A good night's sleep...

does wonders for the soul. and produces more random babbles.

Yesterday I was a bit off. Ended up staying up until 2 am Sunday night, unable to sleep. Today, I'm feeling much better about things in general. I'm not sure why I was feeling so sad, as, I don't often have bouts like that, but today, I'm feeling much lighter.

Every so often, something pops up in my life, be it something I haven't fully dealt with from my past, or some fear about the future. I think that's part of being human. If you don't have fears, or think about the past, you're considered to be enlightened. :) And, I'm not quite there yet. :)

Though I'm usually pretty good about staying in the present, I still have my moments, and this weekend was one of them. But, I really feel as though I'm getting ready to go through another transition. (Only because I usually have these moments right before I have an "OHMYGODTHAT'SWHATITIS!!!!!" moment. Which, I can start to sense that I'm onto some neat discovery about myself, usually one that those close to me already know, and I'm just slow in getting it. Just ask my husband. )

So, in that case, and in that new light, I'm looking forward to see what it's all about. Last night while chatting with the hubby in bed, I discovered I was also feeling a lot of anger towards some people in my life, but mostly myself. In talking, I discovered that the answer was in figuring the source of my anger.

What was interesting, is that I was projecting my anger onto two people that I felt were being disrepectful and pulling me into their dramas. *Screech to a halt* Yeah, I know, well aware that we aren't not pulled into dramas. In many cases people create dramas, then try to pull people into them, but let's be honest - a person willingly enters a drama. So, I got even madder when I realized that I was doing the same thing.

I mean, damn, it's so much easier to blame someone else for them "making you angry" or "pulling you into something", when, in reality, you make a choice. We've always got a choice, even if it's only in how we react to the situation.

So, last night, I was able to remove myself from the situation, and realize - it has nothing to do with me. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to listen to "suggestions" from one person who's going out of town, that her roommate would need extra care during that time. At first, I was ticked off, because she's always asking me to care for and do nice things for this other person, who, according to track record only takes and takes. You've got to personally invite her to things, or she'll get upset. If you don't feed her ego and tell her how much you love her, you aren't a good friend. She's always the vitim, etc. etc. I'm going to stop here.

What I will say though, is that last night, I realized, that I was enabling both of them. These two gals have been having major issues from day one, and instead of dealing with them, they try to suck others into it. And I LET myself get suckered. God I hate admitting that. But it feels good, because now I can step back and let them deal with it.

So today, I'm just feeling better, and not angry. I'm not sad anymore either, but I am still a little "off" for lack of a better word.

Hope everyone else is having a great day.