Letting go of some mental clutter

I spent a good part of last night writing one of those letters you write to not send, but to get your thoughts in order and say all those things you'd never say to a person's face, usually because that person wouldn't understand or would take it the wrongs way, etc.

I was going to post it here, but after a short but powerful conversation with a dear friend (Hi R!) last night, I don't need to. Just telling him about it, having him listen and understand why I needed to write it, and explaining the situtation was enough.

So, dearest R, THANK YOU! And, sorry you don't get to read it, but you already got the jist of it. ;)

The best part, is that the people I was writing the letter too, well, I've had my own issues with over the past, especially in regards to one particular incident. And every now and then, something will flare up, and I realize that I need to deal with this issue on another level, and then I can let it go.

Hubby, who really doesn't care about the situation, doesn't understand why the whole thing was such an issue for me. I think it's great that it doesn't bother him and he can just brush it off, and it isn't an issue for him, but sometimes, I'm discovering new things I didn't know, and need to deal with.

Today, I was blessed to exchange emails that helped me to clearly see, that when someone is truly comfortable and confident when following his or her heart, it really doesn't matter what others think or say about the matter, because you know it to be true and right for you. I've been in this place of confidently knowing how I feel, and not needing to defend it. A smile and a simple No are hard to argue with. :)

How does this apply to the situation? Because I realized that dag nabit - my feelings were hurt. And yes, there were a lot of things that could've or should've been. The thing is that I didn't realize it, nor did I want to admit that my feelings were hurt. One, because I don't believe that people hurt your feelings, I believe you allow them to hurt your feelings because you are taking it personally. (For instance, if some one comments negatively about my parenting skills, I laugh it off, because I know in my heart, I'm doing what's best for our family and child.)

So, you can see, admiting my feelings were hurt meant accepting responsibility. What to do? Let it go, and realize that maybe things could've been different, and that maybe I don't know the whole story. And that's all okay.

Besides, just the admission and confession of the letter I wanted to write, made me feel SO much better. I have to laugh though, because there was a time when I'd write off those letters and not think twice about sending them. He he... thankfully, I've gotten wiser in my age and give myself 24-48 hours before doing anything.