Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Thinking about doing some truly radical...

Okay, I must admit that I'm inspired by Ed's most recent posting (See "A big thank you" from Feb 8). After seeing "Last Holiday" and Ed's post about celebrating because you can, (and, he SO has a reason - congrats again!!!) and life being too short...

I feel like I'm getting this message hammered into my head. I mean, am I really LIVING my life? Or, am I just hoarding up in my home hiding from it?

I've got this desire, this potent urge, to just go through and get rid of a ton of stuff. What if I did what my one friend did, and sold everything save for basics to travel? Or, my other friends, one of whom used to have only 3 plastic tubs of stuff, a suitcase, and a carry-on bag.

You see, I live in the middle of a lifestyle between my mother (grew up Depression era care of grandma) hoards everything (just in case) and Flylady (where you keep only what you love and use). Over the past 5 years, (when I first found Flylady) I've managed to declutter my clothes so that they only fill half the bedroom closet (and, it's NOT a walk in) and 3 big drawers in the triple dresser, plus a few coats in the coat closet, when it used to fill half the closet, all of the closet in the pook's room, and the coat closet, and the one in the study.

So, right about now, I've released a lot of mateiral items, and with these items, a lot of emotional baggage and mental stuff.

But lately, I've wanted to get rid of more, but, I'm afriad to. I'm love books. I've got a ton of books. I've got boxes of books in the basement to hold on to for pook when she gets older, because I want to homeschool her. I've got a binder of dream house stuff. I've got a binder of tidbits on keeping your house (what to check seasonally, etc.) that I never refer to. I've got several binders of my writings from the past, that I plan to go back and revise. (I used to want to be a writer.)

I've got some old glass jars I've saved for craft projects, among other silly little baubles. I've got a study closet filled with art supplies for me and pook, extra notebooks, looseleaf, binders, etc. I've got books on basic HTML, books of reference for work, books that look gorgeous, but I've never read. Yet, I hold onto this stuff, because I might need it someday.

And yet, I wonder... if I got rid of this stuff, would it matter? Would I free myself from the guilt of not writing anymore? Should I get rid of the box of costume and party stuff, or save it for when Pook gets older?

Sometimes, sometimes, I want to do something radical, and just shed it all and start over. To not have to worry about stuff. To live a simple life, off in a 2 or three room cabin somewhere, focusing on growing fresh veggies in the warm months, and settling in with books in the cold months.

Having a child, of course, brings more stuff into your life. Because then, you've got toys, clothes, and a plethora of other little things.

I keep wondering if we had a smaller house, would we have less stuff, or more stuff in smaller space? Hubby wants to get a bigger house for the next kiddo, and I've got to tell you, I've got concerns that a bigger house would lead to more stuff. And, I love my hubby, but we both have issues with getting rid of certain things.

What is it that we really need? Obviously, I'm longing for simplicity again. (I've tendency of simplyfiying my life, and then some how accumulating more projects when I'm not looking. ARgh.)

Ah, and then, I look back on all of this, and realize that I'm caught up in the "what might happens", eh? Well that, and I think I've just discovered I'm rather obsessed with my house. Blarg. I'm not sure if I like that. But, considering I'm in it, everyday, for practically 24 hours a days (save a few days here and there). Oh God... I gotta get out more!

I think though, after looking at this, that my big "wonder" is what can I let go of in my life? What are the necessaries, versus the unecessaries? In other words, what am I holding onto, that I don't need to. I mean, do I really need to have all these websites listed in my favorites that I never check, and don't enjoy, but that I use to help me procrastinate from work?

Hmmm.... thoughts on this?

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

In need of comfort - send more chocolate!!!

I have had the most blastedly bloodyweek - and Tuesday's not even over yet! I know I should be focusing on joy, but lately, me desire has been comfort. Pure, unadulterated comfort. You know, the kind you find from downing a batch of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, or brownies, warmed and gooey from the oven.

Yesterday we missed Da Pooks play date. I was feeling fine in the morning, even made it through the weekend, but yesterday, about 9:30 am, my cold caught up with me complete with fuzzy head and nose so stuffed I couldn't breathe. Let me tell you now, that when you are a mom who stays home with your baby, and you are sick, you can just forget about getting any rest.

All I wanted to do was sleep and feel better. And, chocolate of course. I think being in my PJs from the weekend didn't help that notion, but, I was to tired to change. So, I succumbed to letting her watch a video tape of Noggin (she calls it "Moose"), and laid down, only to have her crawling all over me, and sticking her little butt in my face, pulling my hair, and finally settling in to sit on my head.

I almost bit through my tongue, because for the first time ever, I was mad. All I wanted, all I needed was a little bit of a rest, and all she did was torture me. Then, hubby comes home, and I'm freaked because I didn't get the lasagne in the over in time, only to realize he was early (thank God!), and by then, all I wanted was more chocolate, a good nap, and a good cry.

I ended up with a hot shower, snug flannel PJs, and proped up in bed working on a labtop, with DH actually staying up next to me to keep me company. I did let myself sleep in at least this morning.

So today, Da pook and I are still sniffly and stuffy, but I'm using my essential oil diffuser with Eucalyptus and Red Thyme oils to help us breathe better. And, thankfully, though Da Pook is still cranky, and I'm still a little bit cranky, we're doing better today. I was at least able to get laundry and some work done.

I hate getting thrown off routines, and I'm not fond of getting sick, especially because since I'm a mom, I don't feel I've a right to be sick (yes, I'm fully aware of how ridiculous that sounds, but it's a mom thing, that I'm just not sure how to explain). So, when I get sick, I never really give myself a chance to rest and recover, usually because I've also got to do my work, take care of Da Pook, and try to get stuff done around the house.

That being said, I'm quite grateful that I'm feeling better now. I really am. And, I'm hoping that I'm feeling even more better tomorrow.

Oh, and on the plus side, I discovered, that if you shred a piece of Dove Dark Chocolate (the one's with a cute little message like, "Today is a bubble bath day") over about 3 cups of warm popcorn (I use microwaved, but would LOVE to have an air popper), it totally satisfies that sweet-buttery-salty craving. Mmmm.... chocolate popcorn.

Hmmm... might just have to go and make me another bowl!

Friday, February 03, 2006

Ah... Bliss

The weekend has officially started. There's nothing like finishing up work, and being ready to embrace the weekend. And, since we ran errands today, I've absolutley nothing planned. Although, I've been getting a craving to go out and do something on my own.

Before I was married, I'd go to the maul by myself, or groceryshopping, even take myself out to dinner. I've never been to a movie by myself, but I hear that you should do it at least once for the experience.

Once we got married, we fell into the routine of grocery shopping together on Saturday mornings, going to the maul on occasion (where I live, that's the big thing), an occasional picnic, and eating out. Da Pook accompanies us on most of these excursions. But lately, lately I've felt that desire to drive out and do something on my own. Thus providing bonding time for hubby (the homebody) and Da Pook, and giving me time to browse, walk around, and just enjoy the atmosphere.

So, I'm looking for other ideas of what I can do on my own. I'm thinking of taking a day once a month to go out and explore on my own. Sort of like taking myself on a date for the day. Here are some ideas that I'd like to do:

* go to a movie, in the theater
* have lunch or dinner on the back deck of the French restaurant I love
* go to the maul
* explore a local artstore
* explore downtown (which isn't much, but is cute)
* go to the library to explore
* explore some of the store I haven't had a chance to browse through with hubby and kid in tow
* ...?

What do you suggest? What would you (or do you) do on your own and "treat" yourself to?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Funny tidbits about me in fives...

This in in regards to a few questions from a certain someone, who as promised, shall remain anon. However, also as promised, my answers (and dag, these were tougher than I thought!!)

5 Things most people don't know about me
1 I like Elvis, and listen to his music.
2 I enjoy writing snail mail letters to my grandmothers
3 I don't like watching movies in the theater; but I'll watch them at home (where I can watch them from the end, to middle, to beginning skipping around)
4 I love old comedy movies with starts like Shirley MacLaine, Dan Kaye
5 In the same day I can be passionately moved by a classical baroque piece, and within 5 minutes I've a passion for a hardcore techno beat.

5 Things I enjoy doing
1 Reading good books
2 Dancing by moonlight, round a bonfire, to drums
3 Getting a good massage
4 Swimming in an outdoor pool during the summer
5 Zoning out to good music, and letting my imagination run free

5 Things I really want to do
1 Take a train through Europe
2 Do one of those murder mystery train rides
3 Live a month in Italy and Greece
4 Live a month along a beach or a cove in Maine or Taiwan
5 Have lunch with Oprah Winfrey

5 Things I love to eat
1 Really, really good chocolate
2 Pomegrantes
3 Chevre, especially warmed on white bread
4 Any of the soups at the nearby French Restaurant
5 Moist, delicious chocolate cake with a light and fluffy buttercream icing

5 Things I love to drink
1 Water (Um, yes, really)
2 Chai Lattes
3 Bengal Spice Tea
4 A smooth, sweet red wine
5 Mexican hot cocoa

5 Things I love to wear
1 A good fitting pair of jeans
2 Hanes tank tops
3 Warm socks
4 Jade bracelets
5 Yoga pants

5 Things I'd love to get as gifts from other people
1 A gift certificate for a massage
2 A gift certificate for reflexology
3 Tickets to a symphony
4 A day at the Spa
5 Donation to a valid charitable organization in my name

5 Things I'd love to get as gifts from good friends
1 Hugs, hugs, and yeah, more hugs
2 Poetry or art work
3 Pictures
4 Their time
5 Fresh Flowers

5 Things I've recieved as gifts that made an impression
1 Freshly picked flowers
2 Homemade facial toner
3 Poetry written for me
4 A set of carved wooden pigs
5 A fancy cake made especially for my birthday

5 Things I'd do if I won the lottery
1 Buy a house in the mountains with lots of land
2 Put away money for the child's education
3 Donate a good portion to various charities, including people I know who could really use some financial help
4 Travel the world
5 Live a month in Italy or Greece

5 Things I wish my mate would do for me
1 Get season tickets to a symphony or play, or at least take me to one.
2 Plan a vacation near a beach or small cove, and walk with the beach with me.
3 Plan and execute a date night; complete with babysitting arangments
4 Take me out for a latte, just the two of us where we could sit and talk on the front porch
5 Get me monthly massages (since he's not too fond of giving them)

5 Things I'd like to do for my mate
1 Find an anonymous benefactor so he wouldn't have to work anymore
2 Take him on a trip around the world
3 Create a space just for him; a little cabin in the words. Complete with playstation and other eltronic setups, spot for napping, and cozy pillows and blankets.
4 Send him on a return vacation to Maine (either with us, or on his own - his call), hecht, if I could, by him a vacation home there.
5 Take him to dinner at the Olive Garden

5 Places I really want to go
1 Italy
2 Paris and French country side
3 Greece
4 Ireland and England
5 Canada ;)

5 Places I've been
1 Estonia
2 Russia
3 Taiwan
4 BalHarbor, Maine
5 Sedona, Arizone

5 Favorites
1 Crisp fall days
2 A good murder mystery
3 Snow days (when no one has to go to work!)
4 Soft flannel sheets
5 A good cuppa chai latte

And, though techinally this is sort of a meme, anyone who feels compelled to do this in their own blog, journal, or what have you, is more than welcome.

Fate, or How I Met My Canadian Luvs

There are those people that you hang out with. There are aquaintances. There are friends those that you just connect with. The ones that you know you've know before. There are friends that you see on occasions; friends you've known for years; friends you'd do anything for; friends on varying levels (ones you can talk to about everything, ones you can talk to about some things). But then, there are the ones that touch the core of who you are on a soul level that you can't explain. They are so completely endeared within your heart, the bond you share is closer then family or blood, and unexplainable connection that transcends space, time, you name it.



I am very lucky to have quite a few people like this in my life. The "luvs" of my life. Friends that you just want to be with because you both nurture each other on a soul level. Friends you just can't get enough of, because your time together is so precious - even if it's baking muffins, walking around the block, or cleaning your house. Friends that know when you need a hug, and respond intuitively. Friends that you can spend all day watching play video games, or who go with your craving of a BLT late in the evening (when you are pregnant and can't get near the emat section!). Friends who cook for you, nurturing you with food too.


I may not see these people all the time, but I make the most of the time I do spend with them. These are the people that you don't hesistate to make time for (as opposed to the ones you make excuses to not spend time with). The ones that leave you feeling really, really good and rejuvenated after a visit. These are the friends/family/spirits of my heart.


Almost five years ago I found myself married and living in another state with no job, no friends in the area, and a terrible case of imobiling shyness. I'd quit my job in the corporate world that was literally killing me in the physical, mental, and creative sense. I didn't know who I was, or what I was about. I felt alone, and afraid, and my hubby (who'd been living the bachelor's life for a good 4 years) had no clue what to do with a new wife who'd taken over his place of living and wasn't dealing well with her bout of self-doubt. (He'd work all day to come home to a messed up house and me playing the SIMS.)

Eventually, I discovered a group of fascinating people who were to become some of my dearest friends, and was opened up to a world that encouraged following your own intuition, the presence of energy, and Reiki. Soon after I'd been attuned to Reiki, we ended up going to a wedding of my hub's old roommate who we hadn't heard anything from, except that he was getting wed.

At the wedding, we sat in the church, chatting with some friends, feeling weirdly out-of-place, but dealing. It was then I saw the two most interesting (and gorgeous) people there. Were they twins, or just siblings? I wasn't sure, but I'd figured on twins. One wore a suit of a shade of green and plum that reminded me of a gangster and had an Asian character tatoo on the back of his neck/head. The the other wore a silk Asian gi??? (I forget the name for the outfit - think something Bruce Lee would wear - the black jacket with white knots up the front, mandarin-type collar). I turned to my hub and said, "Now I bet those two guys are fascinating people. I'd love to meet them."

We went back, greeted the bride and groom with your classical congratulatory bit, and headed to the reception. Now, the neat thing about this reception, is that instead of numbers, the tables had words. The couple sat at a table designated "Complete". I forget the other words, because I was floored by the word for our table: "Fate".

As we sat down and wondered who we'd be sitting with (the only other people we knew were part of the wedding party, thus were way up front, while we were in a back corner). This didn't do much for my shyness, or anxiety at having to meet new people. And then, I saw them. That mysteriously intriguing duo walked through the door. It was then I knew. I just knew, that they would be at our table.

I informed my hubby of this. He just looked at me. (You know the look.)

We watched them meander about and talk to people, until they made it to our table. Then, before I knew what I was doing, I blurted out, "I just knew you'd both be at this table." I was wainting for hubby to slide under the table, and I would've joined him, except, these two fascinating guys connected with me. They were just as cool as I thought they were, if not more so. I loved talking to them, it was as though we knew each other from before, and I didn't feel so out of place with the other people at the table.

They were kind, and sociable, and fun-loving. We talked about Reiki, about where we lived, and little things. I left with email address, and thought nothing more than I'd met some cool people. But inside, I yearned to be friends.

When we got home, I jotted off an email, not even expecting them to remember me, but they did. And that following September, they actually drove down to visit us. I was so nervous, having only met them at the wedding, and now they were visiting us. I hugged both of them, not really sure what to do, because there were two of them, and shaking hands just didn't seem to feel right.

Needless to say, they now visit 1, 2, sometimes 3 or more times a year. Eventually, we'll get up to see them. They are a part of my heart, and uncles to my child. We fondly refer to how we met, and the Fate table. And I'm sure the border patrol loves the story too. :) I think one still has the card from that table. The ironic thing is, that we keep in touch with them, and haven't heard from the bride and groom in ages.

Fate. Were we "fated" to meet? Who knows, but these guys have become very dear to me and our little family.

And so dearest Canadian luvs, know that I am thinking of you this day. Sending you heartfilled hugs, and spilling over with gratitude for your presence and friendship in my life. Looking forward to seeing you soon, eh?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

What type of weather are you?

This was too neat not to post. And, for those who know me, I think it's pretty accurate:

You Are Rain
You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.
You are best known for: your touch
Your dominant state: changing

Awesome new discovery...

I found this on on of the blogs I'm addicted too... er, that I read.

Check her out: http://www.lilihaydn.com/flash/flash.htm

You can hear samples of the CD on her site. She's beautiful to listen to, and look at! In any case, I'll be ordering that CD next month once I pay off the new puter screen.

Oh, and off the topic, I just had to share this, from this site. And, being that I'm over 30, I must say, it's so true. I don't know what it is about that age, but it was a powerful transition time for me. Unlike friends of mine who pretended they were still 29, I embraced it with a passion and two parties. (One of which involved dancing around a bonfire, drumming, with a bunch of women celebrating our inner goddess while the menfolk stayed at the house wondering what we were up to, but scared to find out. That was THE BEST! In fact, I think I need to find another reason to do another one of those... Hmmm...)

UPDATE>>>This was NOT written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes. Actually, as Ed pointed out in his comment on this post, it wasn't Andy Rooney (who, if you check Ed's post feels differently), but Frank Kaiser in 2000. And thank you Ed, because after I posted it, I was wondering if it was one of those urban legends, but I admit I was too lazy to look it up!

In any case, I got it here: http://amethystgrove.blogspot.com/ My comments are in brackets.

Andy Rooney says:As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all.

Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. [This isn't entirely true. I do care; most of the time. ] If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does what she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting anyway. [Okay, this is completely true.]

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a crap about what you might think of her or what she's doing. [This is very true for me.]

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, but only if they think they can get away with it. [Ditto.]

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. [Considering I JUST mastered the art of appreciation and gratitude, this is SO true. I could be an unapprecitive b!tch at times. And I so apologize for any of you out there who dealt with that! Blarg!] A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. [Well, I agree with this one; for me at least.] You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. [I like this one, but would like to know why he feels this way. Any men out there care to expand on this?] Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you're a creep or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. [True, although, there are still those moments when I want hubby to read my mind. ]

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 30+, there is a balding, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.

The last part had me cracking up. So, I know there are guys out there who read this blog, and I'd like your opinion on this. What do you think of women who are over 30? Feel free to be blunt. I'm over 30. I can handle it. ;)