Ah... sweet Friday!

Finally, a day to stop, rest, and regain my footing. It's been a splendidly full week, but full nonetheless, and for those of you who know me, I like being laid back and not having a lot going on.

Many of you might think what I think of a full week as being rather tame, but for me, it's full. :) It was fun too, but full.

Today I'm looking forward to being able to do laundry, putter about the house, snuggle on the couch with Pook, and not have to shower until the afternoon, when we'll go grocery shopping. I'm thinking of baking leaf-shaped sugar cookies later. Yum!

Tonight, I get to watch Another Thin Man movie from NetFlix and snuggle with hubby. (I'm all about the snuggling.) Tomorrow, we've planned a picnic at Valley Falls with the ILs. Lovely, just blissful!

And this is an aside, but I came across this post on How to do it with kids today, and it's so true. Being a parent, you can choose what to focus on, be it the positives or the negatives. And, in focusing on the positives, it seems like you've got it all together. Even though, in reality, you probably don't have it ALL together. :)

Being Hard on One's Self

Oh, I could write on and on about this one. Particulary because I'm so good at setting marvelously high expectations for myself to meet, then getting angry at myself for not meeting them.

Sound familiar to anyone?

Recently, I've been on a bad streak of picking on myself for a variety of little things that "I'm not doing good enough." (And no, I haven't read my Radical Acceptance book in a few days, thank you very much! Nor have I been taking time out for me either. Ah yes... there's that trend again!)

At least, I'm more aware of myself when I start to do this. I'm not sure why I do it. I don't like doing it, and yet, I catch myself doing it. So, now I'm exploring ways to stop doing it, or to at least find a way to deal with it.

I have noticed, I tend to do it a lot when there are many things going on in my life. Somewhere, somehow, I've gotten the notion into my head that I am superwoman. Fact is... I'm not. (Wonder woman... maybe...)

Hardboiled Eggs and Sticky Kisses

Today, we took the car in so that they could figure out and fix the lovely grinding noise coming from the right front of the car. Turns out it was the rotors. Bleh. And then, since the brakepads were getting down, they needed to be replaced as well.

Now, I'm not going to mention about how many times I've been in to get my car fixed this year - both cars have had their fair share of work. I'm hoping this will tide us over for a while. Really. Or, I'll need to win the lottery to help pay for all this stuff!

This week has just been amazing for me. It really has. I've discovered that running all over the place has given me a new appreciation of my home. :)

I did manage to find inspiration to hardboil some eggs, and we got a bag of mixed beans for Pook to play with. She's already glues about half of them to two pieces of paper. Daddy's going to love it. Really. :)

Next week is looking fun too, with a princess tea on Monday, the usual school stuff, and on Wednesday, we get to celebrate SUKOT with friends. And, it's supposed to be outside. And, it's supposed to rain. Friday, we may or may not get a visit from the ILs. If they don't come up then, they'll be here Saturday.

And then, it's into October. And, the official beginning of fall. Whoo hoo.

Smiles, sparkly red shoes, and the first week of many

This had been a wonderfully full week. I started the week off with one of those lovely fuzz-headed colds, and, mind you, it was the first week that Pook started Montessori and Kindermusik. Add to that my delightful influx of new students (more hours means more money!), the homeschool activities (phonics, numbers, etc.), weekly (bi-weekly at least) adventures to the library, - it means that this is going to be one fun fall.

I refuse to see it any other way.

I get to recoordinate my schedule. I get to see the joy on my child's face as she spends time with other kidos, and builds confidence in herself. We are beginning to explore the library (once she gets past the stuffed horse... ), the seasons (she knows fall is coming, and can make the connections about the leaves now - it's so cool), the calendar, the weather, and then, there are those moments when she hears a word, then tells me what it starts with. "Mommy, lion start with L! La la la la la la la!" :)

It's an amazing time for her and for me as her parent. And, having these activities is forcing me to really make the most of my time. (I am SO glad we rearranged the house this summer!) It's all good. And, yes, I know it's only week one - but if I made it through in a good mood (for the most part) while being sick, I think that's pretty darn good.

I have realized, that I really need to figure in more things for myself throughout the week though. Which, will be fun figuring out what I can do for me, how I can fit it in with the time I have, and make the most of it. And, I think I'll need to take relaxing a little more seriously too. :)

Today, I'm up for the challenge.

Tomorrow, I've got to take the car for repairs they've got to seek out, with Pook.

This should be fun. :)

Autumnal Bliss

This weekend was amazing.

We collected pine cones, the ones with sap on the end and various other types. We collected colored leaves of yellow and red. Not many, but if you looked closely, you'd find them. We talked of everygreens, or prickly trees, and watched Pook go down the slide without any help.

We walked, climbed, sang, and breathed in the chilled air. We wore long sleeves and pants, drinking tea all day, eating hot soup...

We opened the curtains that we keep closed in the summer to keep out the warm sun, and welcomed it in. We aired the house with open windows.

I found myself wanting to hunker down, crochet, curl up in a warm blanket and not leave the house. I thought about finding excuses to celebrate the holidays at our house, insteading of returning to celebrate it with family.

Oh yea, Autumn is here. Lots of soups, freash breads, hot tea... what else can I bake? The promise of snuggles, fuzzy blankets, and hot cocoa...

I'm SO there.

Letting Go Part 2

Oh, yay for you! 3 posts today!

When I first moved here, I was very lonely. I didn't know anyone but hubby and a few of his friends. And, being that I was quite the social butterfly before I moved, it was a really tough and scary time for me. No job. No friends nearby. A true fresh start.

So I reached out via the internet, and began an online ezine. Recently, I've had the option of renewing the site. For years, I have kept the name, even though I'd stopped updating (children do that you know). I wanted people to have access to the articles, etc. I held on to it, my past comfort, my first big on-my-own project - even though I felt guilt. I'd look at the unfinished project, and think I'd need to write something, to tweak it in some way...

But today, today I've decided I'm not renewing the domain. I'm letting it go.

It's that simple. It's gone.

And with that I feel a freedom; a freedom that has cause me to wonder - what else am I clinging on to that I don't need to?

Letting Go

Letting go. It's one of those things I closely associate with Autumn. Many trees release their leaves after a brilliant show of color. They go through the winter cold, barren and silent. In the spring, they awake from their dormancy producing buds, fresh green, and floral decor.

It's this cyclical nature that can be seen throughout life. It's constant, continual, the one thing you can depend on - everything has a cycle. Things blossom, they wait, they let go, they sleep. Sometimes they make it through the winter. Sometimes they don't.

I've caught myself on a few occasions longing to just find a ledge where I could safely camp out for the rest of my life, instead of continually climbing the mountain and moving forward. But it's in out nature to move forward. You can stay on that ledge, but there will still be storms. There will still be challenges - just not the same.

I do this, get stuck in the safetly of the ledge. Trying to make it last. Missing out on sunsets of the mountain top and the beauty (and sometimes pain) along the way.

I realize, that I can choose to hold the fear to me so very tightly, or let it go and just embrace what there is to offer. I can choose to see a path as an adventure, or fear it. I can choose to see the beauty of a sunset, or spend my time fretting about something else.

And, I'm getting tired of fretting and worrying about something. (And, it seems I can always find something.)

Letting go. Can I shed my worry? Like the leaves of the tree? Can I trust myself enough to know that I'm not in control of every detail, so let's let it go and find something more productive to focus on? Why not?

In the end, it's up to me.

What is it that you really need?

I've embarked on another self journey as we come into autumn. It seems to be my "thing". Perhaps it is because it is my favorite season, and, with the changing of the leaves clearing represents letting go, and transformation, a preparation for the winter where turning inward seems to be the easiest.

In any case, this time around, I'm working at being more in tune with my needs. Be it a hot bath, good massage, exercise, or yoga, I'm listening. It's not easy, at least not now, because I think I've rather blocked out that little internal voice that used to let me know when I needed to rest, relax, or just lay there. Probably because I don't think I ever, really truly listened to it (if you know what I mean).

Yes, I know I need rest, but I don't have time. Or, I've too much to do. Or, I'll do it when I'm done this. And, of course, it keeps getting put off and put off until... I end up sick, exhausted, or so grumpy that I can't stand myself.

This morning, I woke up with my back twinging. What do I need? Yoga.
Okay, I'll exercise instead and see if that works. You need Yoga, particularly the one for back care. Weights would not be the best idea.

So, instead of jumping in and doing yoga, I puttered on the computer, then did an exercise DVD, and then, did the back care yoga.

And, imagine that. My back felt better. And, imagine that, like I always feel when I do yoga, I felt good. Centered. Calm.

I'm giving my "little inner voice" permission to be louder now. I hope to become a better listener. And in the process, I can continue to remind myself, that when my back hurts, yoga is the best thing for it.

Autumn is starting to grow on me

I can feel Autumn working its way into my life. There's that desire to wear jeans, long PJs, and drink hot tea. (Yes, even though it was 90 degrees out yesterday.)

Autumn is a time for letting go, a time for change.

This autumn, I'm hoping I can let go of fears. Fears involving finances, unworthiness, traveling, my body not quite working as I'd like it to. Fears of things not working according to the time line I'd like. Fear of not being in control, and acceptance of the fact that there are things beyond my control, and I need to find some sort of way to be okay with them.

Yes, the fall season is bring to light various things in my life. Which is good. Because now I see them. But will I be so willing, is it possible, to shed these fears like a tree sheds its fall leaves?

Summer's Ending

In about 20 days, autumn will officially begin. Summer will officially be over. I'm already missing summer, and it's not quite gone yet.

Can I keep the bliss of Summer's sweetness? Will I rediscover my love for Autumn's preparation and release?

Until then, I'm holding on to summer (ironically as I'm holding on to a few other things in my life I'm unwilling to let go of). I'm not ready to part with the whispers of warm, sandy beaches (which, ironically I didn't get to this summer), the sweetness of fresh berries and tomatoes, and most of all, that crisp, clear, cooling, clarity of floating about in a summer pool.

And then, perhaps when Autumn does arrive, I'll be able to release those things I've been clinging to, as the trees release their leaves each year. Which, after all, grow back.