Today I am grateful.

Today, I am grateful for friends who care enough.
I am grateful for the songs of birds, even the dog barking next door.
I am grateful for wanting to get up today.
I am grateful for being gentle with myself yesterday.
I am grateful for the thoughts stirred up from a simple conversation.
I am grateful for my husband's love, and for the love I feel for him.
I am grateful for my home.
I am grateful that I got up and moved this morning.
I am grateful for the quietness before Pook awakes.
I am grateful for Pook and the Pook within.

But most of all, today, I am grateful for inspiration and motivation.

Random tidbits

It's 5 am, and here I am.

I feel as though I want to write, but I'm not sure that I do. Rather, I'm not sure what to write about. Usually, if some thing's bothering me, I can write about it, get my thoughts clear, and move on. And yet, this morning, I wonder if it's really worth it, as I've come to realize, I don't think that there's anything I can really do, as I can't change how another person feels.

Sometimes, I write letters, but even now, this morning, I wonder if it would be beneficial to do so, or if it would be a waste of my time. I mean, what would it accomplish? Would I actually send it?

I must say, that there is a part of me rather impressed at how I'm dealing this time. Usually, I fret, ponder all angles of the situation, have lots of tummy aches, and fret about how I come across and the other person will see me. But this time, that doesn't seem to matter so much.

And that, I think, it a good thing...

There was a time...

There was a time when I longed for a life of adventure. I wanted to travel and do amazingly wild things. At least, I thought I did.

Yesterday, Hubby asked if I'd wished we traveled more or did more of various things before the kids were born. "Nope," I responded. He agreed.

Sometimes I wonder if the life I once wanted was what I really wanted, or if it was the life someone else wanted for me. For instance, my mother thrives on adventure, chaos and travel. As for me? I thrive where I am, now that I'm aware of it.

These past few years, I've been getting a good look at my life and self. And I'm amazed how happy I am, where I am. There are places I'd like to visit one day, places I once felt I HAD to see, but right now? Right now, it's all about the here and the now.

Things may change and shift as the years go by, but for now, sometimes I find myself floored by the little, simple things I once ignored. Soft sheets, the touch of my child, the arms of my husband, laughter, getting up before dawn, watching Pook sleep, feeling the baby move within, focusing on the breath... these things fill me up in ways I was not aware of.

Realization

Thoughts have been most prevalent for me as of late. I don't know if it's a hormonal thing, or what exactly, but I seem to be concerned with things that haven't yet happened, and with no resolute conclusion.

At least I'm aware of it.

And, I realize, that I've wasted so much energy trying to figure things out, or thinking about how I could've/would've/should've done things differently. I'm not, I admit, very patient with myself on this.

Last night, I was reading The Places that Scare You, by Pema Chodron, and something clicked for me. Actually, things have been clicking since I picked up the book a few weeks ago. (And, uh, yes, I'm one of those people that have book marks in 3-5 books around the house at all times to pick up and peruse when I get a moment.)

Pema covers the basic philosophies of Buddhism from her sect (I say this, as after going to Taiwan, I've since learned that not all Buddhism is the same. :) ) But what really stuck with me, was her comment about how even though we know things are impermanent, we still seek that security and resolution of permanence.

This lead me to wondering why it's so hard for us to accept that things change, and to be okay with not being secure? Perhaps we long for security of some sort, because it's easier than accepting otherwise? Hmmm...

Acceptance has been such a big thing for me lately. And it really gets hard when it comes to Pook, who's been dealing with digestive issues for quite a while, and to whom I need to take back to the doctor again. With me, it's easier, but with children - I don't like seeing her hurt, and I know that I've no control over it, which is frustrating for me.

Nesting Part 3 - Living Room, Hallway and Guest Room

The nesting continues, so feel free to skip this post if you aren't into it. Last weekend we tackled the Living Room, which ended spilling over into the hallway and guest room. The Living Room (LR) is still in the works, but has started to take on a definite shape.

When discussing the room, we discovered a variety of functions and purposes. The LR is where we play, relax, read, have fun, entertain, rest, unwind, live and learn. It's an eclectic mishmosh of furniture with a variety of bookshelves, a small TV hidden away in an armoir, two old Victorian type chairs in royal blue velvet that were once my grandmother's and a sofa with a bright red sofa cover on it that was once my mom's. (Hint: Sofa covers rule when you have kids. Cleanup is SO much easier!)

So, though it's not necessarily what we've have picked if we'd decorated it ourselves, we are blessed in that most of the things were given to us by others. And, with a Pook and another on the way, I really, really, appreciate the fact that our furniture comes from others. :)

The focus of the room used to be a huge charcoal drawing of my brother when he was a toddler. Though beautiful, it didn't quite fit the feel that we were going for, so, we took it down and replaced it with a lovely sea otter and (can you guess?) more pictures of nature. Interestingly enough, there seems to be a fall theme going on in the pictures, with the changing leaves that we noticed after we'd hung them.

We even took into consideration what pictures we wanted to see and from what angles, so that the one we really enjoyed can be seen from various rooms of the house.

Since the hallway is right next to the LR, we hung the pics of Pook back up, complete with her map of the world at her eye level. It's still taking me to get used to the lack of space, but as she loves to point out various places like Madagascar, Taiwan, and Antarctica, it's definitely serving it's purpose.

As for the guest room, we were going to hang the charcoal of my brother in there, until I talked to him (my actual brother, NOT the one in the picture!) ;) and found out that he really wanted it. I was going to hold on to it until I was sure, but knowing that it's going to a new home (where I'll likely get to enjoy it anyway) makes me feel really good. Plus, I didn't realize the relief I'd feel, as now Hubby won't have to worry about hanging it (he hates hanging it!) and I don't have to find it a space on the wall.

So, the guest room hasn't really changed picture wise, save for we changed one and didn't return another. The other day, I cleaned out the closet and armoir that's in there, adding to the pile on the basement, which might just be tackled this weekend. Maybe. :)

The hall is definitely finished, complete with the purging of the hall closet and removal of old medicines, bug sprays, and suntan lotions. The pictures will hopefully be updated after the arrival of Pook 2. We shall see. :)

The guest room too, is pretty much done. The armoir's been reorganized and purged, as has the closet. And the LR is still in process, as I sift through books (I'm LOVING paperbackswap.com - which encourages me to get rid of books that others are wishing for) and decide on pictures. I may just need to leave a blank spot for a while. We shall see.

Slowly, the house is taking shape, and interestingly enough, I'm not in a rush, save to figure out which pictures to send back with family in June. (Only because I'd like them out of the house!) :) Aside from the basement, there is the dinning room, kitchen, and foyer, and the storage area of the basement which doesn't need decorating, so much as reorganization and purging.

It's been interesting watching what we now enjoy, and giving ourselves permission to put up those pictures that really touch us, and discovering just what those are.

This weekend, we'll be in the basement.

May 12... 7 years of bliss

Seven years on May 12 (yes I'm aware the post is a bit late), I married the love of my life. Seven years, one child, and one on the way later, I am even more in love with my sweet husband.

I adore this man. He is not only a gift in my life; he's a blessing. Each day, I fall more in love with him - if that is possible. He's an amazing father, and we are both so good for each other in so many ways.

Seven years ago, I walked down the aisle on a gorgeous May day on the arm of my father. It was so green and vibrant that day, with a bounty of blossoms, rays of sunshine, and at the end of the aisle was my future mate.

It hardly feels as though we've been married that long, even though I feel as though we've been together forever. He still makes my heart sing.

Thank you my love, for seven years of bliss and wonder. I look forward to being with you for many more.

AML

Happy 90th Grams...

Today would've been my grandmother's 90th birthday if she was still here in body. Now, however, she's in spirit, and no more pain.

I've caught myself thinking fondly of her today.

Today, I remember you Grams, and celebrate your life, and your legacy. Thank you.