March has always been a bittersweet month for me. It's the month when I celebrate the birth of my father and brother, and my grandfather until he passed. It's also the birthdays of two other sweet friends. It contains the spring equinox, bringing us one step closer to April and spring.
It has also been the month of letting go. Two of my grandparents let go of life in this month, and my husband's grandfather as well. Last year, I witnessed the letting go of a friendship before my eyes, that resulted in me letting go and stepping back.
And thus, I've always watched it approach with a strange anticipation and fearfulness. This year, I want to associate it with something more positive. So, I'm dubbing it "Mindful March" or instead of March Madness, we can have March Mindfulness.
I'm not sure yet, how I want to celebrate this month. I am thinking of capturing photos, which help me to slow down. And finding ways to be fully present in the various areas of my life. Perhaps, I'll commit to blogging about it. We shall see...
It looks as though I'm not the only one focusing on mindfulness this month either. (I can't help it, after I thought of it, I had to google it to see if I was the only one to connect March and Mindfulness.) Shambala Sun appears to be focusing on this topic as well for their March 2010 issue.
Any they've got some great sources of information:
A peak into the March 2010 Issue
How to Do Mindfulness Meditation
10 Tips for a Mindful Home
So, this March, I'm going to practice being Mindful. Anyone else wish to join me?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
A Weekend Away...
"Give me your hands, if we be friends." - Puck, From A Midsummer Night's Dream
I had the pleasure of being able to run away this weekend, and spend it with four phenomenal ladies. The hands were dealt, the cards laid out, and then the universe stepped in to add its two cents.
It was a weekend where each one of us was given the opportunity to grow and stretch. It was a lesson in honesty and voicing feelings, in connection, letting go, and in discovering what it was like to be me without the walls (and I don't think I'm the only one who let the walls come down). I stepped away from my usual roles into a place where I just was.
It's been a long time since I've just let things flow, and stopped worrying about what the end result was. Here I am! I splay my cards upon the table, throwing them down with no real set pattern. The whole deck is there - there aren't any in my hands. I've been so tired of holding in, that I just let go.
Thankfully, it was in the midst of those who embraced it, who caught the cards that fell off the table, threw out their own to let them lie as we chatted, bonded, and shed a few tears. Each of us managed to give and receive this weekend. We stepped away from our roles as momma and wife, and let ourselves slip back into who we are as individuals. It enabled us to breathe, and explore that part of ourselves that is easily misplaced or lost, in an environment where we just are "us" and we are loved.
It's an amazing feeling when you can just be who you are, and let it flow without worry. I found a part of myself this weekend. And I found four other marvelous souls to share it with.
Lookout world... for here I am. And I don't know if I could close that door again... or if I want to.
I had the pleasure of being able to run away this weekend, and spend it with four phenomenal ladies. The hands were dealt, the cards laid out, and then the universe stepped in to add its two cents.
It was a weekend where each one of us was given the opportunity to grow and stretch. It was a lesson in honesty and voicing feelings, in connection, letting go, and in discovering what it was like to be me without the walls (and I don't think I'm the only one who let the walls come down). I stepped away from my usual roles into a place where I just was.
It's been a long time since I've just let things flow, and stopped worrying about what the end result was. Here I am! I splay my cards upon the table, throwing them down with no real set pattern. The whole deck is there - there aren't any in my hands. I've been so tired of holding in, that I just let go.
Thankfully, it was in the midst of those who embraced it, who caught the cards that fell off the table, threw out their own to let them lie as we chatted, bonded, and shed a few tears. Each of us managed to give and receive this weekend. We stepped away from our roles as momma and wife, and let ourselves slip back into who we are as individuals. It enabled us to breathe, and explore that part of ourselves that is easily misplaced or lost, in an environment where we just are "us" and we are loved.
It's an amazing feeling when you can just be who you are, and let it flow without worry. I found a part of myself this weekend. And I found four other marvelous souls to share it with.
Lookout world... for here I am. And I don't know if I could close that door again... or if I want to.
Monday, February 08, 2010
I didn't know love, until I met him.
I remember when I first knew I loved him. It was the day when I knew that I didn't want to be without him in my life. The day when I tried to imagine not being embraced by him, not being able to feel his whispers against my cheek, or having his arms around me.
Everyone else in my life seemed to know that he was the one for me, save for me. I was scared to lose him, as I'd lost so many other friends once that line was crossed. Fate, as it has its way, had other plans.
When my grandfather, Popop, was in the hospital, I couldn't drive home after the visits. I was too emotional. There were a few times I made it in on my own, but my love would travel to my house, pick me up and take me there. He and I were the last ones to see Popop conscious, and you'd have thought I'd known then, when my grandfather who was lying there miserable with the tubes in his throat, trying desperately to communicate with me, saw him walk in the room.
He walked in with a confidence, his black trench coat swirling about him. And my grandfather's face lit up and glowed with a smile that I hadn't seen in months. He knew. HE KNEW. And it would still be over a half year before I accepted that this man was for me.
We started out as friends, and then it blossomed into something more. He saw inside me. He believed in me.
I'd always doubted myself, until he came into my life, and showed me a glimpse of what he saw. He shared himself with me on so many levels, and love me - as I was. He listened to me. He paid attention to the details. He loved me.
Since then, he has taught me so many wonderful things. He has encouraged me and shown me what love is - from the willingness to let go of love, to embracing it with passion and vibrancy.
He showed me through his words, music, and touch. We connected on a level I didn't know was possible.
And now, he is my husband. Yes, it took a while, but he proved himself correct that day he told me I'd be his. Because I am - heart and soul my love, heart and soul.
Je t'adore. I adore you, my sweet. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for persevering. Thank you for convincing me that I am worth it. Thank you for choosing your equal.
AMLHCK
Everyone else in my life seemed to know that he was the one for me, save for me. I was scared to lose him, as I'd lost so many other friends once that line was crossed. Fate, as it has its way, had other plans.
When my grandfather, Popop, was in the hospital, I couldn't drive home after the visits. I was too emotional. There were a few times I made it in on my own, but my love would travel to my house, pick me up and take me there. He and I were the last ones to see Popop conscious, and you'd have thought I'd known then, when my grandfather who was lying there miserable with the tubes in his throat, trying desperately to communicate with me, saw him walk in the room.
He walked in with a confidence, his black trench coat swirling about him. And my grandfather's face lit up and glowed with a smile that I hadn't seen in months. He knew. HE KNEW. And it would still be over a half year before I accepted that this man was for me.
We started out as friends, and then it blossomed into something more. He saw inside me. He believed in me.
I'd always doubted myself, until he came into my life, and showed me a glimpse of what he saw. He shared himself with me on so many levels, and love me - as I was. He listened to me. He paid attention to the details. He loved me.
Since then, he has taught me so many wonderful things. He has encouraged me and shown me what love is - from the willingness to let go of love, to embracing it with passion and vibrancy.
He showed me through his words, music, and touch. We connected on a level I didn't know was possible.
And now, he is my husband. Yes, it took a while, but he proved himself correct that day he told me I'd be his. Because I am - heart and soul my love, heart and soul.
Je t'adore. I adore you, my sweet. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for persevering. Thank you for convincing me that I am worth it. Thank you for choosing your equal.
AMLHCK
Friday, February 05, 2010
Let it Snow
It's snowing out, and I'm blessed to be inside where it's warm, where we have plenty of food, and where I am with my family. I am looking forward to being snowed in, enjoying warm drinks and lots of snuggles, and just BEing.
Sometimes life goes so very fast, and then we get opportunities like these to slow down and just enjoy it. And that, dear friends, is what I'm planning on doing.
Sometimes life goes so very fast, and then we get opportunities like these to slow down and just enjoy it. And that, dear friends, is what I'm planning on doing.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
When life gets in the way...
I live it.
And that is what I've been doing - living my life. Treasuring my little darlings (and my big one), riding the waves of homeschooling and tantrums, wiping away tears and snot, basking in the quiet moments (rare with Squeak's chatter) and the cuddling, remembering to breathe - for the sake of myself and family, celebrating Squeak's new therapy program that she qualified for, and helping her with therapy. Once Squeak starts eating, then there will be the diet and allergies to consider.
Time has been precious as of late, and there are many thoughts I wish to share with you... blog posts that have been percolating in the brain. They are there, I've just yet to type them out.
In the meantime, rest assured that life is full on this end. Wonderfully, marvelously, miraculously full... and we are living it.
And that is what I've been doing - living my life. Treasuring my little darlings (and my big one), riding the waves of homeschooling and tantrums, wiping away tears and snot, basking in the quiet moments (rare with Squeak's chatter) and the cuddling, remembering to breathe - for the sake of myself and family, celebrating Squeak's new therapy program that she qualified for, and helping her with therapy. Once Squeak starts eating, then there will be the diet and allergies to consider.
Time has been precious as of late, and there are many thoughts I wish to share with you... blog posts that have been percolating in the brain. They are there, I've just yet to type them out.
In the meantime, rest assured that life is full on this end. Wonderfully, marvelously, miraculously full... and we are living it.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Focus For 2010
2009 has taught me several things:
- I am worth taking care of myself through quiet time, exercise, and time with good friends
- I am good enough
- It's time to slow down, and smell those flowers again
- I do know what is best for me, and what feels best
- I have some seriously amazing people and friends in my life
- Do not mess with the Tigress
For 2010, this is what I plan to focus on:
1. Myself .
I honor myself and recognize that I deserve time to regroup. I am taking time out for me so that I can be a better mom and wife. I can do this through massages, time with friends that really nurture my soul and help to relax me, getting out of the house, reflexology, and doing things I truly enjoy - even if it's going someplace where I can read or paint.
I exercise on a regular basis, focusing mainly on strength training with a side of yoga, walking, dancing, pilates, and cardio.
I am eating healthier by starting clean eating and trying new recipes and foods.
I plan to get a physical and eye exam this year.
2 Finances
Buy only what we really need. If we don't need it, we won't get it. Continue to save up. Donate to Heifer.org.
3 Simplify
I'm taking it to the next level.
- Stuff - Declutter and purge project throughout the entire house. Organize. Something comes in, something goes out.
- Time - New calendar with less space, thus less room to schedule things. Keep scheduling to a minimum. Respect boundaries and keep things uncomplicated.
- Homeschooling - Make time to breathe. Determine what is really important.
- Food - Clean eating.
4. Living consciously with awareness and joy.
I am slowing down and stopping to smell the flowers. I am present in the moment. I enjoy the moments and life. I am basking in laughter, gratitude and joy, and I am willing to encourage, inspire and share these with others.
I continue:
-to respect my inner voice and listen to it.
- to hear and listen to what I need.
- to bask in joy and gratitude.
- to maintain a home environment of peace, love, nurturing and joy.
To Complete:
- Get Information book updated and completely
- Huge decluttering/purge of the house
- Find a good doctor and get a physical
- Get eye exam and new glasses
- I am worth taking care of myself through quiet time, exercise, and time with good friends
- I am good enough
- It's time to slow down, and smell those flowers again
- I do know what is best for me, and what feels best
- I have some seriously amazing people and friends in my life
- Do not mess with the Tigress
For 2010, this is what I plan to focus on:
1. Myself .
I honor myself and recognize that I deserve time to regroup. I am taking time out for me so that I can be a better mom and wife. I can do this through massages, time with friends that really nurture my soul and help to relax me, getting out of the house, reflexology, and doing things I truly enjoy - even if it's going someplace where I can read or paint.
I exercise on a regular basis, focusing mainly on strength training with a side of yoga, walking, dancing, pilates, and cardio.
I am eating healthier by starting clean eating and trying new recipes and foods.
I plan to get a physical and eye exam this year.
2 Finances
Buy only what we really need. If we don't need it, we won't get it. Continue to save up. Donate to Heifer.org.
3 Simplify
I'm taking it to the next level.
- Stuff - Declutter and purge project throughout the entire house. Organize. Something comes in, something goes out.
- Time - New calendar with less space, thus less room to schedule things. Keep scheduling to a minimum. Respect boundaries and keep things uncomplicated.
- Homeschooling - Make time to breathe. Determine what is really important.
- Food - Clean eating.
4. Living consciously with awareness and joy.
I am slowing down and stopping to smell the flowers. I am present in the moment. I enjoy the moments and life. I am basking in laughter, gratitude and joy, and I am willing to encourage, inspire and share these with others.
I continue:
-to respect my inner voice and listen to it.
- to hear and listen to what I need.
- to bask in joy and gratitude.
- to maintain a home environment of peace, love, nurturing and joy.
To Complete:
- Get Information book updated and completely
- Huge decluttering/purge of the house
- Find a good doctor and get a physical
- Get eye exam and new glasses
Relflections on 2009
2009 has been an incredible year. I've made and reconnected with some wonderful people. I let go, and in return made room for something so much better. I've realized many things about myself and relationships in my life.
I've doubted myself, and felt that I wasn't good enough, only to rise from the ashes and realize, that I'm not only good enough, I'm a mighty fine person with a big heart.
It's been a year of realizations, adventure, and stepping out of my comfort zone. All good things, I assure you.
In purple are my comments about each focus I'd planned for this year. It's always amusing to look back on what I've written. I managed to accomplish most of these. Not happy with a few of these though.
1. I am honoring myself.
I am changing my thinking so that it is more positive. I release and let go of negative thoughts and relationships. I create a positive environment to thrive.<-Done.
I am eating more nutritiously for myself and family. (We are cutting out high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils. We are increasing our vegetable and fruit intake. We are eating more fresh and less processed foods.)<-We started this journey... now, we're going to up it a notch I think.
I am moving and exercising regularly. (yoga, walking, dancing, pilates) I am encouraging and supporting hubby in doing this too. <-Done, although not happy with where I've been the last few weeks.
2. Living consciously with awareness and joy.
I am willing to be present in the moment, and to really just enjoy the moments and life. I am basking in laughter, gratitude and joy, and I am willing to encourage, inspire and share these with others.<-This was a bit of a challenge. I need to regroup on this.
3 Finances - spend wisely and consciously.
We are putting more into savings, spending wisely, and eliminating expenses where able.<-Well... this year we spent more than we'd have liked. So, I'm not happy with this.
4 Simplicity
I am keeping things simple by saying no when needed, respecting my boundaries, and keeping things uncomplicated. <-Done for the most part. I keep up with keeping out the clutter and maintaining that which might come in.<-Didn't keep up with this as much as I'd like. Got a bit derailed. Have a new perspective as well.
5 Honoring Others
I am enhancing my relationships through encouragement, nurturing, love and joy. I forgive myself and others for not meeting expectations. <-Done. Actually managed to reconnect with some amazing people.
I am looking into places to donate to. Currently, we donate to http://www.heifer.org/. I am looking into http://www.kiva.org/. Suggestions are welcome.<-Done. Donated to heifer. Not so sure about Kiva though... maybe because could find anyone I was comfortable lending too.
I continue:
-to be aware of the blessings in my life, and continue my connection with appreciation and gratitude.<-Done.
-to incorporate internal rhythms with life's rhythms. Learning to listen to what I need. Listening to my intuition. <-Done. Took until the end of this year... and I'm there.
- to maintain a home environment of peace, love, nurturing and joy.<-Had a few rough patches, however, and overall, think I did pretty good with this.
To Complete:
- Get a shed for out back <-Done.
- Create play area in the back <-Done.
I've doubted myself, and felt that I wasn't good enough, only to rise from the ashes and realize, that I'm not only good enough, I'm a mighty fine person with a big heart.
It's been a year of realizations, adventure, and stepping out of my comfort zone. All good things, I assure you.
In purple are my comments about each focus I'd planned for this year. It's always amusing to look back on what I've written. I managed to accomplish most of these. Not happy with a few of these though.
1. I am honoring myself.
I am changing my thinking so that it is more positive. I release and let go of negative thoughts and relationships. I create a positive environment to thrive.<-Done.
I am eating more nutritiously for myself and family. (We are cutting out high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils. We are increasing our vegetable and fruit intake. We are eating more fresh and less processed foods.)<-We started this journey... now, we're going to up it a notch I think.
I am moving and exercising regularly. (yoga, walking, dancing, pilates) I am encouraging and supporting hubby in doing this too. <-Done, although not happy with where I've been the last few weeks.
2. Living consciously with awareness and joy.
I am willing to be present in the moment, and to really just enjoy the moments and life. I am basking in laughter, gratitude and joy, and I am willing to encourage, inspire and share these with others.<-This was a bit of a challenge. I need to regroup on this.
3 Finances - spend wisely and consciously.
We are putting more into savings, spending wisely, and eliminating expenses where able.<-Well... this year we spent more than we'd have liked. So, I'm not happy with this.
4 Simplicity
I am keeping things simple by saying no when needed, respecting my boundaries, and keeping things uncomplicated. <-Done for the most part. I keep up with keeping out the clutter and maintaining that which might come in.<-Didn't keep up with this as much as I'd like. Got a bit derailed. Have a new perspective as well.
5 Honoring Others
I am enhancing my relationships through encouragement, nurturing, love and joy. I forgive myself and others for not meeting expectations. <-Done. Actually managed to reconnect with some amazing people.
I am looking into places to donate to. Currently, we donate to http://www.heifer.org/. I am looking into http://www.kiva.org/. Suggestions are welcome.<-Done. Donated to heifer. Not so sure about Kiva though... maybe because could find anyone I was comfortable lending too.
I continue:
-to be aware of the blessings in my life, and continue my connection with appreciation and gratitude.<-Done.
-to incorporate internal rhythms with life's rhythms. Learning to listen to what I need. Listening to my intuition. <-Done. Took until the end of this year... and I'm there.
- to maintain a home environment of peace, love, nurturing and joy.<-Had a few rough patches, however, and overall, think I did pretty good with this.
To Complete:
- Get a shed for out back <-Done.
- Create play area in the back <-Done.
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