Last night, Hubby and I were discussing the posts on my blog.
"So, do you think it's an ego and pride thing with them? Because I really don't know what fueled this thing with them - again."
Ouch.
I love my husband. I adore my husband. Especially because we can have conversations like this. I thought about what he said. And yup, he was right. And yeah, it twinged!
I can't believe I'm admitting this in writing for my little world of readers to see - but I am. Yes, when I thought it out, I realized that it was ego and pride. I was upset with them because they weren't doing what I wanted them to do. I wanted a strong, expanded familial unit; right now, they are focusing on their own little familial unit.
Hey, that actually felt good admitting "out loud". In fact, today, I'm feeling really good about the whole thing. Because once I realized it was my ego and pride that were hurt,I was able to see them, really, truly see them for who they are - and to accept them.
And, to accept myself in the process.
Wow. Powerful stuff.
They are very different from us. And, after talking with L yesterday about how in some families, blood is thicker than water, but in others, it's not, I just realized that in this case - blood is not thicker than water.
As soon as I made the connection, I felt the sweet bliss of freedom. Freedom from playing the "good" SIL to keep peace with people who may well not want peace. Freedom to stop worrying about my BIL and how he's changed and his relationship with Pook. Freedom to realize I can be indifferent right now - I don't have to keep the peace, be nice to them, hate them, be angry with them, continue to give energy to a situation that clearly doesn't need any - I can just let them be who they are, and live in their little world - just as I live in mine.
This may not be big news to everyone, and blessed are those already aware of this. But for me, this is big news. Now, whenever I start to have angry thoughts, I just say to myself, "Ego and Pride, Grace. Ego and Pride." And it's amazing how I can just stop the self-righteous thoughts.
Ego and pride are indeed tied into self-righteousness and expectations(well, mine at least!). It's my ego and pride that gets hurt when I am forced to face responsibility for thoughts (particularly self-righteous ones) about others. It's my ego and pride that enjoys being right, and better, and "above" others. When people, things, or what-have-yous don't meet our expectations - it's the ego and pride - is it not?
Fact is, we're all in this together, aren't we? We're just on different paths, in different worlds, with different expectations. And I think that all seems to come back to the fact, that there is no one way.
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