The last few months my mind has been filled with thoughts, and a sub-conscious that has been screaming (very loudly, and via all of my writing outlets and then some), that I need to slow down, maybe even stop. But I was terrified to stop, afraid that I'd loose momentum if I did.
And yet, it kept getting louder, and it was clear that I was feeling off balance, as was my family.
My time has been really full the last few months - work, homeschooling, activities, Squeak's allergies and therapy, not getting enough sleep, travel, and probably other things that I've been forgetting. Life had become overwhelming, and I couldn't keep up. Then, I'd ream myself out for not keeping up. Yet I still wouldn't slow down.
Finally, I realized, I had some serious decisions to make. Something needed to give. I needed to slow down and stop. I needed to stop comparing myself to how much others did and were doing, and just stop. I was unbalanced, and until I regained that balance, I was going to continue struggling and fighting a loosing battle.
And so, I stopped, took a breath, decided to tweak our schooling for the month to be more laid back to help with the burnout. We choose to homescool for many reasons, one of which was that I wanted to take most of December off to really enjoy the holiday. And I've not done that yet - until this year.
Instead of opting to do all the activities we've done in the past, we opted to do something that suited our family. We needed to soothe our souls, rejuvenate out minds, bodies and spirits, and to slow down. And through the years, we have discovered that means NFP weekends (No F'n Plans).
And so that is what we are doing. We've opted to stay in for the month. I do not work (my computer is turned off all of Saturday and most of Sunday), nor do I do work, on the weekends. We won't be attending fancy holiday parties, or running all over the place. We make it a point to read, play games, do something creative as a family.
Winter is generally a time for hibernating for our family anyway. It's a natural rhythm that we all enjoy and benefit from. We have for years, and one day, it may shift. For now, I want to honor it, nurture it, and savor it, as opposed to fighting it, or not doing it because someone else thinks that we shouldn't be doing it.
I've decided it's time to listen to that voice of intuition I've spent the last 5 years denying (questioning and doubting), and have reconnected with (in Spring).When I used to listen to that voice, I was able to trust and let go of fear. Because I knew, from the depths of my soul, I knew where to go based on how I felt about things. Even if logically it didn't make sense, and the rest of the world tried to convince me otherwise, when I listened, and I mean really listened and followed that gut instinct - I found I was right where I was supposed to be.
So many times I have reached out to others for input on a decision, instead of trusting that "feeling". Actually, I ignored it because it was just a "feeling" and there was no "proof" behind it. But this year, I've known when I walked into a building, I was meant to be there. I've watched things fall into place when the time was best, and not before. I've remembered what it felt like to "know", and that enabled me to move past the guilt and self-doubt, to trust myself.
In trusting myself, I am taking time to ask myself some questions, to give things some thought, to dare to do things that others might not like or approve of.
It's been snowing here, and if I don't feel comfortable driving in it, or if I choose to stay home and enjoy it, so be it. Mind you, this decision came after an intense struggle involving "to go" or "not to go" to an activity for Squeak when it was snowing. I felt guilty for not going, for not making the most of the money I'd spent, and for not "doing enough" for my child. Thankfully, it was canceled, but it got me thinking, and I didn't feel like getting so stressed out about it again. Giving myself permission to "bow out" to say no - is liberating.
I've decided that I'm not sending out the yearly Christmas letter updating the details of our life over the year. There has been SO much that has happened, that I'm not even sure a letter will do it justice. And frankly, there are other things requiring my time and attention. So this year, I'm deciding to "bow out".
We've chosen to be nontraditional in regards to Christmas this year. We're taking a long weekend, just our little family, with no guests or visitors. We will drink hot cocoa, tea and chai lattes and create our own little feasts. We'll probably stay in PJs the whole time.
There are Christmas movies that we'd like to watch. Wii we'd like to play. There will Christmas music. We'll probably dance and sing. We might be inspired to paint, sketch, or sculpt. We'll hopefully read. We might not leave the house the entire weekend. There are no plans set in stone.
Pook is excited about Christmas this year - more so than those of the past. Da Hub is glad that we won't be traveling, and excited that he can sleep in and stay in PJs all weekend. Squeak is just happy to have us all around. And as for me, well, it feels right for us, and I'm excited that we've made this choice.
Showing posts with label living consciously. Show all posts
Showing posts with label living consciously. Show all posts
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Moving on and letting go...
I came across this today at Soulemama's blog:
Moving on and letting go is scary and good all at the same time...even when we're just talking about yarn. But it does always feel very, very good. New beginnings are exciting.
Be sure to read the rest of the post here.
And I swear that is just what I needed to hear today. I know exactly what she means in terms of life, and in terms of yarn. You see, I haven't been too happy with the way our homeschooling curriculum has been going. It's got some great stuff. I have found though, that we need something more.
What we've been using has felt incomplete, rushed in many ways, and not really connecting with us. It didn't "fit". I knew that something had to give - so I am prepared to unravel it all if necessary to find a fit for us. So, I figured I would look into Unit Studies (a vast switch from where we were before - a combo of well-trained mind/eclectic/unschooling) and other options.
And then, I found this:
http://www.movingbeyondthepage.com/
The big negative for me, is that it is a bit more than I'd like to spend. Although, it seems worth it. And, when you look at the time I've spent researching and planning, finding the right books - this is worth it to me. And there are various pricing options - I don't have to buy the entire kit and kaboodle.
I also like that it is 36 weeks of plans - which saves me time. Although, it is planned, and set up for each day, which isn't as flexible as we've been. If it relieves my stress though, and we can take our time with it - so that isn't a bad thing. And, according to the time requirements, we should still have time if we want to pursue other interests.
What I love, is that it combines many things that I've been drawn to - Waldorf, Montessori, Unschooling, and creative thinking. It also alleviates my fear that I'm missing something, because the national requirements are covered. It saves time planning and researching. Hubby loves it. I love the whole teaching concepts and the way the lessons are broken down. I love how the more I look into it, the more it appeals to me.
To sign up for it means that we'd be getting a late start to the year (although not really when you read about the program - that's the beauty of it), because Pook would be doing the 6-8 whereas 5-7 would be like average first grade.
It also means, that there is a strong possibility Squeak can use it too, because it's interdisciplinary, set up for various grade levels, hands on, and uses auditory, kinetic and visual. Plus, I just love the topics and books it uses.
It means letting go, and starting over, which is hard, as we've already invested in books for Pook this year. So I'm trying not to think about money that's been wasted (although, as most homeschooling families know, sometimes you will go through various curriculum in a year). It also means a bit more commitment on my part.
And you know what? I'm okay with that. Sometimes, you need to unravel things all the way, or a few bits, and start over to make something new or improve on the original.
I've yet to find something about this program, other than the price, that has been negative (for me). In all aspects it's eerily exactly what I've been looking for when I realized the other stuff wasn't working.
Updated: We took the plunge and placed the order. Let the unraveling continue...
Moving on and letting go is scary and good all at the same time...even when we're just talking about yarn. But it does always feel very, very good. New beginnings are exciting.
Be sure to read the rest of the post here.
And I swear that is just what I needed to hear today. I know exactly what she means in terms of life, and in terms of yarn. You see, I haven't been too happy with the way our homeschooling curriculum has been going. It's got some great stuff. I have found though, that we need something more.
What we've been using has felt incomplete, rushed in many ways, and not really connecting with us. It didn't "fit". I knew that something had to give - so I am prepared to unravel it all if necessary to find a fit for us. So, I figured I would look into Unit Studies (a vast switch from where we were before - a combo of well-trained mind/eclectic/unschooling) and other options.
And then, I found this:
http://www.movingbeyondthepage.com/
The big negative for me, is that it is a bit more than I'd like to spend. Although, it seems worth it. And, when you look at the time I've spent researching and planning, finding the right books - this is worth it to me. And there are various pricing options - I don't have to buy the entire kit and kaboodle.
I also like that it is 36 weeks of plans - which saves me time. Although, it is planned, and set up for each day, which isn't as flexible as we've been. If it relieves my stress though, and we can take our time with it - so that isn't a bad thing. And, according to the time requirements, we should still have time if we want to pursue other interests.
What I love, is that it combines many things that I've been drawn to - Waldorf, Montessori, Unschooling, and creative thinking. It also alleviates my fear that I'm missing something, because the national requirements are covered. It saves time planning and researching. Hubby loves it. I love the whole teaching concepts and the way the lessons are broken down. I love how the more I look into it, the more it appeals to me.
To sign up for it means that we'd be getting a late start to the year (although not really when you read about the program - that's the beauty of it), because Pook would be doing the 6-8 whereas 5-7 would be like average first grade.
It also means, that there is a strong possibility Squeak can use it too, because it's interdisciplinary, set up for various grade levels, hands on, and uses auditory, kinetic and visual. Plus, I just love the topics and books it uses.
It means letting go, and starting over, which is hard, as we've already invested in books for Pook this year. So I'm trying not to think about money that's been wasted (although, as most homeschooling families know, sometimes you will go through various curriculum in a year). It also means a bit more commitment on my part.
And you know what? I'm okay with that. Sometimes, you need to unravel things all the way, or a few bits, and start over to make something new or improve on the original.
I've yet to find something about this program, other than the price, that has been negative (for me). In all aspects it's eerily exactly what I've been looking for when I realized the other stuff wasn't working.
Updated: We took the plunge and placed the order. Let the unraveling continue...
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Journey to the Sea
They say the journey begins with a single step, and ours did indeed, though the key part was the crossing of a bridge. The weather was foggy, so you could only see so far. It reminded me of how we needed to stay in the present moment, and focus on what was in front of us, as opposed to where we were going or what was ahead.I think I smiled the entire vacation. My heart was full. I was with my family. I was visiting family and meeting friends of old and new. My heart was full, bursting with joy and gratitude. I found myself enjoying everything - the car ride, the kids, the people, the views, the food - it was heaven. I made the most of each moment, treasuring with all of my senses.
Gifts can be wrapped up in packages and tied up in string, or they can be wrapped in what you least expect. Everywhere I turn I discovered something sweet (and not just the chocolate!). We spent time with some amazing people. Even hubby enjoyed himself (and that is a rare thing when it involves new people).When visiting my mom, she sent the kids on a radish hunt. She'd picked two, then had them search for the leaves in the garden where they got to pick more. She took the time to set up a feast in her part of the house, and fed us throughout the day, until my brother came in, and fed us more.
I found that I was not only fed on the physical level. My spirit, my very soul felt nurtured and loved throughout the week. We were able to see a few friends (sorry if we didn't get to see more of you - we only had so much time!), and even though some plans fell through (thanks to work and flash floods), everything still fell into place.
I found that when I just enjoyed what happened, when I made the most of events, people, things, and feelings, there seemed to be some type of pattern or plan in place. So, we embraced it and went with it.
Eventually we made our way to the beach. The beach has always been healing for me. There is something about the waves, the ocean itself, and the sand. I always need to say hello, and to listen. I like to stand at the edge, and let the waves kiss my toes and embrace my feet. Joy filled me, traveled through me. I wanted to dance, even go into the waves and let the water baptize me with joy and contentment. You can almost let things go with the tide, to be taken away into the oceans depths, and not have to worry about them.We wondered how Pook would react to the water and sand this time. She loved it. It was a joy to watch her play in the sand and the waves. She made a new friend, and we made new friends. There was an overflow of gratitude on so many levels. There was full, total, and complete relaxation. And laughter, oh the laughter!
We found that time was relative. We stayed up until the wee morning hours indulging in chit-chat, chocolates and pomegranate margaritas. There were rum and cokes, 10 layer cakes, mini do-nuts ;), and other delights to tease the tast buds.
The environment was laid back and loving. The people were kind, generous, interested, interesting, and overall wonderful. There is something about being able to be with people who just take you as you are. People with whom you can let down your guard and just be yourself without worry. People whom you can laugh with, and share precious moments with.
We made some incredible memories. We had an awesome time. My heart is filled with gratitude for the people, the moments, the fun, the laughter - ALL of it.
Thank you. I am basking in blessings.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
May - The month of healing, compassion, gratitude, and moments
I sit here, my vacation almost over, my heart overflowing with love and gratitude. It has been an incredible adventure, with plans gone awry, amazing people, nights lasting until 5 am, pomegranate margaritas and wine, and dear, dear friends.
I began the month with an event that resulted in a much needed healing. A door opened, a light went on, and I was able to let go of years of pain, frustration, and heartache. It was replaced with compassion, joy, and love.
Throughout the month, I've been able to reflect, embrace and bask in joy. Sunny days with my little loves, more events that led to enlightening (or the light shinning brighter). Taking time to stop and breathe, and discovering hidden gifts everywhere. I've learned that I enjoy cooking, exploring new foods and tastes, and allowing myself to let go and just sense and feel things.
I've ended this month by basking in the hugs and company of family and friends, and experiencing more healing. Though I wasn't able to meet up with everyone we wanted to, we were able to meet up with quite a few amazing people.
I basked in the sun's light. I dared to let things go. I was careful where I needed to be, and embraced adventure. I reconnected with friends of old and new.
I feel as though I've gotten closure on many things. I've released many, many things. I've embraced many things. All in all, May has been an incredible month. I wonder what June shall bring...
I began the month with an event that resulted in a much needed healing. A door opened, a light went on, and I was able to let go of years of pain, frustration, and heartache. It was replaced with compassion, joy, and love.
Throughout the month, I've been able to reflect, embrace and bask in joy. Sunny days with my little loves, more events that led to enlightening (or the light shinning brighter). Taking time to stop and breathe, and discovering hidden gifts everywhere. I've learned that I enjoy cooking, exploring new foods and tastes, and allowing myself to let go and just sense and feel things.
I've ended this month by basking in the hugs and company of family and friends, and experiencing more healing. Though I wasn't able to meet up with everyone we wanted to, we were able to meet up with quite a few amazing people.
I basked in the sun's light. I dared to let things go. I was careful where I needed to be, and embraced adventure. I reconnected with friends of old and new.
I feel as though I've gotten closure on many things. I've released many, many things. I've embraced many things. All in all, May has been an incredible month. I wonder what June shall bring...
Friday, April 24, 2009
My One Thing
So, I've been thinking about this, a lot since my first post on it. What is my one thing? I started thinking about what my likes are, what I'm drawn to, etc. And, well, I'm coming out with an awareness about myself I believe I've been denying. Which, ties into this post interestingly enough, involving who I am.
Over the last few years, I've become a bit more logical, a bit more grounded in reality. It's been good, and fascinating, and has changed me. I've never really been grounded in reality to the extent I have been these last few years. I wouldn't consider myself to be a logical person, actually a part of me rebels against logic and rationalism. Though I've wanted to be these things, because they makes sense and can be proven, and easily defended most times. And yet, all I can say, is that many times it doesn't "feel" right.
If you met me many years ago, I'd have told you that "everything happens for a reason", just "let go and let god", karma is real, and that "everything is working out for the greater good", oh, and that yes, you definitely create your own reality via your thoughts. I'd also tell you, "I go by how it feels." I'm still on the wall with a few of these things, and I now totally understand why I got such crazy looks when I spouted these words off to others who didn't believe them. They were my truth, my center, my light and my comfort. And then, one day, someone in my life pointed out some things, and suddenly, I wasn't so sure anymore. I wasn't so sure about god either.
I'm digressing; I know.
I used to make most of my decisions based on how I felt. And, when I didn't, I ended up feeling bad. Feelings - as in sensations and emotions, have always been a large part of my life and my enjoyment of life. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how intertwined feelings are in my life. So, what is my one thing? Feeling, no, maybe a better word would be Sensual (as in basking in the senses).
I enjoy the various textures of materials. Give me soft sheets and fabric to wrap up in. My house is strewn with pillows and blankets. With the exception of the kitchen, I think I've pillows in every room actually...
I enjoy how I feel when I touch a fabric, or when I find a certain color or pattern that can only be described as yummy. Oh, how I love the calmness I feel when I see a color like khaki/sage green! Or the vivid color and scent of lavender! Pictures can stir within various sensations for me. I love how I feel when I complete a sewing project, or while I'm stitching.
I don't just look at certain things - I feel them. My grandmother's chairs feel soft and velvety, and enable me to feel her and think about her - even though she's not with me. Her crocheted blanket is the same way, and now I've her old outdoor table and chairs that are hard and firm metal, and stir emotions in me.
Oh, and food? I love chai lattes (both taste and texture) with peanut butter on toasted Ezekiel bread for breakfast. Or vanilla yogurt with fresh berries? Yum. Give me a pomegranate, and I am in heaven with the taste and texture. I love digging out the ruby red seeds (oh what color!) and feeling the crunchy squish followed by the sweet tartness - Oh how all of my senses just dance!
I love the taste of my friend Linda's homemade bread. She serves it with salad and cheese (usually), and it is heaven. It doesn't feel or taste the same if I'm not at the farm, and with her. I think it's because when I'm there, I'm not just enraptured with the taste and textures and scenery, but her love. And, I adore the feeling of love and feeling loved.
I read books, especially ones that leave me feeling good, peaceful, inspired, or blissful. And I like to read, because I like how it feels to hold a book and look at the words and just sit with it. I love reading outside, where I can feel the breeze and hear the wind chimes, and feel the sun.
When I watch a movie or video, if it moves me, it is because I feel it. I will cry if I am moved to it - be it because it is inspiring, loving, hopeful, or horrible. My heart aches along with the heart broken, sings along with the hopeful, and routes for the underdog. Whether it be watching an autistic student who was let on the team at the last minute and scores, to an underdog who's appearance only enhanced the voice, to the lady love of a native American warrior who jumps off the cliff after he was pushed rather than stay with the chieftain who claimed her - oh yeah. I'm feeling it, and crying my eyes out.
And then there are massages... oh. sweet. heaven. A massage of any kind? Bring it on! You can bet that I'm not only basking in how I feel; I'm taking in the feel of the sheets on the table as well the scent of the room and the sweet music. I absorb it all like a sponge. When I'm lucky enough to get hubby to rub my feet, or play with my hair - I bliss out.
I enjoy how I feel when I eat home cooked food versus store bought. I like the feeling of dancing to music, letting my body move to the beat, moving by feel. Before I fall asleep, I'm focused on the soft feel of the sheets and pillow, listening to the rhythm of hubby's (and sometimes the Pook's) breathing, and just basking in that moment of being and feeling and sensing it all. I like the feel of my husband's arms around me, his tender kisses, or when he looks at me and I can feel his love.
Heaven is present in my children, whom I breathe in and hold so close to me, for I know that "this too shall pass." I like to sometimes just sit and breathe and feel - the warm sun on my face, the wind blowing, the warmth and taste of hot tea or a cold drink. I enjoy experiencing events and people based on how they feel to me because I can jump in and absorb it all.
And not only do I enjoy feeling and being sensual - I like to create a sensual environment for others. When you come to my home, I aim for my guests to feel comforted, cared for, and wanted. Come for a meal, and you can bet that I (and my helpers) enjoyed setting the table, picking out music and cloth napkins, and creating a set mood.
I like inspring people feel good about themselves, and I like to help people connect with the joy, the love, being grateful and feeling wanted or needed. It's so much more when everyone feels the joy.
So, yeah, my one thing is Sensual. Definitely.
Over the last few years, I've become a bit more logical, a bit more grounded in reality. It's been good, and fascinating, and has changed me. I've never really been grounded in reality to the extent I have been these last few years. I wouldn't consider myself to be a logical person, actually a part of me rebels against logic and rationalism. Though I've wanted to be these things, because they makes sense and can be proven, and easily defended most times. And yet, all I can say, is that many times it doesn't "feel" right.
If you met me many years ago, I'd have told you that "everything happens for a reason", just "let go and let god", karma is real, and that "everything is working out for the greater good", oh, and that yes, you definitely create your own reality via your thoughts. I'd also tell you, "I go by how it feels." I'm still on the wall with a few of these things, and I now totally understand why I got such crazy looks when I spouted these words off to others who didn't believe them. They were my truth, my center, my light and my comfort. And then, one day, someone in my life pointed out some things, and suddenly, I wasn't so sure anymore. I wasn't so sure about god either.
I'm digressing; I know.
I used to make most of my decisions based on how I felt. And, when I didn't, I ended up feeling bad. Feelings - as in sensations and emotions, have always been a large part of my life and my enjoyment of life. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how intertwined feelings are in my life. So, what is my one thing? Feeling, no, maybe a better word would be Sensual (as in basking in the senses).
I enjoy the various textures of materials. Give me soft sheets and fabric to wrap up in. My house is strewn with pillows and blankets. With the exception of the kitchen, I think I've pillows in every room actually...
I enjoy how I feel when I touch a fabric, or when I find a certain color or pattern that can only be described as yummy. Oh, how I love the calmness I feel when I see a color like khaki/sage green! Or the vivid color and scent of lavender! Pictures can stir within various sensations for me. I love how I feel when I complete a sewing project, or while I'm stitching.
I don't just look at certain things - I feel them. My grandmother's chairs feel soft and velvety, and enable me to feel her and think about her - even though she's not with me. Her crocheted blanket is the same way, and now I've her old outdoor table and chairs that are hard and firm metal, and stir emotions in me.
Oh, and food? I love chai lattes (both taste and texture) with peanut butter on toasted Ezekiel bread for breakfast. Or vanilla yogurt with fresh berries? Yum. Give me a pomegranate, and I am in heaven with the taste and texture. I love digging out the ruby red seeds (oh what color!) and feeling the crunchy squish followed by the sweet tartness - Oh how all of my senses just dance!
I love the taste of my friend Linda's homemade bread. She serves it with salad and cheese (usually), and it is heaven. It doesn't feel or taste the same if I'm not at the farm, and with her. I think it's because when I'm there, I'm not just enraptured with the taste and textures and scenery, but her love. And, I adore the feeling of love and feeling loved.
I read books, especially ones that leave me feeling good, peaceful, inspired, or blissful. And I like to read, because I like how it feels to hold a book and look at the words and just sit with it. I love reading outside, where I can feel the breeze and hear the wind chimes, and feel the sun.
When I watch a movie or video, if it moves me, it is because I feel it. I will cry if I am moved to it - be it because it is inspiring, loving, hopeful, or horrible. My heart aches along with the heart broken, sings along with the hopeful, and routes for the underdog. Whether it be watching an autistic student who was let on the team at the last minute and scores, to an underdog who's appearance only enhanced the voice, to the lady love of a native American warrior who jumps off the cliff after he was pushed rather than stay with the chieftain who claimed her - oh yeah. I'm feeling it, and crying my eyes out.
And then there are massages... oh. sweet. heaven. A massage of any kind? Bring it on! You can bet that I'm not only basking in how I feel; I'm taking in the feel of the sheets on the table as well the scent of the room and the sweet music. I absorb it all like a sponge. When I'm lucky enough to get hubby to rub my feet, or play with my hair - I bliss out.
I enjoy how I feel when I eat home cooked food versus store bought. I like the feeling of dancing to music, letting my body move to the beat, moving by feel. Before I fall asleep, I'm focused on the soft feel of the sheets and pillow, listening to the rhythm of hubby's (and sometimes the Pook's) breathing, and just basking in that moment of being and feeling and sensing it all. I like the feel of my husband's arms around me, his tender kisses, or when he looks at me and I can feel his love.
Heaven is present in my children, whom I breathe in and hold so close to me, for I know that "this too shall pass." I like to sometimes just sit and breathe and feel - the warm sun on my face, the wind blowing, the warmth and taste of hot tea or a cold drink. I enjoy experiencing events and people based on how they feel to me because I can jump in and absorb it all.
And not only do I enjoy feeling and being sensual - I like to create a sensual environment for others. When you come to my home, I aim for my guests to feel comforted, cared for, and wanted. Come for a meal, and you can bet that I (and my helpers) enjoyed setting the table, picking out music and cloth napkins, and creating a set mood.
I like inspring people feel good about themselves, and I like to help people connect with the joy, the love, being grateful and feeling wanted or needed. It's so much more when everyone feels the joy.
So, yeah, my one thing is Sensual. Definitely.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Thoughts on Lent
Is it too late to think about Lent the second day into it? As I believe each day gives us the chance to start anew, I don't think so. I just need to embrace that tense feeling that "I've missed something" or that I'd be doing something "wrong".
I know that Lent is usually a Catholic thing. I'm not going to go into my religious beliefs here. I will say, that I really like the idea behind Lent. Well, my idea that is. I've found over the years it's come to mean many things for many people. To some, you give up something you really love, as a reminder of Christ's sacrifice. To others, you give up something that's not good for you. To me, well, it's been many things. And then today, I read this:
http://willows95988.typepad.com/tongue_cheek/2009/02/lent-a-time-set-aside-for-us-to-look-at-who-we-are-and-give-it-away-freely.html
and something hit me.
There are many times I've been afraid to be myself. I've boxed me up, covered me up, tried to be something I'm not, and run away in denial, as far and fast as I could. And then I realized, I can't. Who I am leaks through into my writing, my speech, my words, my actions. There was a time when I didn't like who I was, when I was afraid of who I was, because I realized that I was guilty of what I was judging others for.
Over the years, I've been blessed to see the light within others, and in turn myself. That light has been able to grow, enlightening those parts of me I wanted to keep in the dark. And you know what? They weren't so bad. In fact, they are what make me the amazing human being I am.
So who am I? I don't have just one answer, and in many ways, I don't know the answer. I'm a woman, functioning as a mother, wife, lover, teacher, dancer, artist, homemaker, home keeper, muse, creator, friend, daughter, sister, aunt... I do so very many things on a daily basis, that sometimes I can not keep up.
And what do I give away freely this month? Inspiration. Creativity. Compassion. Listening. Support. Love. Who wants some?
I know that Lent is usually a Catholic thing. I'm not going to go into my religious beliefs here. I will say, that I really like the idea behind Lent. Well, my idea that is. I've found over the years it's come to mean many things for many people. To some, you give up something you really love, as a reminder of Christ's sacrifice. To others, you give up something that's not good for you. To me, well, it's been many things. And then today, I read this:
http://willows95988.typepad.com/tongue_cheek/2009/02/lent-a-time-set-aside-for-us-to-look-at-who-we-are-and-give-it-away-freely.html
and something hit me.
There are many times I've been afraid to be myself. I've boxed me up, covered me up, tried to be something I'm not, and run away in denial, as far and fast as I could. And then I realized, I can't. Who I am leaks through into my writing, my speech, my words, my actions. There was a time when I didn't like who I was, when I was afraid of who I was, because I realized that I was guilty of what I was judging others for.
Over the years, I've been blessed to see the light within others, and in turn myself. That light has been able to grow, enlightening those parts of me I wanted to keep in the dark. And you know what? They weren't so bad. In fact, they are what make me the amazing human being I am.
So who am I? I don't have just one answer, and in many ways, I don't know the answer. I'm a woman, functioning as a mother, wife, lover, teacher, dancer, artist, homemaker, home keeper, muse, creator, friend, daughter, sister, aunt... I do so very many things on a daily basis, that sometimes I can not keep up.
And what do I give away freely this month? Inspiration. Creativity. Compassion. Listening. Support. Love. Who wants some?
Friday, January 16, 2009
Mistakes
You know that you need to slow down, when you make a comment that's inappropriate, and you don't even realize it.
At first, discovering this, really upset me. How could I be so callous? How could I have missed that?
And, then, my thinking began to shift when I realized that I'd simply missed information, and ironically, managed to latch onto the positive information, and thus skimmed right over the negative information.
In the past, I'd have spent way too much time lamenting my mistake and getting angry with myself. And now? I'm realizing that I'm more compassionate with myself. I made a mistake. It's in writing, so I can't take it back. I did apologize when it was brought to my attention.
The whole event has cause me to do some serious thinking and recognize a few realizations.
It is time to slow down again, to listen and really, really pay attention. If I don't have the time to focus on it, then I either make the time (now or later) or I need to let it go.
For those who know me, I do a lot of juggling. We've chosen to homeschool our two kiddos. I work from home. I also feel a responsibility to keep and take care of the home. I believe in precious moments of "tummy time" and snuggling on the couch with a kid (or two) and a good book.
Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own life, I forget to take the time for others. I've been making a point to do this, as I believe it's important to care and pay attention. I've spent too much of my life stuck in my own little world, that I chose to reach out.
Now, to find the balance...
At first, discovering this, really upset me. How could I be so callous? How could I have missed that?
And, then, my thinking began to shift when I realized that I'd simply missed information, and ironically, managed to latch onto the positive information, and thus skimmed right over the negative information.
In the past, I'd have spent way too much time lamenting my mistake and getting angry with myself. And now? I'm realizing that I'm more compassionate with myself. I made a mistake. It's in writing, so I can't take it back. I did apologize when it was brought to my attention.
The whole event has cause me to do some serious thinking and recognize a few realizations.
It is time to slow down again, to listen and really, really pay attention. If I don't have the time to focus on it, then I either make the time (now or later) or I need to let it go.
For those who know me, I do a lot of juggling. We've chosen to homeschool our two kiddos. I work from home. I also feel a responsibility to keep and take care of the home. I believe in precious moments of "tummy time" and snuggling on the couch with a kid (or two) and a good book.
Sometimes, I get so caught up in my own life, I forget to take the time for others. I've been making a point to do this, as I believe it's important to care and pay attention. I've spent too much of my life stuck in my own little world, that I chose to reach out.
Now, to find the balance...
Thursday, December 18, 2008
How to Take Care of You
Make a list of what fills your soul. Keep it somewhere where you can look at it on a regular basis. Then, implement it into your day/week/month/etc. Jennifer Louden wrote a great book called The Woman’s Comfort Book which has a lot of exercises and activities for taking care of one’s self. I remember reading an article a long time ago, I think on her old website about keeping your tank full. I’d totally cite it, if I had the information. Anyway, it asked you to figure out what you personally need to fill your tank (food, sleep, etc.), the oil changes (massage, spa day, lunch with a friend or friends, pedicure, hair cut, etc.), and the major maintenance (a long vacation, a weekend retreat, etc.). Knowing these things is wonderful to keep you focused and feeling fulfilled instead of overwhelmed. Your list may change over time, so it’s good to have “check-in” days every once in a while (preferably while soaking in a tub of hot water amongst lots of bubbles, or when enjoying vanilla tea with crumpets). When you know what makes your heart sing, what fills you with intense joy, and what brings you peace and helps you feel relaxed, it makes a huge difference as to how you live your life, and what is truly important. It’s easier to say no to things and keep focused.
Perspective, Pause, and Awareness
I love it though. There have been times when I’ve been totally overwhelmed and stressed out. I’ve hit the chocolate and any other sugary concoction within reach. There have been days that whizzed by, leaving me wondering what happened, and wondering how my children have grown so fast. And then, every so often, I’m blessed with those days that leave me feeling loved and full, regardless of how the house looks and how things didn’t go according to plan.
This year, the importance of being aware of my perspective became crystal clear. I started to pay attention to how we were spending our time. I’m still working on this, and I’m much more aware of what I need, and what my family needs. And then I noticed, that by simply being aware of my thoughts and how I perceived things, made all the difference.
When I feed the baby, I remind myself that I am nurturing and loving her. I take in her scent, what she looks like, how she feels in my arms. I am focused on her. When I homeschool, I remind myself that I am nurturing my child’s mind and heart. I focus on her, give lots of snuggles and hugs, and take her in. When I am cooking dinner, I remind myself that I am nurturing and loving my family. When I am cleaning up the dishes, I remind myself that I am nurturing my home. When I am working, I remind myself that I could be making a difference in my student’s life, and that through working I am blessing my family with my income.
Life really is what you make of it. Choose to see the world through rose-colored glasses, and you'll be a lot happier in the long run (in my humble opinion that is). Take the time to notice things - precious baby toes, a child's soft skin, the feel of a strong hug, the tender life of a snowflade - and you'll find that things slow down. Be aware, and be amazed.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
A letter of welcome, and reflection on life
This was a letter that I've decided to post. It was written to welcome my littlest one to this world. I've tweaked it a bit, for blogging purposes. It is here as a reminder to me about this year, and life in general. If, by some chance, you wish to share it with others, you can link them here, or just ask me.
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I sit here at 6 a.m. – the muse stirring within me, begging me to write a few words. And so I sit here, pen to paper, for when the muse wishes to inspire – I find it’s best to listen.
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I sit here at 6 a.m. – the muse stirring within me, begging me to write a few words. And so I sit here, pen to paper, for when the muse wishes to inspire – I find it’s best to listen.
It has been a wild year for some of us; filled with surprises and the unexpected. At first glance, these events might seem overwhelming and easily labeled as “good” or “bad”. They are neither. They are life.
And life happens. Things happen. And we can choose to run and hide; we can choose to deny; or we can choose to embrace with acceptance. We can choose to love. We can choose to let go.
Most people I know, struggle to reach that sacred plateau that society has somehow promised us. It’s that place of security where everything goes as we’d like; we are always happy; and things, of course, are wonderful. If we find this plateau, we are then “safe”. Is this realistic, or an unrealistic expectation? I believe that there is more, much more, to it.
Life is constantly changing. We are constantly growing. There is no stop button, and the pause button doesn’t work for long. There is no plateau of safety promised to us by if/when this happens… then this…
If you want to be happy, choose it. If you want bliss, choose it. The only constant and “secure” things in life are change and love. You don’t stop change. You don’t stop love or someone from loving you either.
Over the last few months, there have been two mantras in my life:
THIS TOO SHALL PASS
I CAN HANDLE IT.
This too shall pass. Those sweet, bliss-filled moments we don’t want to end – the time with good friends, that vacation, those first few moments after a baby is born, a wedding day, a really excellent piece of chocolate. These moments only last for so long – then they end. Of course, this also means those uncomfortable moments of the unexpected, the discomfort, the stages of life in general will pass too.
We grow. We change. And so do others. This is the constant. And we can handle it.
This last year, I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to take a good look at my life. I’ve been blessed with the unexpected and having things not go the way I would have preferred. The end result has been POSSIBILITIES, LOVE (from my opened heart and the out pouring from others), and a fresh view on life.
So I guess what I’m saying is that amidst the frustrations are moments of peace and bliss. Grab hold, accept, go with the flow to see where it leads. Be willing to let go. Embrace Love. Welcome love, embrace acceptance, pay attention and fully immerse yourself in those bitter and sweet moments. Keep the memory, and release your grasp. It’s okay to let go and make space for more precious moments.
Perhaps, by focusing on the moments of peace and bliss, those frustrations won’t seem so frustrating. Maybe, you’ll even see that it’s not what happens; it’s how you react to what happens that makes the difference between a “good” and “bad” experience. Everyone sees things through his or her own eyes. Perspectives might be similar, not the same.
And so I say…
Live your life.
Dance to its rhythm – there will be songs you enjoy, songs you may not like – slow songs, fast songs. Songs you feel good listening too. Songs you may not be fond of. Some are short and others too long. Dance with your self; grab a partner.
When you welcome life – you welcome it all. And if it gets too much, there is a place of safety and refuge: a place to pause and BE.
Take a deep breath.
Close your eyes.
Let your consciousness sink with you.
Feel the quiet.
Feel the peace.
It’s always there.
It’s for you.
Sweet daughter – today we embrace you and welcome you. You have brought forth such unexpected, amazing, and wonderful gifts to our lives.
Welcome to life little one. May you always dance to life’s rhythm. May you live fully in the moment – embracing, enjoying, and remembering – “this too shall pass” and that there will always be moments that you CAN handle. May you and your sister remember this. May you know and BE love.
My sweet darlings – live your life. Welcome it as we have welcomed you. Know you are loved by those here and those who are not present today.
Be yourself. Discover what you enjoy and what inspires you. As you discover yourselves, remember to respect others as they too, are discovering. (We are all discovering.) Remember that life is not constant – nor are you.
Sometimes, you’ll need faith and hope.
Other times, you’ll know what to do.
Things will change.
You will always be loved.
There is peace within you.
This reminds me of a blessing from the movie Under the Lighthouse Dancing, and so I say to you:
Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining start to you.
Deep peace of the sun of peace to you.
Amidst the change and growth – there is peace and love. Just breathe and be aware.
I love you both.
Love Always, Mommy
Friday, October 17, 2008
Finding my groove again...
I sit here enjoying the chill of autumn while "talking" to my littlest one, Pookii, who is cooing up a storm, and helping my eldest, Pook, find blank paper to draw on.
This month has been filled to the brim and beyond with awesome friends and family. We've been stepping out with our two gals, and more active in the past few weeks, then we've been, possibly in the last year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with a now 8-week-old, lack of sleep, and all the running around, I feel invigorated and challenged.
This past week, I even ventured out to the park with the kiddos on my own. I wasn't quite ready for the library afterwards though - we'll try that next week.
It's becoming quite obvious to me though, that I'm finding my groove again. I'm dancing to multiple rhythms, seeking a pace that suits me, and enjoying the groove. I'm rediscovering myself, being forced to determine priorities, and enjoying it.
Some things are changing, others are being giving a new glance. It's rather exciting, and I'm definitely enjoying these moments.
This month has been filled to the brim and beyond with awesome friends and family. We've been stepping out with our two gals, and more active in the past few weeks, then we've been, possibly in the last year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with a now 8-week-old, lack of sleep, and all the running around, I feel invigorated and challenged.
This past week, I even ventured out to the park with the kiddos on my own. I wasn't quite ready for the library afterwards though - we'll try that next week.
It's becoming quite obvious to me though, that I'm finding my groove again. I'm dancing to multiple rhythms, seeking a pace that suits me, and enjoying the groove. I'm rediscovering myself, being forced to determine priorities, and enjoying it.
Some things are changing, others are being giving a new glance. It's rather exciting, and I'm definitely enjoying these moments.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Precious moments...
Sometimes life throws curves balls, and other times, it deals up blissful dishes. And then, there are those times when life deals the unexpected, and you can choose to make it a blissful dish, or, at least have a good laugh.
My mother was up here for the last week, and this weekend we are having my favorite Twins visit us from Canada. (And yes K, I know you make 3 instead of 2, we just lump y'all together now! ;) )
In the past week, I've done things I hadn't done in years - went to a kid's day at the farm with a "pumpkin patch", corn maze, petting zoo - lots of fun stuff. My mom got to come along and enjoy the fun, as Pook commandeered her for the afternoon. I dug in the earth, planted plants, helped to set up a garden for next year. We had a picnic in the backyard on a blanket (we've not done that since we've moved here - 8 years ago!)
We were supposed to go to a fall party with the homeschool group, and due to weather and Pook not wanting to leave her little sister behind, ended up having our own Autumnal Celebration with hot cocoa and snacks. We spent a lovely gray afternoon painting. Pook painted her pumpkin that was for the party. Mom painted a picture of a pumpkin for Pook. PookII (pronounced Pookie, and short for Pook the sequel) slept. And I watercolored a set of sunflower cards for myself to write sunny thoughts upon and then mail.
Oh how I've missed painting! I even helped my mom to see that painting with watercolors was fun. She had a blast. A wonderful way to end her visit.
Lately, I have noticed that I've stopped putting things on hold. I've been making plans, pushing beyond my self-imposed, fear-based boundaries, and having FUN!
I am choosing to shift my perspective to a more sunny place, and embracing the unexpected with open arms. A simple phone call has lead to 3 fun invites. This weekend is full of good friends and activities.
I feel as though I'm rediscovering life, my life, in a sense. I'm moving (as in activity, not housing). I'm enjoying. I'm making the most of things, and dragging the family along with me. ;)
Today, the possibilities are endless... and it's wonderful.
My mother was up here for the last week, and this weekend we are having my favorite Twins visit us from Canada. (And yes K, I know you make 3 instead of 2, we just lump y'all together now! ;) )
In the past week, I've done things I hadn't done in years - went to a kid's day at the farm with a "pumpkin patch", corn maze, petting zoo - lots of fun stuff. My mom got to come along and enjoy the fun, as Pook commandeered her for the afternoon. I dug in the earth, planted plants, helped to set up a garden for next year. We had a picnic in the backyard on a blanket (we've not done that since we've moved here - 8 years ago!)
We were supposed to go to a fall party with the homeschool group, and due to weather and Pook not wanting to leave her little sister behind, ended up having our own Autumnal Celebration with hot cocoa and snacks. We spent a lovely gray afternoon painting. Pook painted her pumpkin that was for the party. Mom painted a picture of a pumpkin for Pook. PookII (pronounced Pookie, and short for Pook the sequel) slept. And I watercolored a set of sunflower cards for myself to write sunny thoughts upon and then mail.
Oh how I've missed painting! I even helped my mom to see that painting with watercolors was fun. She had a blast. A wonderful way to end her visit.
Lately, I have noticed that I've stopped putting things on hold. I've been making plans, pushing beyond my self-imposed, fear-based boundaries, and having FUN!
I am choosing to shift my perspective to a more sunny place, and embracing the unexpected with open arms. A simple phone call has lead to 3 fun invites. This weekend is full of good friends and activities.
I feel as though I'm rediscovering life, my life, in a sense. I'm moving (as in activity, not housing). I'm enjoying. I'm making the most of things, and dragging the family along with me. ;)
Today, the possibilities are endless... and it's wonderful.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
This too shall pass
This has been my latest mantra. I've used it before, and lately, it's been really keeping me on track in many aspects.
I find myself saying it when the baby within me stretches into tender sections of my side or rib cage, or when I see a bump in my belly that is most definitely a knee. When I rub my belly and feel movement within, or think about how my belly will be gone once this baby joins us on the outside.
When I start to think about labor, I remind myself that "This too shall pass". I won't be in pain forever, and at the end, I'll get a sweet little gift to hold and cuddle.
I'm sure that it will be at the forefront of my thoughts on those nights I'm getting up to feed, changing diapers, and caring for the new little one.
And too, when I'm counting little fingers and toes, taking in that baby smell, I will be reminded that "this too shall pass". Especially when I look at my sweet 5-year-old.
Yesterday, when I went for my check up, we discovered that I am 50% effaced and 1-2 centimeters dilated. Oh yes, reality of how close I am to holding a new little one is hitting hard. I am treasuring each moment, taking it all in, basking in the belly, the free time, the quiet mornings... because I am all to aware, that "this too shall pass".
I find myself saying it when the baby within me stretches into tender sections of my side or rib cage, or when I see a bump in my belly that is most definitely a knee. When I rub my belly and feel movement within, or think about how my belly will be gone once this baby joins us on the outside.
When I start to think about labor, I remind myself that "This too shall pass". I won't be in pain forever, and at the end, I'll get a sweet little gift to hold and cuddle.
I'm sure that it will be at the forefront of my thoughts on those nights I'm getting up to feed, changing diapers, and caring for the new little one.
And too, when I'm counting little fingers and toes, taking in that baby smell, I will be reminded that "this too shall pass". Especially when I look at my sweet 5-year-old.
Yesterday, when I went for my check up, we discovered that I am 50% effaced and 1-2 centimeters dilated. Oh yes, reality of how close I am to holding a new little one is hitting hard. I am treasuring each moment, taking it all in, basking in the belly, the free time, the quiet mornings... because I am all to aware, that "this too shall pass".
Monday, July 14, 2008
A fly on my wall...
Each morning I log on, my homepage comes up with The Daily Motivator. Some days, I briefly skim it, and then there are days like today when I read a post that hits so close to home, I swear Ralph has been listening in to conversations around my house, or, even better, my brain waves. Like today's post on conquering doubt for instance.
Recently I've been made more aware of my knack of avoiding things. I could also tell you about my discovery (and heretofore admissions - gulp!) of my addictions to such things as the computer, various blogs, chocolate, as well as a few other things that I could probably do without, yet have a really hard time letting go of. In any case, in avoiding dealing with these addictions, as well as other life challenges, I'm realizing it's not left me feeling very good about myself.
Last night, while having a discussion with my beloved, I'd mentioned a few things I admired and even envied about others. He asked me, "So if you admire or envy these things so much, why aren't you doing them?"
I feel the tightness in my chest and tried to hide in my pillow as I softly responded, "I don't know."
"Well, there's obviously a reason, as you say you want to do them, but you aren't doing them."
I hated that I'd had similar conversations before with a friend of mine. I hated admitting that he was right, and I didn't want to look closer, to see the weakness that was obviously the root of the issue. It was easier to think I couldn't do something, to come up with reasons why I couldn't do something, than to admit it was me.
As my mind wandered, I realized that I'm really good at coming up with excuses for not doing something. I heard the familiar reel start in my head, "It's because you're lazy... you're not good enough... "
And then my beloved pointed out my addictions, and the part in which they played. In particular to this little machine I sit typing on. As my stomach fell, I realized that he was right. "So why is it so hard? Why can't I just stop?"
"Why can't you?" he asked, then replied, "Because it's far too easy to keep an addiction. The addiction is part of your comfort zone." It then hit me, I do not like to step out of my comfort zone, especially when it's feeling particularly cozy. *Sigh*.
And then, when I logged on and read Ralph's post today, something hit home:
"If you wait until conditions are perfect, all you'll ever do is wait. Great accomplishments are given birth by starting from where you are with what you have."
That's one of my main reasons for not doing things. (Perhaps I'm addicted to being a perfectionist?).
So maybe what I need to do, is take Ralph's words today to heart, "Stop wondering and start doing. Once you've done it you'll always know, without the slightest doubt, that you can."
First step, is to step away from this computer, and set a timer when I check in for work later.
Recently I've been made more aware of my knack of avoiding things. I could also tell you about my discovery (and heretofore admissions - gulp!) of my addictions to such things as the computer, various blogs, chocolate, as well as a few other things that I could probably do without, yet have a really hard time letting go of. In any case, in avoiding dealing with these addictions, as well as other life challenges, I'm realizing it's not left me feeling very good about myself.
Last night, while having a discussion with my beloved, I'd mentioned a few things I admired and even envied about others. He asked me, "So if you admire or envy these things so much, why aren't you doing them?"
I feel the tightness in my chest and tried to hide in my pillow as I softly responded, "I don't know."
"Well, there's obviously a reason, as you say you want to do them, but you aren't doing them."
I hated that I'd had similar conversations before with a friend of mine. I hated admitting that he was right, and I didn't want to look closer, to see the weakness that was obviously the root of the issue. It was easier to think I couldn't do something, to come up with reasons why I couldn't do something, than to admit it was me.
As my mind wandered, I realized that I'm really good at coming up with excuses for not doing something. I heard the familiar reel start in my head, "It's because you're lazy... you're not good enough... "
And then my beloved pointed out my addictions, and the part in which they played. In particular to this little machine I sit typing on. As my stomach fell, I realized that he was right. "So why is it so hard? Why can't I just stop?"
"Why can't you?" he asked, then replied, "Because it's far too easy to keep an addiction. The addiction is part of your comfort zone." It then hit me, I do not like to step out of my comfort zone, especially when it's feeling particularly cozy. *Sigh*.
And then, when I logged on and read Ralph's post today, something hit home:
"If you wait until conditions are perfect, all you'll ever do is wait. Great accomplishments are given birth by starting from where you are with what you have."
That's one of my main reasons for not doing things. (Perhaps I'm addicted to being a perfectionist?).
So maybe what I need to do, is take Ralph's words today to heart, "Stop wondering and start doing. Once you've done it you'll always know, without the slightest doubt, that you can."
First step, is to step away from this computer, and set a timer when I check in for work later.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
If I had commandments for happiness...
Over at the blog The Happiness Project, there's a nifty article with Six tips for designing your happiness commandments. The blog consists of the memoirs of Gretchen Rubin, and her year trying out a variety of happiness principles. It's pretty interesting.
So her post got me thinking about my own commandments for happiness, which I don't have and aren't set in stone, but found interesting to ponder.
Here's what I've come up with so far, in no particular order:
1 Breathe.
2 Enjoy it now; who knows when later will be?
3 Make the most of the moment. "Be in awe."- The last one is from the site.
4 Let it go.
5 Be aware of expectations; expect nothing, and possibilities are open.
6 After acceptance, comes freedom.
7 Go outside (or bring the outside in).
8 Forgive (myself and others).
9 Read more.
10 Be polite and respectful.
11 Smile often.
12 You don't "have to" and you can say "No" and leave it at that.
13 Enjoy.
What are your commandments for happiness, if you have any?
PS. I LOVE this article too, about her "spending out", or, hoarding new underwear. :)
So her post got me thinking about my own commandments for happiness, which I don't have and aren't set in stone, but found interesting to ponder.
Here's what I've come up with so far, in no particular order:
1 Breathe.
2 Enjoy it now; who knows when later will be?
3 Make the most of the moment. "Be in awe."- The last one is from the site.
4 Let it go.
5 Be aware of expectations; expect nothing, and possibilities are open.
6 After acceptance, comes freedom.
7 Go outside (or bring the outside in).
8 Forgive (myself and others).
9 Read more.
10 Be polite and respectful.
11 Smile often.
12 You don't "have to" and you can say "No" and leave it at that.
13 Enjoy.
What are your commandments for happiness, if you have any?
PS. I LOVE this article too, about her "spending out", or, hoarding new underwear. :)
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Being radical, well, for me
After our guests left this weekend, I succumbed to my urge to purge. Hubby and I took down most of the pictures in our house (save for the really difficult ones) leaving nothing but space on the walls.
At first, I think that he thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. And, I fully expected to go crazy by Tuesday and put them all back up, but something else happened. I started to like the space.
My basement has piles of pictures in it. And, following the pictures were various knickknacks. Things, I once thought I could never part with, are finding their way to the piles. I've even given him permission to place things on the pile, just to see if I'd actually miss them.
Even the piles bring me a sense of comfort. (And, those who know me are probably wondering what alien race has invaded my being - cause Otter can't usually stand piles!) But seeing them there, I smile. Seeing the walls void of pictures makes me smile.
Space. I'm loving the space. And I remember when I used to fear it. For some reason, no wall could go untouched. Something had to be hanging there. When I was into Feng Shui, the pictures had to fit. I put things I wasn't particularly fond of up on my walls because they fit the "rules".
But now, I'm wanted more space in my life. I'm only wanting things up on my walls and in my house that I enjoy looking out. How many things have I kept because they were Feng Shui appropriate? How many things have I kept because someone gave it to me, even though it wasn't really me? How many things have I kept out of guilt?
I am done with guilt. I am done with looking at things on my walls that don't make my heart sing or fill me with a sense of joy. I am creating more space. I am embracing the space that I was once so afraid of.
We are going to be welcoming a new babe into our lives at the end of August or beginning of September. At least, that's the ETA. With the amount of moving this babe's been doing, who knows? :)
Preparing for this babe means creating more space - both in the home and in my womb. We have a comfortable house that I love, and which we aren't willing to move from. So, we make space where we can and organize things to function smoothly.
This time (and maybe it's just because I'm nesting) there seems to be a shift. A new level to purging the clutter from our home. It's going beyond the stuff. As we purge our things, we are making room for the new. We are making room in our lives as well. Weekends seem to have more space to them. Even days seem to slow down. Where there was once "no time", we are finding and creating time for tender moments and ourselves.
As the spring flowers bloom and blossom, and the bulbs burst forth from the ground, so do we on many levels. Pook is blossoming, talking to people instead of hiding. My belly blossoms (and grows with life). Hubby is finding that he does have time here and there for things.
For once, I'm not concerned with what will happen, or what will be, or how we will handle things. Fact is that we will. Right now, is the now. I bask and bloom in the present moment. Embracing the moments of bliss and joy for what they are, and letting them go when it's time.
Peace. Bliss. Moments. Life.
At first, I think that he thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. And, I fully expected to go crazy by Tuesday and put them all back up, but something else happened. I started to like the space.
My basement has piles of pictures in it. And, following the pictures were various knickknacks. Things, I once thought I could never part with, are finding their way to the piles. I've even given him permission to place things on the pile, just to see if I'd actually miss them.
Even the piles bring me a sense of comfort. (And, those who know me are probably wondering what alien race has invaded my being - cause Otter can't usually stand piles!) But seeing them there, I smile. Seeing the walls void of pictures makes me smile.
Space. I'm loving the space. And I remember when I used to fear it. For some reason, no wall could go untouched. Something had to be hanging there. When I was into Feng Shui, the pictures had to fit. I put things I wasn't particularly fond of up on my walls because they fit the "rules".
But now, I'm wanted more space in my life. I'm only wanting things up on my walls and in my house that I enjoy looking out. How many things have I kept because they were Feng Shui appropriate? How many things have I kept because someone gave it to me, even though it wasn't really me? How many things have I kept out of guilt?
I am done with guilt. I am done with looking at things on my walls that don't make my heart sing or fill me with a sense of joy. I am creating more space. I am embracing the space that I was once so afraid of.
We are going to be welcoming a new babe into our lives at the end of August or beginning of September. At least, that's the ETA. With the amount of moving this babe's been doing, who knows? :)
Preparing for this babe means creating more space - both in the home and in my womb. We have a comfortable house that I love, and which we aren't willing to move from. So, we make space where we can and organize things to function smoothly.
This time (and maybe it's just because I'm nesting) there seems to be a shift. A new level to purging the clutter from our home. It's going beyond the stuff. As we purge our things, we are making room for the new. We are making room in our lives as well. Weekends seem to have more space to them. Even days seem to slow down. Where there was once "no time", we are finding and creating time for tender moments and ourselves.
As the spring flowers bloom and blossom, and the bulbs burst forth from the ground, so do we on many levels. Pook is blossoming, talking to people instead of hiding. My belly blossoms (and grows with life). Hubby is finding that he does have time here and there for things.
For once, I'm not concerned with what will happen, or what will be, or how we will handle things. Fact is that we will. Right now, is the now. I bask and bloom in the present moment. Embracing the moments of bliss and joy for what they are, and letting them go when it's time.
Peace. Bliss. Moments. Life.
Monday, February 18, 2008
In a heartbeat...
In a heart beat, life can change. Today, we heard the heart beat of our next child in my womb. The looks on Pook's face were so very precious. She is so excited, and SO ecstatic to have a sibling, whom, she's determined is her baby brother. We will hopefully know for sure on March 31st.
I've known that I've been pregnant since I took the test back in December. Physically, I felt the "afternoon" sickness and the exhaustion. And though my body hasn't really changed too much (my clothes are just starting to get a bit snug), it wasn't real until now. Until this morning when the midwife found my sweet angel's heart beat. It's strong. It's beautiful. And after the last week, it was just what I needed to here.
I'm pregnant again. And today, I found that moment, that pause to just breathe. The joy in my heart is overflowing. Suddenly, in a moment, I just knew that everything was wonderful. I found that knowing again, that connection I'd misplaced.
Today, in a heart beat, my life opened up, and I embraced joy.
I've known that I've been pregnant since I took the test back in December. Physically, I felt the "afternoon" sickness and the exhaustion. And though my body hasn't really changed too much (my clothes are just starting to get a bit snug), it wasn't real until now. Until this morning when the midwife found my sweet angel's heart beat. It's strong. It's beautiful. And after the last week, it was just what I needed to here.
I'm pregnant again. And today, I found that moment, that pause to just breathe. The joy in my heart is overflowing. Suddenly, in a moment, I just knew that everything was wonderful. I found that knowing again, that connection I'd misplaced.
Today, in a heart beat, my life opened up, and I embraced joy.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Reflections on 2007
It's been an interesting year filled with many lessons and blessings. Looking back on my focus for the year, I can say that I have not meet everything completely, but I did manage to focus on quite a few things.
There were 4 things I chose to focus on for 2007:
I would definitely say that I am living more consciously. I have totally been aware of my blessings, and in the past year I've gone from the desire to move, to completely embracing and falling in love with our current house.
Though I am living a bit more greenly, I'm not nearly living as greenly as I could be. I was not able, nor willing to follow through with the compact pledge which ended up being more time consuming and challenging than I thought. Though, there is a part of me wishing I'd stuck with it. However, realistically, it would be too much at this time.
Eating healthier as a family proved to slide in a big way. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
And, I've been conscious of spending and more aware, but still spending too much. I am consciously aware of what I eat though. (Even if it is a chocolate bar. :)
In the big picture, I am so much more aware of things and how I do things. It's definitely a process, one I'll tweak for next year's focus, but one that's definitely worth it.
In regards to enjoying life - yeah. Definitely been doing that this year.
In regards to the home environment, I've exceeded expectations on the indoors. No painting was done, but lots of clutter was removed. We also rearranged the house and created a new family living space and playroom. It definitely feels like a new home.
And, though we didn't get to the fence this past year, it's okay. I still created a mini sanctuary on the back porch that was wonderful. Thanks to Mom's donation of a swing and bistro table set.
I could've spent more time outdoors. But, at least I made the most of the time I did spend outdoors. :)
I'm going to give a good long thought to those for 2008, and try to set up things to focus on. One thing I've learned in being more aware and living life consciously, is that I only have so many hours in the day. Certain things need to be honored as priorities, and thus, that means that others will need to be pushed aside or on the back burner.
The bonus is that I'm totally okay with this. :)
So, to sum it up, this year - I fell totally in love with my life. Totally. I have witnessed all of the blessings (my hubby, Pook, the house, fabulous friendships, Yes lists, being realistic about what I can and can't do). I have embraced my life, my family, my friends, and allowed myself to be present, aware, and enjoy them. There were some challenges (like our wonderful car repairs to keep our autos running), but the blessings have outweighed them all.
My heart is joy-filled. My mind is open. Compassion for myself and others, is blossoming abundantly. I am filled with gratitude for 2007.
And now, I'm off to ponder my focus for 2008. Hmmmm...
There were 4 things I chose to focus on for 2007:
- To live consciously - Yes, overall. As for the details... :)
- To make it a point to enjoy life more -Yes
- To continue to create a home environment that radiates contentment, peace, love, nurturing, and joy -Exceedingly YES!
- To spend more time outdoors -More than in the past, but would've liked to have done more.
I would definitely say that I am living more consciously. I have totally been aware of my blessings, and in the past year I've gone from the desire to move, to completely embracing and falling in love with our current house.
Though I am living a bit more greenly, I'm not nearly living as greenly as I could be. I was not able, nor willing to follow through with the compact pledge which ended up being more time consuming and challenging than I thought. Though, there is a part of me wishing I'd stuck with it. However, realistically, it would be too much at this time.
Eating healthier as a family proved to slide in a big way. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
And, I've been conscious of spending and more aware, but still spending too much. I am consciously aware of what I eat though. (Even if it is a chocolate bar. :)
In the big picture, I am so much more aware of things and how I do things. It's definitely a process, one I'll tweak for next year's focus, but one that's definitely worth it.
In regards to enjoying life - yeah. Definitely been doing that this year.
In regards to the home environment, I've exceeded expectations on the indoors. No painting was done, but lots of clutter was removed. We also rearranged the house and created a new family living space and playroom. It definitely feels like a new home.
And, though we didn't get to the fence this past year, it's okay. I still created a mini sanctuary on the back porch that was wonderful. Thanks to Mom's donation of a swing and bistro table set.
I could've spent more time outdoors. But, at least I made the most of the time I did spend outdoors. :)
I'm going to give a good long thought to those for 2008, and try to set up things to focus on. One thing I've learned in being more aware and living life consciously, is that I only have so many hours in the day. Certain things need to be honored as priorities, and thus, that means that others will need to be pushed aside or on the back burner.
The bonus is that I'm totally okay with this. :)
So, to sum it up, this year - I fell totally in love with my life. Totally. I have witnessed all of the blessings (my hubby, Pook, the house, fabulous friendships, Yes lists, being realistic about what I can and can't do). I have embraced my life, my family, my friends, and allowed myself to be present, aware, and enjoy them. There were some challenges (like our wonderful car repairs to keep our autos running), but the blessings have outweighed them all.
My heart is joy-filled. My mind is open. Compassion for myself and others, is blossoming abundantly. I am filled with gratitude for 2007.
And now, I'm off to ponder my focus for 2008. Hmmmm...
Monday, July 23, 2007
Delighting in the Simple Things
I've been delighting in summer: cool breezes, the swing on our back deck, in the summer's sun, the song of the birds in the backyard, and time to relax.
This summer is the first summer in a long time I've been able to slow down, that I've let myself slow down and just relax. I've found time to focus on simple things, and to just enjoy the dailiness. (I know, I'm weird, I've been finding comfort in laundry, cleaning, and organzing. But, we knew that, eh?)
I've also been taking up the challenge of using what we have full force. My sweet hubby and I measured out rooms and furniture this past weekend, and I've been having a blast arranging and rearranging to my heart's content (and his, as he doesn't have to move it!). I thought it would be a while before we did any serious moving of the furniture, but then, my amazing hubby announced that it was possible to do it this weekend.
First of all, I'm estatic because he WANTS to do this. Second, as of this weekend, we'll hopefully have a new playroom/family room in the basement, new guestroom (C&A - are you excited?), newish living room, and a rearranged masterbed room - practically a new house in a sense. Third, did I mention my hubby is amazing and wonderful?
Best of all? All it will cost us to do this is the time, and the new dehumidifier we'll need to get for the computers.
How's that for using what you have? Yay!
This summer is the first summer in a long time I've been able to slow down, that I've let myself slow down and just relax. I've found time to focus on simple things, and to just enjoy the dailiness. (I know, I'm weird, I've been finding comfort in laundry, cleaning, and organzing. But, we knew that, eh?)
I've also been taking up the challenge of using what we have full force. My sweet hubby and I measured out rooms and furniture this past weekend, and I've been having a blast arranging and rearranging to my heart's content (and his, as he doesn't have to move it!). I thought it would be a while before we did any serious moving of the furniture, but then, my amazing hubby announced that it was possible to do it this weekend.
First of all, I'm estatic because he WANTS to do this. Second, as of this weekend, we'll hopefully have a new playroom/family room in the basement, new guestroom (C&A - are you excited?), newish living room, and a rearranged masterbed room - practically a new house in a sense. Third, did I mention my hubby is amazing and wonderful?
Best of all? All it will cost us to do this is the time, and the new dehumidifier we'll need to get for the computers.
How's that for using what you have? Yay!
Monday, July 16, 2007
Working with what you have
Have I mentioned, that sometimes it takes me a while to come to a realization/conclusion/or just to grasp certain concepts?
Well in case I didn't, I'm mentioning it now and reminding those of you who are aware.
The best part about it is that I get to embark on a really cool journey of discovery that, though is just plain obvious to others, is completely enthralling to me.
For instance, I realized this weekend why I don't always research things as much as I could (aside from the fact that I work from home while caring for my daughter and looking into homeschooling ideas). Let's just say, it's a family thing. Oh the joy of discovering how my family has influenced me!
In any case, one realization led to another, and by George! The whys of it all became clear while shopping with my mum. (Which, in itself is an experience.)
But, that's just a side note to my post.
We're a pulling in the money belt, buckling up, and reevalutating our life and spending styles. Before this, I could come up with a reason as to why I needed anything (amazingly, my mother is really good at this too!). I had lists of things we planned to buy, and felt bad because I didn't have them. Oh so silly, I know!
This weekend, in reviewing how we can save money, I began creating a list of "needs" (its in quotes because I really don't need anything save for basic food) and wants (like tablecloths for the outdoor tables, a new dinning room set, etc.). Interestingly enough, many of my "needs" turned out to be wants. I also found that some things - like a heater and dehumidifer for the basement are needed in that if we want to make the basement into an office/family room to help with the moisture and keep it warm in winter, so we don't get sick. However, technically, we can just live upstairs if we had to.
But for me, I've managed to come up with solutions I hadn't thought of before. And, it feels really good to get creative with what we have, and to live outside the box, and to just ask for things.
Like I said, sometimes, I'm a little slow. But I don't mind, because it's new to me. And, as a result, I just get really excited. At least I'm enjoying myself and the learning process - right? :)
And the best part? I've got a new support partner on the journey to live a more frugal life. Hi, L!And I'm thinking that I'm going this for the long term. That's the plan for me.
Well in case I didn't, I'm mentioning it now and reminding those of you who are aware.
The best part about it is that I get to embark on a really cool journey of discovery that, though is just plain obvious to others, is completely enthralling to me.
For instance, I realized this weekend why I don't always research things as much as I could (aside from the fact that I work from home while caring for my daughter and looking into homeschooling ideas). Let's just say, it's a family thing. Oh the joy of discovering how my family has influenced me!
In any case, one realization led to another, and by George! The whys of it all became clear while shopping with my mum. (Which, in itself is an experience.)
But, that's just a side note to my post.
We're a pulling in the money belt, buckling up, and reevalutating our life and spending styles. Before this, I could come up with a reason as to why I needed anything (amazingly, my mother is really good at this too!). I had lists of things we planned to buy, and felt bad because I didn't have them. Oh so silly, I know!
This weekend, in reviewing how we can save money, I began creating a list of "needs" (its in quotes because I really don't need anything save for basic food) and wants (like tablecloths for the outdoor tables, a new dinning room set, etc.). Interestingly enough, many of my "needs" turned out to be wants. I also found that some things - like a heater and dehumidifer for the basement are needed in that if we want to make the basement into an office/family room to help with the moisture and keep it warm in winter, so we don't get sick. However, technically, we can just live upstairs if we had to.
But for me, I've managed to come up with solutions I hadn't thought of before. And, it feels really good to get creative with what we have, and to live outside the box, and to just ask for things.
Like I said, sometimes, I'm a little slow. But I don't mind, because it's new to me. And, as a result, I just get really excited. At least I'm enjoying myself and the learning process - right? :)
And the best part? I've got a new support partner on the journey to live a more frugal life. Hi, L!And I'm thinking that I'm going this for the long term. That's the plan for me.
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