Lady Tigress

That is how I feel after this week. We've finally got a diagnosis with Squeak as to why she isn't eating solid foods. She's got sensory issues, and needs to be in Birth - 3. I'm not sure what happened this week; perhaps it's the year's events building up and I'm reaping the gifts. Maybe, it's that this momma has had enough.

My child will eat. Allergies or not, I'm going to fight this and will see it through.

The whole experience has been interesting, as has this year for that matter. It's been interesting to see who's offered support, who's really reached out to be there for us, and who truly cared about what we were going through. We've a clear view of who gets it (and us) and who doesn't.

In the beginning, I felt small and scared, tender and raw. And then, a wave of love and friendship surrounded me, lifted me up, and helped to hold me together. I didn't have to ask. I didn't have to tell someone what I needed - they just knew. I didn't worry about being compared, about not doing enough. And now? I've gone from the scared-hiding in the shell (so I don't get hurt) hermit crab, to an elegant Tigress.

Reclaiming my power? Perhaps. Having a good day? It could be that too. Or maybe it's the final inspiration and encouragement from a good friend who's found himself, and isn't afraid to follow his intuition.

I feel as though I'm coming back to myself in many ways. That I'm accepting the darker parts of me, that I'd labeled "unacceptable" because others thought they were. Those parts I denied, tried to rub out and change, or hide. But beneath it all - they are a part of who I am.

In the past, seeing these bits has caused me to try and cover up, dive deep into my shell to hide them. My confidence crashed as I allowed these bits to be picked apart, dissected, and displayed before me. Everyone has dark parts, just as everyone has light parts.

I no longer have the urge to shriek out, "This is who I am - and it's okay!" Instead, I smile quietly, knowing, that I am enough. I am amazing. And most of all - I am loved. And I know, that those reading this who love me, are probably smiling right now.

And those of you who knew this Tigress before the tender hermit crab stage of the last few years, are probably cheering and shouting, "That's the girl we know!" (And thank you for those of you who've told me in person.) ;)

I'm not sure how long this feeling will last. I'd like to think I've gotten over that hump, that I've found a new me. As two wise friends have reminded me - life goes in cycles. So I'm taking baby steps. I'm delegating. I'm recruiting backup.

And I'm enjoying this feeling.