Is this a secret?

Someone asked me today if my parents read my blog, or my ILs... Not to my knowledge is the answer. Although if you are family, and do - let me know! ;)

So, this led me to think about why. Well, because I think that some people's feelers might be hurt. Here I write to just get my thoughts and feelings out there for me mostly. They are jumbled, rambled, sometimes a mess, and they change! And, it's actually quite healing for me. I've been told I've got a "strong personality", and I suppose I do to the extent that I'm not much for a double s kissing. I have been known to lash out when my ego's been bruised (and I am working on that). Thus, I've only let certain peeps know about this lil blogsphere of mine.

If I complement you - it's real. If I'm grateful for you and appreciative you are in my life, I let you know. If I don't like you, it'll probably be pretty obvious because I won't want to be around you (although I'd like to think I'm rather civil about it - which should be your main clue most of the time, ;) And, if I have issues, I usually just bring them up, probably pretty bluntly (save for with those people who've made it clear they'd rather dance and prance around the issue, and in that case I may or may not try to be more gentle about it - or, I just blog it here until I decide to address it. ;)

Oh, and I haven't always been this way, only in the last few years, when I realized it saves so much time to just put your cards on the table and clear up the mess. And lately, I'm all for saving time, getting to the meat of the matter, and moving on with life.

In any case, at first I was concerned with why I choose to keep anonymity with the certain people. But, now, I'm not. If they find it - oh well, it is out there. I don't censor it, and I'd welcome chat about it. I think having it out here, is a validation that it is out here. And, those who love me for me, recognize that I'm growing and learning each day. I'm not the same person I was last year, or the year before, because I'm choosing to learn and grow from my experiences.

And now, I'm in this realm of self-acceptance and discovery that's just been amazing... I know that I'm okay. I am me... I ramble, I change my mind (a lot), I've got and ego (*gasp!* who doesn't?) I used to seek approval and now I'm finding that self-approval is more realistic and more fulfilling. And I'm changing and growing.

And those who love me for me, have been embracing and encouraging this, giddly clapping along on occasion! And those who don't love me, don't. And there's nothing I can do about it -- and I'm okay with this. (Today anyway!) At least I can be grateful for the life lessons I've gained from them, and for the fact that when they exhale - they feed the plants. ;)