Dealing with the Dailies

Yesterday, my 11 month old started with an incredibly stuffy nose. Last night, she had a fever and didn't sleep well at all. Today, both kiddos have it.

Tissues are everywhere. The kids are sneezing in sync or one after the other. Although, the baby seems to be sneezing less and less congested. My eldest is not feeling well, and being sure to let me know.

And the house... well, I'll leave that to your imagination.

In the past, this would've knocked me for a loop. However, I've been noticing a subtle, welcome change in my life. Gradually, my perspective has become more focused on the positives. I like seeing the light in others and situations where most see only despair or something negative.

More and more, I'm starting to realize that life is not just what you make it; it's how you percieve it. I can choose to let this day get me down, or, I can look for the positives. Or, I can let myself feel overwhelmed, and then refocus. After all, sick kiddos means lots of snuggles for this momma. And yeah, last night was challenging and this morning I'm feeling as though I could've used a full night's sleep.

But ya know what? I'm just going to take this sweet babe who's in my arms and give her a good dose of lovin' along with the elder one. And, I'm going to enjoy it.

Thinking about change...

Looking for input here. I've been thinking about several things:

- Should I delete all previous posts and start over?
- Should I delete a good portion of posts, leaving only the ones I really like?
- Should I just leave the blog as is, and keep adding to it?

Thoughts on this?

Thanks...

Lavender Bliss

How long had it been? I couldn't remember the last time. I watched as the water started to fill up the tub. I plopped in the bubble bar and watched in delight as the lavender scent filled the room, the water turned the same shade and there were bubbles - lots of bubbles.

Soon there was a tub of lavender bliss. I wasted no time submerging my feet, legs, and body. Immediately, my muscles that were so tight began to relax and loosen. I felt the challenges and stress of the last few weeks melt off into the water. I lay there, noting the feel of water as it embraced my skin, letting my body let go, and just letting myself feel.

The tempting book I'd brought in to read lay where I'd left it. I didn't want to move; I needed to soak. I soaked in the feel of the water. I soaked in my thoughts about the recent events in my life. I realized my grumpiness had stemmed from giving and giving, and it was time for me to nurture me. It was time for me to receive. So I did.

Moments 16

A weekend of good friends, hand picked flowers, good food, and celebration.

Enjoying the bird songs in the early morning hours. Watching the sun come out, and lighten the sky. Hearing my baby call for her mama, and feeling the embrace of my eldest after she wakes.

Listening to the gentle symphony of crickets, who will increase as autumn approaches.

What do I really enjoy, versus what I think I enjoy (but don't really)?

Confession, of sorts. I have just discovered, that I don't think I'm a gardening person. *GASP!!!!* I know, the horror. You see, I'm currently feeling rather guilty about it.

My great-grandmother not only kept a garden in the city (Baltimore, MD), in a row home, to help feed her family of 13 kids, she could sew clothes from old flour sacks, darn socks, and then some. She had to. And part of me is envious of her renaissance ways, and my friends who can do these things and more.

Both of my grandmother kept gardens of flowers and vegetables. I mainly remember my maternal grandmother doing this. My mother has several gardens. Even my brother gardens (though for him it's the floral, not vegetable. So, the other day, while helping my daughter plant seeds, and realizing that the gardens might not even be in the right spots to get proper sunlight, and that the ants had set up home in ALL the big containers, I was feeling just a little upset, to say the least.

So, when my DD went into the house, leaving me to clean up the mess, I sat there on the hill, close to tears. Why didn't I read more? Why didn't I plan better? Why is my yard so darn small? And other questions danced through my head.

Don't I like gardening? I mean, I should. Dad is a landscape developer, as is brother. Mom has always gardened. I enjoy digging in the dirt, don't I? Do I?

It was then it hit me. My front yard, is a mass of weeds amidst the shrubs (that my father and brother helped design and plant). I don't weed on a regular basis, and I haven't, even before kids. I LOVE flowers, and when my mom came to help plant them... I sort of let her do it... because I wanted to end up in tears trying to figure out what went where.

And now - it's an overgrowth. I know that it needs to be cleared out, and with the fence up, there is more shade to more areas. It's a bit of a sad state I'm afraid.

So what is the problem? Maybe, I *thought* I liked gardening because my family did it, and I was *supposed* to like it. Hmmm... looking at my life there are several of these areas that I've been neglecting - not out of laziness, but because I simply don't enjoy them, and haven't realized it.

How many times have I done this to myself before? How many times have I done something, not because I wanted to, but because I thought I "had" to? I had to enjoy gardening, camping, survival skills - because what if the world ended? How would I survive? What would be come of me if I didn't learn certain skills sets?

Or, maybe I did something because I thought another person wouldn't like me, or would think I'm a horrible person, if I didn't recycle, use cloth diapers, eat only organic, follow a set schedule?

So I'm on a journey of self-discovery. What do I really, truly ENJOY? What am I truly willing to expend my energy on?

Sure, I love the idea of living on a self-sustaining farm, growing my own veggies, having chickens, recycling everything, using cloth diapers, eating fresh vegetables from my garden. And I could live that life - if I took certain steps, and made life changes.

And yes, I'm thrilled when I think of getting rid of all the clutter and living in a streamlined home, with prettily painted walls... obviously, I'd have to make changes.

I'm starting to recognize the give and take. What do I really want - the big picture? And then, am I really willing to go the distance to get there? And finally, if I don't compare myself to others, or look to others for their input - who would I be?

Just a few things to ponder...

Journey to the Sea

They say the journey begins with a single step, and ours did indeed, though the key part was the crossing of a bridge. The weather was foggy, so you could only see so far. It reminded me of how we needed to stay in the present moment, and focus on what was in front of us, as opposed to where we were going or what was ahead.

I think I smiled the entire vacation. My heart was full. I was with my family. I was visiting family and meeting friends of old and new. My heart was full, bursting with joy and gratitude. I found myself enjoying everything - the car ride, the kids, the people, the views, the food - it was heaven. I made the most of each moment, treasuring with all of my senses.

Gifts can be wrapped up in packages and tied up in string, or they can be wrapped in what you least expect. Everywhere I turn I discovered something sweet (and not just the chocolate!). We spent time with some amazing people. Even hubby enjoyed himself (and that is a rare thing when it involves new people).

When visiting my mom, she sent the kids on a radish hunt. She'd picked two, then had them search for the leaves in the garden where they got to pick more. She took the time to set up a feast in her part of the house, and fed us throughout the day, until my brother came in, and fed us more.

I found that I was not only fed on the physical level. My spirit, my very soul felt nurtured and loved throughout the week. We were able to see a few friends (sorry if we didn't get to see more of you - we only had so much time!), and even though some plans fell through (thanks to work and flash floods), everything still fell into place.

I found that when I just enjoyed what happened, when I made the most of events, people, things, and feelings, there seemed to be some type of pattern or plan in place. So, we embraced it and went with it.

Eventually we made our way to the beach. The beach has always been healing for me. There is something about the waves, the ocean itself, and the sand. I always need to say hello, and to listen. I like to stand at the edge, and let the waves kiss my toes and embrace my feet. Joy filled me, traveled through me. I wanted to dance, even go into the waves and let the water baptize me with joy and contentment. You can almost let things go with the tide, to be taken away into the oceans depths, and not have to worry about them.

We wondered how Pook would react to the water and sand this time. She loved it. It was a joy to watch her play in the sand and the waves. She made a new friend, and we made new friends. There was an overflow of gratitude on so many levels. There was full, total, and complete relaxation. And laughter, oh the laughter!


We found that time was relative. We stayed up until the wee morning hours indulging in chit-chat, chocolates and pomegranate margaritas. There were rum and cokes, 10 layer cakes, mini do-nuts ;), and other delights to tease the tast buds.

The environment was laid back and loving. The people were kind, generous, interested, interesting, and overall wonderful. There is something about being able to be with people who just take you as you are. People with whom you can let down your guard and just be yourself without worry. People whom you can laugh with, and share precious moments with.


We made some incredible memories. We had an awesome time. My heart is filled with gratitude for the people, the moments, the fun, the laughter - ALL of it.

Thank you. I am basking in blessings.

Happy June!

Here's to a new month beginning... and summer on its way. I've so many thoughts, and more to say, and right now, lots to do to get centered again after the vacation. It's all good, and I'm hoping to return here with a really awesome post about a few insights I have.

Until then...