Lady Tigress

That is how I feel after this week. We've finally got a diagnosis with Squeak as to why she isn't eating solid foods. She's got sensory issues, and needs to be in Birth - 3. I'm not sure what happened this week; perhaps it's the year's events building up and I'm reaping the gifts. Maybe, it's that this momma has had enough.

My child will eat. Allergies or not, I'm going to fight this and will see it through.

The whole experience has been interesting, as has this year for that matter. It's been interesting to see who's offered support, who's really reached out to be there for us, and who truly cared about what we were going through. We've a clear view of who gets it (and us) and who doesn't.

In the beginning, I felt small and scared, tender and raw. And then, a wave of love and friendship surrounded me, lifted me up, and helped to hold me together. I didn't have to ask. I didn't have to tell someone what I needed - they just knew. I didn't worry about being compared, about not doing enough. And now? I've gone from the scared-hiding in the shell (so I don't get hurt) hermit crab, to an elegant Tigress.

Reclaiming my power? Perhaps. Having a good day? It could be that too. Or maybe it's the final inspiration and encouragement from a good friend who's found himself, and isn't afraid to follow his intuition.

I feel as though I'm coming back to myself in many ways. That I'm accepting the darker parts of me, that I'd labeled "unacceptable" because others thought they were. Those parts I denied, tried to rub out and change, or hide. But beneath it all - they are a part of who I am.

In the past, seeing these bits has caused me to try and cover up, dive deep into my shell to hide them. My confidence crashed as I allowed these bits to be picked apart, dissected, and displayed before me. Everyone has dark parts, just as everyone has light parts.

I no longer have the urge to shriek out, "This is who I am - and it's okay!" Instead, I smile quietly, knowing, that I am enough. I am amazing. And most of all - I am loved. And I know, that those reading this who love me, are probably smiling right now.

And those of you who knew this Tigress before the tender hermit crab stage of the last few years, are probably cheering and shouting, "That's the girl we know!" (And thank you for those of you who've told me in person.) ;)

I'm not sure how long this feeling will last. I'd like to think I've gotten over that hump, that I've found a new me. As two wise friends have reminded me - life goes in cycles. So I'm taking baby steps. I'm delegating. I'm recruiting backup.

And I'm enjoying this feeling.

I am open to change

I can do this.

Happy Thanksgiving!

May you all enjoy the day in a way that is special to you.

May you always know what you are grateful and thankful for in your life, and be aware of your blessings.

May you always give when you can to those who need it.

Hubby's Challenge

This morning, Hubby challenged me to list only those things I'm grateful for about *gulp* ME. He's noticed my gratitude lists have included other people, or things - not things about me. So, in honor of hubby, I'm going to take a deep breath, and do this. Can I actually come up with 26? Eek!That being said...

I'm grateful ...
1 - for my smile
2 - for my unique ability to express my feelings through letters, many times resulting in happy tears and the other person feeling loved
3 - for my eyes - I think they are beautiful
4 - for how my body has changed since the birth of Squeak
5 - for my hair - I am enjoying it being long
6 - for being/daring to wear my hair in pigtails
7 - for my life - I love my life and my family
8 - for being able to birth 2 children naturally (no pain meds or IV)
9 - for my style
10 - for my ability to inspire others
11 - for being able to lead retreats
12 - that I can love and adore my husband and children on a level I wasn't even aware of
13 - for my creativity
14 - for my compassion
15 - for being able to creative an environment in my home, that people come from afar just to enjoy and relax in
16 - that I dare to step outside the norm, and keep my life as peaceful as possible instead of
17 - that I enjoy being alone
18 - that I have realized that I enjoy being with certain people more than others, and that I no longer feel badly about it
19 - for my ability to nurture and pamper others (now, to work that ability on myself!)
20 - that I love people deeply
21 - that I am a sensual being
22 - that I can do reiki
23 - that I can write and that I enjoy it
24 - that I'm taking on the challenge of homeschooling
25 - that I care so much
26 - that I chose to marry an amazing husband, whom is just what I need on so many levels, and whom for my love is unconditional

And now, I challenge YOU dear readers. Can you come up with 26 (more or less) things you are grateful for about you? Go for it!

26 Things I'm Grateful For

1. The little one in my lap helping me work.
2. Naps - when I can get them.
3. Good friends - the ones who just let you be who you are, loving you and supporting you.
4. Good friends getting engaged.
5. Spending an afternoon cooking with my eldest.
6. Chocolate chip cookies - fresh from the oven.
7. Popcorn for dinner.
8. Getting to spend time with old friends I haven't seen in ages.
9. Spending a day (or weekend) in PJs.
10. Snuggling with my family.
11. Having time to sketch.
12. Having the support of a global network of friends.
13. Flylady and routines.
14. Watching and being a part of my daughter's education.
15. My husband.
16. Getting a chance to snuggle and chat with my husband.
17. Crocheting a rainbow scarf for my eldest.
18. Beautiful weather.
19. Being able to play in the leaves.
20. Yoga once a week with a friend.
21. Getting to spend Thanksgiving quietly with our little family.
22. Books.
23. The gorgeous colors of yarn.
24. A husband who enjoys cooking.
25. A really comfy bed.
26. Being able to spend Thanksgiving the way that we want - with no guilt.

Focus on Gratitude

Come November, I do my best to bask in gratitude. Each day I remind myself of what I am thankful and grateful for, and it makes a huge difference in my life.

Recently, a lot has been going on in my life - from starting a new homeschooling curriculum with my eldest, to dealing with my youngest having allergies and eating issues, add into that guests, travel, and holidays, staying focused and centered on gratitude is a big thing. It keeps me present and grounded amidst the chaos.

Lately, I've been grateful for SO much:

- my family
- having a job I enjoy
- having some really amazing and supportive friends
- taking time out for me
- having some really precious moments with my girls and my hubby

Taking steps after the unraveling and the leaves have fallen

Falling leaves and yarn - what could they possibly have in common? Well, both are present come fall, as that's when my yarn addiction kicks in, and also, when the leaves change and let go. There is usually a lot of color. Yay! Both of these activities involve letting go - the yarn with patterns that don't work and the leaves to prepare for winter. And, both completely apply to our family at the moment.

We've been unraveling here and there - those things that haven't been working. In some cases we've started over, only to realize that doesn't work either. Some parts that are left, have a good foundation, and we've kept that. Other things, are being unraveled completely. And there are still those favorite project that are finished and just right that are being kept. It's all good.

It's time for a change. There are only a few trees left with their leaves, and soon those too will change and fall, leaving the trunk of the tree bare and easy to see. In many ways, I feel that in our own family, we've been shedding our "leaves", and now we are getting a clear look at what has been under them. And, in order to grow, we realized we'd benefit with a bit of pruning and going within.

Hubby and I have been taking a good look at our lives, and we've come to a few realizations/revelations:

• We aren't eating as healthy as we could be, and the affects are showing.
• We also need to start seriously looking into recipes for Squeak. Right now, she's still working through her eating issues. Eventually though, she'll be eating real foods. Which means we're enjoying eggs and wheat while we can. Eventually, it'll be banned from the house.
  
• When things get to us, we have turned to food or material things. This has not benefited our finances in the least.
• We've not been keeping up with the decluttering - and it's showing.
  
• It's time to be more aware of our spending. This year, we've not been keeping track, and it's showing. It's time to reel it in.
• Our attitudes have been, as of late, not the best they can be. Lack of sleep has left us a bit snippy, and it's reflected through our house. So, it's time for a shift.
  

On the positive side,

• We've discovered (or rediscovered in many cases) a positive and supportive network of friends who have been incredibly amazing, helping us to grow and change in many ways.
• We are realizing what's most beneficial for our family, and taking steps to make it happen.
  

So, I'm posting them here for accountability, for you dear readers to see.