Thoughts

I sit here, way past my bedtime, adding thoughts to this screen. I should be sleeping, as I'm an early morning lass and my sweet angel of a daughter's been ill and in need of Momma's nurturing comfort (i.e. wrapping her arms around my neck, burying her head in my chest, wraping my own arms around her, and lying there while watching the room). Hubby gets up for work about 5 am (sometimes earlier) depending on our sweet lil' one or how well he sleeps.

Ironically, there was a time when he'd do anything for those extra 5 minutes of sleep in the morning, but now, he seems to realize the value of that early morning alone time. There really is something to being up before the sun rises, basking in the silence of the darkness. As though darkness is silent . ;)

Who am I? That's a good question with a plethora of answers summed up with, "I am me" at the moment. Actually, if you really want to know, I have many parts: there's the ME, muse, mother, wife, spirit, soul, teacher, mentor, webdesigner (sort of, I dabble in it and put up basic stuff), retreat facilitator, creator, writer, and of course, none of this is in any particular order, because honey, I change my mind and moods at will. Just so you know.

I've chosen the name Playful Grace, because that was a name given to me by someone a long time ago. I didn't think anything of it at the time. In fact, I thought it was rather ridiculous, but then, that seemed to go with my arrogance of the age. Now that I've crossed from maidenhood to motherhood - things are seen in a different light.

This name has come to mean much more, as I'm at a point in my life where I'm not sure what fun is anymore. It used to be friendly competition (no longer my thing), flirting with men (so married now), dancing (the club thing and clingy guys - no thank you!), and other things that slip away as my minds begs for sleep.

So now I'm on a quest as to whether or not the name fits. Am I playful? Am I graceful? To many extents I think I can be, and there are times when I am. But to take a name like this, now that I see the beauty and strength in it, requires a bit of excavation on my part.

Ah, and the otter part? Well... that's the interesting part. You see that's what gave me the name. The Otter is one of my totems, and, well, they are indeed very playful creatures.

So, join the exploration. Input welcome I suppose.

I don't know how deep this will go, but, I'm willing to give it a shot.