How I fell in love with the City

I have, since I can remember, always considered myself to be a country gal. I've been to a few cities in my lifetime, and none have impressed me. Although, the West side of New York, as least as presented in "You've Got Mail" was always tempting for me. But was that really what a city could be like? And I'm talking about the "feel" that was created - not just the look.

One of the local flower shops.

And then, we went to Toronto. My dear Canadians, I LOVE this city. Not only did I get to spend a week with friends, but I felt as though I was living in the movie "You've Got Mail". Seriously. The vendors are decked out for autumn with mums and pumpkins, and sometimes gorgeous floral arrangements IN pumpkins.

The street where we stayed has a Starbucks to the left and to the right. I was treated to a tall chai nonfat milk chai latte from each (Thank You!!!). And a Timothy's where I was treated to the most delicious pumpkin chai latte and had to buy a large before heading home... YUM! Which I was able to enjoy with some delicious pastries for breakfast, and still have some leftover to enjoy along with a good book The Thirteenth Tale. Bliss.

The old theater

And, speaking of books, there is a bookstore and library in walking distance. The bookstore, Chapters, was once an old movie theater. And they've kept the integrity of the old theater. From the stage, to an old projector, to the old seats that can be found tucked in amongst the shelves of book. This is a shot from the balcony of the store.

And the childrens' section was simply delightful, complete with its own stage and a nook to curl up in, as one couple was doing. (Any place else would've been fine... but the children's section? Come on folks... )

Shot of the children's mini stage

There is something so simple about being able to walk to get groceries, go to the library, or a community store. I liked not needing a car to get around. I loved being able to watch the people as they walked, to wonder what their stories might be.

Most of the people are stylishly decked out in fashionable attire. People care about how they look here, and each outfit makes a statement of some kind.

I loved the plethora of bakeries and coffee houses in the area. And, if I lived here, I'm sure that I'd put on about 20 pounds and develop a latte factor that would not be budget friendly. I have been seduced by the proximity, the architecture of the neighborhood, and the divine restaurants - and I'm not even down town!
 
Toronto's science center was really cool, as was the ROM museum. Riding the subway was fun, and I found myself wanting to be outside more and more. I loved driving through the cities, and wished I'd gotten a picture of the trees growing on a few of the roofs.

Autumn has always thrilled me. Autumn in the city has amazed me. I have fallen in love. I always thought I was a country girl at heart... but this week, I realized that I could actually live in and enjoy the city.

Autumn in Toronto

Morning Into Evening

I've been managing to awake with the husband the last few weeks. I like to do this so that I can braid his hair for work. It's gotten quite long, and he's promised not to cut it until after our tenth wedding anniversary - which is in May. I love the feel of his hair in my hands... over, under, over, under... as I weave his hair into a long plait. It's become a simple morning ritual that I enjoy, despite feeling groggy at times.

Getting up at 5 a.m. has it's benefits, as I get some quiet time. I used to use this time to exercise, but now I use it to work. I finish up my lessons, and just when I ponder making a cup of tea and curling up on the sofa with a book or crocheting, my eldest wanders out. Their timing is impeccable.

She is wearing her flannel PJs, and she comes to me so that I can hold her in a morning hug. I breathe her in - she's so big now. We chat for a bit, and then my youngest wanders out, wiping the sleep from her eyes and squinting at the light. I give her a squeeze as I prep her morning bottle.

I ask my eldest if she wants to eat now, or wait until I've exercised. She decides to wait and curls up with a book. I opt for no music today, as I work out and stretch, while dodging a little miss who comes in for hugs and imitates my movements. I've been trying to do this at least 3 days a week, and I can feel the difference in my moods. Eventually, I hope to fit in walking... we shall see, as we are still getting used to the autumnal rhythm of our week.

I make breakfast for all, then start the soup for dinner tonight. I love making it. It connects me to the earth and motherhood - the sheer act of nurturing my family with food grown in the earth. I rinse and chop the onions while the olive oil heats in the pot. I add in the onions and garlic, and when they become iridescent, I add in the chicken broth.

My eldest has offered help (she is a part of this soup ritual of mine). I let her stir the pot, lifting up my youngest to watch. "Was-in here?" she asks in her squeaky voice. Her face is alive with curiosity. My eldest proudly explains to her that we are making soup. One day, she will make it on her own, she tells me. I secretly hope that day will be a while away, as I enjoy doing this with her.  She's growing so fast already.

Eventually, I am able to continue chopping the vegetables to add in: celery (fresh from my friend's garden), carrots, potatoes and swiss chard (also from my friend's garden). I let them add the lentils - green, orange and indigo ones. The smell is intoxicating, and as I'm adding the last ingredients, my friend arrives to do yoga. I set it to simmer and join her.

My eldest has set up the mats, and after a bit of chat we fall into the rhythmic poses. Well, my friend does. My beginning is a challenge as my youngest is clingy and wants to be held. I scoop her into my arms and try to calm her, longing to be in downward dog pose feeling my calves stretch. Instead, I am focused on the wee one in my arms, who is still processing the sensory integration from yesterday's class. I can tell by her mood.

Eventually, I'm able to complete an asana or two. My eldest started with us, but decided she was having balance issues today. Thus, it's not long before she is cozied up on the couch with a good book. She's read through two Magic Treehouse books this morning.

I do a few of the poses while holding my youngest at the end. This comforts her, and causes her to laugh. For the last pose, she needs her own pillow, then lays down imitating us. Namaste. I love the Savasana at the end. I could lie there all day, but that is simply not to be.

A bit more chat, and my friend is gone. The girls are hungry so we eat lunch. My eldest complains about the smell of my veggie burger, and my youngest is wearing most of her yogurt. I long to eat my meal in quiet, and savor my hot tea. Just as I finish, and am trying to enjoy my warm tea, the youngest announces she is done. I clean her up, load up the dishwasher, and wipe the table.

After lunch, we start math with eldest. Youngest is fighting sleep. I get my eldest started, and lay down with the youngest. We read a book about three times. She pushes for four. I give in. Finally, I use joint compression and massage to calm her. It's not long before she drifts to sleep.

I return to eldest who is doing a math assessment to check in. She's progressing well. I check into work to see my other students have been active. I take a glance at Facebook to see what's happening. I linger on Soulemama's post. She's recently moved, and found a place she calls home. The happiness I feel for this woman I've never met (but long to) is overflowing. She's inspired me in so many ways. Her photos and writing is a soft balm to me on those days when life proves challenging and rushed. Her blog forces me to stop and breathe for a moment during the day. Thank you, Amanda. Thank you.

I quickly check on the soup, remember to finally turn on the dishwasher, and that there is laundry down stairs. Checking in with the eldest who's finished the assessment, I get the clothes to fold them.

I am amazed at the amount of pink and red clothes that I am folding. Most belonging to the kids, although I confess that there are a pair of pink pj's, red fuzzy socks, and two tops that are mine. My thoughts wander to the floor that we need to put in this weekend, and how we'll be moving the clothing that I'm folding into another room. I shove the clothes into the drawers, hang up what is needed, and smile at my sleeping angel. Which reminds me I need to prep her snack for when she wakes up.

Back into the kitchen, I prep a snack, check on eldest (who's been decorating her worksheets), and sit in front of the computer to fit in some work while keeping an eye on my little artist. I sit down and take a breath as I stare at the screen.

I can smell the soup wafting through the house. I hear the gentle lull of the dishwasher, and the tune my little artists hums while figuring out math problems. I can feel autumn's chill drift in on the air through the open window. I see the green trees sporting bits of red here and there. And I see that yet another student considers me to be his favorite teacher. I breathe deeply. I can do this.

I begin to tackle my work, ignoring the urge to check email and Facebook. My eldest wants to talk about America. She's decided to learn a bit about California (where she gets to design her own surfboard) and Colorado today.

I finish up what I can for work, and check on the soup. Hubby will be home soon, or not, as the phone rings and he informs me that he's stuck in traffic. Bummer. I stir the soup while chatting with him. Grabbing a handful of almonds to eat, I put the Kuerig on (as opposed to the kettle), and settle in to check math while snuggling eldest who's trying to figure out California's nickname (which was encoded). Oh, yeah, I wanted to make tea.

I hop up to make a cup, pop in tea to steep, listen to see if Sleeping Beauty has awaken, grab more almonds, and return to check math. I find a few things to see if she can fix them, and she recognizes the errors right away. I clear up the sheets and start prepping for tomorrow's lessons.

Hubby calls to inform me of the traffic situation. I ponder if I should clean the bathrooms, or check email. I opt to tackle a few more work posts after skimming Facebook. As I finish up a post, I hear what sounds like a tea kettle sound. I go in and gather my little one for her snack.

Holding her in my arms, I opt to gather the kids on the couch and feed her there. I call forth the eldest, to snuggle while finishing her work up. I gather the food, and remember my tea - which is now warm - and hit play on the CD player. The girls are snuggling together, so I grab the opportunity for a photo before the eldest makes a run for it followed by the youngest. Which ends back on the couch in a fest of giggles, at which point hubby calls and is coming home.

I empty the dishwasher with my usual rhythm, and my littlest helps me set the table.  I set out the bowls; she set the spoons. I feel my body relax into the calming music. Hubby arrives and I spoon out the soup. We sit at the table chatting about the day, smiling, relaxing.

I will not clean this evening. No, I have finished up work for the evening. I'm going to log off, and settle in with the family. I need more snuggles I think. Maybe, I'll make time to read or crochet or watch a movie. I'm looking forward to the next chapter of The Wind and The Willows at bed time.  It's a good book that reminds us of dear friends, and the perfect way to settle down before bed. 

This is my life. Peppered with moments of all kinds. I need to stop, to put this into words, so I don't forget.

Moments and hopes

My favorite barn

Wow. Hard to believe I've been away for a month. But I couldn't help it. So much has been happening, and there hasn't been much time for me to gathering my thoughts and write them down. In August we traveled and spent a week with dear friends, and celebrated a very special birthday of my youngest, who is now 2. We also started up with schooling again, gradually adding in more and more each week. We're still not quite where we want to be, but that's okay, because we are taking our time.

Gathering Eggs

We've got some new activities in our lives this fall, making for a very full and hopefully fun autumn. And I'm sure, that winter will be here before I know it. So, if postings are slim, it's because we're living a full life for a while.

I'm hoping that it will include more visits to the barn, and more moments to gather eggs.

But most of all, I'm hoping to find more of these moments:

Serene Moment

Moments of quiet, where I can watch the fog outside and feel the autumnal chill in the air, and sip on hot tea, and maybe, just maybe find some time to read, crochet, and paint. Yeah, I need more of these right now.

Letting Go

In Autumn, most trees let go of their leaves. After a brilliant burst and symphony of color, sometimes lasting the month, and sometimes not, they let them go. Simply, naturally, each leaf falls, though some hang on for a while. It's a part of the cycle; it's a part of nature.

They let go, so that they can rest, and restore their energy in winter, and so that when spring comes, they are rested and rejuvenated, and the use that energy to create new leaves in vibrant greens and flowers for reproducing. It's an amazing and natural process - and yet, I've a tendency to fight it, as many do.

This weekend, I had the opportunity to host a retreat at a friend's. The leaves were in the midst of changing, and even though many had shed leaves, there were still trees that were full of vibrant reds and yellows. It was incredible.

It got me thinking about things that I've been holding onto tightly - sticking to the schedule for homeschooling, when letting go of a few things, and being willing to explore a few other ares. Holding onto the voice in my head that tells me "You're not doing enough. You should do more. You aren't doing this right. You've not good enough." Holding onto fear that sometimes immobilizes me, and holding onto judgments passed by another.

On Saturday, these things became clear, and a new "voice" or thought emerged. What if I'm fine the way I am? What if being this way is actually an asset, though I can't see it right now? What if I did take a new look at things, and slowed down a bit?

And so, as the leaves fell from the trees, and danced in the air, I let my own leaves fall. I've done something I haven't done in years - I chose to "Let go and let God." I chose to take a step back and another look at how we are homeschooling and the goals that I want to accomplish. I opened my heart, and nurtured my soul.

And I realized that in letting go, I am able to embrace that which will nourish me through the winter - good friends, lots of unconditional love and support, and maybe even some rest. ;)

Focusing on Fall

The last two weekends, we've had the opportunity to be together as a family. An apple butter festival, movies with popcorn, cuddle and snuggle time... it's been wonderful. It's also been eye opening. We've made some delicious meals "from scratch". We've been reading Mary Poppins to Pook. This week, we plan on going to a pumpkin patch/kid's day at a farm with the kiddos.

I am enjoying this time with my family. I am enjoying the homecooked meals, taking the time to bake and make them. I'm even enjoying doing laundry and cleaning - being aware and taking my time and being aware of the actions.

There are many thoughts in my head at the moment. How can I apply this to my life? So many other people run around from activity to activity, seemingly exhausted. I've heard the reasons, "I don't want to miss anything." "I want to do as much as I can before I die." "I need to make the most of my time." " I need to make sure that my kid's education is covered in all areas." "I want A, B, C for my kid - they need it." Etc. All of these are valid reasons. And of course, there are those souls with multiple kiddos, and multiple activities, and my hat goes off to you! (You know who you are.)

I haven't gotten to that point yet. One day, that might be me. I do not know what the future knows. What I do know, is that I'm enjoying the slowness right now. I am enjoying taking my time with things. I even want to make time to incorporate healthy eating. And that will mean rearranging things, between Pook's schooling, my work, and watching Squeak.

I'm thinking though, those moments of calm and slowness amidst the day might just be good things. We shall see.

Autumnal Gratitudes

I sit here in the quiet of the morning, listening to the hum of the washing machine in the basement, and the refrigerator. It's chilly, and my children are sleeping. I've been able to enjoy a hot cup of chai uninterrupted, exercise, and work.

It is Friday, and I am always grateful for Fridays, and this one in particular. Pook has worked hard with her schooling this week, so today is light. And, if all goes well, it will open up an afternoon of play - Halloween movies, popcorn, and relaxation.

And yet, I find myself debating... shouldn't I use my time to clean out the closet? Or the kitchen? Or... Not today. Yes, those things need to be done. However, today, I'm choosing to create some special moments with some special kiddos. And that will just have to do.

It's Autumn

It's chilly today... you can feel it in the house. It's been overcast all day... adding to the feeling of autumnal bliss. My youngest is sleeping, and my eldest is entertaining herself. It's been another day that has not gone quite as planned, and it's okay. I'm getting quite adept at going with the flow. I think as a mother (or parent in general), that is your best best.

Both kiddos were up at 5:30am, so I had to tweak my routine. I'm itching to get rid of things again. Hubby says that it's because it's autumn, and I'm always wanting to purge at this time of year. He's right.

I did manage to get some of the house clean today, amidst the schooling and working (that I should be doing now). There are a few things I've found to purge, and I'm wondering just how long I will be able to go before I end up letting myself just go at it.

There are so many things in this house that are unused, or not kept in a convenient place. And, when you have two or more little ones (two-legged or four), everything having a place where the parental units can find things makes life much easier.

It's also brought to light some mental things that are in needing of purging as well.

In any case, once the toddler wakes, Pook and I are planning on snuggling up with some Halloween DVDs... maybe even popcorn. We'll see. It's that kind of day. I'm rather hoping tomorrow is too... Pook doesn't have much school to do... and I've found some neat rainbox yarn that she's asked me to crochet into a scarf. Lovely.

Welcome Autumn

The trees are donning regal colors as the air chills. Golden flowers and leaves dot the landscape, along with lovely reds. Pook is already planning on playing in the leaf piles.

Welcome, welcome!

It's coming...

There is a hint of autumnal chill in the air this morning, and I am soaking it up. Oh, I enjoy and am helping summer to last as long as possible. This morning though, filled me with the excitement of possibilities. Crisp leaves, long walks (without getting so hot), hot tea, lentil soup...

Just this morning, I celebrated with a bowl of howl oatmeal, a fresh peach, and cinnamon, with a chai latte. I soaked it in.

The kids around here have headed back to school, and our home schooling has begun again. There are new adventures in store for us this season. Many visitors, new friends, and new activities.

Images of Autumn

Not too much to say today. Just enjoying the oddly warm weather and sunshine. Perfect for outdoor picnics or sketching the changes of the season.

Listening to the bird calls in the wee hours of the morning and during the day.

Watching the changes around us.

I love Autumn.

The reds and golds....

The leafy piles for crunching and playing in...

Hurray!

Gray days

It is a beautiful gray morning here. Rain drops have danced about, some choosing to make temporary homes on my window panes. It's the kind of morning that is good for staying in bed, dozing in and out, watching the sky from your bedroom window.

I, obviously, am up, not dozing on and off, though I am looking through a window. :)

It's been a full week of work. There's more to go, but today, I just needed to write about the rain. And, the flashes of red leaves in the trees - so beautiful. It may feel like spring (a frined of mine has seen violets blooming!), but the leave rell us other wish. Two days ago, I looked out my window to green. Now, I see splurges of those colors that bring me such joy.

I am filled with wonder and joy. Such little things; such big gratitude for them.

Autumnal Bliss

The scent of soup on the stove wafts through our home. It's lentil soup, and today, it's a very special soup. You see, it's because Pook helped to cut the veggies, add the veggies and stir. A dear friend of mine gave me a knife that is not sharp that kiddos can use to cut things. Although, she doesn't quite have the strength yet. So, she sat on my lap and helped push my hand down.

It was one of those sacred moments. It's been one of those sacred days.

She woke up from a bad dream, so I brought her from bed, and kept her in my arms while working. She dozed off and on, then looked up at me, put her hand on my face, and told me I was wonderful. Then, she told me how much she loved me. My heart blossomed.

There were many things I'd wanted to do today, but I put them aside to plan a picnic to the park. She helped to pack up the foods. When it was time, we drove to the big park. We sat on a rock and ate our hardboiled eggs, then we played for a bit on the swings, and sat on the slide to drink and eat a bit more.

We climbed ladders. We explored the sound of crunching leaves, and wondered about which birds sang for us. We slid down the slide together. We laughed. We hugged. We had to rest on a bench on the way back to the car. She told me that when she gets bigger, and can use the stove, that she will cook soup and dinner for me.

I asked her if she'd move away when she got older, or if she'd stay nearby. She informed me that she would live nearby. I sighed, and told her that if at that time she wanted to live far away, it would be okay. In my heart, I hope she'll stay close. But, that's a long time away. For now, I only know that she thinks I am wonderful. That she loves me. That right now, she needs me, and that she is so very precious to me.

I am so eternally grateful for this day.

There's a chill in the air

Today, I'm wearing jeans, a long sleeved T-shirt, and bundled in a warm sweater. The weather is definitely autumnal; I am blissful.

I dare not get too excited, as I remember what happened last time I was ready to break out the sweaters. :) But I'm looking forward to bundling up, hot cuppas, and homeade soups on a more regular basis.

Autumnal Weather on the Way?

We shall see. It's supposed to get to 70s today, down to 50s this weekend. I shall believe it when I feel it! ;)

Autumnal Bliss

This weekend was amazing.

We collected pine cones, the ones with sap on the end and various other types. We collected colored leaves of yellow and red. Not many, but if you looked closely, you'd find them. We talked of everygreens, or prickly trees, and watched Pook go down the slide without any help.

We walked, climbed, sang, and breathed in the chilled air. We wore long sleeves and pants, drinking tea all day, eating hot soup...

We opened the curtains that we keep closed in the summer to keep out the warm sun, and welcomed it in. We aired the house with open windows.

I found myself wanting to hunker down, crochet, curl up in a warm blanket and not leave the house. I thought about finding excuses to celebrate the holidays at our house, insteading of returning to celebrate it with family.

Oh yea, Autumn is here. Lots of soups, freash breads, hot tea... what else can I bake? The promise of snuggles, fuzzy blankets, and hot cocoa...

I'm SO there.

Letting Go

Letting go. It's one of those things I closely associate with Autumn. Many trees release their leaves after a brilliant show of color. They go through the winter cold, barren and silent. In the spring, they awake from their dormancy producing buds, fresh green, and floral decor.

It's this cyclical nature that can be seen throughout life. It's constant, continual, the one thing you can depend on - everything has a cycle. Things blossom, they wait, they let go, they sleep. Sometimes they make it through the winter. Sometimes they don't.

I've caught myself on a few occasions longing to just find a ledge where I could safely camp out for the rest of my life, instead of continually climbing the mountain and moving forward. But it's in out nature to move forward. You can stay on that ledge, but there will still be storms. There will still be challenges - just not the same.

I do this, get stuck in the safetly of the ledge. Trying to make it last. Missing out on sunsets of the mountain top and the beauty (and sometimes pain) along the way.

I realize, that I can choose to hold the fear to me so very tightly, or let it go and just embrace what there is to offer. I can choose to see a path as an adventure, or fear it. I can choose to see the beauty of a sunset, or spend my time fretting about something else.

And, I'm getting tired of fretting and worrying about something. (And, it seems I can always find something.)

Letting go. Can I shed my worry? Like the leaves of the tree? Can I trust myself enough to know that I'm not in control of every detail, so let's let it go and find something more productive to focus on? Why not?

In the end, it's up to me.

What is it that you really need?

I've embarked on another self journey as we come into autumn. It seems to be my "thing". Perhaps it is because it is my favorite season, and, with the changing of the leaves clearing represents letting go, and transformation, a preparation for the winter where turning inward seems to be the easiest.

In any case, this time around, I'm working at being more in tune with my needs. Be it a hot bath, good massage, exercise, or yoga, I'm listening. It's not easy, at least not now, because I think I've rather blocked out that little internal voice that used to let me know when I needed to rest, relax, or just lay there. Probably because I don't think I ever, really truly listened to it (if you know what I mean).

Yes, I know I need rest, but I don't have time. Or, I've too much to do. Or, I'll do it when I'm done this. And, of course, it keeps getting put off and put off until... I end up sick, exhausted, or so grumpy that I can't stand myself.

This morning, I woke up with my back twinging. What do I need? Yoga.
Okay, I'll exercise instead and see if that works. You need Yoga, particularly the one for back care. Weights would not be the best idea.

So, instead of jumping in and doing yoga, I puttered on the computer, then did an exercise DVD, and then, did the back care yoga.

And, imagine that. My back felt better. And, imagine that, like I always feel when I do yoga, I felt good. Centered. Calm.

I'm giving my "little inner voice" permission to be louder now. I hope to become a better listener. And in the process, I can continue to remind myself, that when my back hurts, yoga is the best thing for it.

Autumn is starting to grow on me

I can feel Autumn working its way into my life. There's that desire to wear jeans, long PJs, and drink hot tea. (Yes, even though it was 90 degrees out yesterday.)

Autumn is a time for letting go, a time for change.

This autumn, I'm hoping I can let go of fears. Fears involving finances, unworthiness, traveling, my body not quite working as I'd like it to. Fears of things not working according to the time line I'd like. Fear of not being in control, and acceptance of the fact that there are things beyond my control, and I need to find some sort of way to be okay with them.

Yes, the fall season is bring to light various things in my life. Which is good. Because now I see them. But will I be so willing, is it possible, to shed these fears like a tree sheds its fall leaves?

Snuggled under soft sheets and warm comforters, I sit with my laptop staring out the bedroom window. Pook-a-boo is watching Blues Clues and coming in to visit me and bury herself into the pillows. I love the fall.

The morning is chilled, and there are no swim lessons today, so I was able to sleep in (after having a Pook snuggled next to me all night). Now, in the quiet, I am able and motivated to get my work done.

Things seem to be settling into to a relaxed pace. Laundry, work, playtime and reading all seem to fall into place. I love the opportunity that fall provides us, to slow down with the cold. Slowing down. I like slow.

I'm feeling peaceful right now. It's a feeling I want to just bask in. Mmm... feels like it's time for a good cuppa. Yay... autumn!

Autumn's Dance

On a brighter note, autumn is arriving. I feel it in the chilly mornings, smell it in the crip air, and taste it in the homeade soups and breads. I've got that urge to purge and empty out the house, swinging open the windows to let in the fresh air.


I love autumn, because even though activities for the precious Pook pick up, it's a time for slowing down as the Earth prepares for winter. Yesterday was a day for curling up on the sofa and snuggling under a warm blanket. Soon, it will be time for hot cocoa, chai lattes, and tea in the mornings.

Tonight, we celebrate autumn's arrival with friends dear to our hearts, good foods of harvest, apple wine (with maple and cinanamon), and good times at the farm. My heart is losing the heaviness it's felt all week, and I'm pondering what I can bring as my "harvest" for the summer. It's been a time of spirtual growth (then again, when isn't it?), lessons, and learning. How to represent it all? I'm not sure yet. But I've still got quite a few more hours to ponder it.