This morning, I had some quiet time to think and reflect over the past few days. I'm still in awe that our holiday is still continuing through today... and I've hope to keep that sense of peace, slowness, joy, and relaxation going throughout the week despite the "work" thing.
The best gifts of this Christmas, weren't those found under a Christmas tree. They've come in different shapes and sizes...
* The scent of my house on Friday (turkey) and on Saturday (pumpkin pie).
* The feel of a solid half hour of snuggling, giggling, watching, and "chatting" with my youngest all to myself.
* Watching my children dance to carols, under a tent they made.
* Holding my eldest in my arms while she slept. Breathing her in, all too aware of how she is growing...
* The taste of turkey mixed with sauerkraut, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes and string beans...
* Savoring the flavor of pumpkin pie with real whipped cream.
* Realizing, that journaling, with pen and paper is a gift I hadn't really appreciated until I made time for it again.
* Making time to read.
* Finally feeling that the amount of presents for the girls was just right - not too many, and not too few, and each and every gift was fully enjoyed and played with that day.
* Dancing together as a family.
* Having my husband tell me that he's been enjoying dancing with me.
* Hearing my youngest tell me when she's tired, then off to "Night! Night!" and snuggling up in bed or on the couch to rest up.
* Hearing my eldest tell me about how she can see the improvement in her drawing and dancing.
* Watching as she enthusiastically creates books for each of us, using the empty books we made her using construction paper for Christmas... she's lost track of how many (at least 5 by my count). She got them Saturday... it's Monday.
* The slowness, the lack of feeling rushed, the sweet joy of sleeping in, and gracefully moving through the day...
Yes... an amazing holiday indeed.
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Decisions
The last few months my mind has been filled with thoughts, and a sub-conscious that has been screaming (very loudly, and via all of my writing outlets and then some), that I need to slow down, maybe even stop. But I was terrified to stop, afraid that I'd loose momentum if I did.
And yet, it kept getting louder, and it was clear that I was feeling off balance, as was my family.
My time has been really full the last few months - work, homeschooling, activities, Squeak's allergies and therapy, not getting enough sleep, travel, and probably other things that I've been forgetting. Life had become overwhelming, and I couldn't keep up. Then, I'd ream myself out for not keeping up. Yet I still wouldn't slow down.
Finally, I realized, I had some serious decisions to make. Something needed to give. I needed to slow down and stop. I needed to stop comparing myself to how much others did and were doing, and just stop. I was unbalanced, and until I regained that balance, I was going to continue struggling and fighting a loosing battle.
And so, I stopped, took a breath, decided to tweak our schooling for the month to be more laid back to help with the burnout. We choose to homescool for many reasons, one of which was that I wanted to take most of December off to really enjoy the holiday. And I've not done that yet - until this year.
Instead of opting to do all the activities we've done in the past, we opted to do something that suited our family. We needed to soothe our souls, rejuvenate out minds, bodies and spirits, and to slow down. And through the years, we have discovered that means NFP weekends (No F'n Plans).
And so that is what we are doing. We've opted to stay in for the month. I do not work (my computer is turned off all of Saturday and most of Sunday), nor do I do work, on the weekends. We won't be attending fancy holiday parties, or running all over the place. We make it a point to read, play games, do something creative as a family.
Winter is generally a time for hibernating for our family anyway. It's a natural rhythm that we all enjoy and benefit from. We have for years, and one day, it may shift. For now, I want to honor it, nurture it, and savor it, as opposed to fighting it, or not doing it because someone else thinks that we shouldn't be doing it.
I've decided it's time to listen to that voice of intuition I've spent the last 5 years denying (questioning and doubting), and have reconnected with (in Spring).When I used to listen to that voice, I was able to trust and let go of fear. Because I knew, from the depths of my soul, I knew where to go based on how I felt about things. Even if logically it didn't make sense, and the rest of the world tried to convince me otherwise, when I listened, and I mean really listened and followed that gut instinct - I found I was right where I was supposed to be.
So many times I have reached out to others for input on a decision, instead of trusting that "feeling". Actually, I ignored it because it was just a "feeling" and there was no "proof" behind it. But this year, I've known when I walked into a building, I was meant to be there. I've watched things fall into place when the time was best, and not before. I've remembered what it felt like to "know", and that enabled me to move past the guilt and self-doubt, to trust myself.
In trusting myself, I am taking time to ask myself some questions, to give things some thought, to dare to do things that others might not like or approve of.
It's been snowing here, and if I don't feel comfortable driving in it, or if I choose to stay home and enjoy it, so be it. Mind you, this decision came after an intense struggle involving "to go" or "not to go" to an activity for Squeak when it was snowing. I felt guilty for not going, for not making the most of the money I'd spent, and for not "doing enough" for my child. Thankfully, it was canceled, but it got me thinking, and I didn't feel like getting so stressed out about it again. Giving myself permission to "bow out" to say no - is liberating.
I've decided that I'm not sending out the yearly Christmas letter updating the details of our life over the year. There has been SO much that has happened, that I'm not even sure a letter will do it justice. And frankly, there are other things requiring my time and attention. So this year, I'm deciding to "bow out".
We've chosen to be nontraditional in regards to Christmas this year. We're taking a long weekend, just our little family, with no guests or visitors. We will drink hot cocoa, tea and chai lattes and create our own little feasts. We'll probably stay in PJs the whole time.
There are Christmas movies that we'd like to watch. Wii we'd like to play. There will Christmas music. We'll probably dance and sing. We might be inspired to paint, sketch, or sculpt. We'll hopefully read. We might not leave the house the entire weekend. There are no plans set in stone.
Pook is excited about Christmas this year - more so than those of the past. Da Hub is glad that we won't be traveling, and excited that he can sleep in and stay in PJs all weekend. Squeak is just happy to have us all around. And as for me, well, it feels right for us, and I'm excited that we've made this choice.
And yet, it kept getting louder, and it was clear that I was feeling off balance, as was my family.
My time has been really full the last few months - work, homeschooling, activities, Squeak's allergies and therapy, not getting enough sleep, travel, and probably other things that I've been forgetting. Life had become overwhelming, and I couldn't keep up. Then, I'd ream myself out for not keeping up. Yet I still wouldn't slow down.
Finally, I realized, I had some serious decisions to make. Something needed to give. I needed to slow down and stop. I needed to stop comparing myself to how much others did and were doing, and just stop. I was unbalanced, and until I regained that balance, I was going to continue struggling and fighting a loosing battle.
And so, I stopped, took a breath, decided to tweak our schooling for the month to be more laid back to help with the burnout. We choose to homescool for many reasons, one of which was that I wanted to take most of December off to really enjoy the holiday. And I've not done that yet - until this year.
Instead of opting to do all the activities we've done in the past, we opted to do something that suited our family. We needed to soothe our souls, rejuvenate out minds, bodies and spirits, and to slow down. And through the years, we have discovered that means NFP weekends (No F'n Plans).
And so that is what we are doing. We've opted to stay in for the month. I do not work (my computer is turned off all of Saturday and most of Sunday), nor do I do work, on the weekends. We won't be attending fancy holiday parties, or running all over the place. We make it a point to read, play games, do something creative as a family.
Winter is generally a time for hibernating for our family anyway. It's a natural rhythm that we all enjoy and benefit from. We have for years, and one day, it may shift. For now, I want to honor it, nurture it, and savor it, as opposed to fighting it, or not doing it because someone else thinks that we shouldn't be doing it.
I've decided it's time to listen to that voice of intuition I've spent the last 5 years denying (questioning and doubting), and have reconnected with (in Spring).When I used to listen to that voice, I was able to trust and let go of fear. Because I knew, from the depths of my soul, I knew where to go based on how I felt about things. Even if logically it didn't make sense, and the rest of the world tried to convince me otherwise, when I listened, and I mean really listened and followed that gut instinct - I found I was right where I was supposed to be.
So many times I have reached out to others for input on a decision, instead of trusting that "feeling". Actually, I ignored it because it was just a "feeling" and there was no "proof" behind it. But this year, I've known when I walked into a building, I was meant to be there. I've watched things fall into place when the time was best, and not before. I've remembered what it felt like to "know", and that enabled me to move past the guilt and self-doubt, to trust myself.
In trusting myself, I am taking time to ask myself some questions, to give things some thought, to dare to do things that others might not like or approve of.
It's been snowing here, and if I don't feel comfortable driving in it, or if I choose to stay home and enjoy it, so be it. Mind you, this decision came after an intense struggle involving "to go" or "not to go" to an activity for Squeak when it was snowing. I felt guilty for not going, for not making the most of the money I'd spent, and for not "doing enough" for my child. Thankfully, it was canceled, but it got me thinking, and I didn't feel like getting so stressed out about it again. Giving myself permission to "bow out" to say no - is liberating.
I've decided that I'm not sending out the yearly Christmas letter updating the details of our life over the year. There has been SO much that has happened, that I'm not even sure a letter will do it justice. And frankly, there are other things requiring my time and attention. So this year, I'm deciding to "bow out".
We've chosen to be nontraditional in regards to Christmas this year. We're taking a long weekend, just our little family, with no guests or visitors. We will drink hot cocoa, tea and chai lattes and create our own little feasts. We'll probably stay in PJs the whole time.
There are Christmas movies that we'd like to watch. Wii we'd like to play. There will Christmas music. We'll probably dance and sing. We might be inspired to paint, sketch, or sculpt. We'll hopefully read. We might not leave the house the entire weekend. There are no plans set in stone.
Pook is excited about Christmas this year - more so than those of the past. Da Hub is glad that we won't be traveling, and excited that he can sleep in and stay in PJs all weekend. Squeak is just happy to have us all around. And as for me, well, it feels right for us, and I'm excited that we've made this choice.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Handling the Holidays
This holiday we did several things:
* Decided what our goals were and what we wanted from this holiday season.
* Said No. A lot.
* Decided what traditions we liked, didn’t, and wanted to start. (Did this with activities as well.)
* Simplified gift giving to the extreme.
* Scheduled special things for the family and just for me
* Most importantly – agreed to not freak out if everything didn’t get done on the list.
What type of holiday do you want?
Last year’s holiday was so totally chaotic and stressful for me. Add to that discovering I was pregnant and we were sick most of the time… well, it was not the holiday we wanted it to be. So, this year we decided we wanted a holiday filled with joy, family time, PEACE, gratitude, relaxation, and wonder. Keeping these words in my head helped me to focus on what it was all about for us.
Saying No.
This has always been hard for me, but this year, it got easier, and will be easier now that I’ve felt the benefits. We said no to travel, no to cookie baking (oh the horror, I know – but this year it made a world of difference!), no to certain gifts (more on this later), no to Christmas lights, no to spending time with people we didn’t want to, no to a variety of things… and guess what? It gave us time to say yes to things we really wanted to do.
Now, next year, I may want to bake cookies. This year, we didn’t get around to it. Next year, I may want to travel. I have given myself permission to change my mind. And that’s just fine.
Oh, and my favorite phrases for which to say no are:
* I have plans.
* If you need an answer right now, I have to say no.
* That’s not possible.
I’ve found that if you offer excuses or reasons someone is guaranteed to counter argue you, and it’s not worth it.
Traditions and lists
I didn’t realize until this year that traveling was totally stressful for me. Trying to see a ton of people in a short amount of time, missing out on those individual connections, and dealing with hurt feelings of people we didn’t get together with is not enjoyable for me. It was nice to not have to deal with any of that.
I also discovered we’d started several traditions – Christmas-tide activities, decorating a gingerbread house, dinner with friends, watching Christmas movies, dancing and singing to Christmas songs with the kids, made pinecone birdfeeders, etc. All of these things filled me to the brim with joy.
I was also very aware not to over schedule things. We determined how many activities, and when we did them, and what was best for us. Instead of exhausting ourselves with 3 and 4 activities a weekend, we choose to do 1 or 2 instead.
And, I’ve made a list, checked it twice, included what activities we didn’t want to do, and those that were nice. It’s made it easier to say no and plan things.
Gift Giving
We keep this extremely simple. (Some people feel it’s too simple, and that’s cool as you need to find what works best for you.) About 15 years ago, I was giving gifts to 60 or more people a year – to far removed acquaintances and out of guilt. Then, I got married and hubby was more than a little freaked out by the bills from our first Christmas.
So, we talked it over and decided that we were only giving gifts to our immediate family: our kids, our parents, our nephew, each other, and maybe a few other people depending on the situation. Everyone else gets experiences. My favorite is the dinner hubby makes for certain friends each year, or having people up for a weekend at our “B&B”. Gifts have become so much more meaningful.
I also start the gifts in September. Grandfathers get a calendar with pics (which I update through the year). The moms get books they are interested in. My nephew got a magazine subscription. And – we ordered most of the things online to save going to the stores. As we are big into keeping clutter out of our house, we really try to give gifts that can be used or that we know for certain will be enjoyed.
Scheduling
This year we did a lot of family activities together, and I also did a few things for me. I made sure I had time to paint. I went out with a friend for cocoa. I found time to read, journal, blog, exercise and do yoga. All of these things made a huge difference, “filling my tank” so that I could remain calm and peaceful through out the season. And jolly. Doing these things for me helped me to be very jolly indeed.
Most Important
Agreeing to not freak out if things didn’t get done, gave me permission to let things be and not worry if things didn’t happen according to plan. And if I did freak out, I could do it for a little bit, and then let it go. Out of everything, it made the most difference.
Friday, December 21, 2007
the longest night of the year
Tomorrow is the solstice. I think that means tomorrow will be the longest night of the year. I'm not sure, but it's got me thinking. (What doesn't get me thinking, eh?)
I am one of those who enjoy the solstice. I enjoy the quiet dark of the lengthening night during the holiday season. Why? Because it encourages me to slow down amidst the consumer chaos. It's a time to turn inward and ponder. I also like that it happens in the autumn, so that during winter's chill, the daylight increases, warming the senses with the promise of spring.
This last year has not been as quiet or as peaceful as we'd have liked.
A while back, I'd asked what the holiday means to people, and a friend of mine told me that the holidays were what you made them. So true!
I find myself longing for a quiet holiday. Aside from this weekend, tomorrow we'll spend time with family. Christmas eve and Christmas day, we shall spend quietly with only my mom and a good friend.
I am longing for the quiet of winter nights, and a small holiday celebration. Actually, I'm just longing for quiet right now, but only because I haven't really had any.
You know the feeling that you've been running, and running, and running? Things just speed by without you paying attention. And then, I got sick. I'm still nursing the congestion, but at least my joints aren't aching and my skin isn't so sensitive.
That is what I've been feeling like for a while. And now, I'm ready to slow down again. I want to savor moments. I want to sit and watch the snow, without my thoughts drifting to class lessons, holiday To Do's and mailing out parcels. Curl up with a good book, lots of blankets, and playing in the snow.
I am full aware that the longing is because I've not been making these things a priority. I've somehow gotten caught up in the running around, and lost focus on what is in front of me. I've been scattering my energies, and the long night is rather symbolic of pulling myself back in, rediscovering what I want.
So, that's where I am this night before the longest night of the year. Welcome winter. Welcome reflection. Welcome peace.
I am one of those who enjoy the solstice. I enjoy the quiet dark of the lengthening night during the holiday season. Why? Because it encourages me to slow down amidst the consumer chaos. It's a time to turn inward and ponder. I also like that it happens in the autumn, so that during winter's chill, the daylight increases, warming the senses with the promise of spring.
This last year has not been as quiet or as peaceful as we'd have liked.
A while back, I'd asked what the holiday means to people, and a friend of mine told me that the holidays were what you made them. So true!
I find myself longing for a quiet holiday. Aside from this weekend, tomorrow we'll spend time with family. Christmas eve and Christmas day, we shall spend quietly with only my mom and a good friend.
I am longing for the quiet of winter nights, and a small holiday celebration. Actually, I'm just longing for quiet right now, but only because I haven't really had any.
You know the feeling that you've been running, and running, and running? Things just speed by without you paying attention. And then, I got sick. I'm still nursing the congestion, but at least my joints aren't aching and my skin isn't so sensitive.
That is what I've been feeling like for a while. And now, I'm ready to slow down again. I want to savor moments. I want to sit and watch the snow, without my thoughts drifting to class lessons, holiday To Do's and mailing out parcels. Curl up with a good book, lots of blankets, and playing in the snow.
I am full aware that the longing is because I've not been making these things a priority. I've somehow gotten caught up in the running around, and lost focus on what is in front of me. I've been scattering my energies, and the long night is rather symbolic of pulling myself back in, rediscovering what I want.
So, that's where I am this night before the longest night of the year. Welcome winter. Welcome reflection. Welcome peace.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Celebrating with Pook
When I was younger, my father would always bring my mother a dozen red roses and a big heart box of chocolate. Apparently, some times she got funky undergarments too, but thankfully, I didn't see and don't remember that. I think she got my dad a card.
As I got older, my dad would bring me a single red rose and a small heart box of chocolates. Then, Mom made him bring my brother some too, as he was feeling left out.
When I was a teenager, after my parents divorced, I would sulk over this day. I hated it. I wanted that someone special to bring me chocolates and flowers as it was "supposed" to be.
The older I got, the more I had issues with this day. After college, I started the tradition of Anti-Valentine's day, where we'd all get together and bring a gift for under $5, have a potluck, draw numbers, hang out... but that never took hold.
As I mentioned in my previous post, hubby and I just don't celebrate this day. But, with the birth of Pook, I wanted to do something, but I didn't want her growing up with expectations of chocolate, jewelery, flowers, and the like, and depending on someone else to do so.
Thus, hubby and I decided that the best gifts are the ones from the heart and homeade. And so, we've cut out paper hearts and hung them about, and she made a super secret Valentine's Day card for Daddy (don't worry, he already knows about it, Pook isn't good at keeping secrets!). Tonight, we'll dine on Papa John's, and maybe watch a romantic comedy - as a family.
And for her little KM friends, I crocheted some simple red bracelets, and we made red envelopes (for Chinese New Year on the 18th), included a printed paper with shapes to make a pigs faces, printed out a little note explaining it all, and stamped and stickered them.
And so, I hope that I can instill and inspire in my daughter a sense of love and togetherness on this day, as opposed to what you are "supposed" to get from someone else. And when she gets older, we shall send her homeade Valentines and scrumptious homeade goodies, and let her know that she is loved.
As I got older, my dad would bring me a single red rose and a small heart box of chocolates. Then, Mom made him bring my brother some too, as he was feeling left out.
When I was a teenager, after my parents divorced, I would sulk over this day. I hated it. I wanted that someone special to bring me chocolates and flowers as it was "supposed" to be.
The older I got, the more I had issues with this day. After college, I started the tradition of Anti-Valentine's day, where we'd all get together and bring a gift for under $5, have a potluck, draw numbers, hang out... but that never took hold.
As I mentioned in my previous post, hubby and I just don't celebrate this day. But, with the birth of Pook, I wanted to do something, but I didn't want her growing up with expectations of chocolate, jewelery, flowers, and the like, and depending on someone else to do so.
Thus, hubby and I decided that the best gifts are the ones from the heart and homeade. And so, we've cut out paper hearts and hung them about, and she made a super secret Valentine's Day card for Daddy (don't worry, he already knows about it, Pook isn't good at keeping secrets!). Tonight, we'll dine on Papa John's, and maybe watch a romantic comedy - as a family.
And for her little KM friends, I crocheted some simple red bracelets, and we made red envelopes (for Chinese New Year on the 18th), included a printed paper with shapes to make a pigs faces, printed out a little note explaining it all, and stamped and stickered them.
And so, I hope that I can instill and inspire in my daughter a sense of love and togetherness on this day, as opposed to what you are "supposed" to get from someone else. And when she gets older, we shall send her homeade Valentines and scrumptious homeade goodies, and let her know that she is loved.
To my love
I am married to a most amazing man. I don't celebrate this one day a year, but, today being what it is, it's the perfect reason to make sure he knows it.
My husband is a wonderful cook, and cooks most of the meals in our home. On occasion, I help out or even cook a whole meal, but most of the time - it's him. When I start to get cranky, and he knows I need some "me" time, he'll encourage me to get off the computer and do something for myself. If I'm having a challenging day, he'll take over care for Pook so I can get things done. He helps me when I get into a decluttering frenzy, and has even been encourage to do it on his own.
He's a snuggler (although these days we've got to fit it in where we can, because our Pook is one too, and doesn't like to be left out!). He's creative. He's my best friend. I can tell him about everything and anything. And when I feel I can't, I usually end up talking to him about it anyway. I can be completely open with him, put my heart right out there, completely let go and be me - and he embraces it all (sometimes with a little smile). He loves me completely for me, and that is such a gift.
We are up front with one another and our feelings. He's not afraid to tell me No, or that he doesn't want to do something. We don't "force" one another into uncomfortable compromises. We put our cards on the table, clean up the mess if one is made, and move on. If I need him to be sensitive, I let him know. If he needs to come out and tell me something that I might get hurt feelers about, he'll check with me (or at least give me a heads up!). Never, have I been able to communicate so well with someone.
There are so many wonderful things about our relationship, but one thing over the past few weeks that I've come to appreciate more than anything, is the level of trust we have for one another. I know he loves me, and I love him. We want to be together, and that's all there is to it. We take our marriage vows seriously, and therefore know we need to work through things instead of playing games or pulling the "silent treatment" card. I want to grow old with him, hold hands on long walks, be mother to at least another child of ours, and play with grandbabies (if that's what our kiddos decide).
I adore my hubby. We still have that occasional argument. We still get angry with one another or in general. But we've an unwritten rule to treat one another with respect and love at all times. We are very considerate of each other's feelings. I know that he needs his cave time, just as I need mine, and we do our best to see each gets it.
My husband and I don't go out of our way to celebrate this day. In the past, we've exchanged cards; I think twice I created a trail of hearts for him to follow on a treasure hunt of sorts. We don't do the flowers (for the set reason that the prices are jacked up) because of this day (although he has surprised me before), but sometimes I get them after if we find a good deal. Luckily for him, I'm not into jewelery, and if I am, he knows it's best to let me pick it. (I've got a very hard-to-define taste, and sometimes just go by the way it makes me feel.)
Though I don't like all the commercialism, I do like the fact that one day a year Love (albeight in its commercialized form) is celebrated.
So my love, Happy Valentine's Day. I love you.
Interested in the history of St. Valentine's Day?
My husband is a wonderful cook, and cooks most of the meals in our home. On occasion, I help out or even cook a whole meal, but most of the time - it's him. When I start to get cranky, and he knows I need some "me" time, he'll encourage me to get off the computer and do something for myself. If I'm having a challenging day, he'll take over care for Pook so I can get things done. He helps me when I get into a decluttering frenzy, and has even been encourage to do it on his own.
He's a snuggler (although these days we've got to fit it in where we can, because our Pook is one too, and doesn't like to be left out!). He's creative. He's my best friend. I can tell him about everything and anything. And when I feel I can't, I usually end up talking to him about it anyway. I can be completely open with him, put my heart right out there, completely let go and be me - and he embraces it all (sometimes with a little smile). He loves me completely for me, and that is such a gift.
We are up front with one another and our feelings. He's not afraid to tell me No, or that he doesn't want to do something. We don't "force" one another into uncomfortable compromises. We put our cards on the table, clean up the mess if one is made, and move on. If I need him to be sensitive, I let him know. If he needs to come out and tell me something that I might get hurt feelers about, he'll check with me (or at least give me a heads up!). Never, have I been able to communicate so well with someone.
There are so many wonderful things about our relationship, but one thing over the past few weeks that I've come to appreciate more than anything, is the level of trust we have for one another. I know he loves me, and I love him. We want to be together, and that's all there is to it. We take our marriage vows seriously, and therefore know we need to work through things instead of playing games or pulling the "silent treatment" card. I want to grow old with him, hold hands on long walks, be mother to at least another child of ours, and play with grandbabies (if that's what our kiddos decide).
I adore my hubby. We still have that occasional argument. We still get angry with one another or in general. But we've an unwritten rule to treat one another with respect and love at all times. We are very considerate of each other's feelings. I know that he needs his cave time, just as I need mine, and we do our best to see each gets it.
My husband and I don't go out of our way to celebrate this day. In the past, we've exchanged cards; I think twice I created a trail of hearts for him to follow on a treasure hunt of sorts. We don't do the flowers (for the set reason that the prices are jacked up) because of this day (although he has surprised me before), but sometimes I get them after if we find a good deal. Luckily for him, I'm not into jewelery, and if I am, he knows it's best to let me pick it. (I've got a very hard-to-define taste, and sometimes just go by the way it makes me feel.)
Though I don't like all the commercialism, I do like the fact that one day a year Love (albeight in its commercialized form) is celebrated.
So my love, Happy Valentine's Day. I love you.
Interested in the history of St. Valentine's Day?
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Holiday Hectiness - a vent of sorts
I'm not sure why I never noticed it before, but the holidays seem to catch me off guard each year. For some reason, in my mind at least, I just don't want to do much of anything between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
And I can't help being aware of the fact that I feel an incredible amount of relief once the holiday and season is over, which is ironic considering how excited I am when I start off!
Hubby's been telling me for years how stressful this time of year it is for us, and I've been... well, gosh, I've been in denial (I can be so good at this!). But he's right, and I'll elaborate for you.
You see, my parents are divorced (and thankfully not remarried or it might be more challenging). Hubby's are not. My mom has one brother. My dad has two. Hubby's dad has 5 other siblings. His mom's siblings are in another country.
There was a good ten year stint after the divorce where I believed my dad's side of the family didn't love me and wanted nothing to do with me, which made holidays a breeze, as I was unmarried, and therefore joyously celebrated Thanksgiving with my dear aunt, uncle, mom and grams, as well as Christmas.
And then, my grandfather, my dad's father, ended up in the hospital for his last visit. Perhaps I'll blog about that experience some other time, but for now, I'll skip to the part where I ended up reconnecting with Dad's family, while visiting my sweet Popop in his last days.
In any case, this now meant I was officially invited to my Aunt P's house for Thanksgiving, which, mind you is HER holiday. Seriously, the food that is served makes your mouth water just to hear the menu. It's a big deal.
Now, by this time, Hubby and I had begun dating, so he tagged along. It was the first Thanksgiving I didn't spend at my uncle R's, and I missed them. Christmas was back with my mom's, and we fit in Hub's family too.
When we moved to WV, there was usually only one holiday to contend with, as we decided that we'd either go back for Thanksgiving or Christmas - not both. And, we need to shuffle around three families. For a while, we'd spend Christmas with hubby's family, the day after with my mom, and we'd make other arrangements for dad's. (And let me tell you right here and now, that I do know that I'm lucky I only need to worry about 3 familes, where as my brother married a beautiful gal who's parents are divorced too... and it gets crazy.)
This worked for a while - until the Pook came along.
Now, everyone wants to see us and the Pook - on the day of the Holiday.
And then, there's the guilt. My family seems to "win-out" over hubby's family. But then, when we visit, we stay with my ILs, so my family feels slighted. Although, it used to be we'd just do things with my family, and his really was slighted, but I've been trying really hard to balance everything.
This year, my grams (mom's mom) is going through altziemer stages, and my mom and uncle are having a really rough time. Suddenly, being there on the 26th (her birthday) is not okay. She wants to open presents with Pook Christmas morning. So, we rearrange our plans so that we are there Christmas morning, and having dinner with the ILs. Thank God my DMIL is hosting a gathering so that I can invite my dad's family and hubby's family so we'll get to see them. (Last year, we did spent Christmas with them.)
In any case, I think we are getting to the point where we just don't want to come back for the holidays. (Next year, we won't be coming back for Christmas, as it's a weekday, and I promised my Aunt P we'd be there for Thanksgiving, which you can bet is going to go over well with my mom.)
*Sigh*
I know full well that making everyone happy is a virtually impossible task. Hubby doesn't like to drive all over God's creation to visit people, which limits things even more. I love being with my family, even hubby's family, but it seems everyone has their way, their own plans, their out holiday rituals, and, well, I'm just too pooped to do it all.
*Sigh*
So, what's a girl to do? This year, I'm most torn by the fact that my mom has been suffering with watching her mom deteriorate, and that she finally opened up to me about how lonely she feels on the holidays. To me, it's just another day. Maybe one day, when I'm older, I'll feel differently, but for now, it's just a day.
Hecht, after Christmas, we have our own Christmas day with Pook (cause, ya know we've got it in with Santa), for just us up here. And you know what, it doesn't matter what the date is, what matters is that day is sacred to us.
With all this emotional baggage I've been carrying, (and hubby to an extent too) it's no wonder we tense up come November to December, and one of the reasons why we hibernate January to February.
Now, the question is, how can I make this a more loving experience, instead of continuing to get stressed out? (Aside from ditching the holidays altogether.)
This is something I need to ponder on, and that I'm open to suggestions in regards.
And I can't help being aware of the fact that I feel an incredible amount of relief once the holiday and season is over, which is ironic considering how excited I am when I start off!
Hubby's been telling me for years how stressful this time of year it is for us, and I've been... well, gosh, I've been in denial (I can be so good at this!). But he's right, and I'll elaborate for you.
You see, my parents are divorced (and thankfully not remarried or it might be more challenging). Hubby's are not. My mom has one brother. My dad has two. Hubby's dad has 5 other siblings. His mom's siblings are in another country.
There was a good ten year stint after the divorce where I believed my dad's side of the family didn't love me and wanted nothing to do with me, which made holidays a breeze, as I was unmarried, and therefore joyously celebrated Thanksgiving with my dear aunt, uncle, mom and grams, as well as Christmas.
And then, my grandfather, my dad's father, ended up in the hospital for his last visit. Perhaps I'll blog about that experience some other time, but for now, I'll skip to the part where I ended up reconnecting with Dad's family, while visiting my sweet Popop in his last days.
In any case, this now meant I was officially invited to my Aunt P's house for Thanksgiving, which, mind you is HER holiday. Seriously, the food that is served makes your mouth water just to hear the menu. It's a big deal.
Now, by this time, Hubby and I had begun dating, so he tagged along. It was the first Thanksgiving I didn't spend at my uncle R's, and I missed them. Christmas was back with my mom's, and we fit in Hub's family too.
When we moved to WV, there was usually only one holiday to contend with, as we decided that we'd either go back for Thanksgiving or Christmas - not both. And, we need to shuffle around three families. For a while, we'd spend Christmas with hubby's family, the day after with my mom, and we'd make other arrangements for dad's. (And let me tell you right here and now, that I do know that I'm lucky I only need to worry about 3 familes, where as my brother married a beautiful gal who's parents are divorced too... and it gets crazy.)
This worked for a while - until the Pook came along.
Now, everyone wants to see us and the Pook - on the day of the Holiday.
And then, there's the guilt. My family seems to "win-out" over hubby's family. But then, when we visit, we stay with my ILs, so my family feels slighted. Although, it used to be we'd just do things with my family, and his really was slighted, but I've been trying really hard to balance everything.
This year, my grams (mom's mom) is going through altziemer stages, and my mom and uncle are having a really rough time. Suddenly, being there on the 26th (her birthday) is not okay. She wants to open presents with Pook Christmas morning. So, we rearrange our plans so that we are there Christmas morning, and having dinner with the ILs. Thank God my DMIL is hosting a gathering so that I can invite my dad's family and hubby's family so we'll get to see them. (Last year, we did spent Christmas with them.)
In any case, I think we are getting to the point where we just don't want to come back for the holidays. (Next year, we won't be coming back for Christmas, as it's a weekday, and I promised my Aunt P we'd be there for Thanksgiving, which you can bet is going to go over well with my mom.)
*Sigh*
I know full well that making everyone happy is a virtually impossible task. Hubby doesn't like to drive all over God's creation to visit people, which limits things even more. I love being with my family, even hubby's family, but it seems everyone has their way, their own plans, their out holiday rituals, and, well, I'm just too pooped to do it all.
*Sigh*
So, what's a girl to do? This year, I'm most torn by the fact that my mom has been suffering with watching her mom deteriorate, and that she finally opened up to me about how lonely she feels on the holidays. To me, it's just another day. Maybe one day, when I'm older, I'll feel differently, but for now, it's just a day.
Hecht, after Christmas, we have our own Christmas day with Pook (cause, ya know we've got it in with Santa), for just us up here. And you know what, it doesn't matter what the date is, what matters is that day is sacred to us.
With all this emotional baggage I've been carrying, (and hubby to an extent too) it's no wonder we tense up come November to December, and one of the reasons why we hibernate January to February.
Now, the question is, how can I make this a more loving experience, instead of continuing to get stressed out? (Aside from ditching the holidays altogether.)
This is something I need to ponder on, and that I'm open to suggestions in regards.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Holidays over the years
After responding to Stacie's comment on my last post, I got to thinking about how I used to percieve and celebrate Christmas (and general holidays) versus how I celebrate them now.
For one thing, I'd stock up on sales and gifts throughout the year. Then, I'd forget about said gifts when it came time for the holiday, only to find it a week later when restocking on more things I got on sale for the next year. Mind you, some of these things I just bought on sale, regardless of whether or not the gift recipient might like them. And did I mention, I'd give some sort of gift to every friend or acquaintence I knew?
Then, I'd always think that I needed to add to my decor every year. You know, build it up. Regardless of whether or not I had too much stuff, or if I needed it or not.
When we got married, and my sweet hubby counted that I was planning on getting and giving over 60 some gifts to people, he gave me this "we need to talk" look. We then had a really long talk. I'm blessed with a wonderful hubby, who really gets me to think about things. (And visa versa I hope...) Was it really necessary to give to all these people? (Some of whom I hadn't seen in ages, or years.) Were these people going to appreciate the gifts I'd gotten, or would then end up regifted or given away? Did I have the time to put these things together? Etc. Etc.
The first year, we bought a tree (hub's allergic to the real deal), our own beautiful angel to top it, stockings to hang, and a few greens and things to go around the house. We'd owned our own house now, so there was more to decorate. However, I also inherited an entire box of ornaments, knick-knacks, and other things from my mom's house when we moved.
We put out all the decorations. The next year, there we still decorations in the box, yet, I'd managed to buy more. Thankfully, the gift list had been cut in half, and after calculating how much we had spent for everything, I began to cut it it down again for the next year.
Now, five years later, we have all the decor we need. (Although, there are always a few things I keep on the lookout for - like embroidered hand towels for the kitchen and bath.) We only exchange gifts with immediate family, and a few friends (as opposed to all), and have made other agreements with friends. (Instead of a physical gift, we just get together to spend time together.) Some people get baked goods, some get bought goods, and this year, I'm excited because we're giving a gift that keeps giving to others http://www.heifer.org/ .
I also really think about the gifts I want to give. This has been most prevalent in the last year or so. I try to keep them clutter free (unless it's something I'm sure they'll like and use or keep). If I'm baking, I'll do a bread for some, and I do have special cookie requests I give into each year. I also try to get all gifts ordered and taken care of by early November.
The day after Thanksgiving, the Christmas decor goes up, so I like to be finished with most stuff by then so that we can just kick back and enjoy December. Though I used to enjoy waiting until the mauls... er malls... we decorated in their seasonal glory, now, it's nice to just go and enjoy, without rushing around madly to find certain things.
Sometimes I wonder how my changes will effect our children. I hope in a good way. I learned my habits from my mom, and with the help of my beloved hubby, I've found what works best for me, and for us.
So, hubby, thank you. Thank you for being you, and thank you for encouraging me to be me, and helping me find the simplicity I've been seeking. Granted, I know there are times you'd rather not do gifts at all, but I also know that you know how important it is for me to give something during this time.
For one thing, I'd stock up on sales and gifts throughout the year. Then, I'd forget about said gifts when it came time for the holiday, only to find it a week later when restocking on more things I got on sale for the next year. Mind you, some of these things I just bought on sale, regardless of whether or not the gift recipient might like them. And did I mention, I'd give some sort of gift to every friend or acquaintence I knew?
Then, I'd always think that I needed to add to my decor every year. You know, build it up. Regardless of whether or not I had too much stuff, or if I needed it or not.
When we got married, and my sweet hubby counted that I was planning on getting and giving over 60 some gifts to people, he gave me this "we need to talk" look. We then had a really long talk. I'm blessed with a wonderful hubby, who really gets me to think about things. (And visa versa I hope...) Was it really necessary to give to all these people? (Some of whom I hadn't seen in ages, or years.) Were these people going to appreciate the gifts I'd gotten, or would then end up regifted or given away? Did I have the time to put these things together? Etc. Etc.
The first year, we bought a tree (hub's allergic to the real deal), our own beautiful angel to top it, stockings to hang, and a few greens and things to go around the house. We'd owned our own house now, so there was more to decorate. However, I also inherited an entire box of ornaments, knick-knacks, and other things from my mom's house when we moved.
We put out all the decorations. The next year, there we still decorations in the box, yet, I'd managed to buy more. Thankfully, the gift list had been cut in half, and after calculating how much we had spent for everything, I began to cut it it down again for the next year.
Now, five years later, we have all the decor we need. (Although, there are always a few things I keep on the lookout for - like embroidered hand towels for the kitchen and bath.) We only exchange gifts with immediate family, and a few friends (as opposed to all), and have made other agreements with friends. (Instead of a physical gift, we just get together to spend time together.) Some people get baked goods, some get bought goods, and this year, I'm excited because we're giving a gift that keeps giving to others http://www.heifer.org/ .
I also really think about the gifts I want to give. This has been most prevalent in the last year or so. I try to keep them clutter free (unless it's something I'm sure they'll like and use or keep). If I'm baking, I'll do a bread for some, and I do have special cookie requests I give into each year. I also try to get all gifts ordered and taken care of by early November.
The day after Thanksgiving, the Christmas decor goes up, so I like to be finished with most stuff by then so that we can just kick back and enjoy December. Though I used to enjoy waiting until the mauls... er malls... we decorated in their seasonal glory, now, it's nice to just go and enjoy, without rushing around madly to find certain things.
Sometimes I wonder how my changes will effect our children. I hope in a good way. I learned my habits from my mom, and with the help of my beloved hubby, I've found what works best for me, and for us.
So, hubby, thank you. Thank you for being you, and thank you for encouraging me to be me, and helping me find the simplicity I've been seeking. Granted, I know there are times you'd rather not do gifts at all, but I also know that you know how important it is for me to give something during this time.
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