A good look

There's something about a new babe that gets you to take a good look at your life. At least, that's what I've been telling myself. This new lil one has truly been a gift, as well as a spotlight on my life and how I make my way through the days. Lately, my view has expanded into a wider view of how I've lived my life, and I'm not sure that I like what I have been seeing.

One thing that has stood out, was that I love to understand the whys and hows of things and people. I like to figure out why people do things, why I do things, etc., and what would benefit me even more would changing things as opposed to figure them out. If that makes sense.

Perhaps, it's the sleep deprivation or some other reason that's not really relevant. I'm now seeing I have a choice. Make changes, or accept things as they are. And I'm seeing that change is not something I'm particularly fond of. When it happens, there's a part of me that strives to hold on to what was before in some way, a part of me that doesn't want to let go. Although, there have been changes that I've jumped into, relishing the change they brought, hoping the change would reflect on every part.

In any case, I'm thinking I might do something radical. I don't know what exactly. I suppose I'm still figuring it out. I am aware that change would be beneficial. Now, there's finding the motivation to make it.

My life is no longer mine, but then, was it ever?

My sweet Dove (aka Pook II the sequel), is now three weeks old. (We call her Dove as she "coos" in her sleep.) It feels as though it has been much longer. Time is short with the breastfeeding, working on proper latching, pumping, and feedings. Pook wants to play and needs to eat too. The computer is no longer a priority, but something I might spend a brief 5 minutes on here or there providing I get a moment from Dove and Pook doesn't need me.

And I've still got another 3 weeks before I pick up with work again.

I know it's only been 3 weeks, and that things will settle into more of a routine and rhythm as we go along. I see it in little things - like the cleaning up after meals and pumping.

I've decided that my hubby is the world's best kept secret. Not only is he awesome and great; he's been such a blessing with all of the help he's been offering. He was only able to take off 2 weeks this time, and he is immensely helpful with feedings, cleaning, and making sure Pook gets time in there too. Even if he is sacrificing his sleep in the process.

For now, parts of our life are on hold. The homeschooling routine (the set curriculum books and projects) is on hold, though we are always learning. The house is not as neat as it once was, and in regards to food, we do what we can. I've found that while pumping, I can get reading done. Maybe I'll be able to do it if the nursing continues to improve as well. We shall see.

For now, I'm going with the flow, watching things develop, and learning a lot with how I prioritize things. I've got some decisions to make in the next few months, in particular when I return to work. Maybe I'll find time to write about that later. But for now, my time on here is up as Dove is calling and Pook wants to play.

Brief Hiatus....

In celebration of the birth of our newest little addition... I'll be taking a bit of a hiatus to get some rest and to get adjusted with everything.

In the mean time... allow me to introduce you to Pook II - The Sequel.

No Baby Yet!

The wait is still on. When will Pook #2 arrive? Who knows! :) But I think she's driving Daddy crazy with the waiting.

As for me, I'm just enjoying the extra gifts. The quiet moments, the reading, the time with hubby and Pook. It's been a real blessing, though the not feeling so great and continuous bumping of the belly can be slightly frustrating.

Since day one, Pook 2 has defied expectations. Perhaps, she is waiting for a day that no one has claimed. (Days 15-20 - the bets have been placed.)

One thing is certain, this child has blessed me with more gifts than I'd ever imagined. My whole life perspective has shifted, I'm able to see the gifts in area I wasn't before, and the possibilities are endless now.

Fear. Excitement. And a little bit of nervous...

Yesterday, we discovered I'm now 60% effaced and 4 centimeters dilated. I haven't felt "right" since the midwife checked, and my contractions aren't that regular. Reality is setting in though. In a matter of time, I'm going to be a mom to "another little darling" as my eldest tells me.

I was teasing about how I was enjoying my quiet time, how there was more I wanted to get done. The projects are so clear in my head, on my list... Last night, I lie awake, my thoughts moving rapidly, yet my body needing to just rest. So much has been going on here the last few weeks - a whirlwind of activity and nesting.

The fence that I've wanted for so long is clearly moving along, as based on the evidence of the posts and supports that now line our property. Our neighbor reminded me, "When I get started, I like to get finished." And he is true to his word.

Last night, thinking about the fence excited me. I am looking forward to seeing what the back yard is going to look like, and the possibilities. What will it be like to actually walk down from the back porch into my back yard?

Then my thoughts turned to how ready are you really for that next little bundle of joy? Should I push myself today to get things done? Should I just rest?

There is this sense of nervousness in me today, mixed with fear and excitement. The reality of getting to meet this little one I've been carrying the last 9 months is so close. Part of me wants to dive into productivity mode. Part of me just doesn't feel so great. The other part of me wants to just spend the day lazing around and resting. And then, there's this other part of me, that really just wants to have a good cry...

I'm not sure what I'm going to do today. I think step-by-step is best. I hope this anxious feeling with dissipate a bit. Until then...

Life Speaks.

What does your life say to you (or about you)? Anyone tuning into my blog right about now, or looking back, might notice that I'm going through an intense nesting phase, that I declutter and purge my material possessions on a regular basis. I also home school our eldest, and plan to home school the rest. Hopefully they'll see that I love and adore my family, that we are eagerly expecting a new arrival, and that I'm just making my way as I go along.

In the years since I've started this blog, I've learned a lot about myself. When I first started it, I was discovering a lot. I remember that my description was more who I wanted to be than who I was. Now, I'd say it's more in tune with who I am.

I've a friend who reminds me that "Lives Speak." Her life speaks volumes. Sometimes I wonder if she truly realizes how unique and amazing she is. She's one of the smartest people I know, and our friendship always challenges me. (Her memory is amazing compared to mine. :) )

I never really thought about what my life was saying until she brought it up one day. And she's right, what we say and how we present ourselves are no match for how we live our lives. What we do speaks volumes - if someone pays attention.

I like to dream, to talk about what I'd like to do, and then I either do it, or it gets lost in the void until I want to play with the idea again. I'm great at talking about what I'd like to do, and letting myself picture what it would be like if I did it. And yet, I don't always do it. I once said that I tend to think out loud sometimes. Which can be frustrating as I verbally figure things out, then decide not to do it. (I've often wondered if this drives others crazy.)

Over the years, I've gone from being interested in "every little thing" to finally focusing on things that really bring me joy. Sometimes I'll try something based on another's suggestion (I used to do this a lot), but for now, I am getting to know myself and my likes better, which makes it easier to decide if it's something I really am interested in.


So I'm not entirely certain of what my life says about me to others, and then, that doesn't matter to me so much as what my life says to me.

When I first started looking at my life, "hearing" what it was speaking, I was appalled. Now, it's growing on me. I'm accepting who I am, working on being less judgmental, and determining what really is of value to me. I'm okay with the realization that I enjoy talking the talk, even though I might not walk that way after talking about it. And knowing I do this, helps me to focus back on what I am doing with my life currently.

I'm playing with the idea of regularly connecting to what my life is speaking to me. Either with pictures or words. I'm not sure, but there is something about "listening" to life.

What does your life speak to you?

Gorgeous Monday morning and a delightful August Airing

Lately the weather here has been really lovely. We've spent the last two - three days with the windows wide open and breezes dancing through the house accompanied by bird songs and symphonies of crickets in the evening. Bliss.

It's been wonderfully freeing to enjoy the cooler weather and be serenaded by the sounds of nature. Obviously, autumn is around the corner, and yet it's still blissfully summer. Perhaps that is why I am so inspired to let go (other than that little fact that I am in full blown nesting mode).

This weekend, in my extremely productive nesting mode, we began to reorganize and go through our "stuff". (My husband is going to be happy to have a "break" after the baby comes. :) ) After my last post on simplicity, as much as I love the idea of getting rid of all our stuff and replacing things, and not obsessing about stuff, the fact is, we have stuff, and we use the stuff, and though I'm not passionately attached to the stuff, I do enjoy some of it.

I like the way I feel when I picture having only the essentials, and I do believe that it would be more freeing. Honestly though, I'm not ready to take it that far. It's one thing if the stuff were destroyed, or if I had an easy way to sell it. Then, maybe I'd reconsider. But for now, I don't want to spend extra money or go through the trouble of replacing something that is being used - that'd be a waste. However, it doesn't mean I can't take a good look at the stuff around me, and figure out what's not being used or not working, and let it go.

So, this weekend, we started with the dinning room. In my dinning room, we have the dinning set that was my grandmother's. The table and chairs are showing their age, the display cabinet is huge and bulky, and if someone offered us a price that would enable us to get something more practical, we'd probably sell it.

After this weekend, I took something that had been annoying me, something that I wanted to replace, and made it useful. What once was a display for dishes and tea sets, is not a serene cabinet that still holds those things, but also 2 book shelves of homeschooling and art supplies, neatly tucked behind gorgeous fabric panels.

The end result was not only a more serene dinning room (serene is good with a pregnant momma), but spilled over into part of the kitchen, living room, and bed room. Another Good Will pile has been started, and this time, it was much, much easier to let things go. There are still things that will end up on our ambivalence pile as well, but if we have a doubt, it goes there for now.

Thus, we may not be down to the bare essentials, I'm not sure if we ever will, unless moving across county or to another country, or some other event where we would absolutely need or have to, we may not. And that is okay. The thing is, it gave me a great perspective on what is possible, and what is present. And the end result is a divinely spacious, better functions, and much more organized dinning room with less stress over having to look at all the stuff.