This too shall pass

This has been my latest mantra. I've used it before, and lately, it's been really keeping me on track in many aspects.

I find myself saying it when the baby within me stretches into tender sections of my side or rib cage, or when I see a bump in my belly that is most definitely a knee. When I rub my belly and feel movement within, or think about how my belly will be gone once this baby joins us on the outside.

When I start to think about labor, I remind myself that "This too shall pass". I won't be in pain forever, and at the end, I'll get a sweet little gift to hold and cuddle.

I'm sure that it will be at the forefront of my thoughts on those nights I'm getting up to feed, changing diapers, and caring for the new little one.

And too, when I'm counting little fingers and toes, taking in that baby smell, I will be reminded that "this too shall pass". Especially when I look at my sweet 5-year-old.

Yesterday, when I went for my check up, we discovered that I am 50% effaced and 1-2 centimeters dilated. Oh yes, reality of how close I am to holding a new little one is hitting hard. I am treasuring each moment, taking it all in, basking in the belly, the free time, the quiet mornings... because I am all to aware, that "this too shall pass".

August already?

Where has the time gone?

According to the little electronic record keeper that is programmed with my due date of September 3, 2009, I've got 31 days until the due date.

Although between last night and today, I'm convinced this little one is ready to make an appearance at any time. Between the back pain, the moving little being within, and the braxton hicks contractions... I am feeling it.

And I'm giddy. I'm excited to greet this new life within me, and at the same time, doing my best not to remember too much about the pain from my first birth. I'm on my way to being a momma twice, and with each day, each moment, it becomes more real.

Seeing the little bumps as the feet move across my belly. Feeling the discomfort as the little one stretches, pushing the head deeper into my cervix, and those little feet along my rib cage.

I've found myself wondering what the baby will look like, what my body is going to look like after this one, what my life is going to be like... And I don't know. There's something to that not knowing I think. :)

In about 30 days (or more or less) - my life is going to change. Our lives are going to change. Wow.

One other thing - The Little Travelers

I came across these today for kids:
http://thelittletravelers.com/dvd.htm

Too cool. Also, quite pricey for the time limits of each. But, Pook seems to want them and is interested in them.

Synchronicity? :)

So, the other day I post about my addictions and working to deal or overcome with them. (I can report on the computer front that I've managed to delete several blogs from my list and websites that I was checking daily. As for the chocolate front... well... )

So then, Age posts a link to here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/04/business/04unbox.html

which mentions practicing a Japanese technique called kaizen.

Then, this evening I came across this post:
http://zenhabits.net/2008/07/how-to-establish-new-habits-the-no-sweat-way/

which links to the first article.

Pretty cool, eh?

I wonder how I could apply kaizen to my computer addiction and my general fear to do those things I seem to be drawn too. Hmmm...

Oops... maybe I need to be getting back to setting that timer. I can at least say my time on here today was less than yesterday's. Of course, we were out at the farm all day...

Logging off for the evening...

A fly on my wall...

Each morning I log on, my homepage comes up with The Daily Motivator. Some days, I briefly skim it, and then there are days like today when I read a post that hits so close to home, I swear Ralph has been listening in to conversations around my house, or, even better, my brain waves. Like today's post on conquering doubt for instance.

Recently I've been made more aware of my knack of avoiding things. I could also tell you about my discovery (and heretofore admissions - gulp!) of my addictions to such things as the computer, various blogs, chocolate, as well as a few other things that I could probably do without, yet have a really hard time letting go of. In any case, in avoiding dealing with these addictions, as well as other life challenges, I'm realizing it's not left me feeling very good about myself.

Last night, while having a discussion with my beloved, I'd mentioned a few things I admired and even envied about others. He asked me, "So if you admire or envy these things so much, why aren't you doing them?"

I feel the tightness in my chest and tried to hide in my pillow as I softly responded, "I don't know."

"Well, there's obviously a reason, as you say you want to do them, but you aren't doing them."

I hated that I'd had similar conversations before with a friend of mine. I hated admitting that he was right, and I didn't want to look closer, to see the weakness that was obviously the root of the issue. It was easier to think I couldn't do something, to come up with reasons why I couldn't do something, than to admit it was me.

As my mind wandered, I realized that I'm really good at coming up with excuses for not doing something. I heard the familiar reel start in my head, "It's because you're lazy... you're not good enough... "

And then my beloved pointed out my addictions, and the part in which they played. In particular to this little machine I sit typing on. As my stomach fell, I realized that he was right. "So why is it so hard? Why can't I just stop?"

"Why can't you?" he asked, then replied, "Because it's far too easy to keep an addiction. The addiction is part of your comfort zone." It then hit me, I do not like to step out of my comfort zone, especially when it's feeling particularly cozy. *Sigh*.

And then, when I logged on and read Ralph's post today, something hit home:

"If you wait until conditions are perfect, all you'll ever do is wait. Great accomplishments are given birth by starting from where you are with what you have."

That's one of my main reasons for not doing things. (Perhaps I'm addicted to being a perfectionist?).

So maybe what I need to do, is take Ralph's words today to heart, "Stop wondering and start doing. Once you've done it you'll always know, without the slightest doubt, that you can."

First step, is to step away from this computer, and set a timer when I check in for work later.

If I had commandments for happiness...

Over at the blog The Happiness Project, there's a nifty article with Six tips for designing your happiness commandments. The blog consists of the memoirs of Gretchen Rubin, and her year trying out a variety of happiness principles. It's pretty interesting.

So her post got me thinking about my own commandments for happiness, which I don't have and aren't set in stone, but found interesting to ponder.

Here's what I've come up with so far, in no particular order:

1 Breathe.
2 Enjoy it now; who knows when later will be?
3 Make the most of the moment. "Be in awe."- The last one is from the site.
4 Let it go.
5 Be aware of expectations; expect nothing, and possibilities are open.
6 After acceptance, comes freedom.
7 Go outside (or bring the outside in).
8 Forgive (myself and others).
9 Read more.
10 Be polite and respectful.
11 Smile often.
12 You don't "have to" and you can say "No" and leave it at that.
13 Enjoy.

What are your commandments for happiness, if you have any?

PS. I LOVE this article too, about her "spending out", or, hoarding new underwear. :)

2 months until the first due date

As of today, July 3rd, I've officially got 2 months to go until September 3rd, the due date for this little one growing in my belly.

I'm still not sure where exactly June has gone, but it's gone, and it's 3 days into July already.

Wow.

For the first time in about 7 months, I'm finally feeling really good. These last seven months have been a challenge filled with busy-hecticness, illness, and more.

But now, summer is here. Activities have slowed down. I'm making time to read and be quiet. I'm getting up early again, excited to get the things of the day done. Excited to make the most of these last couple months before our lives change with a new little bundle of joy to embrace and love.

I'm actually embracing the unknown, the not knowing if it will be a boy or a girl, or how things will be with a new baby and 5-yr-old. With Pook, we so thought we had it figured out. Not this time. This time, there are no expectations. There's a little fear, but overall, it's very freeing this not knowing.

And so, today I realize I've only got 2 months (or about that) to go. I'm making the most of my now thick and luxurious hair, my beautiful belly, my sweet pregnancy clothes (that I love I tell you, LOVE).

Once Baby is here, my body will change. My belly will be empty. My hair will start to thin out again. I'll have another little one to care for. In two months, my life is going to change.

I'm excited. I'm a little nervous.

PS> We've been getting a lot of questions about what we might need. We have a lot of the things from Pook. However, if you feel so inclined and you are in the area - meals would be SO lovely. Offers to clean the house will also be accepted (as hubby's been spoiled with me doing the cleaning for a while!) ;)

If you aren't in the area, knowing that you are thinking of us would be dandy. Pook is big on mail too. And I've been wanting a sleep sack or two like here.

Seriously though, we really don't need anything. Thoughts and good wishes are most appreciated though.