Moving on and letting go...

I came across this today at Soulemama's blog:

Moving on and letting go is scary and good all at the same time...even when we're just talking about yarn. But it does always feel very, very good. New beginnings are exciting.

Be sure to read the rest of the post here.

And I swear that is just what I needed to hear today. I know exactly what she means in terms of life, and in terms of yarn. You see, I haven't been too happy with the way our homeschooling curriculum has been going. It's got some great stuff. I have found though, that we need something more.

What we've been using has felt incomplete, rushed in many ways, and not really connecting with us. It didn't "fit". I knew that something had to give - so I am prepared to unravel it all if necessary to find a fit for us. So, I figured I would look into Unit Studies (a vast switch from where we were before - a combo of well-trained mind/eclectic/unschooling) and other options.

And then, I found this:
http://www.movingbeyondthepage.com/

The big negative for me, is that it is a bit more than I'd like to spend. Although, it seems worth it. And, when you look at the time I've spent researching and planning, finding the right books - this is worth it to me. And there are various pricing options - I don't have to buy the entire kit and kaboodle.

I also like that it is 36 weeks of plans - which saves me time. Although, it is planned, and set up for each day, which isn't as flexible as we've been. If it relieves my stress though, and we can take our time with it - so that isn't a bad thing. And, according to the time requirements, we should still have time if we want to pursue other interests.

What I love, is that it combines many things that I've been drawn to - Waldorf, Montessori, Unschooling, and creative thinking. It also alleviates my fear that I'm missing something, because the national requirements are covered. It saves time planning and researching. Hubby loves it. I love the whole teaching concepts and the way the lessons are broken down. I love how the more I look into it, the more it appeals to me.

To sign up for it means that we'd be getting a late start to the year (although not really when you read about the program - that's the beauty of it), because Pook would be doing the 6-8 whereas 5-7 would be like average first grade.

It also means, that there is a strong possibility Squeak can use it too, because it's interdisciplinary, set up for various grade levels, hands on, and uses auditory, kinetic and visual. Plus, I just love the topics and books it uses.

It means letting go, and starting over, which is hard, as we've already invested in books for Pook this year. So I'm trying not to think about money that's been wasted (although, as most homeschooling families know, sometimes you will go through various curriculum in a year). It also means a bit more commitment on my part.

And you know what? I'm okay with that. Sometimes, you need to unravel things all the way, or a few bits, and start over to make something new or improve on the original.

I've yet to find something about this program, other than the price, that has been negative (for me). In all aspects it's eerily exactly what I've been looking for when I realized the other stuff wasn't working.

Updated: We took the plunge and placed the order. Let the unraveling continue...

Gratitude

Today, Soulemama asks:

What are you feeling grateful for right now?

- Early morning quiet
- Getting the body moving
- Good friends who know what you need
- The kindness and patience Pook's friend shows her
- A little 14MO chatterbox walking around the table
- Gorgeous leaves still hanging on the trees
- My family
-Snuggle time

Letting Go

In Autumn, most trees let go of their leaves. After a brilliant burst and symphony of color, sometimes lasting the month, and sometimes not, they let them go. Simply, naturally, each leaf falls, though some hang on for a while. It's a part of the cycle; it's a part of nature.

They let go, so that they can rest, and restore their energy in winter, and so that when spring comes, they are rested and rejuvenated, and the use that energy to create new leaves in vibrant greens and flowers for reproducing. It's an amazing and natural process - and yet, I've a tendency to fight it, as many do.

This weekend, I had the opportunity to host a retreat at a friend's. The leaves were in the midst of changing, and even though many had shed leaves, there were still trees that were full of vibrant reds and yellows. It was incredible.

It got me thinking about things that I've been holding onto tightly - sticking to the schedule for homeschooling, when letting go of a few things, and being willing to explore a few other ares. Holding onto the voice in my head that tells me "You're not doing enough. You should do more. You aren't doing this right. You've not good enough." Holding onto fear that sometimes immobilizes me, and holding onto judgments passed by another.

On Saturday, these things became clear, and a new "voice" or thought emerged. What if I'm fine the way I am? What if being this way is actually an asset, though I can't see it right now? What if I did take a new look at things, and slowed down a bit?

And so, as the leaves fell from the trees, and danced in the air, I let my own leaves fall. I've done something I haven't done in years - I chose to "Let go and let God." I chose to take a step back and another look at how we are homeschooling and the goals that I want to accomplish. I opened my heart, and nurtured my soul.

And I realized that in letting go, I am able to embrace that which will nourish me through the winter - good friends, lots of unconditional love and support, and maybe even some rest. ;)

What will today bring? I wonder...

I wonder what today will bring. Already plans to go to a pumpkin farm have been scratched. Schooling still needs to be done, and then the game plan is to kidnap Papa from work, and take him to lunch. I love when days seem to civerge from the usual - most of the time. Today is one of those days.

It's rainy and cold - blustery even. The perfect day for hot cocoa as Pook informs me. Squeak, well, she's just happy today. Which, considering she's been off the last few days, I'm enjoying that laughter and smiles that have been missed.

It's an eventful day... a different day.

What will today hold for you? I wonder...

Focusing on Fall

The last two weekends, we've had the opportunity to be together as a family. An apple butter festival, movies with popcorn, cuddle and snuggle time... it's been wonderful. It's also been eye opening. We've made some delicious meals "from scratch". We've been reading Mary Poppins to Pook. This week, we plan on going to a pumpkin patch/kid's day at a farm with the kiddos.

I am enjoying this time with my family. I am enjoying the homecooked meals, taking the time to bake and make them. I'm even enjoying doing laundry and cleaning - being aware and taking my time and being aware of the actions.

There are many thoughts in my head at the moment. How can I apply this to my life? So many other people run around from activity to activity, seemingly exhausted. I've heard the reasons, "I don't want to miss anything." "I want to do as much as I can before I die." "I need to make the most of my time." " I need to make sure that my kid's education is covered in all areas." "I want A, B, C for my kid - they need it." Etc. All of these are valid reasons. And of course, there are those souls with multiple kiddos, and multiple activities, and my hat goes off to you! (You know who you are.)

I haven't gotten to that point yet. One day, that might be me. I do not know what the future knows. What I do know, is that I'm enjoying the slowness right now. I am enjoying taking my time with things. I even want to make time to incorporate healthy eating. And that will mean rearranging things, between Pook's schooling, my work, and watching Squeak.

I'm thinking though, those moments of calm and slowness amidst the day might just be good things. We shall see.

Autumnal Gratitudes

I sit here in the quiet of the morning, listening to the hum of the washing machine in the basement, and the refrigerator. It's chilly, and my children are sleeping. I've been able to enjoy a hot cup of chai uninterrupted, exercise, and work.

It is Friday, and I am always grateful for Fridays, and this one in particular. Pook has worked hard with her schooling this week, so today is light. And, if all goes well, it will open up an afternoon of play - Halloween movies, popcorn, and relaxation.

And yet, I find myself debating... shouldn't I use my time to clean out the closet? Or the kitchen? Or... Not today. Yes, those things need to be done. However, today, I'm choosing to create some special moments with some special kiddos. And that will just have to do.

It's Autumn

It's chilly today... you can feel it in the house. It's been overcast all day... adding to the feeling of autumnal bliss. My youngest is sleeping, and my eldest is entertaining herself. It's been another day that has not gone quite as planned, and it's okay. I'm getting quite adept at going with the flow. I think as a mother (or parent in general), that is your best best.

Both kiddos were up at 5:30am, so I had to tweak my routine. I'm itching to get rid of things again. Hubby says that it's because it's autumn, and I'm always wanting to purge at this time of year. He's right.

I did manage to get some of the house clean today, amidst the schooling and working (that I should be doing now). There are a few things I've found to purge, and I'm wondering just how long I will be able to go before I end up letting myself just go at it.

There are so many things in this house that are unused, or not kept in a convenient place. And, when you have two or more little ones (two-legged or four), everything having a place where the parental units can find things makes life much easier.

It's also brought to light some mental things that are in needing of purging as well.

In any case, once the toddler wakes, Pook and I are planning on snuggling up with some Halloween DVDs... maybe even popcorn. We'll see. It's that kind of day. I'm rather hoping tomorrow is too... Pook doesn't have much school to do... and I've found some neat rainbox yarn that she's asked me to crochet into a scarf. Lovely.

Happy October

It's October, and I'm grateful to have a few early morning moments with my eldest. I was even able to make her the perfect dippy egg for breakfast, to complement her toast with butter and hot cocoa. She's confidently chattering away, telling me the stories and discoveries in her little mind. And I am grateful that I am awake and able to focus on her, without feeling bitter for being up so early.

It's cold today - wonderfully brisk. Perhaps we'll get a walk in to the post office. Who knows what today will bring?