How to Take Care of You

Make a list of what fills your soul. Keep it somewhere where you can look at it on a regular basis. Then, implement it into your day/week/month/etc. Jennifer Louden wrote a great book called The Woman’s Comfort Book which has a lot of exercises and activities for taking care of one’s self. I remember reading an article a long time ago, I think on her old website about keeping your tank full. I’d totally cite it, if I had the information.

Anyway, it asked you to figure out what you personally need to fill your tank (food, sleep, etc.), the oil changes (massage, spa day, lunch with a friend or friends, pedicure, hair cut, etc.), and the major maintenance (a long vacation, a weekend retreat, etc.). Knowing these things is wonderful to keep you focused and feeling fulfilled instead of overwhelmed. Your list may change over time, so it’s good to have “check-in” days every once in a while (preferably while soaking in a tub of hot water amongst lots of bubbles, or when enjoying vanilla tea with crumpets).

When you know what makes your heart sing, what fills you with intense joy, and what brings you peace and helps you feel relaxed, it makes a huge difference as to how you live your life, and what is truly important. It’s easier to say no to things and keep focused.

Perspective, Pause, and Awareness

As you may or may not know, we live a full life. I don't like the word busy - it's a little too negative for me, and doesn't embody the richness of the word full. My days are filled with feedings, fixing meals, home schooling, working from home, playtime (with kids and hubby), and sleep. On the occasional day we need to go out for activities, play dates and classes. There is a lot going on, and by the end of the day I’m one tuckered mama.

I love it though. There have been times when I’ve been totally overwhelmed and stressed out. I’ve hit the chocolate and any other sugary concoction within reach. There have been days that whizzed by, leaving me wondering what happened, and wondering how my children have grown so fast. And then, every so often, I’m blessed with those days that leave me feeling loved and full, regardless of how the house looks and how things didn’t go according to plan.

This year, the importance of being aware of my perspective became crystal clear. I started to pay attention to how we were spending our time. I’m still working on this, and I’m much more aware of what I need, and what my family needs. And then I noticed, that by simply being aware of my thoughts and how I perceived things, made all the difference.

When I feed the baby, I remind myself that I am nurturing and loving her. I take in her scent, what she looks like, how she feels in my arms. I am focused on her. When I homeschool, I remind myself that I am nurturing my child’s mind and heart. I focus on her, give lots of snuggles and hugs, and take her in. When I am cooking dinner, I remind myself that I am nurturing and loving my family. When I am cleaning up the dishes, I remind myself that I am nurturing my home. When I am working, I remind myself that I could be making a difference in my student’s life, and that through working I am blessing my family with my income.

Life really is what you make of it. Choose to see the world through rose-colored glasses, and you'll be a lot happier in the long run (in my humble opinion that is). Take the time to notice things - precious baby toes, a child's soft skin, the feel of a strong hug, the tender life of a snowflade - and you'll find that things slow down. Be aware, and be amazed.

Handling the Holidays

This holiday we did several things:

* Decided what our goals were and what we wanted from this holiday season.

* Said No. A lot.

* Decided what traditions we liked, didn’t, and wanted to start. (Did this with activities as well.)

* Simplified gift giving to the extreme.

* Scheduled special things for the family and just for me

* Most importantly – agreed to not freak out if everything didn’t get done on the list.

What type of holiday do you want?

Last year’s holiday was so totally chaotic and stressful for me. Add to that discovering I was pregnant and we were sick most of the time… well, it was not the holiday we wanted it to be. So, this year we decided we wanted a holiday filled with joy, family time, PEACE, gratitude, relaxation, and wonder. Keeping these words in my head helped me to focus on what it was all about for us.

Saying No.

This has always been hard for me, but this year, it got easier, and will be easier now that I’ve felt the benefits. We said no to travel, no to cookie baking (oh the horror, I know – but this year it made a world of difference!), no to certain gifts (more on this later), no to Christmas lights, no to spending time with people we didn’t want to, no to a variety of things… and guess what? It gave us time to say yes to things we really wanted to do.

Now, next year, I may want to bake cookies. This year, we didn’t get around to it. Next year, I may want to travel. I have given myself permission to change my mind. And that’s just fine.

Oh, and my favorite phrases for which to say no are:

* I have plans.

* If you need an answer right now, I have to say no.

* That’s not possible.

I’ve found that if you offer excuses or reasons someone is guaranteed to counter argue you, and it’s not worth it.

Traditions and lists

I didn’t realize until this year that traveling was totally stressful for me. Trying to see a ton of people in a short amount of time, missing out on those individual connections, and dealing with hurt feelings of people we didn’t get together with is not enjoyable for me. It was nice to not have to deal with any of that.

I also discovered we’d started several traditions – Christmas-tide activities, decorating a gingerbread house, dinner with friends, watching Christmas movies, dancing and singing to Christmas songs with the kids, made pinecone birdfeeders, etc. All of these things filled me to the brim with joy.

I was also very aware not to over schedule things. We determined how many activities, and when we did them, and what was best for us. Instead of exhausting ourselves with 3 and 4 activities a weekend, we choose to do 1 or 2 instead.

And, I’ve made a list, checked it twice, included what activities we didn’t want to do, and those that were nice. It’s made it easier to say no and plan things.

Gift Giving

We keep this extremely simple. (Some people feel it’s too simple, and that’s cool as you need to find what works best for you.) About 15 years ago, I was giving gifts to 60 or more people a year – to far removed acquaintances and out of guilt. Then, I got married and hubby was more than a little freaked out by the bills from our first Christmas.

So, we talked it over and decided that we were only giving gifts to our immediate family: our kids, our parents, our nephew, each other, and maybe a few other people depending on the situation. Everyone else gets experiences. My favorite is the dinner hubby makes for certain friends each year, or having people up for a weekend at our “B&B”. Gifts have become so much more meaningful.

I also start the gifts in September. Grandfathers get a calendar with pics (which I update through the year). The moms get books they are interested in. My nephew got a magazine subscription. And – we ordered most of the things online to save going to the stores. As we are big into keeping clutter out of our house, we really try to give gifts that can be used or that we know for certain will be enjoyed.

Scheduling

This year we did a lot of family activities together, and I also did a few things for me. I made sure I had time to paint. I went out with a friend for cocoa. I found time to read, journal, blog, exercise and do yoga. All of these things made a huge difference, “filling my tank” so that I could remain calm and peaceful through out the season. And jolly. Doing these things for me helped me to be very jolly indeed.

Most Important

Agreeing to not freak out if things didn’t get done, gave me permission to let things be and not worry if things didn’t happen according to plan. And if I did freak out, I could do it for a little bit, and then let it go. Out of everything, it made the most difference.

Dreaming of something drastic (sort of)

This morning, I sit here toying with the idea of deleting a ton of blogs on my reader that have been gathering. The past few months, I've been going through blogs, and have managed to let go of a few, gain a few more, and let go of a few more.

This morning though, I wondered what it might be like if I deleted most of them... without even reading them. Or if I deleted most of the websites I've been referring to, or I catch myself checking each day.

Hmmm...

An Internal Shift

My mind has been filled with all sorts of thoughts lately. Instead of spreading them about, getting external input, I've been letting them baste and stew about in my head, swirling around until things become clear, and even if they don't. In return, I'm becoming aware of an amazing clarity involving myself, the way I live my life, and so many other things.

Within the last four days, I feel as though I've rediscovered a part of me that I'd thought I'd reasoned and rationalized out. And yet, somehow, it has managed to "sneak" back in, then again, maybe it never really left?

Amidst these last few full days, I've connected to something within. I feel as though I'm on the verge of something wonderful, as though my spirit has been set free again. I'm not sure where this is all going, though I am enjoying the journey.

Thinking...

I am thinking of creating a blog about our personal journey with homeschooling.

Would anyone be interested in checking it out?

I've started it... just trying to decide if I should open it to the public. ;)

Thankful

Today I am thankful for so very many things...

soft moments of a 3 month old's chatter... sunlight spilling in a window and onto the floor... snowfalls scattered throughout the week, leaving the ground white and decking the trees in winter's wonder... moments with dear friends... peaceful bliss... cuddles and snuggles from my daughters... moments caught on film... moments of preciousness... hot cocoa... hot tea... the crunch of snowy foot prints... SouleMama's newest arrival... flannel sheets... a momma's hug... the smell of a babe... the soft skin of a child's cheek... flannel PJs... Winter's sky... rose scented hand lotion... friend's returning to good health... expectant mothers... a baby's laugh... feel of warm blankets... scent of pumpkin pie... spending the holiday with my mom... the gift of giving someone what they really want... making someone's holiday... my sweet nephew... my dear brother... my father... an amazing husband... reconnecting with old friends... Autumn's grace... being able to pay the bills... a crisp new book of poetry... the warmth of my husband's arms... writing letters... painting... being creative... fairies... a cozy home... the choice to live my life simply... the decadence of winter's quiet... the peacefulness of hibernation and the focus on family... being able to homeschool... windows... sunlight... changing leaves... life... my life... new life... togetherness... bliss

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!