My One Thing

So, I've been thinking about this, a lot since my first post on it. What is my one thing? I started thinking about what my likes are, what I'm drawn to, etc. And, well, I'm coming out with an awareness about myself I believe I've been denying. Which, ties into this post interestingly enough, involving who I am.

Over the last few years, I've become a bit more logical, a bit more grounded in reality. It's been good, and fascinating, and has changed me. I've never really been grounded in reality to the extent I have been these last few years. I wouldn't consider myself to be a logical person, actually a part of me rebels against logic and rationalism. Though I've wanted to be these things, because they makes sense and can be proven, and easily defended most times. And yet, all I can say, is that many times it doesn't "feel" right.

If you met me many years ago, I'd have told you that "everything happens for a reason", just "let go and let god", karma is real, and that "everything is working out for the greater good", oh, and that yes, you definitely create your own reality via your thoughts. I'd also tell you, "I go by how it feels." I'm still on the wall with a few of these things, and I now totally understand why I got such crazy looks when I spouted these words off to others who didn't believe them. They were my truth, my center, my light and my comfort. And then, one day, someone in my life pointed out some things, and suddenly, I wasn't so sure anymore. I wasn't so sure about god either.

I'm digressing; I know.

I used to make most of my decisions based on how I felt. And, when I didn't, I ended up feeling bad. Feelings - as in sensations and emotions, have always been a large part of my life and my enjoyment of life. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized just how intertwined feelings are in my life. So, what is my one thing? Feeling, no, maybe a better word would be Sensual (as in basking in the senses).

I enjoy the various textures of materials. Give me soft sheets and fabric to wrap up in. My house is strewn with pillows and blankets. With the exception of the kitchen, I think I've pillows in every room actually...

I enjoy how I feel when I touch a fabric, or when I find a certain color or pattern that can only be described as yummy. Oh, how I love the calmness I feel when I see a color like khaki/sage green! Or the vivid color and scent of lavender! Pictures can stir within various sensations for me. I love how I feel when I complete a sewing project, or while I'm stitching.

I don't just look at certain things - I feel them. My grandmother's chairs feel soft and velvety, and enable me to feel her and think about her - even though she's not with me. Her crocheted blanket is the same way, and now I've her old outdoor table and chairs that are hard and firm metal, and stir emotions in me.

Oh, and food? I love chai lattes (both taste and texture) with peanut butter on toasted Ezekiel bread for breakfast. Or vanilla yogurt with fresh berries? Yum. Give me a pomegranate, and I am in heaven with the taste and texture. I love digging out the ruby red seeds (oh what color!) and feeling the crunchy squish followed by the sweet tartness - Oh how all of my senses just dance!

I love the taste of my friend Linda's homemade bread. She serves it with salad and cheese (usually), and it is heaven. It doesn't feel or taste the same if I'm not at the farm, and with her. I think it's because when I'm there, I'm not just enraptured with the taste and textures and scenery, but her love. And, I adore the feeling of love and feeling loved.

I read books, especially ones that leave me feeling good, peaceful, inspired, or blissful. And I like to read, because I like how it feels to hold a book and look at the words and just sit with it. I love reading outside, where I can feel the breeze and hear the wind chimes, and feel the sun.

When I watch a movie or video, if it moves me, it is because I feel it. I will cry if I am moved to it - be it because it is inspiring, loving, hopeful, or horrible. My heart aches along with the heart broken, sings along with the hopeful, and routes for the underdog. Whether it be watching an autistic student who was let on the team at the last minute and scores, to an underdog who's appearance only enhanced the voice, to the lady love of a native American warrior who jumps off the cliff after he was pushed rather than stay with the chieftain who claimed her - oh yeah. I'm feeling it, and crying my eyes out.

And then there are massages... oh. sweet. heaven. A massage of any kind? Bring it on! You can bet that I'm not only basking in how I feel; I'm taking in the feel of the sheets on the table as well the scent of the room and the sweet music. I absorb it all like a sponge. When I'm lucky enough to get hubby to rub my feet, or play with my hair - I bliss out.

I enjoy how I feel when I eat home cooked food versus store bought. I like the feeling of dancing to music, letting my body move to the beat, moving by feel. Before I fall asleep, I'm focused on the soft feel of the sheets and pillow, listening to the rhythm of hubby's (and sometimes the Pook's) breathing, and just basking in that moment of being and feeling and sensing it all. I like the feel of my husband's arms around me, his tender kisses, or when he looks at me and I can feel his love.

Heaven is present in my children, whom I breathe in and hold so close to me, for I know that "this too shall pass." I like to sometimes just sit and breathe and feel - the warm sun on my face, the wind blowing, the warmth and taste of hot tea or a cold drink. I enjoy experiencing events and people based on how they feel to me because I can jump in and absorb it all.

And not only do I enjoy feeling and being sensual - I like to create a sensual environment for others. When you come to my home, I aim for my guests to feel comforted, cared for, and wanted. Come for a meal, and you can bet that I (and my helpers) enjoyed setting the table, picking out music and cloth napkins, and creating a set mood.

I like inspring people feel good about themselves, and I like to help people connect with the joy, the love, being grateful and feeling wanted or needed. It's so much more when everyone feels the joy.

So, yeah, my one thing is Sensual. Definitely.