all made well...

When the soft breath of a sleeping child is felt against your arm while you work.

*sigh*

email is not a good thing today.

I logged on this morning, to discover two things:

A friend of mine, Gigi, the sweetest lady you'd want to meet, and the key to most new age stuff in WV, died the other night.

A letter from BIL and GF that I'm not sure how to take, was relieved to receive, but suspect that there's more to it that meets the eye.

In regards to Gigi, as she's fondly referred to, I've found myself to be really sad. She loved Pook, and was getting older and more lonely with age. This gal still managed to up and drive herself to FL. She was a sweet soul, and I could've called more or visited, which I didn't. I know in my heart, she's been ready to go for a while, but, it still makes me sad.

The whole day, I've been really bummed out. I'm thinking that there's a lot more to this picture here, then the whole gift thing.

Sometimes, email is not my favorite thing.

Thoughts

The more you have, the more you're occupied; the less you have, the more free you are.

Mother Teresa

Let's just say, I'm feeling very occupied right now.

Having one of those, make that 2 of those weeks

Thank God tomorrow is Friday. Seriously. In the past two weeks, I've gotten very behind in several areas of my life because of time constraints, overscheduling, and the like.

*Sigh*

And here I am blogging about it, instead of doing something productive, like clearing out my inbox (both email and the other).

Lately, when I'm not working, we're house hunting. When we aren't house hunting, I'm trekking around to playdates for Pookie or running errands. And, all the rest of the time, we're parenting. Which, is technically ALL the time, with the other bits in between.

My To Do lists are growing, my routines (aw hell - WHAT routines at this point?) have evaporated... I feel like a juggler with about 8 balls in the air, three balanced on my toes, and two under the chin.

The question is - when did I loose control, and how to get some semblance of it back?

Right now, I'm tempted to go through the house, getting rid of half of everything we own (so we don't have to MOVE it when it's time) .

I feel as though I'm in flux. Packing, prepping, getting ready to move. Then, we get to move, settle in...

In the meantime, I get to make the most of living in between. Blarg.

Freaky...

Your Life Path Number is 5

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences. You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas. You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms. You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people. In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long. You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret. Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs. You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

If you're living a bubble avoiding news - don't read this.

I don't think I'm going to eat out anymore. At least in places where there are TVs that keep CNN on all day long.

Today, while dinning at Panera, I managed to snag another seat close by to a TV. In the middle of trying to eat a bite of salad while feeding a 3-yr old soup... I look up just in time to see more bombs going off, and to hear the report of a 3 and 9 year old killed while playing in their yard. My eyes filled with tears as I look at my own 3-yr-old sitting beside me eating soup. I pulled her closer, blinking back my tears.

But that wasn't the kicker. A gentleman wearing an army green jumper with a military patch on his arm walked up to listen closer to the news. My friend who was with me asked him, "How bad is it?"

He responded, "Pretty bad, ma'am."

"Is this going to effect you?" she asked, nodding at his patch.

"Ma'am, if this keeps on going like it is, it's gonna effect us all." He gave us a sideward smile and one of those sad all-to-knowing looks. It was then, at that moment, my heart reached out to him. Would he be sent to the front? Was he worried?

I could see in his face a multititude of emotions. He knew what he'd signed up for. And when he looked at our kids today, I could see in his eyes, that he was willing to fight to protect us. We've got men and women, willing to put their lives on the line, to preserve our freedom, to keep us safe and to fight for the freedom of others.

This man, this stranger in a uniform, touched my heart today in a way that I can't express (though tears seems to be the most popular method today). I found myself praying that God watch over and protect this soul, who might be sent to the battle front due to the issues in Israel now.

I don't agree with war. In fact, I hate war - the politics, the death, the devestation... and what I really hate, is people getting involved to fight a war that isn't theirs, but because sides are taken.

God, in the name of peace and all that's holy - please, please stop this before it gets any more out of hand. I beg of you.

So... tired

I'm so tired this morning, and it's only day 2 of a full week. I'm feeling overwhelmed and stressed. My knee's holding up, though my hormones are driving my nutty. I want to spend the day in bed, but, there is too much to do and get done. I keep taking things one day at a time, but it's been challenging. My house, as usual, is a reflection of my state. (Don't ya just hate that?)

Tonight, however, is a yoga class. And I'm hoping that it will help me to reconnect with something, and just help me to settle down.

We shall see. In the mean time, I'm just breathing.

Oh yeah, and my little bubble of avoiding the news, has been busted so bad. My greatest wish at this moment, is that everyone just stop the fighting, the killing, the pillaging, the destruction... I can't imagine what it's like to live over there, or to live in a war zone. And forgive me, but I don't want to, because I don't know if I could handle it.

Stacie pointed out yesterday, the strong possibility of WWIII. I'm not even going to go into how depressing this is for me. (And it's probably not helping my moods either.)

Why can't we all just get along?

Sunny Sunday

The day was hot, sunny, and the food was sweet. Today, we had my company picnic. It was interesting, enlinghtening in a sense, and, a general good time. It's left me feeling very tired though. I want, and am ready, to curl up and got to sleep.

I spent yesterday typing up thoughts in regards to the wars of the world, and how tolerance and acceptance are a key to world peace, but it drained me too much. I avoid politics and news for this reason. I know, some people are all up for it, but not me.

Seeing all the devestation, that I, being who I am (and not Mia Farrow, Angelina Jolie, or some other famous person making big bucks), can't do much about the situation other then hope and pray. So, last night, while drifting off to sleep, I reconnected to my conversations with God. Which, were interesting.

In other news, this should be an interesting week. The Pook has summer camp all week, I've got errands to run, and this next weekend involves pictures with Pook and my nephew, lots of driving and running around. Should be fun, eh?

What time of Day are you?

So, do you think this fits me, or not?

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Friends

I've had many friends in my time. At one time, I could count them on hands, feet, and then some. Now, I find that through the years, my friends have dwindled down. There are those friends from before, that were always there when my life was full of drama and in crisis, but now that I lead a different, less dramatic life, the connections seem to have dropped. I have friends over the internet, friends I don't see often, but are close to my heart, friends that I once wished I was closer too, friends that weren't really friends, and then there are people in my life who want to be friends, but I'm not sure if I want them to be friends. ;)

There are friends I remember, but have since lost touch with, and friends I wished had kept in touch more. I've lost friends to significant others who didn't like me, distance, gossip and the like. there are even people out there, who were once very close friends, but whom I rarely if ever hear from. So, who knows if we are still friends, or, two souls that've drifted apart on different paths.

Today, a dear friend of mine, who I hadn't seen in a while (*cough* 5 years!) but was able to see a few months ago, sent me a beautiful gift of pictures of flowers he took. Thanks Dear! - Ya know who you are. It reminded me, that there are those friends out there, that are far away, that are there when there is no drama, that are there if you need someone to listen to you, that are just there, with lovely little gifts, for no reason whatsoever. I am blessed to have a few of these. :)

This friend in particular, has a special soft spot in my heart, as when I lived in MD, he'd cook for me on occasion, totally supported me through my grandfather's death, and, stood up for me when someone had made a mean comment about me. This meant a lot, because at the time, I had lost a lot of friends due to miscommunications, misperceptions, and probably a plethora of other things I don't care to go into at the moment. But he remained, and was a wonderful support. I don't know if I told you these things or not dear friend. I'm very thankful that the blogging world has enabled us to reconnect again.

So here's a nice cuppa raised to my dear friend! Thanks for the good times, thanks for the support, and thanks for all the little things! Love ya babe!

Thursday Thoughts

It's gray and overcast here, with bits of rain off and on. It's the type of day to stay in bed, bundled under covers, drifting in and out of sleepy dreams, pausing only for tea with milk and sugar. Of course, I type this as my legs are caught in the airconditioned draft. I've not yet been outside, but if the air's on, I'm betting it's a wee bit muggy out.

I'm sitting on the bed, knee propped up, labtop on the lap, with dreams of doing something else. It's a weird day today, Hubby had trouble sleeping (woke up to dry heaves in the wee hours), and is hopefully downstairs napping as I type. Thankfully, he's doing just fine now.

We spent the morning reading cards, eating toast, drinking tea. He's on his own search at the moment, trying to figure things out, and where to go. I've resigned to just letting things happen - in regards to the house and other life stuff. Otherwise, it's too much to ponder and might not be worth worrying, as who knows how it will end up.

A bird sits perched on the mailbox flag. A confident lil bugger, pouncing about, fluttering away. Hmm... think I've got a hunkering for some hot tea with milk... and maybe a side order of motivation.

House Hunting

Well, we saw two houses tonight. One was falling apart, but on beautiful land. It was smelly, and freaked me out when I saw something furry climbing into the heater. Um... gross.

The other place was quite lovely. Most of the property was surrounded by trees, there was a bit of a front porch, lovley sized living room. 3 bedrooms, dinning room, lovely sized kitchen, sweet little back porch, with trees right there to keep it shaded (you felt like you were in a tree house!)... we could almost see ourselves living there, until we walked in the basement. It was gorgeous, however, the bathroom dow there was moldy, and the air was humid and damp. Plus, in the back corner water had gotten in, and the linoleum peeled right up. Bleck.

I keep affirming that each house we look at brings us closer to the one we want. I admit though, I'm getting ansy. I just want to get a house (that we love and adore, and that's in good shape!) and move, so I can get things settled and organized. I feel almost like I'm in a limbo. I want to NEST darn it!

Sleeping beside me...

Is the most angelis little being. Her body, spent from waking up early due to a nightmare involving a lost purse at 5:30 am, finally collasped into sweet sleep. She, is my precious angel girl. Her skin so soft and warm, her arms, wrapped around a pillow as though it were her sweet daddy.

She had me send the sitter home early, so she could trustingly succumb to the exhaustion that had been the cause of her crankiness throughout the day. She is sweet innocence.

I am in love.

Remembrances

I remember the first sting of a sly comment made from a guy I was intrigued by (J). We'd exchanged emails in college, a story we wrote together, each one of us adding to it. It was an outlet for me to vent my frustration with adventure, romance, and beauty. I remember believing that he liked me, based on a comment made by an ill-willed "friend". I remember him being aloft and cold, not very handsome, but, I enjoyed his writing, and writing with him.

I remember sitting on the couch, a male friend of mine visiting me at my mom's house (T), and he was dating a female friend of mine (C). We were sitting around chatting, I was already feeling a bit down, when he made some comment along the lines of have fascinating conversations with my friend (who mind you, is very intelligent), and then came the cutting line in regards to "so much better than mere stories".

My ego was quite bruised by this remark, and I didn' understand why he felt this need to be so cutting to me. I blinked back the tears, and even T looked at him like he was a moron for saying something so mean. And T didn't even know of my love for stories. Then again, I apparently had a knack for ticking people off, and not even knowing it, but that's another avenue.

The funny thing is, that I married a man filled with stories. One of the things that drew me in where those stories. An intelligent conversation can be very stimulating, I suppose, I'm not sure what he meant by that, or what J and C talked about even. I just enjoyed pretending that I was the main character, following her on her journey, filling her with my desires to love and be loved, and experience adventure along the way. It was an outlet for creativity and other things.

Marrying my story man has made life interesting, because he doesn't like that I want to change the bad guys to good, or see a glimmer of good in them. He particularly hates it when I created a female character who's beautiful and radiant, and wants nothing more than romance. This was what I craved in the beginning, driving him nuts no less.

However, now, my characters have evolved. They aren't radiant beauties getting themselves into romantic situations (although I bet Harlequin might love a few of those!). Now, they might be dealing with a complicated issue, death, or the desire to be enlightened. They no longer long, or look for romance, they just take the journey, and see where it leads.

As for J, I don't know what happened to him, though, like many who've been in my life, the thought crosses my mind. I wonder if his intelligence led him to finding a woman (or man) that could meet him on the level he was seeking. I hope he did, and that it brought him joy. I know that finding and connecting with my beloved, has brought me all the joy, and so much more.

Happy Monday

I've actually been taking it easy today. Working in play, with rest and work as well. Nothing new to post, save that on Wednesday we get to see 3 houses, and I'm currently on a fictional reading binge, trying to clear through all the books I've borrowed.

Tomorrow, we'll be trying to go to the park, and I'm confident that my knee will do just fine.

Fabulous Friday

It's been a lovely day today. Played with Play-doh, visited with a dear friend, got outside, finished work, cuddled with the Pook, and now I'm enjoying time with family, and will soon delve into a good book.

Ah... lovely!

Singsong Serenade

I sit here, the soft wind teasing the curtains, listening to the songs of the birds that have nested nearby. It's amazing and comforting, as I've not been outdoors for a bit.

Today, I did end up venturing out to the store with the little miss. *sigh* She had to wear her hat, and bring a purse. Cutest-thing-ever. My sweet angel girl is swiftly growing up. Of course, this meant that later in the day, she wanted to parade around with her hat and purse again, and I was to wear a hat and carry a purse as well. Ah... being a parent.

In other news, I ask your prayers for a dear friend of mine in MD who was admitted to the hospital yesterday. So far things are looking better, but she's pregnant, and the baby is at 30 weeks gestation. They are hoping that she'll be able to keep him in gestation for another week (I'm praying longer), before they'll have to induce her. She's being kept in the hospital until then.

K - if you get to read this. You and G-baby are in my thoughts GF. Take care, rest up.

Early Morning Wisdom

Yesterday, I had a CST session with a dear friend of mine to help expediate the healing of my knee. During the session, I worked with T to access inner parts of myself I'd been denying, and to discover that I'd been using my fear as a safety net to keep me from moving forward.

Moving forward... sore knee... most definitely a connection.

I suppose I might state, that I'm big into energy work. A Reiki practitioner myself, I've found CST done by T to be extremely effective. It's not just CST (Cranio Sacral Therapy), but she also counsels you to get to those points of the inner you might not be able (or willing) to go to on your own. It's different for each person, but it works.

She's worked on me several time, and used CST to help hubby recover from his car accident years ago. Each time she works on me, I discover something new about myself.

Yesterday, after she finished, she looked at me, and told me that I was a very wise and powerful person. Me, wise? Powerful? At the tender age of 32? Make note, that T is into her 50's - I think. As she looks 40, maybe. To me, in my eyes, she is wise and knowing. But me? It then hit me, that look and smile on her face. She KNEW something after working on me.

But then, I thought about when we were doing the CST together, I wasn't afraid to go within. I'd known there was an energy block in my knee, and that I was "afraid" to go there on my own to remove it. She simple helped facilitate the process. The trust involved, was so intense, and, trust is something that I am working on, in the sense of trusting the universe/god/goddess/divine or what have you.

You see, all of my life, I've been and am "watched over"/protected/cared for by something greater. I was in car accidents people wonder how I've survived. I've been in situations that could've been worse, but I'm always provided for and protected. Deep within the core of my being, I KNOW this. I sense this ethereal connection. Yet, there is still that doubt, and that fear, which is now considerable less that it was, because the end result, though for the "greater good" might not be what I'd want.

My mother got a reading done in Hawaii. Though she got a ton of info on all other family members, she got a tidbit about Hubby, and was only told that I would be just fine. She couldn't understand why she didn't get more details, so I explained to her, that I'm not supposed to know. "What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"It's simple. If I know where my path is headed, I'm going to bolt from Point A to Point B, and ignore the path to get there."

"Oh," she responded, her confusion quite clear.

I've been to fortune tellers, readers, I have friends who do this, and I never get a clear cut picture of where I'm headed. And I know that it's because I wouldn't enjoy the journey, as I'd be too concerned to get to the end. And I do get some messages, those that are pertinent to me, and the lead me to a certain point when I request guidance.

T saw this in me. She saw the KNOWing. And she asked to me to commit to doing what I know. And I did. That simple step, as well as a few others helped to free the energy. I could feel it flowing throughout my body, unblocking my knee, and connecting me to the greater. (Sometimes, particularly in meditation, you can be filled with that sense that you're a part of everything, and everything is a part of you. It's a wonderful feeling of love and connectedness.)

I had a few other amazing things happen during the session, and when T left, I was walking straighter, and the ibuprofen wasn't needed. The silly thing about this knee, is that I know it happened to help me slow down, to stop even. If it hadn't happened, I'd be speeding along the road, keeping myself in a protective layer of fear, going no where.

But now, the door is open. I am open and receptive to all good, and I release my expectations. I embrace joy, light, and love. I trust that I am provided for on a divine level, as I know that I am. I am willing and able to move forward. Whatever will be will be... for I know, I feel it in the core of my being, that it's all leading to something wonderful.

The Art of Play Doh

Today, I had the time to sit on the floor and play with my beloved daughter. We made elephants, giraffes, birds, and snakes. We made letters of the alaphabet, and I was asked to spell out our names, and Daddy's too. It's amazing how a few moments of concentrated play with a child affects her.

It's also amazing how much fun playing Play Doh with a 3-year old is. Hmmm... think we'll have to get some more of those activity packs. Personally, I always liked the one where you put people on a chair, and the Play Doh came out like hair! Now, there's a plethora of things to choose from: http://www.hasbro.com/playdoh/default.cfm?page=products

To my Beloved

I wanted to take a moment to let you know how appreciative I am of you. You sacrificed your Father's day, to strip a door that I messed up painting. You spend your four day vacation interspersed with computers, movies, and taking care of me and Pook. Even though it caused you frustration, you helped to do home projects this weekend, because it's what I asked for on my birthday. You wrapped my gifts, sang to me, changed diapers, made your special burgers...

My heart is filled with joy and gratitude for your presence in my life. I recognize it's been challenging for you, which makes it all the more special to me. I am so blessed to have you as my partner, my love... you are awesome (and great!).

So thank you my sweet, for all that you do and for your care.

I love you.

Moods of Monday

We had a delightful time this weekend. Saturday we had lunch at my favorite restaurant and ran a few errands. Pook's favorite, roasted red pepper soup, was available, and she ate most of it. Usually, she loves the chips, but almost immediately, she was distressed as they weren't the light ones. Well, we'd thought they'd just been overcooked, but found out from Anne, the owner, that they'd switched potatoes! Our lil one has quite the sensitive palet it appears, as we couldn't tell the difference. She also enjoyed a good quarter portion of my salad. It was lovley to see her eat.

Sunday we had a quite cookout with friends, and their kids. They have twins that Pook enjoys playing with. Dinner, was delicious, my dear friend is always feeding us, her lentil soup is Da Bomb. So, now we've got to cook something for them sometime. I overdid it on my knee, but it's always so lovely to sit and talk, and get to know people. As her birthday is the day after mine, we surprised each other with gifts. I got a gorgeous set of apricot cloth napkins. (I have a thing for cloth napkins, it's all we use here.) And, we left with a bottle of wine. I made her some oatmeal cookies (she loves my recipe), in a beautiful crystal bowl. She decided to serve salad in it at dinner. It was stunning, but, quite heavy.

Today, my knee was aching, and I've been hesitant to get out of bed. But, I'm going to when I'm done this. At least I did manage to get up and dressed to post some letters. Most of the day I I've just been trying to keep my foot elevated. I did get a schnazzy knee brace that has been working wonders though.

The best gift has been having hubby home for 4 days. I just wish that he was enjoying it as much as I enjoy him being around, but, he's been watching Pook while I'm on bed rest, which always takes a lot out of him. Hopefully, he'll be able to catch up on sleep and get the time he needs while Pook and I are off to MD in August.