Realization

Thoughts have been most prevalent for me as of late. I don't know if it's a hormonal thing, or what exactly, but I seem to be concerned with things that haven't yet happened, and with no resolute conclusion.

At least I'm aware of it.

And, I realize, that I've wasted so much energy trying to figure things out, or thinking about how I could've/would've/should've done things differently. I'm not, I admit, very patient with myself on this.

Last night, I was reading The Places that Scare You, by Pema Chodron, and something clicked for me. Actually, things have been clicking since I picked up the book a few weeks ago. (And, uh, yes, I'm one of those people that have book marks in 3-5 books around the house at all times to pick up and peruse when I get a moment.)

Pema covers the basic philosophies of Buddhism from her sect (I say this, as after going to Taiwan, I've since learned that not all Buddhism is the same. :) ) But what really stuck with me, was her comment about how even though we know things are impermanent, we still seek that security and resolution of permanence.

This lead me to wondering why it's so hard for us to accept that things change, and to be okay with not being secure? Perhaps we long for security of some sort, because it's easier than accepting otherwise? Hmmm...

Acceptance has been such a big thing for me lately. And it really gets hard when it comes to Pook, who's been dealing with digestive issues for quite a while, and to whom I need to take back to the doctor again. With me, it's easier, but with children - I don't like seeing her hurt, and I know that I've no control over it, which is frustrating for me.