <-Started it, and completely lost momentum when spring hit.
- Find a good doctor and get a physical <-That would be a no.
- Get eye exam and new glasses <-Score!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Reflections on an Amazing Holiday
This morning, I had some quiet time to think and reflect over the past few days. I'm still in awe that our holiday is still continuing through today... and I've hope to keep that sense of peace, slowness, joy, and relaxation going throughout the week despite the "work" thing.
The best gifts of this Christmas, weren't those found under a Christmas tree. They've come in different shapes and sizes...
* The scent of my house on Friday (turkey) and on Saturday (pumpkin pie).
* The feel of a solid half hour of snuggling, giggling, watching, and "chatting" with my youngest all to myself.
* Watching my children dance to carols, under a tent they made.
* Holding my eldest in my arms while she slept. Breathing her in, all too aware of how she is growing...
* The taste of turkey mixed with sauerkraut, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes and string beans...
* Savoring the flavor of pumpkin pie with real whipped cream.
* Realizing, that journaling, with pen and paper is a gift I hadn't really appreciated until I made time for it again.
* Making time to read.
* Finally feeling that the amount of presents for the girls was just right - not too many, and not too few, and each and every gift was fully enjoyed and played with that day.
* Dancing together as a family.
* Having my husband tell me that he's been enjoying dancing with me.
* Hearing my youngest tell me when she's tired, then off to "Night! Night!" and snuggling up in bed or on the couch to rest up.
* Hearing my eldest tell me about how she can see the improvement in her drawing and dancing.
* Watching as she enthusiastically creates books for each of us, using the empty books we made her using construction paper for Christmas... she's lost track of how many (at least 5 by my count). She got them Saturday... it's Monday.
* The slowness, the lack of feeling rushed, the sweet joy of sleeping in, and gracefully moving through the day...
Yes... an amazing holiday indeed.
The best gifts of this Christmas, weren't those found under a Christmas tree. They've come in different shapes and sizes...
* The scent of my house on Friday (turkey) and on Saturday (pumpkin pie).
* The feel of a solid half hour of snuggling, giggling, watching, and "chatting" with my youngest all to myself.
* Watching my children dance to carols, under a tent they made.
* Holding my eldest in my arms while she slept. Breathing her in, all too aware of how she is growing...
* The taste of turkey mixed with sauerkraut, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes and string beans...
* Savoring the flavor of pumpkin pie with real whipped cream.
* Realizing, that journaling, with pen and paper is a gift I hadn't really appreciated until I made time for it again.
* Making time to read.
* Finally feeling that the amount of presents for the girls was just right - not too many, and not too few, and each and every gift was fully enjoyed and played with that day.
* Dancing together as a family.
* Having my husband tell me that he's been enjoying dancing with me.
* Hearing my youngest tell me when she's tired, then off to "Night! Night!" and snuggling up in bed or on the couch to rest up.
* Hearing my eldest tell me about how she can see the improvement in her drawing and dancing.
* Watching as she enthusiastically creates books for each of us, using the empty books we made her using construction paper for Christmas... she's lost track of how many (at least 5 by my count). She got them Saturday... it's Monday.
* The slowness, the lack of feeling rushed, the sweet joy of sleeping in, and gracefully moving through the day...
Yes... an amazing holiday indeed.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Decisions
The last few months my mind has been filled with thoughts, and a sub-conscious that has been screaming (very loudly, and via all of my writing outlets and then some), that I need to slow down, maybe even stop. But I was terrified to stop, afraid that I'd loose momentum if I did.
And yet, it kept getting louder, and it was clear that I was feeling off balance, as was my family.
My time has been really full the last few months - work, homeschooling, activities, Squeak's allergies and therapy, not getting enough sleep, travel, and probably other things that I've been forgetting. Life had become overwhelming, and I couldn't keep up. Then, I'd ream myself out for not keeping up. Yet I still wouldn't slow down.
Finally, I realized, I had some serious decisions to make. Something needed to give. I needed to slow down and stop. I needed to stop comparing myself to how much others did and were doing, and just stop. I was unbalanced, and until I regained that balance, I was going to continue struggling and fighting a loosing battle.
And so, I stopped, took a breath, decided to tweak our schooling for the month to be more laid back to help with the burnout. We choose to homescool for many reasons, one of which was that I wanted to take most of December off to really enjoy the holiday. And I've not done that yet - until this year.
Instead of opting to do all the activities we've done in the past, we opted to do something that suited our family. We needed to soothe our souls, rejuvenate out minds, bodies and spirits, and to slow down. And through the years, we have discovered that means NFP weekends (No F'n Plans).
And so that is what we are doing. We've opted to stay in for the month. I do not work (my computer is turned off all of Saturday and most of Sunday), nor do I do work, on the weekends. We won't be attending fancy holiday parties, or running all over the place. We make it a point to read, play games, do something creative as a family.
Winter is generally a time for hibernating for our family anyway. It's a natural rhythm that we all enjoy and benefit from. We have for years, and one day, it may shift. For now, I want to honor it, nurture it, and savor it, as opposed to fighting it, or not doing it because someone else thinks that we shouldn't be doing it.
I've decided it's time to listen to that voice of intuition I've spent the last 5 years denying (questioning and doubting), and have reconnected with (in Spring).When I used to listen to that voice, I was able to trust and let go of fear. Because I knew, from the depths of my soul, I knew where to go based on how I felt about things. Even if logically it didn't make sense, and the rest of the world tried to convince me otherwise, when I listened, and I mean really listened and followed that gut instinct - I found I was right where I was supposed to be.
So many times I have reached out to others for input on a decision, instead of trusting that "feeling". Actually, I ignored it because it was just a "feeling" and there was no "proof" behind it. But this year, I've known when I walked into a building, I was meant to be there. I've watched things fall into place when the time was best, and not before. I've remembered what it felt like to "know", and that enabled me to move past the guilt and self-doubt, to trust myself.
In trusting myself, I am taking time to ask myself some questions, to give things some thought, to dare to do things that others might not like or approve of.
It's been snowing here, and if I don't feel comfortable driving in it, or if I choose to stay home and enjoy it, so be it. Mind you, this decision came after an intense struggle involving "to go" or "not to go" to an activity for Squeak when it was snowing. I felt guilty for not going, for not making the most of the money I'd spent, and for not "doing enough" for my child. Thankfully, it was canceled, but it got me thinking, and I didn't feel like getting so stressed out about it again. Giving myself permission to "bow out" to say no - is liberating.
I've decided that I'm not sending out the yearly Christmas letter updating the details of our life over the year. There has been SO much that has happened, that I'm not even sure a letter will do it justice. And frankly, there are other things requiring my time and attention. So this year, I'm deciding to "bow out".
We've chosen to be nontraditional in regards to Christmas this year. We're taking a long weekend, just our little family, with no guests or visitors. We will drink hot cocoa, tea and chai lattes and create our own little feasts. We'll probably stay in PJs the whole time.
There are Christmas movies that we'd like to watch. Wii we'd like to play. There will Christmas music. We'll probably dance and sing. We might be inspired to paint, sketch, or sculpt. We'll hopefully read. We might not leave the house the entire weekend. There are no plans set in stone.
Pook is excited about Christmas this year - more so than those of the past. Da Hub is glad that we won't be traveling, and excited that he can sleep in and stay in PJs all weekend. Squeak is just happy to have us all around. And as for me, well, it feels right for us, and I'm excited that we've made this choice.
And yet, it kept getting louder, and it was clear that I was feeling off balance, as was my family.
My time has been really full the last few months - work, homeschooling, activities, Squeak's allergies and therapy, not getting enough sleep, travel, and probably other things that I've been forgetting. Life had become overwhelming, and I couldn't keep up. Then, I'd ream myself out for not keeping up. Yet I still wouldn't slow down.
Finally, I realized, I had some serious decisions to make. Something needed to give. I needed to slow down and stop. I needed to stop comparing myself to how much others did and were doing, and just stop. I was unbalanced, and until I regained that balance, I was going to continue struggling and fighting a loosing battle.
And so, I stopped, took a breath, decided to tweak our schooling for the month to be more laid back to help with the burnout. We choose to homescool for many reasons, one of which was that I wanted to take most of December off to really enjoy the holiday. And I've not done that yet - until this year.
Instead of opting to do all the activities we've done in the past, we opted to do something that suited our family. We needed to soothe our souls, rejuvenate out minds, bodies and spirits, and to slow down. And through the years, we have discovered that means NFP weekends (No F'n Plans).
And so that is what we are doing. We've opted to stay in for the month. I do not work (my computer is turned off all of Saturday and most of Sunday), nor do I do work, on the weekends. We won't be attending fancy holiday parties, or running all over the place. We make it a point to read, play games, do something creative as a family.
Winter is generally a time for hibernating for our family anyway. It's a natural rhythm that we all enjoy and benefit from. We have for years, and one day, it may shift. For now, I want to honor it, nurture it, and savor it, as opposed to fighting it, or not doing it because someone else thinks that we shouldn't be doing it.
I've decided it's time to listen to that voice of intuition I've spent the last 5 years denying (questioning and doubting), and have reconnected with (in Spring).When I used to listen to that voice, I was able to trust and let go of fear. Because I knew, from the depths of my soul, I knew where to go based on how I felt about things. Even if logically it didn't make sense, and the rest of the world tried to convince me otherwise, when I listened, and I mean really listened and followed that gut instinct - I found I was right where I was supposed to be.
So many times I have reached out to others for input on a decision, instead of trusting that "feeling". Actually, I ignored it because it was just a "feeling" and there was no "proof" behind it. But this year, I've known when I walked into a building, I was meant to be there. I've watched things fall into place when the time was best, and not before. I've remembered what it felt like to "know", and that enabled me to move past the guilt and self-doubt, to trust myself.
In trusting myself, I am taking time to ask myself some questions, to give things some thought, to dare to do things that others might not like or approve of.
It's been snowing here, and if I don't feel comfortable driving in it, or if I choose to stay home and enjoy it, so be it. Mind you, this decision came after an intense struggle involving "to go" or "not to go" to an activity for Squeak when it was snowing. I felt guilty for not going, for not making the most of the money I'd spent, and for not "doing enough" for my child. Thankfully, it was canceled, but it got me thinking, and I didn't feel like getting so stressed out about it again. Giving myself permission to "bow out" to say no - is liberating.
I've decided that I'm not sending out the yearly Christmas letter updating the details of our life over the year. There has been SO much that has happened, that I'm not even sure a letter will do it justice. And frankly, there are other things requiring my time and attention. So this year, I'm deciding to "bow out".
We've chosen to be nontraditional in regards to Christmas this year. We're taking a long weekend, just our little family, with no guests or visitors. We will drink hot cocoa, tea and chai lattes and create our own little feasts. We'll probably stay in PJs the whole time.
There are Christmas movies that we'd like to watch. Wii we'd like to play. There will Christmas music. We'll probably dance and sing. We might be inspired to paint, sketch, or sculpt. We'll hopefully read. We might not leave the house the entire weekend. There are no plans set in stone.
Pook is excited about Christmas this year - more so than those of the past. Da Hub is glad that we won't be traveling, and excited that he can sleep in and stay in PJs all weekend. Squeak is just happy to have us all around. And as for me, well, it feels right for us, and I'm excited that we've made this choice.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Lost in thought...
A lot has been happening in our little world these last few months, and it's been time for some quiet introspection. I'm not sure if I'm ready to return to the world of blogging just yet... but it's so nice to know that it's here.
This is a phrase that's been getting me through, and enabling me to make some recent decisions:
Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it.
So I'm taking things one step at a time. Working through, figuring things out, and trying to get in touch with something I've misplaced over the last few years.
It's been snowing here, and I'm loving that silence. I'm currently fighting the urge to just stop everything. I long to hunker in the house, save to leave for sledding, and just BE. I want to hunker under a blanket for days, leaving only to make a new cup of tea, get a new book, and snuggle up with my children. But life seems to be getting in the way of that.
So until I return, I'm taking things step-by-step. We'll see where I end up.
This is a phrase that's been getting me through, and enabling me to make some recent decisions:
Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it.
So I'm taking things one step at a time. Working through, figuring things out, and trying to get in touch with something I've misplaced over the last few years.
It's been snowing here, and I'm loving that silence. I'm currently fighting the urge to just stop everything. I long to hunker in the house, save to leave for sledding, and just BE. I want to hunker under a blanket for days, leaving only to make a new cup of tea, get a new book, and snuggle up with my children. But life seems to be getting in the way of that.
So until I return, I'm taking things step-by-step. We'll see where I end up.
Friday, November 05, 2010
NaBloPoMo Day 5
Today's question: What makes you notice someone?
It depends on the person. The first thing I usually notice, would be the eyes followed by the smile. And then, I take them all in- the physical and the personality. What makes someone stand out to me, is the way they carry themselves. I notice if they laugh a lot, or smile a lot. I notice if they seem to be carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. And some people just radiate an energy that causes me to look deeper and talk to them.
Want to join in? NaBloPoMo.
It depends on the person. The first thing I usually notice, would be the eyes followed by the smile. And then, I take them all in- the physical and the personality. What makes someone stand out to me, is the way they carry themselves. I notice if they laugh a lot, or smile a lot. I notice if they seem to be carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. And some people just radiate an energy that causes me to look deeper and talk to them.
Want to join in? NaBloPoMo.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
NaBloPoMo Day 4
Today's question: Would you rather be wealthy and ugly, wise and sickly, or beautiful and stupid?
When I first read this, I though it was asking two things:
But then I realized it was three things. As I don't like to be sick, that nicks out the "wise and sickly" part. Plus, I don't consider myself to be wise, and I'm not so sure I'd want to be anyway. And, I'd nick out the beautiful and stupid, because of the stupid part. I'm not sure that being beautiful is all it is cracked up to be either.
Which leaves me with "wealthy and ugly", so I suppose that is what I'd choose. Because at least I could use my wealth to help others - and travel. Because I love to travel. Besides, when it all comes down to it, beauty and ugliness are really in the eye of the beholder. What is beautiful to one culture, is not to another.
Either way, I think these are all dangerous combinations to choose from. If I could mix and match them, I'd like to be wise and wealthy. Then, perhaps I could increase my wealth and possibly make a real difference to the world.
When I first read this, I though it was asking two things:
Would you rather be wealthy and ugly, wise and sickly
or
Beautiful and stupid.
But then I realized it was three things. As I don't like to be sick, that nicks out the "wise and sickly" part. Plus, I don't consider myself to be wise, and I'm not so sure I'd want to be anyway. And, I'd nick out the beautiful and stupid, because of the stupid part. I'm not sure that being beautiful is all it is cracked up to be either.
Which leaves me with "wealthy and ugly", so I suppose that is what I'd choose. Because at least I could use my wealth to help others - and travel. Because I love to travel. Besides, when it all comes down to it, beauty and ugliness are really in the eye of the beholder. What is beautiful to one culture, is not to another.
Either way, I think these are all dangerous combinations to choose from. If I could mix and match them, I'd like to be wise and wealthy. Then, perhaps I could increase my wealth and possibly make a real difference to the world.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Since hubby's doing NanoWrimo...
Perhaps I'll try NaBloPoMo. Thanks to J and R for this(I think). J was inspired by R, you see.
Anyway, I don't know if I'll do it every day. But some of the prompts have interested me. That being said, the prompt for November 1 was "How would your life change if you didn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, i.e., if your housing was free?" Unlike some of my friends who are doing this, I am a homeowner and still paying mortgage. Realistically, if I didn't have a mortgage, I'd have more income each month that I would put to savings and use toward travel, and house projects.
Anyway, I don't know if I'll do it every day. But some of the prompts have interested me. That being said, the prompt for November 1 was "How would your life change if you didn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, i.e., if your housing was free?" Unlike some of my friends who are doing this, I am a homeowner and still paying mortgage. Realistically, if I didn't have a mortgage, I'd have more income each month that I would put to savings and use toward travel, and house projects.
Nov 2: "Tell us the story of a piece of jewelry you own. Where did it come from, and what does it mean to you?" My engagement ring has a cool story behind it. I did not want a traditional diamond. I wanted a ruby. My hubby (who was my fiance' at the time) and I were walking around, looking into the various shops. I came across a gorgeous ring, but it had an emerald in it. I made the comment to hubby, that I'd totally have that ring if it were a ruby. The shopkeeper heard me, and took me over to look at rubies that would fit. I found the perfect one that sparkled just right.
Two weeks later we returned, and the shop owner reported that the emerald had been crushed when her removed it for the ruby. I'm not sure if that was true or not, but, I love my ring. Hubby then reproposed in the store - complete with the one knee bit. It's by far my favorite ring - a queen (the ruby) among kings (small diamonds the surround each side).
Nov 3: "Describe the plot of the next book you want to read, even if the book doesn't exist yet." I'm having a hard time with this. You see, I'd love to read a book that leaves me feeling really good at the end, that draws me in, and that I feel rather sad having finished. As for a plot... I really can't say, because so many have done this for me. Hmmm...
Friday, October 29, 2010
{this moment}
Friday, October 22, 2010
{this moment}
Sunday, October 17, 2010
How I fell in love with the City
I have, since I can remember, always considered myself to be a country gal. I've been to a few cities in my lifetime, and none have impressed me. Although, the West side of New York, as least as presented in "You've Got Mail" was always tempting for me. But was that really what a city could be like? And I'm talking about the "feel" that was created - not just the look.
And then, we went to Toronto. My dear Canadians, I LOVE this city. Not only did I get to spend a week with friends, but I felt as though I was living in the movie "You've Got Mail". Seriously. The vendors are decked out for autumn with mums and pumpkins, and sometimes gorgeous floral arrangements IN pumpkins.
The street where we stayed has a Starbucks to the left and to the right. I was treated to a tall chai nonfat milk chai latte from each (Thank You!!!). And a Timothy's where I was treated to the most delicious pumpkin chai latte and had to buy a large before heading home... YUM! Which I was able to enjoy with some delicious pastries for breakfast, and still have some leftover to enjoy along with a good book The Thirteenth Tale. Bliss.
And, speaking of books, there is a bookstore and library in walking distance. The bookstore, Chapters, was once an old movie theater. And they've kept the integrity of the old theater. From the stage, to an old projector, to the old seats that can be found tucked in amongst the shelves of book. This is a shot from the balcony of the store.
And the childrens' section was simply delightful, complete with its own stage and a nook to curl up in, as one couple was doing. (Any place else would've been fine... but the children's section? Come on folks... )
There is something so simple about being able to walk to get groceries, go to the library, or a community store. I liked not needing a car to get around. I loved being able to watch the people as they walked, to wonder what their stories might be.
Most of the people are stylishly decked out in fashionable attire. People care about how they look here, and each outfit makes a statement of some kind.
I loved the plethora of bakeries and coffee houses in the area. And, if I lived here, I'm sure that I'd put on about 20 pounds and develop a latte factor that would not be budget friendly. I have been seduced by the proximity, the architecture of the neighborhood, and the divine restaurants - and I'm not even down town!
Toronto's science center was really cool, as was the ROM museum. Riding the subway was fun, and I found myself wanting to be outside more and more. I loved driving through the cities, and wished I'd gotten a picture of the trees growing on a few of the roofs.
Autumn has always thrilled me. Autumn in the city has amazed me. I have fallen in love. I always thought I was a country girl at heart... but this week, I realized that I could actually live in and enjoy the city.
 |
| One of the local flower shops. |
And then, we went to Toronto. My dear Canadians, I LOVE this city. Not only did I get to spend a week with friends, but I felt as though I was living in the movie "You've Got Mail". Seriously. The vendors are decked out for autumn with mums and pumpkins, and sometimes gorgeous floral arrangements IN pumpkins.
The street where we stayed has a Starbucks to the left and to the right. I was treated to a tall chai nonfat milk chai latte from each (Thank You!!!). And a Timothy's where I was treated to the most delicious pumpkin chai latte and had to buy a large before heading home... YUM! Which I was able to enjoy with some delicious pastries for breakfast, and still have some leftover to enjoy along with a good book The Thirteenth Tale. Bliss.
 |
| The old theater |
And the childrens' section was simply delightful, complete with its own stage and a nook to curl up in, as one couple was doing. (Any place else would've been fine... but the children's section? Come on folks... )
 |
| Shot of the children's mini stage |
Most of the people are stylishly decked out in fashionable attire. People care about how they look here, and each outfit makes a statement of some kind.
I loved the plethora of bakeries and coffee houses in the area. And, if I lived here, I'm sure that I'd put on about 20 pounds and develop a latte factor that would not be budget friendly. I have been seduced by the proximity, the architecture of the neighborhood, and the divine restaurants - and I'm not even down town!
Toronto's science center was really cool, as was the ROM museum. Riding the subway was fun, and I found myself wanting to be outside more and more. I loved driving through the cities, and wished I'd gotten a picture of the trees growing on a few of the roofs.
Autumn has always thrilled me. Autumn in the city has amazed me. I have fallen in love. I always thought I was a country girl at heart... but this week, I realized that I could actually live in and enjoy the city.
 |
| Autumn in Toronto |
Monday, October 04, 2010
New Flooring
Saturday morning, after we emptied the room, I stepped in to remember. The emptiness reminded me of the flux that has been my life, with kids (and before kids), things are continually changing. And now, this room will change again.
The walls were painted in colors with an animal trim. We tenderly put in her crib, peppered the room with baby toys, books, clothes, and other good things.
As eldest grew, the crib turned into a bed, and more toys entered the mix. When the second one was expected, we added in a crib and more baby stuff. It was getting pretty cluttered in there, but they loved it.
And now, it stood empty, warmed by the sun, waiting for it's next metamorphosis. I walked in and began to lift the carpeting. I pulled it up, pulled up the carpet strips and staples, until you could see the floor beneath.
Complete with guards.
So now, this room has changed again. It's peaceful, colorful, and the least cluttered room of the house... It's given me food for thought about the rest of my house. (Especially since I need to reorganzie a few things and get rid of or find space for more of the toys... Hmmm....
Sometimes, we don't realize that we want space until we see it and are given it.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Morning Into Evening
I've been managing to awake with the husband the last few weeks. I like to do this so that I can braid his hair for work. It's gotten quite long, and he's promised not to cut it until after our tenth wedding anniversary - which is in May. I love the feel of his hair in my hands... over, under, over, under... as I weave his hair into a long plait. It's become a simple morning ritual that I enjoy, despite feeling groggy at times.
Getting up at 5 a.m. has it's benefits, as I get some quiet time. I used to use this time to exercise, but now I use it to work. I finish up my lessons, and just when I ponder making a cup of tea and curling up on the sofa with a book or crocheting, my eldest wanders out. Their timing is impeccable.
She is wearing her flannel PJs, and she comes to me so that I can hold her in a morning hug. I breathe her in - she's so big now. We chat for a bit, and then my youngest wanders out, wiping the sleep from her eyes and squinting at the light. I give her a squeeze as I prep her morning bottle.
I ask my eldest if she wants to eat now, or wait until I've exercised. She decides to wait and curls up with a book. I opt for no music today, as I work out and stretch, while dodging a little miss who comes in for hugs and imitates my movements. I've been trying to do this at least 3 days a week, and I can feel the difference in my moods. Eventually, I hope to fit in walking... we shall see, as we are still getting used to the autumnal rhythm of our week.
I make breakfast for all, then start the soup for dinner tonight. I love making it. It connects me to the earth and motherhood - the sheer act of nurturing my family with food grown in the earth. I rinse and chop the onions while the olive oil heats in the pot. I add in the onions and garlic, and when they become iridescent, I add in the chicken broth.
My eldest has offered help (she is a part of this soup ritual of mine). I let her stir the pot, lifting up my youngest to watch. "Was-in here?" she asks in her squeaky voice. Her face is alive with curiosity. My eldest proudly explains to her that we are making soup. One day, she will make it on her own, she tells me. I secretly hope that day will be a while away, as I enjoy doing this with her. She's growing so fast already.
Eventually, I am able to continue chopping the vegetables to add in: celery (fresh from my friend's garden), carrots, potatoes and swiss chard (also from my friend's garden). I let them add the lentils - green, orange and indigo ones. The smell is intoxicating, and as I'm adding the last ingredients, my friend arrives to do yoga. I set it to simmer and join her.
My eldest has set up the mats, and after a bit of chat we fall into the rhythmic poses. Well, my friend does. My beginning is a challenge as my youngest is clingy and wants to be held. I scoop her into my arms and try to calm her, longing to be in downward dog pose feeling my calves stretch. Instead, I am focused on the wee one in my arms, who is still processing the sensory integration from yesterday's class. I can tell by her mood.
Eventually, I'm able to complete an asana or two. My eldest started with us, but decided she was having balance issues today. Thus, it's not long before she is cozied up on the couch with a good book. She's read through two Magic Treehouse books this morning.
I do a few of the poses while holding my youngest at the end. This comforts her, and causes her to laugh. For the last pose, she needs her own pillow, then lays down imitating us. Namaste. I love the Savasana at the end. I could lie there all day, but that is simply not to be.
A bit more chat, and my friend is gone. The girls are hungry so we eat lunch. My eldest complains about the smell of my veggie burger, and my youngest is wearing most of her yogurt. I long to eat my meal in quiet, and savor my hot tea. Just as I finish, and am trying to enjoy my warm tea, the youngest announces she is done. I clean her up, load up the dishwasher, and wipe the table.
After lunch, we start math with eldest. Youngest is fighting sleep. I get my eldest started, and lay down with the youngest. We read a book about three times. She pushes for four. I give in. Finally, I use joint compression and massage to calm her. It's not long before she drifts to sleep.
I return to eldest who is doing a math assessment to check in. She's progressing well. I check into work to see my other students have been active. I take a glance at Facebook to see what's happening. I linger on Soulemama's post. She's recently moved, and found a place she calls home. The happiness I feel for this woman I've never met (but long to) is overflowing. She's inspired me in so many ways. Her photos and writing is a soft balm to me on those days when life proves challenging and rushed. Her blog forces me to stop and breathe for a moment during the day. Thank you, Amanda. Thank you.
I quickly check on the soup, remember to finally turn on the dishwasher, and that there is laundry down stairs. Checking in with the eldest who's finished the assessment, I get the clothes to fold them.
I am amazed at the amount of pink and red clothes that I am folding. Most belonging to the kids, although I confess that there are a pair of pink pj's, red fuzzy socks, and two tops that are mine. My thoughts wander to the floor that we need to put in this weekend, and how we'll be moving the clothing that I'm folding into another room. I shove the clothes into the drawers, hang up what is needed, and smile at my sleeping angel. Which reminds me I need to prep her snack for when she wakes up.
Back into the kitchen, I prep a snack, check on eldest (who's been decorating her worksheets), and sit in front of the computer to fit in some work while keeping an eye on my little artist. I sit down and take a breath as I stare at the screen.
I can smell the soup wafting through the house. I hear the gentle lull of the dishwasher, and the tune my little artists hums while figuring out math problems. I can feel autumn's chill drift in on the air through the open window. I see the green trees sporting bits of red here and there. And I see that yet another student considers me to be his favorite teacher. I breathe deeply. I can do this.
I begin to tackle my work, ignoring the urge to check email and Facebook. My eldest wants to talk about America. She's decided to learn a bit about California (where she gets to design her own surfboard) and Colorado today.
I finish up what I can for work, and check on the soup. Hubby will be home soon, or not, as the phone rings and he informs me that he's stuck in traffic. Bummer. I stir the soup while chatting with him. Grabbing a handful of almonds to eat, I put the Kuerig on (as opposed to the kettle), and settle in to check math while snuggling eldest who's trying to figure out California's nickname (which was encoded). Oh, yeah, I wanted to make tea.
I hop up to make a cup, pop in tea to steep, listen to see if Sleeping Beauty has awaken, grab more almonds, and return to check math. I find a few things to see if she can fix them, and she recognizes the errors right away. I clear up the sheets and start prepping for tomorrow's lessons.
Hubby calls to inform me of the traffic situation. I ponder if I should clean the bathrooms, or check email. I opt to tackle a few more work posts after skimming Facebook. As I finish up a post, I hear what sounds like a tea kettle sound. I go in and gather my little one for her snack.
Holding her in my arms, I opt to gather the kids on the couch and feed her there. I call forth the eldest, to snuggle while finishing her work up. I gather the food, and remember my tea - which is now warm - and hit play on the CD player. The girls are snuggling together, so I grab the opportunity for a photo before the eldest makes a run for it followed by the youngest. Which ends back on the couch in a fest of giggles, at which point hubby calls and is coming home.
I empty the dishwasher with my usual rhythm, and my littlest helps me set the table. I set out the bowls; she set the spoons. I feel my body relax into the calming music. Hubby arrives and I spoon out the soup. We sit at the table chatting about the day, smiling, relaxing.
I will not clean this evening. No, I have finished up work for the evening. I'm going to log off, and settle in with the family. I need more snuggles I think. Maybe, I'll make time to read or crochet or watch a movie. I'm looking forward to the next chapter of The Wind and The Willows at bed time. It's a good book that reminds us of dear friends, and the perfect way to settle down before bed.
This is my life. Peppered with moments of all kinds. I need to stop, to put this into words, so I don't forget.
Getting up at 5 a.m. has it's benefits, as I get some quiet time. I used to use this time to exercise, but now I use it to work. I finish up my lessons, and just when I ponder making a cup of tea and curling up on the sofa with a book or crocheting, my eldest wanders out. Their timing is impeccable.
She is wearing her flannel PJs, and she comes to me so that I can hold her in a morning hug. I breathe her in - she's so big now. We chat for a bit, and then my youngest wanders out, wiping the sleep from her eyes and squinting at the light. I give her a squeeze as I prep her morning bottle.
I ask my eldest if she wants to eat now, or wait until I've exercised. She decides to wait and curls up with a book. I opt for no music today, as I work out and stretch, while dodging a little miss who comes in for hugs and imitates my movements. I've been trying to do this at least 3 days a week, and I can feel the difference in my moods. Eventually, I hope to fit in walking... we shall see, as we are still getting used to the autumnal rhythm of our week.
I make breakfast for all, then start the soup for dinner tonight. I love making it. It connects me to the earth and motherhood - the sheer act of nurturing my family with food grown in the earth. I rinse and chop the onions while the olive oil heats in the pot. I add in the onions and garlic, and when they become iridescent, I add in the chicken broth.
My eldest has offered help (she is a part of this soup ritual of mine). I let her stir the pot, lifting up my youngest to watch. "Was-in here?" she asks in her squeaky voice. Her face is alive with curiosity. My eldest proudly explains to her that we are making soup. One day, she will make it on her own, she tells me. I secretly hope that day will be a while away, as I enjoy doing this with her. She's growing so fast already.
Eventually, I am able to continue chopping the vegetables to add in: celery (fresh from my friend's garden), carrots, potatoes and swiss chard (also from my friend's garden). I let them add the lentils - green, orange and indigo ones. The smell is intoxicating, and as I'm adding the last ingredients, my friend arrives to do yoga. I set it to simmer and join her.
My eldest has set up the mats, and after a bit of chat we fall into the rhythmic poses. Well, my friend does. My beginning is a challenge as my youngest is clingy and wants to be held. I scoop her into my arms and try to calm her, longing to be in downward dog pose feeling my calves stretch. Instead, I am focused on the wee one in my arms, who is still processing the sensory integration from yesterday's class. I can tell by her mood.
Eventually, I'm able to complete an asana or two. My eldest started with us, but decided she was having balance issues today. Thus, it's not long before she is cozied up on the couch with a good book. She's read through two Magic Treehouse books this morning.
I do a few of the poses while holding my youngest at the end. This comforts her, and causes her to laugh. For the last pose, she needs her own pillow, then lays down imitating us. Namaste. I love the Savasana at the end. I could lie there all day, but that is simply not to be.
A bit more chat, and my friend is gone. The girls are hungry so we eat lunch. My eldest complains about the smell of my veggie burger, and my youngest is wearing most of her yogurt. I long to eat my meal in quiet, and savor my hot tea. Just as I finish, and am trying to enjoy my warm tea, the youngest announces she is done. I clean her up, load up the dishwasher, and wipe the table.
After lunch, we start math with eldest. Youngest is fighting sleep. I get my eldest started, and lay down with the youngest. We read a book about three times. She pushes for four. I give in. Finally, I use joint compression and massage to calm her. It's not long before she drifts to sleep.
I return to eldest who is doing a math assessment to check in. She's progressing well. I check into work to see my other students have been active. I take a glance at Facebook to see what's happening. I linger on Soulemama's post. She's recently moved, and found a place she calls home. The happiness I feel for this woman I've never met (but long to) is overflowing. She's inspired me in so many ways. Her photos and writing is a soft balm to me on those days when life proves challenging and rushed. Her blog forces me to stop and breathe for a moment during the day. Thank you, Amanda. Thank you.
I quickly check on the soup, remember to finally turn on the dishwasher, and that there is laundry down stairs. Checking in with the eldest who's finished the assessment, I get the clothes to fold them.
I am amazed at the amount of pink and red clothes that I am folding. Most belonging to the kids, although I confess that there are a pair of pink pj's, red fuzzy socks, and two tops that are mine. My thoughts wander to the floor that we need to put in this weekend, and how we'll be moving the clothing that I'm folding into another room. I shove the clothes into the drawers, hang up what is needed, and smile at my sleeping angel. Which reminds me I need to prep her snack for when she wakes up.
Back into the kitchen, I prep a snack, check on eldest (who's been decorating her worksheets), and sit in front of the computer to fit in some work while keeping an eye on my little artist. I sit down and take a breath as I stare at the screen.
I can smell the soup wafting through the house. I hear the gentle lull of the dishwasher, and the tune my little artists hums while figuring out math problems. I can feel autumn's chill drift in on the air through the open window. I see the green trees sporting bits of red here and there. And I see that yet another student considers me to be his favorite teacher. I breathe deeply. I can do this.
I begin to tackle my work, ignoring the urge to check email and Facebook. My eldest wants to talk about America. She's decided to learn a bit about California (where she gets to design her own surfboard) and Colorado today.
I finish up what I can for work, and check on the soup. Hubby will be home soon, or not, as the phone rings and he informs me that he's stuck in traffic. Bummer. I stir the soup while chatting with him. Grabbing a handful of almonds to eat, I put the Kuerig on (as opposed to the kettle), and settle in to check math while snuggling eldest who's trying to figure out California's nickname (which was encoded). Oh, yeah, I wanted to make tea.
I hop up to make a cup, pop in tea to steep, listen to see if Sleeping Beauty has awaken, grab more almonds, and return to check math. I find a few things to see if she can fix them, and she recognizes the errors right away. I clear up the sheets and start prepping for tomorrow's lessons.
Hubby calls to inform me of the traffic situation. I ponder if I should clean the bathrooms, or check email. I opt to tackle a few more work posts after skimming Facebook. As I finish up a post, I hear what sounds like a tea kettle sound. I go in and gather my little one for her snack.
Holding her in my arms, I opt to gather the kids on the couch and feed her there. I call forth the eldest, to snuggle while finishing her work up. I gather the food, and remember my tea - which is now warm - and hit play on the CD player. The girls are snuggling together, so I grab the opportunity for a photo before the eldest makes a run for it followed by the youngest. Which ends back on the couch in a fest of giggles, at which point hubby calls and is coming home.
I empty the dishwasher with my usual rhythm, and my littlest helps me set the table. I set out the bowls; she set the spoons. I feel my body relax into the calming music. Hubby arrives and I spoon out the soup. We sit at the table chatting about the day, smiling, relaxing.
I will not clean this evening. No, I have finished up work for the evening. I'm going to log off, and settle in with the family. I need more snuggles I think. Maybe, I'll make time to read or crochet or watch a movie. I'm looking forward to the next chapter of The Wind and The Willows at bed time. It's a good book that reminds us of dear friends, and the perfect way to settle down before bed.
This is my life. Peppered with moments of all kinds. I need to stop, to put this into words, so I don't forget.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Moments and hopes
 |
| My favorite barn |
Wow. Hard to believe I've been away for a month. But I couldn't help it. So much has been happening, and there hasn't been much time for me to gathering my thoughts and write them down. In August we traveled and spent a week with dear friends, and celebrated a very special birthday of my youngest, who is now 2. We also started up with schooling again, gradually adding in more and more each week. We're still not quite where we want to be, but that's okay, because we are taking our time.
 |
| Gathering Eggs |
I'm hoping that it will include more visits to the barn, and more moments to gather eggs.
But most of all, I'm hoping to find more of these moments:
 |
| Serene Moment |
Moments of quiet, where I can watch the fog outside and feel the autumnal chill in the air, and sip on hot tea, and maybe, just maybe find some time to read, crochet, and paint. Yeah, I need more of these right now.
Monday, August 09, 2010
What summer is to me...
As summer comes to its end, I find myself looking over these past few months, and really thinking about what has made this summer really feel like summer. And I've come up with a list of things that, for me, really make summer.
- Beach. Walking on the sand, playing in the waves, feeling the sand under your toes.
- Bonus is spending time on the board walk with friends, checking out the pier.
- Summer's Song. The symphony of cicadas in the evenings.
- Going to the pool. This really has become a summer treat for me.
- Farmer's Markets. Fresh veggies and supporting the locals. Love it.
- Vacation from schooling. Time off to enjoy the outdoors.
- Berries and cherries. Freshly picked.
- Picnics and dinning outdoors.
- Swimming. Be it in a pool or a lake, swimming outdoors in it - is summer.
- Cucumbers. Grown in my own backyard.
- Flowers and butterflies.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Life Shifts
One day, you find yourself trapped in a box of your own making that limits you in ways you weren't aware of. Perhaps you wake up and realize what you've been missing, or maybe suddenly you can clearly see the walls of your own creation. And then, you have a choice. Will you stay in the box? Or will you let the walls fall and move forward into the world outside?
This last week, I let my walls fall. I took a deep breathe, and stepped out and did things I haven't done before. It was scary at first, but seriously invigorating proving to myself that YES, I CAN do this. And do it I did. And I did it again. And again.
And I made a decision, maybe more than one, to really LIVE and embrace my life. I didn't realize I wasn't doing that until recently. And it's made a huge difference.
With a simple shift in perspective, I have shifted my life. And I'm quite happy with the results.
This last week, I let my walls fall. I took a deep breathe, and stepped out and did things I haven't done before. It was scary at first, but seriously invigorating proving to myself that YES, I CAN do this. And do it I did. And I did it again. And again.
And I made a decision, maybe more than one, to really LIVE and embrace my life. I didn't realize I wasn't doing that until recently. And it's made a huge difference.
With a simple shift in perspective, I have shifted my life. And I'm quite happy with the results.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
The Dragon Fly
Lately, I've been seeing dragon flies a lot. I've even considered getting a tatoo of one, because I find them so beautiful. In my bedroom, hangs a card from a friend, with two dragon flies dancing amongst the cattails and the moon. In my bathroom, is a watercolor of a dragonfly I found in a book, that I had to frame. And then, there was the visit to the farm, where my husband became obsessed with photographing butterflies and dragonflies.
I've looked them up before, and they've applied, but when a friend sent me a link today, about the dragonfly and the swan, I knew that it was time to look into this a bit further. Especially, because the story was too in tune, and too spot on in regards to things.
And so, I found this site: http://www.dragonfly-site.com/
And found it incredibly applicable to my life and the situations that I'm dealing with, in many ways.
For one thing, I'm dealing with a lot of change this year. And I mean a lot. Change is interesting. It pushes us from our comfort zone, provides the opportunity to submit or fight it, to embrace or complain about it. I'm not crazy about change in the least. Maybe because I've been dealing with more than I'd like to this year. Most of it has been good for me, but there is a part of me that is scared by it.
I did find some comfort in the information on the dragonfly though. I am indeed experiencing a change in self-realization, which is indeed connected to my mental and emotional maturity. And yeah, I've been coming across things tied into the deeper meaning of life. I found it interesting, how the dragonfly starts in water (emotions) then prepares to fly in the air (spirit). Especially because I've been rediscovering my spirituality, and what it means to me in a sense.
And then there is how it is linked to "elegance and grace". I've a fondness for grace, don't you know... :)
The section on the defeat of self-created illusions (of which I'm might have a few), and the association with "the discovery of one’s own abilities by unmasking the real self and removing the doubts one casts on his/her own sense of identity" well, let's just say that's been happening. In the last year or two, my sense of self has been torn open, exposed until raw, and now I'm working on the healing of it. I'm not too sure of my identity, but I do know that I'm on a journey to face my fears and let go of inhibitions.
Ah, and we come to the living in the moment. This has become SO important as of late. Especially in terms of my children. I've been holding them close, taking them in, making the most of my time with them. But this, this really gets me thinking: "By living in the moment you are aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t and make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis."
And so, I guess I'll keep my eyes open. Between the dragonflies and the butterflies (also a symbol of change), there is something going on. And I must admit, that I find the coincidences, or synchronicity most interesting.
Monday, August 02, 2010
Welcome August
I knew it was coming. I could hear the symphony of cicadas singing of it. And here it is.
At first, I felt the pangs of loss for June and July. For they seemed to have breezed by, and there was more I wanted to do. And July contained gifts that were welcomed and those that were not. Gifts come in strange forms, but they are gifts none-the-less.
And now, with August here, I am diving in with a zest I wasn't aware of. I am making plans that I otherwise would not have. I feel inspired and giddy.
I am filled with delight at the possibilities. And the sure sense, that I can do this.
At first, I felt the pangs of loss for June and July. For they seemed to have breezed by, and there was more I wanted to do. And July contained gifts that were welcomed and those that were not. Gifts come in strange forms, but they are gifts none-the-less.
And now, with August here, I am diving in with a zest I wasn't aware of. I am making plans that I otherwise would not have. I feel inspired and giddy.
I am filled with delight at the possibilities. And the sure sense, that I can do this.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thoughts on Purpose and Dreams
Today, I was greeted by my daily bit of Ralph. The article's title was "Who you know you must be" and the first question asked me if I was having trouble getting motivated to move toward my dream. I paused, and wondered, do I even have a dream? Do I have a purpose?
I really had no clue.
Some friends gave me great advice on how your dreams and purpose can change from day-to-day. That we can grow and change, and our dreams and purpose with them. Thus, it is good to be able to go with the flow, and focus on the present moment.
As I sit here, typing with my youngest sleeping in my arms, I realized that I was holding one dream, and sitting next to another who was adding to a picture of a zoo in her work book. I'm married to my other dream, and live in another. Four out of four dreams come true - was not too shabby.
As for purpose, I've always associated that with the bigger picture. As in, what is my impact on others, or the world? But what if my purpose involved my 2 little dreams before me? What if my purpose was the care and nurturing of these two precious souls? What if I had more than one purpose?
Within me, I feel something stirring forth from the depths where I've buried thoughts like this. I'm not sure what my purpose is, or even how to expand on it. I'm not sure what my current dreams are...
And that, is actually okay with me right now. When the time is right, or if it's needed, I suppose I'll figure it out. :)
I really had no clue.
Some friends gave me great advice on how your dreams and purpose can change from day-to-day. That we can grow and change, and our dreams and purpose with them. Thus, it is good to be able to go with the flow, and focus on the present moment.
As I sit here, typing with my youngest sleeping in my arms, I realized that I was holding one dream, and sitting next to another who was adding to a picture of a zoo in her work book. I'm married to my other dream, and live in another. Four out of four dreams come true - was not too shabby.
As for purpose, I've always associated that with the bigger picture. As in, what is my impact on others, or the world? But what if my purpose involved my 2 little dreams before me? What if my purpose was the care and nurturing of these two precious souls? What if I had more than one purpose?
Within me, I feel something stirring forth from the depths where I've buried thoughts like this. I'm not sure what my purpose is, or even how to expand on it. I'm not sure what my current dreams are...
And that, is actually okay with me right now. When the time is right, or if it's needed, I suppose I'll figure it out. :)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Peace in the Pond
On Thursday, I ventured out into an area I've never been before on my own. I was meeting a friend and her family at a lake for some chatting and eating, and maybe, if I dared, for some swimming. I'm not fond of driving, especially driving into an area I don't know, it tends to unnerve me. I knew I wanted, no, that I needed to go. So, I went, and managed to find my way there.
It had been a while since I'd seen my friend. Our schedules just didn't seem to match up. And during the school year, with the schedules of the kiddos, it was virtually impossible. This time, the universe worked with us, and we were able to meet up.
My friend has a body that is slim and trim. She's got a few years on me, and rocks a bikini like you wouldn't believe. She was like a goddess, and greeted me with he trademark smile and glass of wine in hand, followed by a huge hug. She smelled like minty herbs.
I wanted to melt into her. Her love spills over onto who ever she meets. Her smile, lights up a room. She is so in tune with her spirituality and faith, that you just tend to feel peaceful when she talks about it.
We made our way to the chairs on the deck, to have a good chat while her kiddos played. It was lovely to reconnect with her. To catch up, as best two moms can with kiddos present.
And then, she was ready to swim. She dove off and into the water with such grace. "C'mon in!" she said.
I looked at the fish in the shallow end, and and raised an eyebrow. "I don't know..."
"The fish aren't like that over here. C'mon in! It's velvety goodness for the spirit!"
After what I've been through, a comment like that was hard for me to resist. So, I made my way down the ladder. I got into the dark pond water, trying not to freak out about the possibility of fish.
She was right. It was velvety. It was warm on the top, and then, you'd hit a pocket of cold water. It freaked me out a bit. I was nervous, but I trusted her. I couldn't see to the bottom. I couldn't feel the bottom (not that I wanted to feel the bottom of a pond, mind you, as it's rather slimy). I was entering the unknown. Soon, I found myself trying to find the pockets of cold water, bubbling up from a spring underneath.
I got out before her, and chatted while she swam. At one point, I watched her lay back, close her eyes, and just take it all in while she floated, trusting the water to support her. That's how she lives her life, trusting in something that is greater than she is. Letting herself be guided and listening.
I enjoyed being in the water, being with her, swimming and feeling the support... of many things. In that moment, I trusted, let go, and allowed myself to just be. My spirit soared, inspired by her zest and love for life.
Yes, it was indeed good for my spirit. Dare I even say it was good for my soul.
It had been a while since I'd seen my friend. Our schedules just didn't seem to match up. And during the school year, with the schedules of the kiddos, it was virtually impossible. This time, the universe worked with us, and we were able to meet up.
My friend has a body that is slim and trim. She's got a few years on me, and rocks a bikini like you wouldn't believe. She was like a goddess, and greeted me with he trademark smile and glass of wine in hand, followed by a huge hug. She smelled like minty herbs.
I wanted to melt into her. Her love spills over onto who ever she meets. Her smile, lights up a room. She is so in tune with her spirituality and faith, that you just tend to feel peaceful when she talks about it.
We made our way to the chairs on the deck, to have a good chat while her kiddos played. It was lovely to reconnect with her. To catch up, as best two moms can with kiddos present.
And then, she was ready to swim. She dove off and into the water with such grace. "C'mon in!" she said.
I looked at the fish in the shallow end, and and raised an eyebrow. "I don't know..."
"The fish aren't like that over here. C'mon in! It's velvety goodness for the spirit!"
After what I've been through, a comment like that was hard for me to resist. So, I made my way down the ladder. I got into the dark pond water, trying not to freak out about the possibility of fish.
She was right. It was velvety. It was warm on the top, and then, you'd hit a pocket of cold water. It freaked me out a bit. I was nervous, but I trusted her. I couldn't see to the bottom. I couldn't feel the bottom (not that I wanted to feel the bottom of a pond, mind you, as it's rather slimy). I was entering the unknown. Soon, I found myself trying to find the pockets of cold water, bubbling up from a spring underneath.
I got out before her, and chatted while she swam. At one point, I watched her lay back, close her eyes, and just take it all in while she floated, trusting the water to support her. That's how she lives her life, trusting in something that is greater than she is. Letting herself be guided and listening.
I enjoyed being in the water, being with her, swimming and feeling the support... of many things. In that moment, I trusted, let go, and allowed myself to just be. My spirit soared, inspired by her zest and love for life.
Yes, it was indeed good for my spirit. Dare I even say it was good for my soul.
Friday, July 16, 2010
So easily I forget...
Lately, I have wondered, what is my life's purpose? Maybe, it's to share my gift of being able to see the gifts in things. Maybe, it's being a good friend. Maybe, it's my ability to inspire others.
I keep forgetting the really big one. That I'm a mom. I'm not just a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), I'm a work-at-home mom (WAHM). And not only do I work at home, I home school.
In a conversation with hubby last night, I'd been feeling down, as we've been dealing with illness and a few other things on our plates. I was feeling overwhelmed, longing to throw away every thing and start anew, doubting myself and my abilities, feeling a bit lost.
I've gotten lost in the clutter of my house. Clutter can be controlled to an extent. A house can be cleaned, and you know and can see the result. If you don't have clutter, you're life is simpler!
I have gotten lost in the worries about a future that's not here. You don't know how your children are going to be in 10 years, or the world for that matter.
I've a tendency to compare myself a lot. Am I doing enough of this? Maybe I should be doing that? Oh! This looks like it's working for them, so maybe we need to try it. Am I being a good enough mother, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law, friend? (I think I'm a pretty good wife, so I don't question that one.) Am I saving the earth, eating well, being all that I can be?
I've forgotten something important. I am who I am, and there is only one me, and one of my family. And I need to figure out what works best for US. Not everyone else. And yet, it's so easy to get caught up in the pretty pictures of magazines and blogs to see what your house/life "could"(should?) look like.
I have striven for a simple life. And yet, let's be real, choosing to home school and working from home does not simplify things. It adds to the paper work every year. It adds to the clutter. It takes up space in the house and in my head. And it takes up time, because I need to plan around my work schedule. At the same time, it allows me to live the life that I choose. It's also easy to forget when I hear about SAHMs doing this... and I want to try it forgetting that I work; that my life is not theirs.
And I'm not the only one who's been or gotten lost. I am ready to find myself again though.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Transformation
I've been spotting dragonflies and butterflies everywhere. And then, the other day, we discovered a toad living in our garden. He was as large as the palm of my hand.I've a thing for animal totems, and what animals mean or the message they bring when they come into your life, because it would seem, that when I look up the meaning after taking notice, the message is indeed appropriate and well suited for what is occurring in my life.
And thus, I suppose you could say that I now pay attention.And recently, I've felt like a caterpillar. Minding my own business. Eating good food, going about my life trying not to harm nor hurt. And just making my way along.
Until a moment came, when I had to speak up for my own feelings, and to take a stand. It took everything in me to speak my heart, because my nature is to fix things and find peace as quickly as I can.
I'd wish I'd spent more time in the cocoon. Enjoying the pause and slowness, and getting rest. But, I didn't. I felt as though I was plucked up, wrapped up, and tossed into a bag, turned to mush... and then, then I had to stretch my wings. And I still feel as though I'm stretching my wings, fighting to get out of the cocoon.What will be in store after this? I am not sure, but I feel as though my perception of life is shifting.
The funny thing about dragonflies, butterflies, and toads ... all point to transformation. Will I turn into a butterfly? Will I fly with my wings? Will my wings be strong enough to fly?
Guess we'll find out.
Friday, July 02, 2010
A Monthly Birthday Celebration
This weekend, I shall celebrate another birthday. Pook, ensures me that it will be the "best birthday ever", for in the eyes of a 7YO, each birthday is better than the next. And, I happen to agree with her. She is quite smart you see.She also informed me that I should celebrate it the entire month. (I mentioned she was a smart one!) So, I decided that I would. I'm taking this month to relax and enjoy my family. I will not be formally homeschooling. I plan to spend time at a pool or two (there is something about water in the summer). Enjoy the summer breezes (it's been heavenly this week). Play lots of games (someone is learning checkers). Read for enjoyment as well as to learn. And to take the time to pause, breathe, and enjoy things like cooking and food prep.
Squeak has been having a lot of break throughs, so I want to make sure that we take the time to nurture and celebrate how far she's come, and how close she is. I want to give her attention as she works on her sensory issues. She's been inspired by a new friend, and I don't want to loose that. I also want to make sure Pook is getting her fair share of attention as well.
So, I'm listening to my heart and slowing down. I want to savor things - life, moments, food, and people for a while. I want to take the time to walk slowly, breathe slowly, do things without feeling like I "have to" or feeling rushed. I want to box this feeling of slowness up and give it to you my dear readers as a gift.
I want time to think, to be, to figure out what I want to do with my life and what is currently happening in my life. I don't know if changes will be made. I hope to make a few. I do know, that I'm treasuring this month. I'm looking at it with the wonder and joy that Pook does.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Belated Reflections on June 17
June 17th is the birth day of a dear friend of mine. April 17th was the day of his death. I've see-sawed between the depths of sadness, and moments of joy. I've thought I was okay, only to burst into tears. I've spiraled down to the depths of a depression, and made my way back up to the surface.
At times I've treaded life's water until I was exhausted. I've had to make some pretty challenging decisions over the last half of the year, and there are still a few to make. And on June 17th, while mourning the absence of my friend, I discovered a rare and precious gift.
It was a day with the girls, and we spent most of it at the outlets. I knew it was going to be an interesting day when the reminder that it was R's birthday popped up on my screen, and I burst into tears.
It wasn't the first time I would shed a few. Cardinals (a bird my daughter told me would let us know that R was okay) were every where in the stores. I was late meeting up with the girls for lunch, as the sadness overwhelmed me. My appetite was not there, but I ate something to keep my blood sugar up, and we pressed on.
At dinner, I could feel it again. I was emotionally warn, and didn't want to burden the three lovely friends that were with me. When my dinner arrived, and it just wasn't very good, I closed my eyes and hoped they'd think I was just tired. But they new better.
When I returned from a bathroom break, they told me to sit down, and then, they did something amazing. They asked me what I needed. And when I told them I didn't know, they said that was okay, that they were there for me.
Eventually I confessed that I really wanted to be on the beach at night, standing in front of the waves, and honor my friend in some way. And so, we drove down the road a bit, hopped out of the car in the freezing cold, and trekked onto the sandy beach. We gathered together, sang songs, laughed, and huddled to stay warm.
And then, they asked me, what would I say to someone who was hurting as I was? What would I say to another? And I broke down. Because I have always been there for others, yet never really been there for me. And here, were 3 of my dearest friends encouraging me to nurture myself in ways that I've nurtured them. And all I could do was cry.
So there we stood, upon the shore, as I cried and they held me. And my one friend asked R to reach through her to me. (R practiced reiki.) And I know exactly the moment, because I felt the energy, and I felt my body relax as she held my hands. And it was one of the most powerful moments I've ever experienced.
Before we left, we stood watching the waves. I'd been enthralled by the waves since my arrival, and my friend C reminded me of this, and then asked me to think of what the word wave meant. And that maybe, just maybe, this was R's way of waving to me. I'd seen the cardinals. I'd shed the tears, and now, when I look at the waves, I can't help but wonder if he was waving to me.
I also wondered if R ever liked the beach. It would be a few days later when I discovered he used to work at a beach, selling umbrellas. Goosebumps, I tell you.
One thing is certain, I'll not look at them in the same way. And when I see waves, I now want to wave back. They say that salt water heals all things - via sweat, tears, and the sea. You know, I think there's something to that.
At times I've treaded life's water until I was exhausted. I've had to make some pretty challenging decisions over the last half of the year, and there are still a few to make. And on June 17th, while mourning the absence of my friend, I discovered a rare and precious gift.
It was a day with the girls, and we spent most of it at the outlets. I knew it was going to be an interesting day when the reminder that it was R's birthday popped up on my screen, and I burst into tears.
It wasn't the first time I would shed a few. Cardinals (a bird my daughter told me would let us know that R was okay) were every where in the stores. I was late meeting up with the girls for lunch, as the sadness overwhelmed me. My appetite was not there, but I ate something to keep my blood sugar up, and we pressed on.
At dinner, I could feel it again. I was emotionally warn, and didn't want to burden the three lovely friends that were with me. When my dinner arrived, and it just wasn't very good, I closed my eyes and hoped they'd think I was just tired. But they new better.
When I returned from a bathroom break, they told me to sit down, and then, they did something amazing. They asked me what I needed. And when I told them I didn't know, they said that was okay, that they were there for me.
Eventually I confessed that I really wanted to be on the beach at night, standing in front of the waves, and honor my friend in some way. And so, we drove down the road a bit, hopped out of the car in the freezing cold, and trekked onto the sandy beach. We gathered together, sang songs, laughed, and huddled to stay warm.
And then, they asked me, what would I say to someone who was hurting as I was? What would I say to another? And I broke down. Because I have always been there for others, yet never really been there for me. And here, were 3 of my dearest friends encouraging me to nurture myself in ways that I've nurtured them. And all I could do was cry.
So there we stood, upon the shore, as I cried and they held me. And my one friend asked R to reach through her to me. (R practiced reiki.) And I know exactly the moment, because I felt the energy, and I felt my body relax as she held my hands. And it was one of the most powerful moments I've ever experienced.
Before we left, we stood watching the waves. I'd been enthralled by the waves since my arrival, and my friend C reminded me of this, and then asked me to think of what the word wave meant. And that maybe, just maybe, this was R's way of waving to me. I'd seen the cardinals. I'd shed the tears, and now, when I look at the waves, I can't help but wonder if he was waving to me.
I also wondered if R ever liked the beach. It would be a few days later when I discovered he used to work at a beach, selling umbrellas. Goosebumps, I tell you.
One thing is certain, I'll not look at them in the same way. And when I see waves, I now want to wave back. They say that salt water heals all things - via sweat, tears, and the sea. You know, I think there's something to that.
Happy Solstice!
Today is the longest day of the year. For some, it's the first day of summer, and for others it's mid summer (or reversed depending on where you live). For me, it's a new day, giving me the opportunity to reflect.
When you have light, those things that were hiding in the shadows are now able to be seen - if you choose to. Light presents awareness of those things you couldn't see in the dark. And, offers the opportunity to take a better look at things.
How many of you will take a good look, and allow yourself to be aware of what the light reveals? How many of you will remain unaware? What choice will you make?
When you have light, those things that were hiding in the shadows are now able to be seen - if you choose to. Light presents awareness of those things you couldn't see in the dark. And, offers the opportunity to take a better look at things.
How many of you will take a good look, and allow yourself to be aware of what the light reveals? How many of you will remain unaware? What choice will you make?
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Summer on its Way
Yesterday, we picked daisies growing in the grass outback. We opened the windows and let the outside in. The fresh air cleared the staleness from the house.
I love the change in light throughout the year. Especially when in winter I want to hole up and embrace the darkness and curl up in soft blankets. In summer, I love the longer days of light. And how I wake earlier with the light. The yearly rhythm brings me joy.
Today, my youngest made her way out to me, where I sat clearing out my computer. I held her in my arms, planting kisses upon her sleepy head.
There are some changes in the air... some changes that I need to make and that will be better for our family. I can "see" them, through the fog... and part of me admits to being a bit scared to make them. It's time to make them though.
I love the change in light throughout the year. Especially when in winter I want to hole up and embrace the darkness and curl up in soft blankets. In summer, I love the longer days of light. And how I wake earlier with the light. The yearly rhythm brings me joy.
Today, my youngest made her way out to me, where I sat clearing out my computer. I held her in my arms, planting kisses upon her sleepy head.
There are some changes in the air... some changes that I need to make and that will be better for our family. I can "see" them, through the fog... and part of me admits to being a bit scared to make them. It's time to make them though.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Definition of a true friend
In conversation today with a friend I was blessed enough to visit with, we discussed how a friend was really someone who feeds our soul.
I've recently lost one of those people in my life, and he didn't just feed my soul, but many others. He was one of the kindest and most generous people I know. He was regular to this blog. He is very missed.
At his memorial, my little one felt the need to speak and let people know her heart. This sweet little one, stood before a large group of strangers and friend to tell them, "I need to say something." She took a breath and clearly spoke, " Roger... he was my friend."
He was mine too, and the friend of so many others.
And as we sat and chatted about friendship, I realized, that for her and I, friends are the ones who feed your soul. I agree, and for me, mine make my heart sing as well. They are the people I feel safe with. The ones who are there for you fully and wholly, accepting you and loving you as you are. They've "got your back" and you have theirs.
I think that for each person, the definition of friendship is different. But the people who are your friends, probably have very similar definitions.
You can be friendly with many people. But you really only are friends with a select few.
I've recently lost one of those people in my life, and he didn't just feed my soul, but many others. He was one of the kindest and most generous people I know. He was regular to this blog. He is very missed.
At his memorial, my little one felt the need to speak and let people know her heart. This sweet little one, stood before a large group of strangers and friend to tell them, "I need to say something." She took a breath and clearly spoke, " Roger... he was my friend."
He was mine too, and the friend of so many others.
And as we sat and chatted about friendship, I realized, that for her and I, friends are the ones who feed your soul. I agree, and for me, mine make my heart sing as well. They are the people I feel safe with. The ones who are there for you fully and wholly, accepting you and loving you as you are. They've "got your back" and you have theirs.
I think that for each person, the definition of friendship is different. But the people who are your friends, probably have very similar definitions.
You can be friendly with many people. But you really only are friends with a select few.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Isn't it just the most glorious day?
These were the words my eldest greeted me with this morning. Every day, she announces that it's the most wonderful, or the best day. Today, she announced, was a glorious day.
And do you know what? At the end of the day, she says the same thing.
Now, we do have moments when she claims "this is not a good moment". And, I think we had a "this is the worst day ever!" once or twice, but by bed time? It had been a wonderful day.
This child is such a complete gift in my life. She enriches it in so many ways, and she is such a great teacher.
Just think about it - what if each day really could be glorious, or the best day ever?
And do you know what? At the end of the day, she says the same thing.
Now, we do have moments when she claims "this is not a good moment". And, I think we had a "this is the worst day ever!" once or twice, but by bed time? It had been a wonderful day.
This child is such a complete gift in my life. She enriches it in so many ways, and she is such a great teacher.
Just think about it - what if each day really could be glorious, or the best day ever?
Sunday, April 25, 2010
This spoke to me today...
"Don't ask what the world needs; don't ask what others think you should be doing with your life. Instead, ask yourself what makes you come alive--because, more than anything else, what the world truly needs are men and women who have come alive."
- Dr. Wayne Dyer
- Dr. Wayne Dyer
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Today I remember...
A friend who was a part of our family, and so very dear and precious to us.
Today, I grieve because he is no longer with me physically.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ3wpjdYMqk
R - I miss you. I am so grateful for your presence in our lives, and to have been blessed by your friendship. You have been such a huge part of my children's lives, and my own.
Today, I grieve because he is no longer with me physically.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ3wpjdYMqk
R - I miss you. I am so grateful for your presence in our lives, and to have been blessed by your friendship. You have been such a huge part of my children's lives, and my own.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
My new favorite quote
“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.” - Unknown
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Happy Birthday my sweet Chicadee-dee-dee!
Today, you are 7, and you are so excited that you are 7. In the last year I've caught glimpses of you transitioning from child to little lady. You are both, and now and then there are sweet glimpses of each.
I can still remember the day that you were born. It was sunny and warm. We had the check up with the midwife, and I was good to go. I remember the strength of our midwife, the serene peace that she radiated, and her quiet strength and encouragement. I remember Daddy sitting behind me in the tub, supporting me as I pushed you out. I remember seeing you for the first time, holding you to my chest, and singing "Sat nam" to you, and the quietness that followed in the room.
Last night, as I stayed up late decorating the house with streamers (because I knew that you loved them), writing your card, and putting together your birthday books, I held you in my heart.
You have been such an incredible light in my life. Every day you amaze me with your stories, your thoughts, your presence, your essence. Your smile is a light in the darkness. Your hugs and your touch the greatest treasure.
My hear overflows with gratitude for you my now sweet 7YO. I adore you. I love you. I treasure you. You are such an amazing blessing in my life. Happy, happy birthday my love!
I can still remember the day that you were born. It was sunny and warm. We had the check up with the midwife, and I was good to go. I remember the strength of our midwife, the serene peace that she radiated, and her quiet strength and encouragement. I remember Daddy sitting behind me in the tub, supporting me as I pushed you out. I remember seeing you for the first time, holding you to my chest, and singing "Sat nam" to you, and the quietness that followed in the room.
Last night, as I stayed up late decorating the house with streamers (because I knew that you loved them), writing your card, and putting together your birthday books, I held you in my heart.
You have been such an incredible light in my life. Every day you amaze me with your stories, your thoughts, your presence, your essence. Your smile is a light in the darkness. Your hugs and your touch the greatest treasure.
My hear overflows with gratitude for you my now sweet 7YO. I adore you. I love you. I treasure you. You are such an amazing blessing in my life. Happy, happy birthday my love!
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
A day of perfect moments...
The day started with some quiet morning exercise and getting ahead on work.
Catching the kiddos reading side-by-side on the couch.
We spent a good hour or two outside on the swing - reading, playing animals, and making the swing into a huge tent.
After lunch we headed into town to spend time with a friend.
Discovering the power of a hug, pure love, holding a hand, and whispering the words, "I love you."
Being told that bringing your children for a visit was "Simply marvelous" and that the visit was truly "lovely" and basking in that person's gratitude as a result.
Being fully, totally, breathtakingly aware of the power of friendship and the simple gift of a stone with a few powerful words written on it.
Holding on to precious moments enough to make them blessed and sacred memories... then having to let go.
A spontaneous outdoor picnic with bouncing and giggling kids.
Witnessing the compassion and depths that each of my young children contain. Still amazes me.
Feeling gratitude for the simple gifts of books to my child.
Tenderly carrying two sleeping luvs into the house.
Coming home to a hug and kiss from the hubby.
Holding my family close... and remembering.
Catching the kiddos reading side-by-side on the couch.
We spent a good hour or two outside on the swing - reading, playing animals, and making the swing into a huge tent.
After lunch we headed into town to spend time with a friend.
Discovering the power of a hug, pure love, holding a hand, and whispering the words, "I love you."
Being told that bringing your children for a visit was "Simply marvelous" and that the visit was truly "lovely" and basking in that person's gratitude as a result.
Being fully, totally, breathtakingly aware of the power of friendship and the simple gift of a stone with a few powerful words written on it.
Holding on to precious moments enough to make them blessed and sacred memories... then having to let go.
A spontaneous outdoor picnic with bouncing and giggling kids.
Witnessing the compassion and depths that each of my young children contain. Still amazes me.
Feeling gratitude for the simple gifts of books to my child.
Tenderly carrying two sleeping luvs into the house.
Coming home to a hug and kiss from the hubby.
Holding my family close... and remembering.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Today I treasured...
Seeing a friend that is dear to my heart after a long absence.
Remembering and committing to memory a hug including all of the senses, especially touch. Feeling the soft hair and skin. Hearing myself whisper, "I love you." and feeling it from the depths of my soul. Wishing I'd gotten more hugs in, and treasuring the two I did get in.
Watching two faces light up with joy, especially since the bodies weren't feeling so well.
Hearing laughter of children.
Watching a child explore the texture of the floor.
Feeling the love in the room, as though each person's heart was open and receptive to the love.
Creating a memory that I will treasure forever.
Remembering and committing to memory a hug including all of the senses, especially touch. Feeling the soft hair and skin. Hearing myself whisper, "I love you." and feeling it from the depths of my soul. Wishing I'd gotten more hugs in, and treasuring the two I did get in.
Watching two faces light up with joy, especially since the bodies weren't feeling so well.
Hearing laughter of children.
Watching a child explore the texture of the floor.
Feeling the love in the room, as though each person's heart was open and receptive to the love.
Creating a memory that I will treasure forever.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Being mindful through chaos
March has been an appropriate month to be mindful in. It would seem, that life has picked up on my end, with all sorts of joys, concerns in regards to the health of a friend and a father, more appointments then planned, and quite a few projects hanging in the queue. Thankfully, I've been able to find moments throughout the day, to pause and breathe.
I've also discovered a certain awareness I was lacking. I discovered a confidence I didn't know I had; the ability to take a step forth despite my fears and face them. And to realize, that it was a very beneficial step.
I've been breathing in my children, pausing and taking them in with all of my senses. I've been listening, watching, noticing. I am treasuring the way my eldest reads to my youngest. Seeing how well she's learning. Catching her sitting in sun spots, and spontaneously sketching when she wants. And seeing the smile on my youngest's face when she sees her sis awake...
All wonderful things to notice amidst life's chaos...
Thursday, March 04, 2010
I am mindful...
Of my lil one's anime hair.
Of sweet, sweet toddlin' feet.
Of my eldest's love for tangrams. (And she's good mind you...)
Of a sleeping babe in my arms...
Of the fact that I still enjoy Winter's bliss...
Yes, I am enjoying slowing down, and noticing the little things. Taking a deep breath, and putting myself out there for a change. I am mindful of facing a fear without knowing the consequences. I am mindful of how much I adore my husband and my children. I am mindful of what happens when you take a chance and open up.
Monday, March 01, 2010
March 1 - Mindful Visuals
This morning, I was mindful of my body. Breathing in, feeling the movement, getting the heart pumping.
Instead of the usual jumping into schooling, we took a pause to watch the birds. The girls really got into it, and we tried to discovered what the song was we heard. We think it's a type of wren or sparrow. We are not certain.
Then, we took time to read some poetry by Frost.
Then, we took time to read some poetry by Frost.
I was mindful of the dishes piling up, and how quickly it took to clean them up.
While the little one slept, the eldest and I worked together.
And this little miss (Spider) helps with math, by jumping from problem to problem.
And now, it's to work and then to mindfully sink under the covers and to bed.
March 1 - Mindful of Feelings
This morning, I am mindful of how I feel. There is a tiredness, an anticipation and an anxiety within me. I can feel the tightness in my chest - the solar plexus and heart area. Today, I am breathing through it, letting myself really feel it instead of running from it.
I breathe in, and I go and dwell there. I face the fear and tension. I focus on my breath... I breath in... I breathe out and I let go...
And as I breathe, I am gifted to hear the sweet spring song of a bird. I listen. I listen and I breathe.
I breathe in, and I go and dwell there. I face the fear and tension. I focus on my breath... I breath in... I breathe out and I let go...
And as I breathe, I am gifted to hear the sweet spring song of a bird. I listen. I listen and I breathe.
Friday, February 26, 2010
March Mindfulness
March has always been a bittersweet month for me. It's the month when I celebrate the birth of my father and brother, and my grandfather until he passed. It's also the birthdays of two other sweet friends. It contains the spring equinox, bringing us one step closer to April and spring.
It has also been the month of letting go. Two of my grandparents let go of life in this month, and my husband's grandfather as well. Last year, I witnessed the letting go of a friendship before my eyes, that resulted in me letting go and stepping back.
And thus, I've always watched it approach with a strange anticipation and fearfulness. This year, I want to associate it with something more positive. So, I'm dubbing it "Mindful March" or instead of March Madness, we can have March Mindfulness.
I'm not sure yet, how I want to celebrate this month. I am thinking of capturing photos, which help me to slow down. And finding ways to be fully present in the various areas of my life. Perhaps, I'll commit to blogging about it. We shall see...
It looks as though I'm not the only one focusing on mindfulness this month either. (I can't help it, after I thought of it, I had to google it to see if I was the only one to connect March and Mindfulness.) Shambala Sun appears to be focusing on this topic as well for their March 2010 issue.
Any they've got some great sources of information:
A peak into the March 2010 Issue
How to Do Mindfulness Meditation
10 Tips for a Mindful Home
So, this March, I'm going to practice being Mindful. Anyone else wish to join me?
It has also been the month of letting go. Two of my grandparents let go of life in this month, and my husband's grandfather as well. Last year, I witnessed the letting go of a friendship before my eyes, that resulted in me letting go and stepping back.
And thus, I've always watched it approach with a strange anticipation and fearfulness. This year, I want to associate it with something more positive. So, I'm dubbing it "Mindful March" or instead of March Madness, we can have March Mindfulness.
I'm not sure yet, how I want to celebrate this month. I am thinking of capturing photos, which help me to slow down. And finding ways to be fully present in the various areas of my life. Perhaps, I'll commit to blogging about it. We shall see...
It looks as though I'm not the only one focusing on mindfulness this month either. (I can't help it, after I thought of it, I had to google it to see if I was the only one to connect March and Mindfulness.) Shambala Sun appears to be focusing on this topic as well for their March 2010 issue.
Any they've got some great sources of information:
A peak into the March 2010 Issue
How to Do Mindfulness Meditation
10 Tips for a Mindful Home
So, this March, I'm going to practice being Mindful. Anyone else wish to join me?
Monday, February 22, 2010
A Weekend Away...
"Give me your hands, if we be friends." - Puck, From A Midsummer Night's Dream
I had the pleasure of being able to run away this weekend, and spend it with four phenomenal ladies. The hands were dealt, the cards laid out, and then the universe stepped in to add its two cents.
It was a weekend where each one of us was given the opportunity to grow and stretch. It was a lesson in honesty and voicing feelings, in connection, letting go, and in discovering what it was like to be me without the walls (and I don't think I'm the only one who let the walls come down). I stepped away from my usual roles into a place where I just was.
It's been a long time since I've just let things flow, and stopped worrying about what the end result was. Here I am! I splay my cards upon the table, throwing them down with no real set pattern. The whole deck is there - there aren't any in my hands. I've been so tired of holding in, that I just let go.
Thankfully, it was in the midst of those who embraced it, who caught the cards that fell off the table, threw out their own to let them lie as we chatted, bonded, and shed a few tears. Each of us managed to give and receive this weekend. We stepped away from our roles as momma and wife, and let ourselves slip back into who we are as individuals. It enabled us to breathe, and explore that part of ourselves that is easily misplaced or lost, in an environment where we just are "us" and we are loved.
It's an amazing feeling when you can just be who you are, and let it flow without worry. I found a part of myself this weekend. And I found four other marvelous souls to share it with.
Lookout world... for here I am. And I don't know if I could close that door again... or if I want to.
I had the pleasure of being able to run away this weekend, and spend it with four phenomenal ladies. The hands were dealt, the cards laid out, and then the universe stepped in to add its two cents.
It was a weekend where each one of us was given the opportunity to grow and stretch. It was a lesson in honesty and voicing feelings, in connection, letting go, and in discovering what it was like to be me without the walls (and I don't think I'm the only one who let the walls come down). I stepped away from my usual roles into a place where I just was.
It's been a long time since I've just let things flow, and stopped worrying about what the end result was. Here I am! I splay my cards upon the table, throwing them down with no real set pattern. The whole deck is there - there aren't any in my hands. I've been so tired of holding in, that I just let go.
Thankfully, it was in the midst of those who embraced it, who caught the cards that fell off the table, threw out their own to let them lie as we chatted, bonded, and shed a few tears. Each of us managed to give and receive this weekend. We stepped away from our roles as momma and wife, and let ourselves slip back into who we are as individuals. It enabled us to breathe, and explore that part of ourselves that is easily misplaced or lost, in an environment where we just are "us" and we are loved.
It's an amazing feeling when you can just be who you are, and let it flow without worry. I found a part of myself this weekend. And I found four other marvelous souls to share it with.
Lookout world... for here I am. And I don't know if I could close that door again... or if I want to.
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