Does anyone else ever feel a bit of a "let-down" after Christmas is over? All the hub-bub for one day, and then, it's back in the saddle until New Year's Eve.
Oi.
I remember how I used to love the holiday, not only because of the presents, but because of the week off in between. And, with my job, even though I am a teacher, just in a different environment, I no longer have that option. Yes, I know, I at least get to work from home, but there was a certain magic of having that time off in between. It was a time to settle in, or go out spending that Christmas money that you got at the malls during the week.
This year though, things feel different. Yesterday, as Da Pook was opening her presents, I was deeply saddened. You see, the last few days, she's been getting gifts each day from my ILs. And, as she goes to play with one, she's given another. Then, yesterday, my heart sunk, as I watched her try to play with one toy, only to have another gift shoved on her. And, then later on in the day, while I was resting, I heard her ask for more presents.
I could hear my heart "thud". The very thing I'd been dealing with myself, and wishing to avoid, has happened. She now associates the holiday with gifts. I just let myself lay there and feel sad. I realized, I have several options:
* post limits on the gifts from the grandparents, thus stirring up contention and in a way, ruining their version of Christmas
* ask people not to get gifts (however, they don't listen anyway)
* as my hubby said, just forgo the holidays altogether. (yeah, right)
So what are your thoughts? I'm feeling I should leave it be, and just be grateful she's got grandparents that love her.
I'm torn, but I also realize, that I can't control every aspect of what my dear lil one is exposed to. She's going to face the real world eventually, and I can only do so much. But it broke my heart, reliving my own childhood, when the same thing happened. And then came the days when I just wanted the presents, forget about enjoying them, I just wanted more.
*Sigh*
Ah well, it provides a wonderful opportunity to practice gratitude, grace, and love. Right?
Merry Christmas.
4 comments:
I wish I knew the answer to this one. But watching my nephews makes me wonder... Doubtful if it were to happen, but if I had kids there would be limits. I don't care if they pouted and complained, but they wouldn't get everything under the sun.
I haven't bought my nephews a gift, well a toy, since they were born. The results? They don't notice nor care that Uncle Phil has been stiffing them.
The other results is what you saw at my parents house yesterday. Younger nephew would pick up one toy, and 10 feet away have dropped it for something else. Then there are toys strewn about without care because there are so many to play with. He generally gets his way, ingores his parents, and plays with whatever is shinest at that moment. Why? (my mom's reaction- "Oh, he's just having fun..." Um, mom, he does this where ever he goes)
Because he can.
I don't see limits, I don't see gratatude... then again I don't remember feeling very grateful growing up. I realize now that I didn't many toys at all for birthdays and Christmas. But that was me, and I really played the heck out of the toys I did get. Now-a-days my 5 year old nephew has a portable gaming system... and more Star Wars action figures than you could possibly hope for.
What I do know, I doubt I will buy them a toy any time in thier childhood. They are spoiled rotten.
I say "Go You!" Uncle Phil.
Today, I spent time with my precious nephew. We'd bought him a toy (that he already had), some clothes, and a book.
He had TWO GARBAGE bags FULL of TOYS. My SIL said that she was going to return a bunch of them.
I know that I wasn't grateful growing up, and that's something I'd like to instill in our daughter, especially because I ONLY just realized that I wasn't as appreciative or grateful as I could be, and since I have been moreso, it's been literally life-changing.
You know what I found to be really sad today. Da Pook didn't want to go and visit family, but as soon as I asked her if she wanted presents (to purposely see her reaction), she was raring to go.
I could go off on this, but I hate how people just seem to encourage consumerism and materialism with kids. I mean, what's the deal? Why do we need to give in and give so much excess? Blah.
The whole thing sickens me.
I can only hope, that not much damage has been done, and give the grandparents shorter lists next year, but still.
I am torn, because I know it brings them joy to buy her stuff, and I don't want to be the control freak mommy. But there is one part of me, that wishes she'd just lay off.
I suppose, to some extent, however, I just really need to trust my daughter, and do the best I can.
ah well... brain and thoughts getting mushy now. Must get some sleep.
Instead of toys, ask your relatives to donate to a "college fund" or some such, so that they're contributing, but not to the problem.
Of course, such embargos on presents should not be applicable to Canadian gift givers ;)
- canadian penguin
Great topic!
The trick, I would imagine, is to try and understand what happened to *us* to change our focus. And some of it may just be age. If we were like that as children and yet turned out OK, chances are that pattern will be preserved in our offspring.
I see too many people who never learned, as children or adults, how to handle abbundance correctly. Great mounds of gifts are opportunities to share, to be grateful, and to prioritize. There are also few times in our lives, sans that lottery I keep losing, when we will feel overwelmingly sated with material objects. It *is* something best "gotten past" as a child -- been there, done that, had my turn.
The flip, spartan side isn't always the cure. I know a few people who grew up with very little financially. Did it make them apreciate the intangibles more? No. It made them selfish hoarders.
Spoiling a child rotten has absolutely nothing to do with presents. It is an emotional spoiling and if any of us are aware enough to be concerned about it then we are in tuned enough to avoid that kind of emotional damage to our own.
Anyway, my 8 cents. Nice bog.
-Ed
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