I remember the first sting of a sly comment made from a guy I was intrigued by (J). We'd exchanged emails in college, a story we wrote together, each one of us adding to it. It was an outlet for me to vent my frustration with adventure, romance, and beauty. I remember believing that he liked me, based on a comment made by an ill-willed "friend". I remember him being aloft and cold, not very handsome, but, I enjoyed his writing, and writing with him.
I remember sitting on the couch, a male friend of mine visiting me at my mom's house (T), and he was dating a female friend of mine (C). We were sitting around chatting, I was already feeling a bit down, when he made some comment along the lines of have fascinating conversations with my friend (who mind you, is very intelligent), and then came the cutting line in regards to "so much better than mere stories".
My ego was quite bruised by this remark, and I didn' understand why he felt this need to be so cutting to me. I blinked back the tears, and even T looked at him like he was a moron for saying something so mean. And T didn't even know of my love for stories. Then again, I apparently had a knack for ticking people off, and not even knowing it, but that's another avenue.
The funny thing is, that I married a man filled with stories. One of the things that drew me in where those stories. An intelligent conversation can be very stimulating, I suppose, I'm not sure what he meant by that, or what J and C talked about even. I just enjoyed pretending that I was the main character, following her on her journey, filling her with my desires to love and be loved, and experience adventure along the way. It was an outlet for creativity and other things.
Marrying my story man has made life interesting, because he doesn't like that I want to change the bad guys to good, or see a glimmer of good in them. He particularly hates it when I created a female character who's beautiful and radiant, and wants nothing more than romance. This was what I craved in the beginning, driving him nuts no less.
However, now, my characters have evolved. They aren't radiant beauties getting themselves into romantic situations (although I bet Harlequin might love a few of those!). Now, they might be dealing with a complicated issue, death, or the desire to be enlightened. They no longer long, or look for romance, they just take the journey, and see where it leads.
As for J, I don't know what happened to him, though, like many who've been in my life, the thought crosses my mind. I wonder if his intelligence led him to finding a woman (or man) that could meet him on the level he was seeking. I hope he did, and that it brought him joy. I know that finding and connecting with my beloved, has brought me all the joy, and so much more.
1 comment:
Highly doubtful. I was never good friends with this J, and only hung out with him a few times. He was a friend of a friend, went to school out of state, and we were never friends, just writing partners for a brief time.
I think at one point he might've been interested in me as more than a friend. Which, would explain why he sharply put me down, especially if he thought I was dating T, which I wasn't, though he was clearly dating C. T was actually there supporting me through a tough time. C actually seemed quite flattered by the attention, which, sort of ticked me off, as it was, I felt at the time, at my expense.
I don't mind criticism as long as it's constructive. If you are blatantly putting someone down, be it to make yourself or others feel better, that's not cool in my book. But now, I tend to see that comments like that haven't a thing to do with me, but are a reflection of the other person, and, when you look closely, will tell you a lot.
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