No Baby Yet!

The wait is still on. When will Pook #2 arrive? Who knows! :) But I think she's driving Daddy crazy with the waiting.

As for me, I'm just enjoying the extra gifts. The quiet moments, the reading, the time with hubby and Pook. It's been a real blessing, though the not feeling so great and continuous bumping of the belly can be slightly frustrating.

Since day one, Pook 2 has defied expectations. Perhaps, she is waiting for a day that no one has claimed. (Days 15-20 - the bets have been placed.)

One thing is certain, this child has blessed me with more gifts than I'd ever imagined. My whole life perspective has shifted, I'm able to see the gifts in area I wasn't before, and the possibilities are endless now.

Fear. Excitement. And a little bit of nervous...

Yesterday, we discovered I'm now 60% effaced and 4 centimeters dilated. I haven't felt "right" since the midwife checked, and my contractions aren't that regular. Reality is setting in though. In a matter of time, I'm going to be a mom to "another little darling" as my eldest tells me.

I was teasing about how I was enjoying my quiet time, how there was more I wanted to get done. The projects are so clear in my head, on my list... Last night, I lie awake, my thoughts moving rapidly, yet my body needing to just rest. So much has been going on here the last few weeks - a whirlwind of activity and nesting.

The fence that I've wanted for so long is clearly moving along, as based on the evidence of the posts and supports that now line our property. Our neighbor reminded me, "When I get started, I like to get finished." And he is true to his word.

Last night, thinking about the fence excited me. I am looking forward to seeing what the back yard is going to look like, and the possibilities. What will it be like to actually walk down from the back porch into my back yard?

Then my thoughts turned to how ready are you really for that next little bundle of joy? Should I push myself today to get things done? Should I just rest?

There is this sense of nervousness in me today, mixed with fear and excitement. The reality of getting to meet this little one I've been carrying the last 9 months is so close. Part of me wants to dive into productivity mode. Part of me just doesn't feel so great. The other part of me wants to just spend the day lazing around and resting. And then, there's this other part of me, that really just wants to have a good cry...

I'm not sure what I'm going to do today. I think step-by-step is best. I hope this anxious feeling with dissipate a bit. Until then...

This too shall pass

This has been my latest mantra. I've used it before, and lately, it's been really keeping me on track in many aspects.

I find myself saying it when the baby within me stretches into tender sections of my side or rib cage, or when I see a bump in my belly that is most definitely a knee. When I rub my belly and feel movement within, or think about how my belly will be gone once this baby joins us on the outside.

When I start to think about labor, I remind myself that "This too shall pass". I won't be in pain forever, and at the end, I'll get a sweet little gift to hold and cuddle.

I'm sure that it will be at the forefront of my thoughts on those nights I'm getting up to feed, changing diapers, and caring for the new little one.

And too, when I'm counting little fingers and toes, taking in that baby smell, I will be reminded that "this too shall pass". Especially when I look at my sweet 5-year-old.

Yesterday, when I went for my check up, we discovered that I am 50% effaced and 1-2 centimeters dilated. Oh yes, reality of how close I am to holding a new little one is hitting hard. I am treasuring each moment, taking it all in, basking in the belly, the free time, the quiet mornings... because I am all to aware, that "this too shall pass".

August already?

Where has the time gone?

According to the little electronic record keeper that is programmed with my due date of September 3, 2009, I've got 31 days until the due date.

Although between last night and today, I'm convinced this little one is ready to make an appearance at any time. Between the back pain, the moving little being within, and the braxton hicks contractions... I am feeling it.

And I'm giddy. I'm excited to greet this new life within me, and at the same time, doing my best not to remember too much about the pain from my first birth. I'm on my way to being a momma twice, and with each day, each moment, it becomes more real.

Seeing the little bumps as the feet move across my belly. Feeling the discomfort as the little one stretches, pushing the head deeper into my cervix, and those little feet along my rib cage.

I've found myself wondering what the baby will look like, what my body is going to look like after this one, what my life is going to be like... And I don't know. There's something to that not knowing I think. :)

In about 30 days (or more or less) - my life is going to change. Our lives are going to change. Wow.

Growth. Love. Change.

13 weeks along. 13 weeks into my second pregnancy. This means I'm "officially" into the second trimester.

My belly is growing. No longer do my jeans fit, and there is a definite pooch there. My body is shifting, changing, growing. And in my belly a little life likes to move around and make his presence known to us. He likes to "blip" against his daddy's hand, and I think he enjoys his sister's laugh.

Now, we don't know the sex yet, but as Pook has determined that Baby is going to be a brother, we've just started to refer to him for now. We'll know at the end of this month (hopefully).

Sweet Pook is changing and growing. Her favorite fuzzy pants were taken down to be saved for the next one, as they leave itchy marks on her skin. Just last week - they seemed fine. She's reading now. As I type, she sits on the couch sounding out words from the library book she selected yesterday. She knows basic math skills. She wants to do more things on her own. She picks out her clothes, and doesn't like it if they match. She prefers a vast amount of colors. She will proudly tell you that she's a big sister. She's only four for another month and a half...

I spent the first three months filled with worry, sick for two of them, crying at the drop of a hat (oh, wait, I still do that), and just generally feeling awful. As I move into the second trimester (and possibly my body is getting used to the hormones raging through it), I am coming into a sense of peace, a sense of confidence as opposed to the sense of doubt from the first trimester.

I've made peace and am accepting many things in my life: my amazing and ever-changing Pook, my growing and changing body, that this time I'm in my 30s and pregnant - and it does make a difference, the limitations of my body, that it's okay to honor my need to pull away for a while, that I don't "have to" do anything, that sometimes "the road not taken" is the road that is right for us...

Recently, I've been experimenting. I've given myself permission to do nothing and permission to not do what I feel I "have to". Ironically, I think I've been getting more done. :)

This pregnancy is turning into a journey where I'm learning a lot about myself, my family, and my friends. I'm respecting what is best for me, even when other people disagree with my decision. I've realized that I like things simple, comforting, and peaceful. My family radiates from this type of environment. My relationship with hubby blossoms in this type of environment.

For a long time I felt that I wasn't doing enough or being enough because we weren't involved in a ton of activities, or I'd choose to stay home if the weather was bad and schools were still open, or when we didn't sleep well the night before. I'd watch pregnant moms be like wonder woman and wonder what was up with me?

And then I realized - I'm not like other moms. I don't think I ever will be. :) And that's okay.

In a heartbeat...

In a heart beat, life can change. Today, we heard the heart beat of our next child in my womb. The looks on Pook's face were so very precious. She is so excited, and SO ecstatic to have a sibling, whom, she's determined is her baby brother. We will hopefully know for sure on March 31st.

I've known that I've been pregnant since I took the test back in December. Physically, I felt the "afternoon" sickness and the exhaustion. And though my body hasn't really changed too much (my clothes are just starting to get a bit snug), it wasn't real until now. Until this morning when the midwife found my sweet angel's heart beat. It's strong. It's beautiful. And after the last week, it was just what I needed to here.

I'm pregnant again. And today, I found that moment, that pause to just breathe. The joy in my heart is overflowing. Suddenly, in a moment, I just knew that everything was wonderful. I found that knowing again, that connection I'd misplaced.

Today, in a heart beat, my life opened up, and I embraced joy.