Oh, to breathe again!

It's it really Thursday? Where has the week gone? Oh, yes... let's see working, working, a lunch that turned into a 4 hour excursion, a brief visit from a distraught friend who's found love again at the again of 65 only to find out her fiance' has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor that is still growing and seems to be ready to pass on, a 5 hour trip (3 of it driving) to go to a Children's hospital and find out "Da Pook" is doing fine and dandy, Da Pook wanting play and Mommy time, phone calls to soften the blow that I told one person about dissolving B instead of both people at the same time only to hear about how this said person is feeling unloved and unwanted... and... and...

Whew!

It's taught me many, many valuable things this week:

1. I'm SO glad I'm letting go of B.

2. I need to plan my weekly excursions and when I do work a little better.

3. I'm so looking forward to just letting go, decluttering, and releasing that which no longer benefits me or brings me happiness.

4. I want more family time Dammit!

5. Some people truely and honestly believe that people have the power to "make" them feel a certain way. Dude - you SO choose this. Yes, someone might make a comment about something that might hurt your feelings, but it all boils down to the person who made the comment having the issue.

For instance, take blurbs from my latest conversation:

This from the person "S" on other end of the phone:

You know, I know X is going through a hard time with her boyfriend having a brain tumor, but she makes me feel so unwanted and unimportant. You know, she makes these comments that are so mean. I know she's going through a lot, but some of the things she says... *list of sins X has apparently commited according to S*...

Thankfully, I was able to be compassionate and listen to S, who clearly has very low self worth and a desire to be important and needed. Of course, I just listened, because I wasn't sure what to say.

I don't understand why, when in a relationship, some people seem to feel that it's up to the other person to make them happy. If this is the case, that's a large burden for both partners or friends. When you look at the issues in relationships today, a lot of issues arise from expectations that haven't been met. I know, because I used to expect hubby to know what I wanted. Of course, I also knew that he wasn't a mind-reader.

Being married, I've learned many things:

1. Spell things out. People aren't mind readers. I've since learned that it's best for me to pick certain things out that I know I like. Or, provide hubby with a link and a *strong hint* that I like something.

2. Only you can make you happy. Other people might help you feel happy, but no one is responsible for your happiness but you. Plus, when I do things that make me happy, it makes my relationship with hubby even better, because there is less pressure on him.

3. Know thy partner; and accept it. I learned very quickly that my beloved hubby is not one of those hubby's that does the flower and chocolate things. Oh, he has done this, but it's not an often thing, and usually, lately if I want flowers I buy them myself, or make a comment like "Honey, I want flowers. Now." (This is usually made in the store while grocery shopping.) Most times I just look at them wistfully.

Now, before I got married, I had it all figured out. I wanted a hubby who'd romance me with flowers, fancy dinners, dancing, parties, back rubs, love letters... Luckily I'm not really a jewelry person. I learned very fast after I was married that hubby wasn't into that stuff. He'll dance with me if we're at a wedding together; and sometimes when we are at home. I do get flowers when I ask. He doesn't like parties (and people on occasion), and writing (and the back rubs *sigh*) hurts his hands.

So, I had a choice. Were these things really important? No, not really. I like them, but they aren't the reasons why I married him. My hubby does other things - he talks to me and listens, we can let each other know when we are upset with one another. We share hopes and dreams. He does laundry, helps me clean, he's an awesome dad, he loves to cuddle, he cooks, he does enjoy eating out at good restaurants, he's very supportive of me taking time out for myself, he's kind and loving, and all of the other things I could want in a hubby. And sometimes he does surprise me with flowers, a back rub, or something else I wasn't expecting.

While I was on the phone with S last night (her and X are roommates and share a business together), I realized that she knows exactly how X is, and what X is dealing with. Yet, she still gets mad at X for not living up to S's expectations. Hmmm... that's something to think about, eh?
The beauty of my relationship with hubby, and in the last few years my friendships, is that I'm learning to accept them for who they are, and to grow from that. Last night on the phone, I could've pointed out to S what X was going through, and that some people might interpret S's rampage against X as being quite selfish. But I was able to see past that, to a very scared and frightened 70-yr-old, who's spent her life being unworthy and longing for compassion from others.

I keep wondering what would happen if S learned to respect and honor herself. If she stopped taking X's comments so personally, and respected that X is dealing with a HUGE event in her life. But then, S is S. And I don't think she'll change. I am able to accept S, for who she is. But, I'm also able to honor myself enough to know that I'm not responsible for S's happiness, and that I have the choice to put some space there. (Which I have been doing, and which she's probably been picking up on.)

You see, if you don't accept your partner, there will be issues. Not everyone is willing to change (S), though some people are. But if you are choosing to commit to a lifetime together, I reccomend the art of acceptance. The beauty too, is that even when you accept someone for who they are, you don't have to like it. There are some people I don't enjoy being around, so, I just choose not to spend time with them. That's the beauty of choice.

Ah... seems as though I've missed my time here. It's good to be back. I only hope it all makes sense. Although, I'm sure it gives a good picture of what's been going on here the last few days.

And now... Da Pook would like my attention.