For those wondering if we are still alive...

the answer is a resounding YES!

I don't know if it's the gorgeous weather or what, but my head is clear, there's a smile on my face, and hubby's been one very lucky man. I cooked dinner this week! Uh huh... and you were thinking it's because we'd been sumo wrestling, weren't you? (Care of Ed for that.)

In any case, it's been a wonderful, wonderful week. Just lovely. We had an impromptu get together for dinner at a friend's place on Thursday, errands went smooth as silk tonight, and tomorrow, the pook's been invited to her SECOND kiddie birthday bash - for twins no less! Too exciting. Sunday, we're hoping to go to a Medicine Wheel ceremony to celebrate the East and the spring.

All good stuff.

Though our weekends are looking a bit packed for the month of April. The Pook will be celebrating her brithday on THREE of those weekends! I get to see my Canadian luvs!!!

I'm keeping positive, and taking efforts to get full night's sleep and keep the weekly schedules minimum, as we usually try to keep at least one weekend a month activity free, and it's looking like April isn't that month. But, that's okay. How many 3-yr-olds do you know that not only get 3 parties, but celebrate in two states, AND have special Canadian visitors?

Recuperating

Well, we've all been nasty, icky, sick here in our mountain home. Though I'm working my way back to 100%, I'm just happy the computer screen no longer makes my head spin, and tummy swirl.

Poor hubby was sick in the beginning of the week, I was taken down Tues night, and the poor pookie's been in an out of sorts for a bit.

The good news is, that today, we are finally feeling some normalcy. I've been thinking about writing about my spirtual adventure that occured while my body purged and I spent Tues night on the bathroom floor, but, I might need to revisit that another time. I don't want to push myself. :)

I will say though, that, I was so sick I actually called off work, and, managed to put away 4 books in the last 4 days. Which, was wonderful, I might add. Although, I could've done without the sick part. It makes me wonder though... I'd been wanting off work so badly, and so stressed, makes me wonder if I actually "called" this upon myself. But that, is for another time.

So, I'll leave you all with this quote, then, hopefully make it to bed.

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength.~Corrie Ten Boom

Happy Spring

Today is the Vernal Equinox, meaning, days will be getting longer than the evenings. Sometimes, it floors me how quickly time flies. When I was younger, it seemed to go so much slower. But then, I don't think I had so much going on as I do now... Ah well.

Empress Spring Frog

If I were ever a member of the Ya Ya Sisterhood... that would be my name. Although, if I go by my nickname, I'd be Princess Smiling Sun.

Hmmm... which do you think fits me best?

What's in a name?

When I was little, I didn't like my name. It was picked for me by my mother, and seemed too formal and elegant for lil ol me. I wanted something more fun and adventureous. So, in highschool, I shortened it and took a "nickname", which, was quite funny because my mother named me a name she thought one couldn't create a nickname from.

In any case, there have been times when I thought about changing my name, and what name I could be. I'd ponder and create, and make up names, and most recently, I played with my nickname to come up with another version, just for fun.

But this morning, looking at my name (it's not really a nickname anymore), I couldn't really imagine myself with any other name, because I feel as though I've finally "grown" into my name, if that fits.

A strange, but altogether neat revelation for a Saturday morning I thought.

Of course, I've never officially changed my birth name, but that doesn't really matter, because no one really calls me by my birthname anyway anymore. Well, unless I'm in trouble that is. :)

Week's Prose

Sweet silence of morning, dappled with bird calls. Blessed with a clear head, my work completed swiftly and with focus (this morning at least), blogs and other addictive material avoided.

I sit here, calm, caught up, Pookie sleeping soundly still. There's a stillness, even as my fingers dance upon the clicking keys.

Snow has fallen, leaving a powdered-sugary coating upon the ground and houses. Cars are warming up, the steam blending up and into the environment.

It's been an interesting week. Tuesday was a full moon, and the way the day worked out, just seemed as though I was meant to be there for someone grienving so much in her life - dead father and best friend. One she feels taken too soon, the other a long cancerous process. She just turned 28 - that age when the universal cosmos comes together to check on your and see where you are on your life path - not always pleasant for some, and virtually clear sailing for others. Yet, there always seems to be something.

Hubby's been tired and not sleeping well, though he's been handling the grumpiness and sniffles quite well. Although I suspect he'll be crashing this weekend into the soft bed that brings him comfort, and downing the NyQuil that brings him relief. At least he'll be home early today.

This morning pook lays sleeping in bed, curled amongst pillows, her body cuddled within the covers that she kicks off in sleep. She is a precious jewel, warm and fragile, as I tenderly kiss her blushed cheek. I adore this soft being, cringing as she coughs in sleep. But, to the doctor today, to make sure it's nothing serious.

And so I sit here, typing, filling my body with water, as my liver's not been too happy with the continual chocolate and comfort foods I've been eating as though it were my only thread to freedom of the stress I've been not dealing with in regards to having to work this weekend. Though this morning, I feel as though I can cut down on the intake of it at least. At least I don't drink. :)

And so sweet Friday is hear, with Shamrocks and green galore, and snowy fervor. Though part Irish, I'm not one to celebrate this holiday, although as a child corned beef and cabbage was ingested this day. But not today. Nope, tonight it will be Italian lasagne shared with our small family and a visiting friend.

Here's hoping for a peaceful and rejuvenating weekend to all, I know it's much needed after this last weekend for us.

Monday Moments

It's been a gorgeous day today. Sunny, over 70 degrees, the perfect weather for a T-Shirt and shorts if you delighted in that. I didn't get to enjoy it as much as I'd have liked, but, I am enjoying sitting in the house, windows open, breeze blowing.

A storm is on its way in, it shows in the sky, but, if you listen carefully, you can hear that quite spring symphony of a mixture of birds, frogs, and grasshoppers in the grass. It's sweet bliss. It's the type of day for laying down and listening. A day to stop and just be.

Sweet Sunday Moments

Sleeping in amongst flannel sheets, rain's outdoor symphony against the bedroom window panes, I slowly opened my soft eyes to morning's light peeping in through my window, and the sound of pitter-pattering feet, followed by a happy sounding "hey!"

Sitting on the couch, caught up in the laughter of Da Hub falling off the couch and landing on Dora's "Backpack", only to end up erupting in one of those good, old-fashioned pillow fights (after we removed glasses), where you beat one another silly without maiming someone or something, and watching Pook grabbing a pillow and whacking Daddy with all the force her little body could muster.

That feeling of relief that only a good spout of laughter that takes you uncontrollably, shaking out all the stress, fear, and anything else you can't remember, as you hold your sides to catch your breath, and smile.

Snuggling in hubby's arms while Pook plays amongst us, eventually working her way over, so that all 3 of us end up spooning in the middle of the living room floor, basking in that sporadic feeling of family love and gratitude.

The soft voices of hubby and pook singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star".

Pook holding my head in between her soft little hands, telling me that she loves her Mommy, while my heart melts, and she falls into my arms for a full blown Mommy-daughter hug.

Ah... these are the mornings that fill me with bliss.

I really do live a simple life

After reading Ed's recent post about MythTv, I realized that my life is pretty darm "simple" compared to most. We own two TVs. One in the living room, one in the basement. Neither of them get local channels, although, once out of desperation I did try to watch Oprah through the blur. (The TVs are quite old.)

Before we moved here, Hubby had cable and my roommate had Satellite TV. I'd easily sit down to watch a show, and not move from the couch (save food and bathroom breaks) for a good 8 hours or more. So, Hubby wasn't too happy when I told him there was no way in H-E-double L that we were going to spend $40 (at the time) a month for my addiction. Thanks to DVDs, videos, and PS games, he survived.

I've mentioned before that I can easily live without a TV. It would be tough, but I could do it. I know many people who can't live without certain shows, but to me, it's an added expense that I don't want. Besides, with things like NetFlix... I get to watch a bunch of movies a month, for like $10. Plus, I've got cherished DVDs that I love and can rewatch when in the mood.

I was also thinking, about how we also schedule NFP weekends (No F'n Plans), and work to keep errands to a one-day a week minimum. I have the Pook involved in activities, but I try to keep them to 1-2 days a week. (Although, this weeked, she's been invited to her first official brithday party!!!!)

So, that little bit made me feel really good today.

Ding, ding, ding! Goes the cooking bell.

How a post on serenity ended up turning into a cooking showdown, er, challenge rather, is beyond me, but hey, I'm all for it! (See my previous posts and all the comments to boot.)

If you want the short-short version, phil has challenged da hub to a cook off, which, I being the self-designated taster am ALL for, and now, it seems age wants in to. Mind you, I've tasted meals made by all these lovely gents - NUMMY!!!!

So, anyone else want in (I leave that to da hub and phil to decide who cooks)? Anyone else want to be a taster?

So when and where are we up for this? Here or there, and when?

Bring it on babies, bring it on!

Oh, and yes, still in that blissful serenity state. Had I known before it would result in good food as well... Shapow!

Serenity

It is for the first time, in a very long time I have gone through the day feeling serene. I still have the same amount of work, I even slept in this morning. But some how, today I found myself feeling much more free and more energetic. Instead of fretting about how I can simplify my life, waht I need to change in my life to make it better, or if I can declutter something, or how I can create more time in the day, I just went through my day.

Step, by baby step, I made it through a day, that would've normally stressed me out because I wasn't following the "normal" routine. Do you know what? Work wasn't overwhelming - it was just work, that would get done when it got done. Instead of striving to get ahead, I did what I could, and it was enough.

Today, I was invited to the Pook's "house" I found time to turn her kiddie bed into a house with a blue sheet, and she invited me in for snuggles and a chat. Instead of feeling guilty, I climbed in and held her, noting her sweet scent and soft skim, and how adorable she is when she snuggles against me, pressing our cheeks together, and closing her eyes to really feel it.

We watched the sun drift through the window, and noted the signs of spring outside, while "Sheepy 1" and "Sheepy 2" had conversations under the sea of blue. Later we made houses with her book blocks, and dipped turkey hot dogs into ketchup and mustard, and ate "cheddar bunnies" (crackers). She sat in my lap for snuggles as I worked, and didn't ask for the TV at all today. She was happy playing in her room and singing.

I "cooked" tonight. It was a simple pizza in the oven (usually, when I cook it's take out), and while I was waiting, I focused on cleaning some well-needed areas. And you know what? I'd have thought I was doing a sacred meditation, as I fell into a calming rhythm, with benefit of a clean kitchen at the end.

It's been an etherial day today, and, I'm sure I could waste energy wondering why I didn't notice my wasting of energy before, but it's just not worth it; I've no desire to go there. Today, I'm feeling all those things I've wanted to, but thought I had to follow a path I hadn't even set, and wasn't even sure of, as it was based on other's ways.

I listen as my husband and daughter serenade me from the "big bed" with the song of "Winnie the Pooh" from the bedroom, and my heart is singing. THIS is life, and I'm in the midst of living it.

The grass is always greener...

I can remember listening to these tapes my mom bought me as a child. You listened to the tapes, and drew pictures corresponding with the stories. There was this one, I vaguely remember, but it was about farm animals who were unhappy living on their farm, and how they always envied and thought the farm next door with the fresh green grass was better.

Now, I probably listened to these things over 20 some years ago, so I'm not sure if this is right or not, but I think one of the animals went to live on this "greener" farm, only to find out the grass, as well as life there, wasn't as sweet as on the old one.

These last few days, have provided me with so much to think about. Looking back through my writings, I've realized something else. Something much more prominent about all this. Some how, some way, I get it into my head, that my life will be better if I simplify, declutter, get more organized, cut down my job hours, etc. etc. My darling hubby says that it's probably due to my mom.

You see, my mom says she's happy, but she's always looking to fix this, do this, do that... She raised me with the midset that if you didn't like something about yourself or your life, look to someone you admired, and then incorporate those qualities in your life. I'm getting goosebumples just typing this. Because looking back at my life, I've been chasing a dream.

I'm going to open up a bit here. My dad, he's an alcoholic. My mom, I don't quite know how to describe her. They did the best they could, and it wasn't until about 4 years or so ago, I was finally able to accept them for who they are, and that they did the best they could. You see, I'd always wanted parents who fit my expectations. Hell, I wanted a mate, friends, a life, that fit my expectations. Expecations that were based on what I thought worked for others, or how I thought others lived.

And now, tonight, I sit here holding the realization that in some cases I still have these expectations, mostly of myself. Looking at my life, I've got it pretty good. A strong family unit, an awesome hubby, and amazing child. I work from home, and can arrange to spend days at a farm, or pop up to town to visit the hubby.

I don't think I need to simplify my life. Yes, I can still get rid of clutter, but I think that some where along the line, have a decluttered and simple life (which I never really defined), became that fresh field of green grass on the other side.

I'm damn hard on myself at times. I think I "should" be a super mom capable of working from home, keeping house, taking the kids to activities, homeschooling, etc. etc. complicating things by allowing that inner nag to berate me when I feel overwhlemed by work and life... and the fact is, that it happens. Life happens.

And life's been happening while I've been standing at the fence imagining the green grass (probably that way due to chemical fertilizer and other toxins) in the other field and how sweet it would be once I crossed the fence. In the meantime, I've been missing, (well, I don't always have my head looking at that field, sometimes it's just been in my head), or not paying full attention to the beauty and simplicity around me.

So thanks for helping me come to this realization. Ed and Phil, your comments really helped to "see more clearly".

Yup, maybe, I shouldn't be focusing on what to prune, or what to change, or what my life could be like. Maybe, I just need to focus and make the most of the "what is".

G'night folks. Sweet dreams to all.

More thoughts on simplicity...

Thanks for the input on my last post from Phil and Ed... lots of good things, really forming a new perspective of things.

This afternoon, a new revelation... the discussion from Saturday's been continuing over email, with a quite a few people admitting that, in fact, they do not live simple lives, but choose to live their lives at a complex level, because it makes them happy.

One person made this excellent point:
So the new question I’m asking myself is not, “How can I live the simple life?” or “What is the simple life?” but rather “Am I living the life I want to be living? If not, then what can I change and why am I not changing it?”

This is really starting to resonate with me now. I think I'm getting it.

She also added, "For me simplicity might just be too broad a concept to be of any value. After some reflection since Saturday I see that I want my life to be rich with wonder, complexity, compassion and love and free from unnecessary nonsense and baggage. The unnecessary nonsense and baggage is easy for me to pinpoint, define and make steps to change and/or eliminate while simplicity is none of those things for me (easy to pinpoint, define, make steps toward). "

I'm beginning to wonder if I've been complicating things in my search for a simple life. Hmmm...

All good, good stuff! Keep it coming!

Simplicity

This word has been very prominent in my life, especially since November, and not just because it's what I'd like my life to be more like. I've literally seen it on magazines, websites, and this month, Sarah Ban Breathenache's book Simple Abundance promises to focus on it. So, I'm thinking the universe is giving me a message. Now, am I willing to listen and put it into practice?

Saturday I went to a discussion on what constitutes "The Simple Life", or, a life of simplicity. It was amazing to discover what everyone considered neccessary to live a simple life, and what people weren't willing to "give up", and just what the general definitions were.

Quite a few of the people there, were farmers who believe in growing organic food, getting eggs from chickens, raising cows or pigs for meat, selling fruits and veggies at local farmer's markets, and were all in agreement that the life they were leading, was anything but simple. In fact, it was a lot of hard work.

I've been working at simplifying my own life for the last 7 years or so after reading a book by Elaine St. James: Simplify Your Life, Inner Simplicity and I forget the other one. My life might have been much simpler had I not have gotten married and had a kid. :) And lately, I've not only admitted that my life is not only not simple, but that I have a tendency to complicate it.

I suppose that knowing this makes me ahead of the game. What's been really funny though, is that back in November, I began to crave simplicity. So, I dropped one huge thing. Since then, work's picked up considerably and complicated things much more.

Friday I was sitting in our library while Pook napped, and I looked around to see a mass of half- read books, half done projects, and a ton of added extras around the house. It was then I realized, that I've a nasty tendency to makes space in my life, only to "fill it" with other projects or activities, that I may or may not finish. As I sat there admist journaling long hand, and just sitting letting my mind putter about, I realized, that if just got rid of the half-read books, half-done projects, I wouldn't be worrying about how to find the time to finish them.

Or, I could also go through and finish them... which would take up more time...

I was beginning to see why I felt as though I'm spending all my free time catching up with my life. And I realized, I'm tired of racing to catch up, but still ending up so far behind.

Thus, I've come up with two questions:
* What can I live without?
* What do I want in my life?

At the discussion, we made a list of what the simple life excluded and included. We then started off by starting with what we all considered to be the simplest life, the life of a monk who lived in a cell with one robe, a board to sleep on, no other material possessions, plenty of time to meditate and pray, who begs for food. Not everyone might agree, and could probably take this down further, but, this is where we started.

Then we added to it. What helped me, was realizing that I already have a good part of the list in my life, I've just got a lot of added extras.

I realized, that for me, a simple life would include the following:
* time to meditate
* serenity
* peace and quiet
* community support (in other words, people who enjoy doing things I don't like to do: changing oil and caring for cars, accounting, helping with gardening, cooking, etc.)
* basic needs provided for: food, place to sleep and live, etc.
* creature comforts: hot, running water and plumbing, flowers outside, books to read, journal to write in, etc.
* comfortable
* living in the present moment
* balance and moderation (which is the key!)
* Fun, joy, play, create

Basically, more than enough to sustain me, but I want it to be a pleasureable experience.

I have most of this, or the ability to do most of this. Of course, I'm a mom to an almost 3-yr-old, I work (lots lately), and I'm married to a hubby not willing to give up the TV as it's good for playing games and watching movies, even though we don't watch TV programs (our TVs are to old to get clear channels).

And so, I come back to those questions:

What can I live without: TV (movies, DVDs, videos, games), a dining room, most of my decorations, worry, fear, frustration, anxiety, excess pots and pans, extra chairs and sofas,

What do I want in my life: Serenity, Pook, hubby, fun, play, painting/crafts, comfort, solace, organic food, wholesome-homeade foods as opposed to packaged microwaved foods, would love someone to cook aforementioned foods or more time to cook aforementioned foods, flowers, trees/nature, hot running water and indoor plumbing including a toilet, a comfy bed, at least some sort of seasonal decoration, chocolate, a good pair of jeans, music, books...

These are the things I'll be giving thought too, probably adding or maybe even subtracting from. I don't know. But what I do know, is that simplifying my life seems more attainable to me.

Now, if I could only find that anonymous benefactor so that hubby and I wouldn't have to work, it'd really be much more simple. ;)

Happy Pruning

So today it begins, with Ash Wednesday. I woke up with a strange desire to go to church, which is a little challenging, as I don't know where any Catholic Churches are in my area, and, as I haven't been to church in a very long time... seems sort of weird. But I think it's beause I'm longing for some sort of ritual to begin or kick off this particular season that I'm feeling really drawn to this year.

This morning while doing yoga and movement, I started thinking of things I can prune over the next 40 days:

• frowns to make room for more smiles to grow
• unhappy sighs to make room for more laughter
• chaos to make room for more rhythm
• too much focus on the past or future, so that the present can blossom
• worry to make room for contentment
• thoughts about what might be, to make room for gratitude for what is
• fear to make room for love
• focusing on the negative perspective of a situation, to make room for positive surprises
• Could've, should've, would'ves for acceptance of what is
• time spent doing things I don't love or enjoy to make room for time spent doing things I love and enjoy
• negative attitudes to make room for more gratitudes
• habits that don't benefit me to make room for ones that do
• anger to make room for more joy
• getting caught up in work and "To Do" lists to make room for more play
• stress to make room for more joy, laughter, love, and peace
• clutter to make room for more space
• complaining to make room for more enjoying

I might be adding to this through out the day, so we'll see where it goes. Suggestions are welcomed. :)