Thankful

Today I am thankful for so very many things...

soft moments of a 3 month old's chatter... sunlight spilling in a window and onto the floor... snowfalls scattered throughout the week, leaving the ground white and decking the trees in winter's wonder... moments with dear friends... peaceful bliss... cuddles and snuggles from my daughters... moments caught on film... moments of preciousness... hot cocoa... hot tea... the crunch of snowy foot prints... SouleMama's newest arrival... flannel sheets... a momma's hug... the smell of a babe... the soft skin of a child's cheek... flannel PJs... Winter's sky... rose scented hand lotion... friend's returning to good health... expectant mothers... a baby's laugh... feel of warm blankets... scent of pumpkin pie... spending the holiday with my mom... the gift of giving someone what they really want... making someone's holiday... my sweet nephew... my dear brother... my father... an amazing husband... reconnecting with old friends... Autumn's grace... being able to pay the bills... a crisp new book of poetry... the warmth of my husband's arms... writing letters... painting... being creative... fairies... a cozy home... the choice to live my life simply... the decadence of winter's quiet... the peacefulness of hibernation and the focus on family... being able to homeschool... windows... sunlight... changing leaves... life... my life... new life... togetherness... bliss

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

A letter of welcome, and reflection on life

This was a letter that I've decided to post. It was written to welcome my littlest one to this world. I've tweaked it a bit, for blogging purposes. It is here as a reminder to me about this year, and life in general. If, by some chance, you wish to share it with others, you can link them here, or just ask me.

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I sit here at 6 a.m. – the muse stirring within me, begging me to write a few words. And so I sit here, pen to paper, for when the muse wishes to inspire – I find it’s best to listen.

It has been a wild year for some of us; filled with surprises and the unexpected. At first glance, these events might seem overwhelming and easily labeled as “good” or “bad”. They are neither. They are life.

And life happens. Things happen. And we can choose to run and hide; we can choose to deny; or we can choose to embrace with acceptance. We can choose to love. We can choose to let go.

Most people I know, struggle to reach that sacred plateau that society has somehow promised us. It’s that place of security where everything goes as we’d like; we are always happy; and things, of course, are wonderful. If we find this plateau, we are then “safe”. Is this realistic, or an unrealistic expectation? I believe that there is more, much more, to it.

Life is constantly changing. We are constantly growing. There is no stop button, and the pause button doesn’t work for long. There is no plateau of safety promised to us by if/when this happens… then this…

If you want to be happy, choose it. If you want bliss, choose it. The only constant and “secure” things in life are change and love. You don’t stop change. You don’t stop love or someone from loving you either.

Over the last few months, there have been two mantras in my life:

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

I CAN HANDLE IT.

This too shall pass. Those sweet, bliss-filled moments we don’t want to end – the time with good friends, that vacation, those first few moments after a baby is born, a wedding day, a really excellent piece of chocolate. These moments only last for so long – then they end. Of course, this also means those uncomfortable moments of the unexpected, the discomfort, the stages of life in general will pass too.

We grow. We change. And so do others. This is the constant. And we can handle it.

This last year, I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to take a good look at my life. I’ve been blessed with the unexpected and having things not go the way I would have preferred. The end result has been POSSIBILITIES, LOVE (from my opened heart and the out pouring from others), and a fresh view on life.

So I guess what I’m saying is that amidst the frustrations are moments of peace and bliss. Grab hold, accept, go with the flow to see where it leads. Be willing to let go. Embrace Love. Welcome love, embrace acceptance, pay attention and fully immerse yourself in those bitter and sweet moments. Keep the memory, and release your grasp. It’s okay to let go and make space for more precious moments.

Perhaps, by focusing on the moments of peace and bliss, those frustrations won’t seem so frustrating. Maybe, you’ll even see that it’s not what happens; it’s how you react to what happens that makes the difference between a “good” and “bad” experience. Everyone sees things through his or her own eyes. Perspectives might be similar, not the same.

And so I say…

Live your life.

Dance to its rhythm – there will be songs you enjoy, songs you may not like – slow songs, fast songs. Songs you feel good listening too. Songs you may not be fond of. Some are short and others too long. Dance with your self; grab a partner.

When you welcome life – you welcome it all. And if it gets too much, there is a place of safety and refuge: a place to pause and BE.

Take a deep breath.

Close your eyes.

Let your consciousness sink with you.

Feel the quiet.

Feel the peace.

It’s always there.

It’s for you.

Sweet daughter – today we embrace you and welcome you. You have brought forth such unexpected, amazing, and wonderful gifts to our lives.

Welcome to life little one. May you always dance to life’s rhythm. May you live fully in the moment – embracing, enjoying, and remembering – “this too shall pass” and that there will always be moments that you CAN handle. May you and your sister remember this. May you know and BE love.

My sweet darlings – live your life. Welcome it as we have welcomed you. Know you are loved by those here and those who are not present today.

Be yourself. Discover what you enjoy and what inspires you. As you discover yourselves, remember to respect others as they too, are discovering. (We are all discovering.) Remember that life is not constant – nor are you.

Sometimes, you’ll need faith and hope.

Other times, you’ll know what to do.

Things will change.

You will always be loved.

There is peace within you.

This reminds me of a blessing from the movie Under the Lighthouse Dancing, and so I say to you:

Deep peace of the running wave to you.

Deep peace of the flowing air to you.

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.

Deep peace of the shining start to you.

Deep peace of the sun of peace to you.

Amidst the change and growth – there is peace and love. Just breathe and be aware.

I love you both.

Love Always, Mommy

Finding my groove again...

I sit here enjoying the chill of autumn while "talking" to my littlest one, Pookii, who is cooing up a storm, and helping my eldest, Pook, find blank paper to draw on.

This month has been filled to the brim and beyond with awesome friends and family. We've been stepping out with our two gals, and more active in the past few weeks, then we've been, possibly in the last year. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with a now 8-week-old, lack of sleep, and all the running around, I feel invigorated and challenged.

This past week, I even ventured out to the park with the kiddos on my own. I wasn't quite ready for the library afterwards though - we'll try that next week.

It's becoming quite obvious to me though, that I'm finding my groove again. I'm dancing to multiple rhythms, seeking a pace that suits me, and enjoying the groove. I'm rediscovering myself, being forced to determine priorities, and enjoying it.

Some things are changing, others are being giving a new glance. It's rather exciting, and I'm definitely enjoying these moments.

Images of Autumn

Not too much to say today. Just enjoying the oddly warm weather and sunshine. Perfect for outdoor picnics or sketching the changes of the season.

Listening to the bird calls in the wee hours of the morning and during the day.

Watching the changes around us.

I love Autumn.

The reds and golds....

The leafy piles for crunching and playing in...

Hurray!

Precious moments...

Sometimes life throws curves balls, and other times, it deals up blissful dishes. And then, there are those times when life deals the unexpected, and you can choose to make it a blissful dish, or, at least have a good laugh.

My mother was up here for the last week, and this weekend we are having my favorite Twins visit us from Canada. (And yes K, I know you make 3 instead of 2, we just lump y'all together now! ;) )

In the past week, I've done things I hadn't done in years - went to a kid's day at the farm with a "pumpkin patch", corn maze, petting zoo - lots of fun stuff. My mom got to come along and enjoy the fun, as Pook commandeered her for the afternoon. I dug in the earth, planted plants, helped to set up a garden for next year. We had a picnic in the backyard on a blanket (we've not done that since we've moved here - 8 years ago!)

We were supposed to go to a fall party with the homeschool group, and due to weather and Pook not wanting to leave her little sister behind, ended up having our own Autumnal Celebration with hot cocoa and snacks. We spent a lovely gray afternoon painting. Pook painted her pumpkin that was for the party. Mom painted a picture of a pumpkin for Pook. PookII (pronounced Pookie, and short for Pook the sequel) slept. And I watercolored a set of sunflower cards for myself to write sunny thoughts upon and then mail.

Oh how I've missed painting! I even helped my mom to see that painting with watercolors was fun. She had a blast. A wonderful way to end her visit.

Lately, I have noticed that I've stopped putting things on hold. I've been making plans, pushing beyond my self-imposed, fear-based boundaries, and having FUN!

I am choosing to shift my perspective to a more sunny place, and embracing the unexpected with open arms. A simple phone call has lead to 3 fun invites. This weekend is full of good friends and activities.

I feel as though I'm rediscovering life, my life, in a sense. I'm moving (as in activity, not housing). I'm enjoying. I'm making the most of things, and dragging the family along with me. ;)

Today, the possibilities are endless... and it's wonderful.

A good look

There's something about a new babe that gets you to take a good look at your life. At least, that's what I've been telling myself. This new lil one has truly been a gift, as well as a spotlight on my life and how I make my way through the days. Lately, my view has expanded into a wider view of how I've lived my life, and I'm not sure that I like what I have been seeing.

One thing that has stood out, was that I love to understand the whys and hows of things and people. I like to figure out why people do things, why I do things, etc., and what would benefit me even more would changing things as opposed to figure them out. If that makes sense.

Perhaps, it's the sleep deprivation or some other reason that's not really relevant. I'm now seeing I have a choice. Make changes, or accept things as they are. And I'm seeing that change is not something I'm particularly fond of. When it happens, there's a part of me that strives to hold on to what was before in some way, a part of me that doesn't want to let go. Although, there have been changes that I've jumped into, relishing the change they brought, hoping the change would reflect on every part.

In any case, I'm thinking I might do something radical. I don't know what exactly. I suppose I'm still figuring it out. I am aware that change would be beneficial. Now, there's finding the motivation to make it.

My life is no longer mine, but then, was it ever?

My sweet Dove (aka Pook II the sequel), is now three weeks old. (We call her Dove as she "coos" in her sleep.) It feels as though it has been much longer. Time is short with the breastfeeding, working on proper latching, pumping, and feedings. Pook wants to play and needs to eat too. The computer is no longer a priority, but something I might spend a brief 5 minutes on here or there providing I get a moment from Dove and Pook doesn't need me.

And I've still got another 3 weeks before I pick up with work again.

I know it's only been 3 weeks, and that things will settle into more of a routine and rhythm as we go along. I see it in little things - like the cleaning up after meals and pumping.

I've decided that my hubby is the world's best kept secret. Not only is he awesome and great; he's been such a blessing with all of the help he's been offering. He was only able to take off 2 weeks this time, and he is immensely helpful with feedings, cleaning, and making sure Pook gets time in there too. Even if he is sacrificing his sleep in the process.

For now, parts of our life are on hold. The homeschooling routine (the set curriculum books and projects) is on hold, though we are always learning. The house is not as neat as it once was, and in regards to food, we do what we can. I've found that while pumping, I can get reading done. Maybe I'll be able to do it if the nursing continues to improve as well. We shall see.

For now, I'm going with the flow, watching things develop, and learning a lot with how I prioritize things. I've got some decisions to make in the next few months, in particular when I return to work. Maybe I'll find time to write about that later. But for now, my time on here is up as Dove is calling and Pook wants to play.