Snow day, being true to myself, and living a simple life

I wish I was enjoying this snowy day more than I am, and perhaps, I will by the end of this post, where, my intent is to just get my thoughts out there and get some clarity I suppose.

In case you didn't figure it out - it's snowing here today. It looks like it's now stopped, but for a while, it was really coming down.

You see, I don't like driving in the snow. I prefer to sit at home and enjoy it, and not go out in it unless I absolutely have to. So, after getting everything ready to go today, and, practically in the car, I chickened out, called off taking Pook into Montessori, and came back into the house.

Where, I called hubby for the umteenth time (as I'd been indecisive all morning), to tell him that, uh, we are now not going in. For real this time. And then, I called the friend who's children and in the class, and who is kind enough to let me work at her home until Montessori is out, to tell her.

And, this is where things left me feeling, well, inadequate. Instead of just telling her that I didn't want to drive in the snow, it came across to her that Pook didn't want to go, so I didn't go. (As I was on the phone with her, Pook was whining about getting her gloves off, and saying how she was glad to stay home. I was trying to help her while talking... and, well, if you're a parent, you know how that can go.) Now, there have been times that Pook doesn't want to go, but we've gone anyway. When I don't want to go, and she doesn't want to go, well, that's when we usually (but not always) stay home.

And then, the conversation came up about Saturday, where we've planned a small party for FIL, that we've let Pook help plan. And, instead of just telling her that the ILs didn't want to go, somehow, because she knew Pook was planning it, it turned into her telling me that our problem is that we let Pook decide too much.

*Sigh*

Miscommunications occured on both sides. Mind you, it was a 5 minute conversation, because she had to get her kiddos off to school, and clean off the car. And, part of me is really wondering if it's worth clarifying things, because she's busy planning for Hannukah this week, and their big party on Saturday, that we won't be going to, and which she really wants us to attend. She's also really, really stressed out.

And, I felt bad and didn't want to hurt her feelings, nor did I know if she'd be open to the fact that my ILs do not like going to parties with people they don't know. Now, I'm frustrated that I didn't just spit it out and tell it like it was. However, I've noticed, that when I've only got a 5 mintue time span to chat, and I'm caught offguard on a topic I wasn't expecting to chat about (like Saturday when I was just calling to say we weren't going in today), I don't always come across as clear as I'd like to.

So, I've been sitting her pondering my abilities as a parent, if I'm really a wuss for not wanting to drive in the snow (but if you've been in the car accidents I have, you'd not want to drive in it either!), do I give Pook too many choices - or does it just come across that way sometimes, and the fact that I just want to live a simple life.

After allowing myself to feel a bit inadequate, I started to really think about my life, how I live it, and my parenting skills. I am a first time parent. I do not parent the way most people do, and that is a conscious choice that I've made. I parent in a way that I feel is best for me and my child, and compared my friend I talked to this morning - we parent WAY differently. She's also 20 years older than me. So, there's the generational differences, too.

I do not choose to chaufer my child out to 2 and 3 activities a day, 7 days a week. Her kids apparently love this. My child will choose to stay home and do artwork or school, instead of going out and about. This was something I wanted to do as a child, but never got the chance.

I would prefer to stay home and watch the snow, instead of freaking out about driving in it. And you know what? Pook is right up there next to me, watching out the window.

Could I be parenting better? Maybe. Hey, I'm the first to tell you that I know I'm overprotective, and I know that I don't parent like everyone else (does anyone really?). We choose to do things in a way that works best for us. That's just how we are.

And you know what? I love my life. I LOVE our home and the way we do things. When it comes down to it, we are happy. I'm really happy with the way I parent, and the fact that we choose to do one thing at a time. I like that I can let my 4.5 year old plan a birthday for her grandfather - because she wants to. I think that's why homeschooling will suit us as well, because if we want to stay home and watch the snow - we can, without having to worrying about having to be someplace.

We live a simple life compared to most. I've spent too much of my life caught up in the rushing around, wishing away my time. I choose to enjoy each moment, each now, each hug and kiss and snuggle. I am blessed to have a hubby with a government job, and I hope that he knows how much I adore him for it. I am aware, that things may not always be as they are now. So I make it a point to make the most of it.

I think what's been frustrating me the most, is because we are making our own way, there are many people who've been vocal or quietly voicing opposition to it. Sometimes, I want to create a T-Shirt or sign I can wear around my neck that says:

* Yes, I homeschool, and it really doesn't matter to me how you choose to school your sweet children.
* No, I'm not worried about the socialization of my child.
* Yes, I let my child plan and make guided decisions at the age of four.
* You bet I'm overproctective.
* Yes, I probably parent differently than you. And guess what - that's okay! I don't expect you to parent like me! :)

You know, I don't condemn people for sending kids to public school, or having their children involved in activities 7 days a week, or because they parent differently than me. Because you know what? There aren't set rules for parenting. In the end, you need to do what you think is best for your child. And maybe, just maybe, if we all started supporting each other as parents, instead of believing that there is only one way, the world would be a better place. Just saying...

So you know what? I'm off to make me some hot cocoa. And then, I'm going to bundle up and watch the snow flakes fall. And I'm going to think about how much I adore my husband, and give thanks that I have the choice to stay home and I don't have to feel guilty about it. I'm going to enjoy the day with my daughter, and have fun doing school with her, and even get some work done.

And, eventually, I'll be able to decide if we'll be going to school or not, without calling my hubby for a pep talk, and, who will tell me, "Honey, it's your choice." (I did mention I love him, yes?) And, too, I think I need to learn to start just saying no, without giving a reason and encouraging miscommunications. Besides, have you noticed if you don't give a reason, they can't argue with you? :)

I wish you all a wonderful day. May you be blessed to see and bask in the moments, because they are moments, and they won't last.