Thoughts have been most prevalent for me as of late. I don't know if it's a hormonal thing, or what exactly, but I seem to be concerned with things that haven't yet happened, and with no resolute conclusion.
At least I'm aware of it.
And, I realize, that I've wasted so much energy trying to figure things out, or thinking about how I could've/would've/should've done things differently. I'm not, I admit, very patient with myself on this.
Last night, I was reading The Places that Scare You, by Pema Chodron, and something clicked for me. Actually, things have been clicking since I picked up the book a few weeks ago. (And, uh, yes, I'm one of those people that have book marks in 3-5 books around the house at all times to pick up and peruse when I get a moment.)
Pema covers the basic philosophies of Buddhism from her sect (I say this, as after going to Taiwan, I've since learned that not all Buddhism is the same. :) ) But what really stuck with me, was her comment about how even though we know things are impermanent, we still seek that security and resolution of permanence.
This lead me to wondering why it's so hard for us to accept that things change, and to be okay with not being secure? Perhaps we long for security of some sort, because it's easier than accepting otherwise? Hmmm...
Acceptance has been such a big thing for me lately. And it really gets hard when it comes to Pook, who's been dealing with digestive issues for quite a while, and to whom I need to take back to the doctor again. With me, it's easier, but with children - I don't like seeing her hurt, and I know that I've no control over it, which is frustrating for me.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Nesting Part 3 - Living Room, Hallway and Guest Room
The nesting continues, so feel free to skip this post if you aren't into it. Last weekend we tackled the Living Room, which ended spilling over into the hallway and guest room. The Living Room (LR) is still in the works, but has started to take on a definite shape.
When discussing the room, we discovered a variety of functions and purposes. The LR is where we play, relax, read, have fun, entertain, rest, unwind, live and learn. It's an eclectic mishmosh of furniture with a variety of bookshelves, a small TV hidden away in an armoir, two old Victorian type chairs in royal blue velvet that were once my grandmother's and a sofa with a bright red sofa cover on it that was once my mom's. (Hint: Sofa covers rule when you have kids. Cleanup is SO much easier!)
So, though it's not necessarily what we've have picked if we'd decorated it ourselves, we are blessed in that most of the things were given to us by others. And, with a Pook and another on the way, I really, really, appreciate the fact that our furniture comes from others. :)
The focus of the room used to be a huge charcoal drawing of my brother when he was a toddler. Though beautiful, it didn't quite fit the feel that we were going for, so, we took it down and replaced it with a lovely sea otter and (can you guess?) more pictures of nature. Interestingly enough, there seems to be a fall theme going on in the pictures, with the changing leaves that we noticed after we'd hung them.
We even took into consideration what pictures we wanted to see and from what angles, so that the one we really enjoyed can be seen from various rooms of the house.
Since the hallway is right next to the LR, we hung the pics of Pook back up, complete with her map of the world at her eye level. It's still taking me to get used to the lack of space, but as she loves to point out various places like Madagascar, Taiwan, and Antarctica, it's definitely serving it's purpose.
As for the guest room, we were going to hang the charcoal of my brother in there, until I talked to him (my actual brother, NOT the one in the picture!) ;) and found out that he really wanted it. I was going to hold on to it until I was sure, but knowing that it's going to a new home (where I'll likely get to enjoy it anyway) makes me feel really good. Plus, I didn't realize the relief I'd feel, as now Hubby won't have to worry about hanging it (he hates hanging it!) and I don't have to find it a space on the wall.
So, the guest room hasn't really changed picture wise, save for we changed one and didn't return another. The other day, I cleaned out the closet and armoir that's in there, adding to the pile on the basement, which might just be tackled this weekend. Maybe. :)
The hall is definitely finished, complete with the purging of the hall closet and removal of old medicines, bug sprays, and suntan lotions. The pictures will hopefully be updated after the arrival of Pook 2. We shall see. :)
The guest room too, is pretty much done. The armoir's been reorganized and purged, as has the closet. And the LR is still in process, as I sift through books (I'm LOVING paperbackswap.com - which encourages me to get rid of books that others are wishing for) and decide on pictures. I may just need to leave a blank spot for a while. We shall see.
Slowly, the house is taking shape, and interestingly enough, I'm not in a rush, save to figure out which pictures to send back with family in June. (Only because I'd like them out of the house!) :) Aside from the basement, there is the dinning room, kitchen, and foyer, and the storage area of the basement which doesn't need decorating, so much as reorganization and purging.
It's been interesting watching what we now enjoy, and giving ourselves permission to put up those pictures that really touch us, and discovering just what those are.
This weekend, we'll be in the basement.
When discussing the room, we discovered a variety of functions and purposes. The LR is where we play, relax, read, have fun, entertain, rest, unwind, live and learn. It's an eclectic mishmosh of furniture with a variety of bookshelves, a small TV hidden away in an armoir, two old Victorian type chairs in royal blue velvet that were once my grandmother's and a sofa with a bright red sofa cover on it that was once my mom's. (Hint: Sofa covers rule when you have kids. Cleanup is SO much easier!)
So, though it's not necessarily what we've have picked if we'd decorated it ourselves, we are blessed in that most of the things were given to us by others. And, with a Pook and another on the way, I really, really, appreciate the fact that our furniture comes from others. :)
The focus of the room used to be a huge charcoal drawing of my brother when he was a toddler. Though beautiful, it didn't quite fit the feel that we were going for, so, we took it down and replaced it with a lovely sea otter and (can you guess?) more pictures of nature. Interestingly enough, there seems to be a fall theme going on in the pictures, with the changing leaves that we noticed after we'd hung them.
We even took into consideration what pictures we wanted to see and from what angles, so that the one we really enjoyed can be seen from various rooms of the house.
Since the hallway is right next to the LR, we hung the pics of Pook back up, complete with her map of the world at her eye level. It's still taking me to get used to the lack of space, but as she loves to point out various places like Madagascar, Taiwan, and Antarctica, it's definitely serving it's purpose.
As for the guest room, we were going to hang the charcoal of my brother in there, until I talked to him (my actual brother, NOT the one in the picture!) ;) and found out that he really wanted it. I was going to hold on to it until I was sure, but knowing that it's going to a new home (where I'll likely get to enjoy it anyway) makes me feel really good. Plus, I didn't realize the relief I'd feel, as now Hubby won't have to worry about hanging it (he hates hanging it!) and I don't have to find it a space on the wall.
So, the guest room hasn't really changed picture wise, save for we changed one and didn't return another. The other day, I cleaned out the closet and armoir that's in there, adding to the pile on the basement, which might just be tackled this weekend. Maybe. :)
The hall is definitely finished, complete with the purging of the hall closet and removal of old medicines, bug sprays, and suntan lotions. The pictures will hopefully be updated after the arrival of Pook 2. We shall see. :)
The guest room too, is pretty much done. The armoir's been reorganized and purged, as has the closet. And the LR is still in process, as I sift through books (I'm LOVING paperbackswap.com - which encourages me to get rid of books that others are wishing for) and decide on pictures. I may just need to leave a blank spot for a while. We shall see.
Slowly, the house is taking shape, and interestingly enough, I'm not in a rush, save to figure out which pictures to send back with family in June. (Only because I'd like them out of the house!) :) Aside from the basement, there is the dinning room, kitchen, and foyer, and the storage area of the basement which doesn't need decorating, so much as reorganization and purging.
It's been interesting watching what we now enjoy, and giving ourselves permission to put up those pictures that really touch us, and discovering just what those are.
This weekend, we'll be in the basement.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
May 12... 7 years of bliss
Seven years on May 12 (yes I'm aware the post is a bit late), I married the love of my life. Seven years, one child, and one on the way later, I am even more in love with my sweet husband.
I adore this man. He is not only a gift in my life; he's a blessing. Each day, I fall more in love with him - if that is possible. He's an amazing father, and we are both so good for each other in so many ways.
Seven years ago, I walked down the aisle on a gorgeous May day on the arm of my father. It was so green and vibrant that day, with a bounty of blossoms, rays of sunshine, and at the end of the aisle was my future mate.
It hardly feels as though we've been married that long, even though I feel as though we've been together forever. He still makes my heart sing.
Thank you my love, for seven years of bliss and wonder. I look forward to being with you for many more.
AML
Happy 90th Grams...
Today would've been my grandmother's 90th birthday if she was still here in body. Now, however, she's in spirit, and no more pain.
I've caught myself thinking fondly of her today.
Today, I remember you Grams, and celebrate your life, and your legacy. Thank you.
I've caught myself thinking fondly of her today.
Today, I remember you Grams, and celebrate your life, and your legacy. Thank you.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Sweet Memories
This morning Pook asked me if we could make muffins - with pink icing. I stopped, looking at her, thinking of all the thoughts already on my mind, all the things I "had" to do, and then I said, "Yes."
"Let's get our aprons on Mommy! What do we need? Flour? Sugar?
Slowly, methodically, I tied on our aprons. I looked for various recipes, telling her the ingredients - flour, wheat flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, milk eggs. We add the dry ingredients to the white bowl, and with a wooden spoon, she mixes them, humming and smiling. I prep the pan, defrost the raspberries, and drain the juice, which will make our icing pink. We mix the wet ingredients in with the dry, prep the batter, and spoon it into the pan. There is leftover, so I take one of her tiny bread pans and fill it. In the oven it goes.
By now, she's done. I mix the cream cheese, butter, and powdered sugar, adding the raspberry juice to create a pink icing.
"Mommy, will the muffins be pink or brown after they cook?"
"Guess we'll have to wait and see," I tell her and smile.
The icing is done, and in the fridge it goes. I gather the bowls, spoons, cups and things into the sink. I use the lavender scented dish washing soap, inhaling deeply while I wash with the lathered water. I look down at the bowls. I am holding one that is white glass on the inside, orange on the outside. The orange is scraped a bit, but I smile fondly.
It is part of a set of baking bowls my grandmother used.
Carefully I wash the orange and yellow one, sitting them in the tray to dry. I finish up the other dishes and turn off the water. With a soft towel, I begin to dry the orange bowl, stopping to notice the scrapes. I sit the small blue one inside it when I'm done. Then, I work on the yellow one, which I'll place inside the olive green bowl before adding the orange and blue.
My heart is full. My mind has been heavy with thought over the last day, and now, it is resting, light with the joy that I'm baking muffins, as my grandmother did when she was alive, honoring her by using her baking bowls that need to be hand washed.
Who knew that blue, orange, yellow, and green could bring a smile to my lips and song to my heart? Maybe I need to make muffins more often.
"Let's get our aprons on Mommy! What do we need? Flour? Sugar?
Slowly, methodically, I tied on our aprons. I looked for various recipes, telling her the ingredients - flour, wheat flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, milk eggs. We add the dry ingredients to the white bowl, and with a wooden spoon, she mixes them, humming and smiling. I prep the pan, defrost the raspberries, and drain the juice, which will make our icing pink. We mix the wet ingredients in with the dry, prep the batter, and spoon it into the pan. There is leftover, so I take one of her tiny bread pans and fill it. In the oven it goes.
By now, she's done. I mix the cream cheese, butter, and powdered sugar, adding the raspberry juice to create a pink icing.
"Mommy, will the muffins be pink or brown after they cook?"
"Guess we'll have to wait and see," I tell her and smile.
The icing is done, and in the fridge it goes. I gather the bowls, spoons, cups and things into the sink. I use the lavender scented dish washing soap, inhaling deeply while I wash with the lathered water. I look down at the bowls. I am holding one that is white glass on the inside, orange on the outside. The orange is scraped a bit, but I smile fondly.
It is part of a set of baking bowls my grandmother used.
Carefully I wash the orange and yellow one, sitting them in the tray to dry. I finish up the other dishes and turn off the water. With a soft towel, I begin to dry the orange bowl, stopping to notice the scrapes. I sit the small blue one inside it when I'm done. Then, I work on the yellow one, which I'll place inside the olive green bowl before adding the orange and blue.
My heart is full. My mind has been heavy with thought over the last day, and now, it is resting, light with the joy that I'm baking muffins, as my grandmother did when she was alive, honoring her by using her baking bowls that need to be hand washed.
Who knew that blue, orange, yellow, and green could bring a smile to my lips and song to my heart? Maybe I need to make muffins more often.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Nesting Part 2 - The Misty Forest (aka Master Bedroom)
This weekend, we focused on the Master Bedroom. Before putting any of the pictures back onto the walls, I asked Hubby to take a few days and think about what he wanted to feel when he was in the Master Bedroom (MB). The words that came to mind for him were: tranquil, relaxing, and comfortable. We then thought about the look, feel and function of the room.
In regards to the look and feel, he feels most peaceful in a misty forest at dawn. That moment when you hear the birds singing along to other outdoor sounds, a sense of quiet, yet being alive. He wanted to wake up feeling alive and rejuvenated, yet go to bed feeling peaceful, tranquil, and safe. Fortunately, I too adore forests, so I was on board. :)
As our walls are cream on opposites sides and a khaki green on the others, matched with the bedding, this wasn't hard to pull off. We agreed the pictures needed to be of nature. And, the ocean picture I loved, would need to find another home. We have a print of a blooming tree in the middle of the forest that fit the bill. Of course, I wanted to try it in the foyer, but after our talk, it was clear the MB was the best place for it.
The function and purpose of the room were pretty obvious: sleep, relax, meditate, intimacy, getting dressed, starting and ending the day there.
I brought up a few pictures from the basement to get a feel for things. We ended up using some, and one we didn't think we would, but in a certain spot, it fit perfectly! So, it stays. One we weren't sure of, and has since been removed. But the rest, we love.
When you walk in the room, you'll think of a misty forest if you look at the pics. I adore the one corner that can be seen from the hall and the Master Bath. (The Master bath is actually a continuation of the forest theme. I only need to replace 2 pics, and go through the rest of the stuff.) The rest is still coming into place. I'm not sure of knick knacks, or what will go where just yet. Discussing what we wanted the room to feel like, has been really helpful in determining what goes where.
It's still a work in progress, but it's getting there. And hey, tonight, he gets to sleep with pictures on the wall! :)
In regards to the look and feel, he feels most peaceful in a misty forest at dawn. That moment when you hear the birds singing along to other outdoor sounds, a sense of quiet, yet being alive. He wanted to wake up feeling alive and rejuvenated, yet go to bed feeling peaceful, tranquil, and safe. Fortunately, I too adore forests, so I was on board. :)
As our walls are cream on opposites sides and a khaki green on the others, matched with the bedding, this wasn't hard to pull off. We agreed the pictures needed to be of nature. And, the ocean picture I loved, would need to find another home. We have a print of a blooming tree in the middle of the forest that fit the bill. Of course, I wanted to try it in the foyer, but after our talk, it was clear the MB was the best place for it.
The function and purpose of the room were pretty obvious: sleep, relax, meditate, intimacy, getting dressed, starting and ending the day there.
I brought up a few pictures from the basement to get a feel for things. We ended up using some, and one we didn't think we would, but in a certain spot, it fit perfectly! So, it stays. One we weren't sure of, and has since been removed. But the rest, we love.
When you walk in the room, you'll think of a misty forest if you look at the pics. I adore the one corner that can be seen from the hall and the Master Bath. (The Master bath is actually a continuation of the forest theme. I only need to replace 2 pics, and go through the rest of the stuff.) The rest is still coming into place. I'm not sure of knick knacks, or what will go where just yet. Discussing what we wanted the room to feel like, has been really helpful in determining what goes where.
It's still a work in progress, but it's getting there. And hey, tonight, he gets to sleep with pictures on the wall! :)
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Nesting Part 1 - Decluttering on a new level
I've mentioned a few times that I'm getting ready to purge our house of stuff. Okay, maybe more than a few times. ;) But right now, things feel different. I'm taking it to a new level.
Yes, I'm nesting. Being 22 weeks pregnant, this is a natural thing. So, this could be a big part of what is inspiring me to do this. That, and the fact that if I don't, it's going to be pretty tight around here. I also need to give credit to a dear friend of mine (you know who you are!) who has been going through a massive purge of her own, or the Great Heave-Ho as I believe she's referred to it.
If you've been reading this blog for a while, then you'll note that I get urges to declutter on a regular basis. In fact, I've noticed that I get the urge to purge particularly when I've felt that my life was out of control. It was a way to regain control over my environment.
But, I could only take it so far. There were things that I was extremely attached to and couldn't stand to part with. There were things that were given to us, so I felt guilty if I returned them. And when I decluttered, it was all or nothing. I'd take on the whole elephant, instead of baby steps. If I worked on a project, it had to be cleaned up and looking nice by the end of the day.
It exhausted me. It burned me out. Yet, I kept doing it.
And then, my life changed.
For a good chunk of time, while my friend was heave-hoing her things in carloads and going deeper and deeper each time, I had no desire to purge or do anything with the stuff. In fact, I took a month to just let things be. And then, I did something radical. Something I was never bold enough to do. I removed the pictures from the walls - and they are still off the walls weeks later. And I like the space, even the piles in the basement created from the unwalled pictures.
With the pictures gone, I began to remove various things. Again, things I thought I couldn't do without. It was now clear to me, that these were things. Just things, and things I didn't really need, and *gasp* was not enjoying as much as I thought.
Unlike before, I am in no rush to replace the wall hangings. I don't even miss the ones I thought. The more I think about them, the more I wonder what I would put up if I didn't have any pictures. There is a shift happening in my home. Things are taking on something deeper.
Originally, we'd planned to declutter with the purpose of creating more space for baby. We knew that when we started trying for Baby #2. And, most of the decluttering has been to maintain space in our home, and to keep from being overrun with Pook's toys.
I've always wanted to take it to another level. To go as far as I could, only keeping those things that I enjoyed or that brought me joy. To create more space in my home and my life. To get rid of the things that I really didn't want, but held on to - just in case, because it was good feng shui, because it was a gift, because I used to really like it (even though it's not "me" anymore), or some other reason that eludes me at the moment.
I'd dream of doing something radical, like moving to a smaller house or an RV. What would I keep? What would I be willing to move? What if I didn't have room for so much storage? And then, there was the time we were prepping to move (we decided not to), yet ended up packing things away, instead of getting rid of them.
So here I am now, blank walls, piles in the basement, and enjoying it. Actually, I am enjoying the process of discovery. I'm discovering what brings me joy. I'm discovering space. I'm discovering that I don't want to put things back as they were. I am letting the rooms speak to me for a change. I am listening to the space, and keeping space where I can. I am realizing that things I once enjoyed, I don't anymore. I am aware that space (in my home and my life) is important to me, as is joy, family, and so many other things that richly bless my life.
I am also aware that what is most important in my life at this moment, is not what is on my walls, or shelves, or floors, but what makes my house a home - my husband, my children, my friends. Thus, if I'm going to have things aside from family and friends in my house, what of these things do I really enjoy and use? What of these things could benefit others?
So this is where I am right now, with bare walls and a messy basement. I am pleased, but I also know that my hubby can only take so much. ;) So we will be going room by room through our home, actually giving thought to each room.
Today I came across some questions Peter Walsh asks of people when helping them declutter. I'll sum it up this way:
What is the vision I have for the life I want? (And hubby's too.)
What do we (hubby, Pook and I) want in our lives, homes, rooms and living spaces to look like, to feel like, and to function?
I'm going to be thinking about the purpose of each room, what words, thoughts or feelings I'd like each room to convey. And then, what things will support this.
We will not be buying new furniture (though Hubby's promised next year we get to paint - Whoo hoo!!!!) or new things. The key will be to use what we have, get rid of things we don't need (want, use or like), and find a place for the rest. I'm looking forward to it, though, I admit, in no real rush at the same time. :)
Yes, I'm nesting. Being 22 weeks pregnant, this is a natural thing. So, this could be a big part of what is inspiring me to do this. That, and the fact that if I don't, it's going to be pretty tight around here. I also need to give credit to a dear friend of mine (you know who you are!) who has been going through a massive purge of her own, or the Great Heave-Ho as I believe she's referred to it.
If you've been reading this blog for a while, then you'll note that I get urges to declutter on a regular basis. In fact, I've noticed that I get the urge to purge particularly when I've felt that my life was out of control. It was a way to regain control over my environment.
But, I could only take it so far. There were things that I was extremely attached to and couldn't stand to part with. There were things that were given to us, so I felt guilty if I returned them. And when I decluttered, it was all or nothing. I'd take on the whole elephant, instead of baby steps. If I worked on a project, it had to be cleaned up and looking nice by the end of the day.
It exhausted me. It burned me out. Yet, I kept doing it.
And then, my life changed.
For a good chunk of time, while my friend was heave-hoing her things in carloads and going deeper and deeper each time, I had no desire to purge or do anything with the stuff. In fact, I took a month to just let things be. And then, I did something radical. Something I was never bold enough to do. I removed the pictures from the walls - and they are still off the walls weeks later. And I like the space, even the piles in the basement created from the unwalled pictures.
With the pictures gone, I began to remove various things. Again, things I thought I couldn't do without. It was now clear to me, that these were things. Just things, and things I didn't really need, and *gasp* was not enjoying as much as I thought.
Unlike before, I am in no rush to replace the wall hangings. I don't even miss the ones I thought. The more I think about them, the more I wonder what I would put up if I didn't have any pictures. There is a shift happening in my home. Things are taking on something deeper.
Originally, we'd planned to declutter with the purpose of creating more space for baby. We knew that when we started trying for Baby #2. And, most of the decluttering has been to maintain space in our home, and to keep from being overrun with Pook's toys.
I've always wanted to take it to another level. To go as far as I could, only keeping those things that I enjoyed or that brought me joy. To create more space in my home and my life. To get rid of the things that I really didn't want, but held on to - just in case, because it was good feng shui, because it was a gift, because I used to really like it (even though it's not "me" anymore), or some other reason that eludes me at the moment.
I'd dream of doing something radical, like moving to a smaller house or an RV. What would I keep? What would I be willing to move? What if I didn't have room for so much storage? And then, there was the time we were prepping to move (we decided not to), yet ended up packing things away, instead of getting rid of them.
So here I am now, blank walls, piles in the basement, and enjoying it. Actually, I am enjoying the process of discovery. I'm discovering what brings me joy. I'm discovering space. I'm discovering that I don't want to put things back as they were. I am letting the rooms speak to me for a change. I am listening to the space, and keeping space where I can. I am realizing that things I once enjoyed, I don't anymore. I am aware that space (in my home and my life) is important to me, as is joy, family, and so many other things that richly bless my life.
I am also aware that what is most important in my life at this moment, is not what is on my walls, or shelves, or floors, but what makes my house a home - my husband, my children, my friends. Thus, if I'm going to have things aside from family and friends in my house, what of these things do I really enjoy and use? What of these things could benefit others?
So this is where I am right now, with bare walls and a messy basement. I am pleased, but I also know that my hubby can only take so much. ;) So we will be going room by room through our home, actually giving thought to each room.
Today I came across some questions Peter Walsh asks of people when helping them declutter. I'll sum it up this way:
What is the vision I have for the life I want? (And hubby's too.)
What do we (hubby, Pook and I) want in our lives, homes, rooms and living spaces to look like, to feel like, and to function?
I'm going to be thinking about the purpose of each room, what words, thoughts or feelings I'd like each room to convey. And then, what things will support this.
We will not be buying new furniture (though Hubby's promised next year we get to paint - Whoo hoo!!!!) or new things. The key will be to use what we have, get rid of things we don't need (want, use or like), and find a place for the rest. I'm looking forward to it, though, I admit, in no real rush at the same time. :)
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