So easily I forget...

Lately, I have wondered, what is my life's purpose? Maybe, it's to share my gift of being able to see the gifts in things. Maybe, it's being a good friend. Maybe, it's my ability to inspire others.

I keep forgetting the really big one. That I'm a mom. I'm not just a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), I'm a work-at-home mom (WAHM). And not only do I work at home, I home school.

In a conversation with hubby last night, I'd been feeling down, as we've been dealing with illness and a few other things on our plates. I was feeling overwhelmed, longing to throw away every thing and start anew, doubting myself and my abilities, feeling a bit lost.

I've gotten lost in the clutter of my house. Clutter can be controlled to an extent. A house can be cleaned, and you know and can see the result. If you don't have clutter, you're life is simpler!

I have gotten lost in the worries about a future that's not here. You don't know how your children are going to be in 10 years, or the world for that matter.

I've a tendency to compare myself a lot. Am I doing enough of this? Maybe I should be doing that? Oh! This looks like it's working for them, so maybe we need to try it. Am I being a good enough mother, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law, friend? (I think I'm a pretty good wife, so I don't question that one.) Am I saving the earth, eating well, being all that I can be?

I've forgotten something important. I am who I am, and there is only one me, and one of my family. And I need to figure out what works best for US. Not everyone else. And yet, it's so easy to get caught up in the pretty pictures of magazines and blogs to see what your house/life "could"(should?) look like.

I have striven for a simple life. And yet, let's be real, choosing to home school and working from home does not simplify things. It adds to the paper work every year. It adds to the clutter. It takes up space in the house and in my head. And it takes up time, because I need to plan around my work schedule. At the same time, it allows me to live the life that I choose. It's also easy to forget when I hear about SAHMs doing this... and I want to try it forgetting that I work; that my life is not theirs.

And I'm not the only one who's been or gotten lost. I am ready to find myself again though.