Did you ever suddenly become aware of something that is totally obvious to others, just not you? Say, that someone out there actually might not want a relationship with you, even if you've gone out of your way to reach out to strengthen or build a relationship?
I've a beautiful tendency to see things through rose-colored glasses and in a positive light. So perhaps that is why I recently had a total revelation about some people in my life that have been giving me a rather clear message for years.
I mean, if you want to spend time with someone - you make the time. You make them a priority in some way, yes? If you don't, then you plan things to include them and fit them into your schedule, yes? You have conversations that go beyond the "Hi, Hello" category. You converse with them about your life and what's going on in it. You make the effort to reach out and connect on some level even if it's just phone, email, or in person.
And guess what? For years I've been reaching out despite a lack of connection on the other side. Maybe I didn't want to give up on them. (I don't like to give up on people.) I admit that on some level I wanted a connection and acceptance. I'd get angry at myself, at them, and blame myself for what I perceived as issues or reasons for the lack of connection.
And then, today, it became clear to me. Why was I wasting my time and energy on a relationship that didn't meet my expectations? What if I just accepted them for who they are - people wrapped up in their own world (who isn't) of which I'm not a part of and if I accepted the relationship for what it is? We are quite different people, and that's okay. Clearly, I had certain expectations of them that they weren't meeting.
So today, I faced the facts and looked at the situation from a more objective point of view thanks to some friends. First, I realized I needed to accept them for who they are. Then, I realized that there are other people in my life that I'd rather expend this reclaimed energy on, and who will reciprocate the connection in some way. What a wonderful opportunity to practice the art of acceptance!
Through acceptance, I've gained freedom. And I'm liking it... :)
9 comments:
Interesting thought - I bet it will reverberate into other areas of your life.
I think there's a difference between "giving up on people" and accepting a lost cause. Relationships aren't meant to be one-way.
It has been reverberating. And you are right - relationships aren't meant to be one-way, and that's what I finally, finally figured out.
I don't feel like I've given up on them at all. I'm not cutting off communication, and in the future, I'll probably see them on the rare occasion. I plan to just be me, and not go out of my way or overreach anymore.
It's really quite freeing
I do like your word... overreach... I think it describes that action very well, and it something I have done in the past. How come youre so smart at your age??? and its taken me so many more more yrs to reach this point? lol.... slow driver here....lol...Thas why I love reading blogs so much, so many opinions and wise words!
That's a good question, Krissie. Maybe it's all the books I read. :)
Thanks for the compliment! :)
It can be a very freeing moment!
I'm still working on that concept in some areas/relationships but it is starting to look more clear to me.
RoseAnn - seeing it is clear. Applying it and practicing seems to be the challenging part. :)
PG - I need to get in touch with you so please can you send me your current email addy? please send to my usual one or the old global board thanks.
Krissie - check your email.
sorry no email has arrived can you please re send PG? I have checked not there.. I will put the email up on the global in case I made a mistake.
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