There was a time...

There was a time when I longed for a life of adventure. I wanted to travel and do amazingly wild things. At least, I thought I did.

Yesterday, Hubby asked if I'd wished we traveled more or did more of various things before the kids were born. "Nope," I responded. He agreed.

Sometimes I wonder if the life I once wanted was what I really wanted, or if it was the life someone else wanted for me. For instance, my mother thrives on adventure, chaos and travel. As for me? I thrive where I am, now that I'm aware of it.

These past few years, I've been getting a good look at my life and self. And I'm amazed how happy I am, where I am. There are places I'd like to visit one day, places I once felt I HAD to see, but right now? Right now, it's all about the here and the now.

Things may change and shift as the years go by, but for now, sometimes I find myself floored by the little, simple things I once ignored. Soft sheets, the touch of my child, the arms of my husband, laughter, getting up before dawn, watching Pook sleep, feeling the baby move within, focusing on the breath... these things fill me up in ways I was not aware of.

Realization

Thoughts have been most prevalent for me as of late. I don't know if it's a hormonal thing, or what exactly, but I seem to be concerned with things that haven't yet happened, and with no resolute conclusion.

At least I'm aware of it.

And, I realize, that I've wasted so much energy trying to figure things out, or thinking about how I could've/would've/should've done things differently. I'm not, I admit, very patient with myself on this.

Last night, I was reading The Places that Scare You, by Pema Chodron, and something clicked for me. Actually, things have been clicking since I picked up the book a few weeks ago. (And, uh, yes, I'm one of those people that have book marks in 3-5 books around the house at all times to pick up and peruse when I get a moment.)

Pema covers the basic philosophies of Buddhism from her sect (I say this, as after going to Taiwan, I've since learned that not all Buddhism is the same. :) ) But what really stuck with me, was her comment about how even though we know things are impermanent, we still seek that security and resolution of permanence.

This lead me to wondering why it's so hard for us to accept that things change, and to be okay with not being secure? Perhaps we long for security of some sort, because it's easier than accepting otherwise? Hmmm...

Acceptance has been such a big thing for me lately. And it really gets hard when it comes to Pook, who's been dealing with digestive issues for quite a while, and to whom I need to take back to the doctor again. With me, it's easier, but with children - I don't like seeing her hurt, and I know that I've no control over it, which is frustrating for me.

Nesting Part 3 - Living Room, Hallway and Guest Room

The nesting continues, so feel free to skip this post if you aren't into it. Last weekend we tackled the Living Room, which ended spilling over into the hallway and guest room. The Living Room (LR) is still in the works, but has started to take on a definite shape.

When discussing the room, we discovered a variety of functions and purposes. The LR is where we play, relax, read, have fun, entertain, rest, unwind, live and learn. It's an eclectic mishmosh of furniture with a variety of bookshelves, a small TV hidden away in an armoir, two old Victorian type chairs in royal blue velvet that were once my grandmother's and a sofa with a bright red sofa cover on it that was once my mom's. (Hint: Sofa covers rule when you have kids. Cleanup is SO much easier!)

So, though it's not necessarily what we've have picked if we'd decorated it ourselves, we are blessed in that most of the things were given to us by others. And, with a Pook and another on the way, I really, really, appreciate the fact that our furniture comes from others. :)

The focus of the room used to be a huge charcoal drawing of my brother when he was a toddler. Though beautiful, it didn't quite fit the feel that we were going for, so, we took it down and replaced it with a lovely sea otter and (can you guess?) more pictures of nature. Interestingly enough, there seems to be a fall theme going on in the pictures, with the changing leaves that we noticed after we'd hung them.

We even took into consideration what pictures we wanted to see and from what angles, so that the one we really enjoyed can be seen from various rooms of the house.

Since the hallway is right next to the LR, we hung the pics of Pook back up, complete with her map of the world at her eye level. It's still taking me to get used to the lack of space, but as she loves to point out various places like Madagascar, Taiwan, and Antarctica, it's definitely serving it's purpose.

As for the guest room, we were going to hang the charcoal of my brother in there, until I talked to him (my actual brother, NOT the one in the picture!) ;) and found out that he really wanted it. I was going to hold on to it until I was sure, but knowing that it's going to a new home (where I'll likely get to enjoy it anyway) makes me feel really good. Plus, I didn't realize the relief I'd feel, as now Hubby won't have to worry about hanging it (he hates hanging it!) and I don't have to find it a space on the wall.

So, the guest room hasn't really changed picture wise, save for we changed one and didn't return another. The other day, I cleaned out the closet and armoir that's in there, adding to the pile on the basement, which might just be tackled this weekend. Maybe. :)

The hall is definitely finished, complete with the purging of the hall closet and removal of old medicines, bug sprays, and suntan lotions. The pictures will hopefully be updated after the arrival of Pook 2. We shall see. :)

The guest room too, is pretty much done. The armoir's been reorganized and purged, as has the closet. And the LR is still in process, as I sift through books (I'm LOVING paperbackswap.com - which encourages me to get rid of books that others are wishing for) and decide on pictures. I may just need to leave a blank spot for a while. We shall see.

Slowly, the house is taking shape, and interestingly enough, I'm not in a rush, save to figure out which pictures to send back with family in June. (Only because I'd like them out of the house!) :) Aside from the basement, there is the dinning room, kitchen, and foyer, and the storage area of the basement which doesn't need decorating, so much as reorganization and purging.

It's been interesting watching what we now enjoy, and giving ourselves permission to put up those pictures that really touch us, and discovering just what those are.

This weekend, we'll be in the basement.

May 12... 7 years of bliss

Seven years on May 12 (yes I'm aware the post is a bit late), I married the love of my life. Seven years, one child, and one on the way later, I am even more in love with my sweet husband.

I adore this man. He is not only a gift in my life; he's a blessing. Each day, I fall more in love with him - if that is possible. He's an amazing father, and we are both so good for each other in so many ways.

Seven years ago, I walked down the aisle on a gorgeous May day on the arm of my father. It was so green and vibrant that day, with a bounty of blossoms, rays of sunshine, and at the end of the aisle was my future mate.

It hardly feels as though we've been married that long, even though I feel as though we've been together forever. He still makes my heart sing.

Thank you my love, for seven years of bliss and wonder. I look forward to being with you for many more.

AML

Happy 90th Grams...

Today would've been my grandmother's 90th birthday if she was still here in body. Now, however, she's in spirit, and no more pain.

I've caught myself thinking fondly of her today.

Today, I remember you Grams, and celebrate your life, and your legacy. Thank you.

Sweet Memories

This morning Pook asked me if we could make muffins - with pink icing. I stopped, looking at her, thinking of all the thoughts already on my mind, all the things I "had" to do, and then I said, "Yes."

"Let's get our aprons on Mommy! What do we need? Flour? Sugar?

Slowly, methodically, I tied on our aprons. I looked for various recipes, telling her the ingredients - flour, wheat flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, milk eggs. We add the dry ingredients to the white bowl, and with a wooden spoon, she mixes them, humming and smiling. I prep the pan, defrost the raspberries, and drain the juice, which will make our icing pink. We mix the wet ingredients in with the dry, prep the batter, and spoon it into the pan. There is leftover, so I take one of her tiny bread pans and fill it. In the oven it goes.

By now, she's done. I mix the cream cheese, butter, and powdered sugar, adding the raspberry juice to create a pink icing.

"Mommy, will the muffins be pink or brown after they cook?"

"Guess we'll have to wait and see," I tell her and smile.

The icing is done, and in the fridge it goes. I gather the bowls, spoons, cups and things into the sink. I use the lavender scented dish washing soap, inhaling deeply while I wash with the lathered water. I look down at the bowls. I am holding one that is white glass on the inside, orange on the outside. The orange is scraped a bit, but I smile fondly.

It is part of a set of baking bowls my grandmother used.

Carefully I wash the orange and yellow one, sitting them in the tray to dry. I finish up the other dishes and turn off the water. With a soft towel, I begin to dry the orange bowl, stopping to notice the scrapes. I sit the small blue one inside it when I'm done. Then, I work on the yellow one, which I'll place inside the olive green bowl before adding the orange and blue.

My heart is full. My mind has been heavy with thought over the last day, and now, it is resting, light with the joy that I'm baking muffins, as my grandmother did when she was alive, honoring her by using her baking bowls that need to be hand washed.

Who knew that blue, orange, yellow, and green could bring a smile to my lips and song to my heart? Maybe I need to make muffins more often.

Nesting Part 2 - The Misty Forest (aka Master Bedroom)

This weekend, we focused on the Master Bedroom. Before putting any of the pictures back onto the walls, I asked Hubby to take a few days and think about what he wanted to feel when he was in the Master Bedroom (MB). The words that came to mind for him were: tranquil, relaxing, and comfortable. We then thought about the look, feel and function of the room.

In regards to the look and feel, he feels most peaceful in a misty forest at dawn. That moment when you hear the birds singing along to other outdoor sounds, a sense of quiet, yet being alive. He wanted to wake up feeling alive and rejuvenated, yet go to bed feeling peaceful, tranquil, and safe. Fortunately, I too adore forests, so I was on board. :)

As our walls are cream on opposites sides and a khaki green on the others, matched with the bedding, this wasn't hard to pull off. We agreed the pictures needed to be of nature. And, the ocean picture I loved, would need to find another home. We have a print of a blooming tree in the middle of the forest that fit the bill. Of course, I wanted to try it in the foyer, but after our talk, it was clear the MB was the best place for it.

The function and purpose of the room were pretty obvious: sleep, relax, meditate, intimacy, getting dressed, starting and ending the day there.

I brought up a few pictures from the basement to get a feel for things. We ended up using some, and one we didn't think we would, but in a certain spot, it fit perfectly! So, it stays. One we weren't sure of, and has since been removed. But the rest, we love.

When you walk in the room, you'll think of a misty forest if you look at the pics. I adore the one corner that can be seen from the hall and the Master Bath. (The Master bath is actually a continuation of the forest theme. I only need to replace 2 pics, and go through the rest of the stuff.) The rest is still coming into place. I'm not sure of knick knacks, or what will go where just yet. Discussing what we wanted the room to feel like, has been really helpful in determining what goes where.

It's still a work in progress, but it's getting there. And hey, tonight, he gets to sleep with pictures on the wall! :)