In a heartbeat...

In a heart beat, life can change. Today, we heard the heart beat of our next child in my womb. The looks on Pook's face were so very precious. She is so excited, and SO ecstatic to have a sibling, whom, she's determined is her baby brother. We will hopefully know for sure on March 31st.

I've known that I've been pregnant since I took the test back in December. Physically, I felt the "afternoon" sickness and the exhaustion. And though my body hasn't really changed too much (my clothes are just starting to get a bit snug), it wasn't real until now. Until this morning when the midwife found my sweet angel's heart beat. It's strong. It's beautiful. And after the last week, it was just what I needed to here.

I'm pregnant again. And today, I found that moment, that pause to just breathe. The joy in my heart is overflowing. Suddenly, in a moment, I just knew that everything was wonderful. I found that knowing again, that connection I'd misplaced.

Today, in a heart beat, my life opened up, and I embraced joy.

Letting Go and Laughter

I can hear Pook's giggles dancing to my ears from the bathroom where she plays with Daddy. For the last two days, I've had to sequester myself from her and dear hubby, to keep from getting the flu as I can't take the Tamiflu they are taking.

They've been camping out in the guest room, where Daddy can administer medicine in the middle of the night. On Friday, her fever of 105 nearly put me over the edge. But today, I've gotten sleep.

In the last 48 hours, I've had to let go of a lot of things. The hardest has been taking care of my little one. But today, today she LAUGHS, she smiles, she plays! She no longer lays around looking like a discarded rag doll. Her eyes are still blood shot from the raise in temp, but they smile again.

5 things that have brought me happiness and joy today:
1 - Seeing Pook vibrant and hearing Pook laugh.
2 - Watching Hubby be such a great dad, and take care of his little one.
3 - Pook telling me how much she loves us, and how the hearts she drew represented us.
4 - Getting a call from L to see if she could pick up anything for us.
5 - Having friends call to check in on us and see how we are doing.

Can some one please give me some good news?

In the last two days, I've found out that my FIL has prostate cancer; my friend's MIL has breast cancer; another friend's mother had surgery on a brain tumor (which actually went really well) ; while another friend dealt with her father in the hospital, went to the house for papers and found her grandmother dead, then had to plan her grandmother's funeral as her mother (it was her mother who died) was dealing with her dad in the hospital; Pook has a 105 degree fever and the flu; and my grandmother is in hospice.

So please, please, someone tell me something really lovely.

Happy Year of the Rat

It's Chinese New Year today, the year of the Rat. We celebrated today by indulging in Chinese carry out and sharing with a dear friend. We were thinking of celebrating a little more elaborately, but frankly, between being so sick and the latest news, it seemed more appropriate to let it pass quietly. So, we did.

In fact, this is looking to be a very quiet year considering.

Cancer

It used to just be my astrological sign; the symbol of a shy crab who pulls into a shell when needed. But lately, it's an all too common word. You see, both my grandfathers had it. My father had the beginnings of prostate cancer. They caught it too late in my grandfather. Both my uncles have had treatment for it as well.

And then, there are the multiple friends who've lost a parent (or two) to cancer.

Last night, we found out that the biopsies of my FIL's prostate came back positive. He has met with his doctors, and it looks as though the course of treatment will be 25 sessions of radiation ended with the seed implantations.

This morning, I find out my dear friend's MIL has breast cancer.

I find myself in this void of sorts, one I'm not sure how to explain. But, there it is.

Last day of January

I feel as though I've spent this month in a daze. Perhaps because in a way I have. I'm taking things day by day, moment by moment, because really, that is all I can do.

Peeking out through congestion

I spent most of this morning in the doctor's office with Pook. She got a fever again this weekend, but checks out just fine. I need to give her time to recoup, so we'll be home again tomorrow.

This bug has been around for 2 weeks. Yup, 2 weeks. I started with the congestion about a week and a half ago, and the other stuff before. I'm not even going to tell you about last week, save that the couch was the favorite spot.

Right now, all I want to do is hole up and sleep. Doing even the most menial tasks requires energy that seems to get zapped quickly. I feel burnt out.

So, I just suck it up and rest. Because if I don't, the cycle relapses.