Today would've been my grandmother's 90th birthday if she was still here in body. Now, however, she's in spirit, and no more pain.
I've caught myself thinking fondly of her today.
Today, I remember you Grams, and celebrate your life, and your legacy. Thank you.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
Sweet Memories
This morning Pook asked me if we could make muffins - with pink icing. I stopped, looking at her, thinking of all the thoughts already on my mind, all the things I "had" to do, and then I said, "Yes."
"Let's get our aprons on Mommy! What do we need? Flour? Sugar?
Slowly, methodically, I tied on our aprons. I looked for various recipes, telling her the ingredients - flour, wheat flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, milk eggs. We add the dry ingredients to the white bowl, and with a wooden spoon, she mixes them, humming and smiling. I prep the pan, defrost the raspberries, and drain the juice, which will make our icing pink. We mix the wet ingredients in with the dry, prep the batter, and spoon it into the pan. There is leftover, so I take one of her tiny bread pans and fill it. In the oven it goes.
By now, she's done. I mix the cream cheese, butter, and powdered sugar, adding the raspberry juice to create a pink icing.
"Mommy, will the muffins be pink or brown after they cook?"
"Guess we'll have to wait and see," I tell her and smile.
The icing is done, and in the fridge it goes. I gather the bowls, spoons, cups and things into the sink. I use the lavender scented dish washing soap, inhaling deeply while I wash with the lathered water. I look down at the bowls. I am holding one that is white glass on the inside, orange on the outside. The orange is scraped a bit, but I smile fondly.
It is part of a set of baking bowls my grandmother used.
Carefully I wash the orange and yellow one, sitting them in the tray to dry. I finish up the other dishes and turn off the water. With a soft towel, I begin to dry the orange bowl, stopping to notice the scrapes. I sit the small blue one inside it when I'm done. Then, I work on the yellow one, which I'll place inside the olive green bowl before adding the orange and blue.
My heart is full. My mind has been heavy with thought over the last day, and now, it is resting, light with the joy that I'm baking muffins, as my grandmother did when she was alive, honoring her by using her baking bowls that need to be hand washed.
Who knew that blue, orange, yellow, and green could bring a smile to my lips and song to my heart? Maybe I need to make muffins more often.
"Let's get our aprons on Mommy! What do we need? Flour? Sugar?
Slowly, methodically, I tied on our aprons. I looked for various recipes, telling her the ingredients - flour, wheat flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, milk eggs. We add the dry ingredients to the white bowl, and with a wooden spoon, she mixes them, humming and smiling. I prep the pan, defrost the raspberries, and drain the juice, which will make our icing pink. We mix the wet ingredients in with the dry, prep the batter, and spoon it into the pan. There is leftover, so I take one of her tiny bread pans and fill it. In the oven it goes.
By now, she's done. I mix the cream cheese, butter, and powdered sugar, adding the raspberry juice to create a pink icing.
"Mommy, will the muffins be pink or brown after they cook?"
"Guess we'll have to wait and see," I tell her and smile.
The icing is done, and in the fridge it goes. I gather the bowls, spoons, cups and things into the sink. I use the lavender scented dish washing soap, inhaling deeply while I wash with the lathered water. I look down at the bowls. I am holding one that is white glass on the inside, orange on the outside. The orange is scraped a bit, but I smile fondly.
It is part of a set of baking bowls my grandmother used.
Carefully I wash the orange and yellow one, sitting them in the tray to dry. I finish up the other dishes and turn off the water. With a soft towel, I begin to dry the orange bowl, stopping to notice the scrapes. I sit the small blue one inside it when I'm done. Then, I work on the yellow one, which I'll place inside the olive green bowl before adding the orange and blue.
My heart is full. My mind has been heavy with thought over the last day, and now, it is resting, light with the joy that I'm baking muffins, as my grandmother did when she was alive, honoring her by using her baking bowls that need to be hand washed.
Who knew that blue, orange, yellow, and green could bring a smile to my lips and song to my heart? Maybe I need to make muffins more often.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Nesting Part 2 - The Misty Forest (aka Master Bedroom)
This weekend, we focused on the Master Bedroom. Before putting any of the pictures back onto the walls, I asked Hubby to take a few days and think about what he wanted to feel when he was in the Master Bedroom (MB). The words that came to mind for him were: tranquil, relaxing, and comfortable. We then thought about the look, feel and function of the room.
In regards to the look and feel, he feels most peaceful in a misty forest at dawn. That moment when you hear the birds singing along to other outdoor sounds, a sense of quiet, yet being alive. He wanted to wake up feeling alive and rejuvenated, yet go to bed feeling peaceful, tranquil, and safe. Fortunately, I too adore forests, so I was on board. :)
As our walls are cream on opposites sides and a khaki green on the others, matched with the bedding, this wasn't hard to pull off. We agreed the pictures needed to be of nature. And, the ocean picture I loved, would need to find another home. We have a print of a blooming tree in the middle of the forest that fit the bill. Of course, I wanted to try it in the foyer, but after our talk, it was clear the MB was the best place for it.
The function and purpose of the room were pretty obvious: sleep, relax, meditate, intimacy, getting dressed, starting and ending the day there.
I brought up a few pictures from the basement to get a feel for things. We ended up using some, and one we didn't think we would, but in a certain spot, it fit perfectly! So, it stays. One we weren't sure of, and has since been removed. But the rest, we love.
When you walk in the room, you'll think of a misty forest if you look at the pics. I adore the one corner that can be seen from the hall and the Master Bath. (The Master bath is actually a continuation of the forest theme. I only need to replace 2 pics, and go through the rest of the stuff.) The rest is still coming into place. I'm not sure of knick knacks, or what will go where just yet. Discussing what we wanted the room to feel like, has been really helpful in determining what goes where.
It's still a work in progress, but it's getting there. And hey, tonight, he gets to sleep with pictures on the wall! :)
In regards to the look and feel, he feels most peaceful in a misty forest at dawn. That moment when you hear the birds singing along to other outdoor sounds, a sense of quiet, yet being alive. He wanted to wake up feeling alive and rejuvenated, yet go to bed feeling peaceful, tranquil, and safe. Fortunately, I too adore forests, so I was on board. :)
As our walls are cream on opposites sides and a khaki green on the others, matched with the bedding, this wasn't hard to pull off. We agreed the pictures needed to be of nature. And, the ocean picture I loved, would need to find another home. We have a print of a blooming tree in the middle of the forest that fit the bill. Of course, I wanted to try it in the foyer, but after our talk, it was clear the MB was the best place for it.
The function and purpose of the room were pretty obvious: sleep, relax, meditate, intimacy, getting dressed, starting and ending the day there.
I brought up a few pictures from the basement to get a feel for things. We ended up using some, and one we didn't think we would, but in a certain spot, it fit perfectly! So, it stays. One we weren't sure of, and has since been removed. But the rest, we love.
When you walk in the room, you'll think of a misty forest if you look at the pics. I adore the one corner that can be seen from the hall and the Master Bath. (The Master bath is actually a continuation of the forest theme. I only need to replace 2 pics, and go through the rest of the stuff.) The rest is still coming into place. I'm not sure of knick knacks, or what will go where just yet. Discussing what we wanted the room to feel like, has been really helpful in determining what goes where.
It's still a work in progress, but it's getting there. And hey, tonight, he gets to sleep with pictures on the wall! :)
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Nesting Part 1 - Decluttering on a new level
I've mentioned a few times that I'm getting ready to purge our house of stuff. Okay, maybe more than a few times. ;) But right now, things feel different. I'm taking it to a new level.
Yes, I'm nesting. Being 22 weeks pregnant, this is a natural thing. So, this could be a big part of what is inspiring me to do this. That, and the fact that if I don't, it's going to be pretty tight around here. I also need to give credit to a dear friend of mine (you know who you are!) who has been going through a massive purge of her own, or the Great Heave-Ho as I believe she's referred to it.
If you've been reading this blog for a while, then you'll note that I get urges to declutter on a regular basis. In fact, I've noticed that I get the urge to purge particularly when I've felt that my life was out of control. It was a way to regain control over my environment.
But, I could only take it so far. There were things that I was extremely attached to and couldn't stand to part with. There were things that were given to us, so I felt guilty if I returned them. And when I decluttered, it was all or nothing. I'd take on the whole elephant, instead of baby steps. If I worked on a project, it had to be cleaned up and looking nice by the end of the day.
It exhausted me. It burned me out. Yet, I kept doing it.
And then, my life changed.
For a good chunk of time, while my friend was heave-hoing her things in carloads and going deeper and deeper each time, I had no desire to purge or do anything with the stuff. In fact, I took a month to just let things be. And then, I did something radical. Something I was never bold enough to do. I removed the pictures from the walls - and they are still off the walls weeks later. And I like the space, even the piles in the basement created from the unwalled pictures.
With the pictures gone, I began to remove various things. Again, things I thought I couldn't do without. It was now clear to me, that these were things. Just things, and things I didn't really need, and *gasp* was not enjoying as much as I thought.
Unlike before, I am in no rush to replace the wall hangings. I don't even miss the ones I thought. The more I think about them, the more I wonder what I would put up if I didn't have any pictures. There is a shift happening in my home. Things are taking on something deeper.
Originally, we'd planned to declutter with the purpose of creating more space for baby. We knew that when we started trying for Baby #2. And, most of the decluttering has been to maintain space in our home, and to keep from being overrun with Pook's toys.
I've always wanted to take it to another level. To go as far as I could, only keeping those things that I enjoyed or that brought me joy. To create more space in my home and my life. To get rid of the things that I really didn't want, but held on to - just in case, because it was good feng shui, because it was a gift, because I used to really like it (even though it's not "me" anymore), or some other reason that eludes me at the moment.
I'd dream of doing something radical, like moving to a smaller house or an RV. What would I keep? What would I be willing to move? What if I didn't have room for so much storage? And then, there was the time we were prepping to move (we decided not to), yet ended up packing things away, instead of getting rid of them.
So here I am now, blank walls, piles in the basement, and enjoying it. Actually, I am enjoying the process of discovery. I'm discovering what brings me joy. I'm discovering space. I'm discovering that I don't want to put things back as they were. I am letting the rooms speak to me for a change. I am listening to the space, and keeping space where I can. I am realizing that things I once enjoyed, I don't anymore. I am aware that space (in my home and my life) is important to me, as is joy, family, and so many other things that richly bless my life.
I am also aware that what is most important in my life at this moment, is not what is on my walls, or shelves, or floors, but what makes my house a home - my husband, my children, my friends. Thus, if I'm going to have things aside from family and friends in my house, what of these things do I really enjoy and use? What of these things could benefit others?
So this is where I am right now, with bare walls and a messy basement. I am pleased, but I also know that my hubby can only take so much. ;) So we will be going room by room through our home, actually giving thought to each room.
Today I came across some questions Peter Walsh asks of people when helping them declutter. I'll sum it up this way:
What is the vision I have for the life I want? (And hubby's too.)
What do we (hubby, Pook and I) want in our lives, homes, rooms and living spaces to look like, to feel like, and to function?
I'm going to be thinking about the purpose of each room, what words, thoughts or feelings I'd like each room to convey. And then, what things will support this.
We will not be buying new furniture (though Hubby's promised next year we get to paint - Whoo hoo!!!!) or new things. The key will be to use what we have, get rid of things we don't need (want, use or like), and find a place for the rest. I'm looking forward to it, though, I admit, in no real rush at the same time. :)
Yes, I'm nesting. Being 22 weeks pregnant, this is a natural thing. So, this could be a big part of what is inspiring me to do this. That, and the fact that if I don't, it's going to be pretty tight around here. I also need to give credit to a dear friend of mine (you know who you are!) who has been going through a massive purge of her own, or the Great Heave-Ho as I believe she's referred to it.
If you've been reading this blog for a while, then you'll note that I get urges to declutter on a regular basis. In fact, I've noticed that I get the urge to purge particularly when I've felt that my life was out of control. It was a way to regain control over my environment.
But, I could only take it so far. There were things that I was extremely attached to and couldn't stand to part with. There were things that were given to us, so I felt guilty if I returned them. And when I decluttered, it was all or nothing. I'd take on the whole elephant, instead of baby steps. If I worked on a project, it had to be cleaned up and looking nice by the end of the day.
It exhausted me. It burned me out. Yet, I kept doing it.
And then, my life changed.
For a good chunk of time, while my friend was heave-hoing her things in carloads and going deeper and deeper each time, I had no desire to purge or do anything with the stuff. In fact, I took a month to just let things be. And then, I did something radical. Something I was never bold enough to do. I removed the pictures from the walls - and they are still off the walls weeks later. And I like the space, even the piles in the basement created from the unwalled pictures.
With the pictures gone, I began to remove various things. Again, things I thought I couldn't do without. It was now clear to me, that these were things. Just things, and things I didn't really need, and *gasp* was not enjoying as much as I thought.
Unlike before, I am in no rush to replace the wall hangings. I don't even miss the ones I thought. The more I think about them, the more I wonder what I would put up if I didn't have any pictures. There is a shift happening in my home. Things are taking on something deeper.
Originally, we'd planned to declutter with the purpose of creating more space for baby. We knew that when we started trying for Baby #2. And, most of the decluttering has been to maintain space in our home, and to keep from being overrun with Pook's toys.
I've always wanted to take it to another level. To go as far as I could, only keeping those things that I enjoyed or that brought me joy. To create more space in my home and my life. To get rid of the things that I really didn't want, but held on to - just in case, because it was good feng shui, because it was a gift, because I used to really like it (even though it's not "me" anymore), or some other reason that eludes me at the moment.
I'd dream of doing something radical, like moving to a smaller house or an RV. What would I keep? What would I be willing to move? What if I didn't have room for so much storage? And then, there was the time we were prepping to move (we decided not to), yet ended up packing things away, instead of getting rid of them.
So here I am now, blank walls, piles in the basement, and enjoying it. Actually, I am enjoying the process of discovery. I'm discovering what brings me joy. I'm discovering space. I'm discovering that I don't want to put things back as they were. I am letting the rooms speak to me for a change. I am listening to the space, and keeping space where I can. I am realizing that things I once enjoyed, I don't anymore. I am aware that space (in my home and my life) is important to me, as is joy, family, and so many other things that richly bless my life.
I am also aware that what is most important in my life at this moment, is not what is on my walls, or shelves, or floors, but what makes my house a home - my husband, my children, my friends. Thus, if I'm going to have things aside from family and friends in my house, what of these things do I really enjoy and use? What of these things could benefit others?
So this is where I am right now, with bare walls and a messy basement. I am pleased, but I also know that my hubby can only take so much. ;) So we will be going room by room through our home, actually giving thought to each room.
Today I came across some questions Peter Walsh asks of people when helping them declutter. I'll sum it up this way:
What is the vision I have for the life I want? (And hubby's too.)
What do we (hubby, Pook and I) want in our lives, homes, rooms and living spaces to look like, to feel like, and to function?
I'm going to be thinking about the purpose of each room, what words, thoughts or feelings I'd like each room to convey. And then, what things will support this.
We will not be buying new furniture (though Hubby's promised next year we get to paint - Whoo hoo!!!!) or new things. The key will be to use what we have, get rid of things we don't need (want, use or like), and find a place for the rest. I'm looking forward to it, though, I admit, in no real rush at the same time. :)
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Tuesday's Thoughts
I sit here listening to the hum of the house and the songs of my bird friends. We spent the weekend rearranging Pook's room to fit a new piece of furniture, and to set it up when the crib will eventually be put in there. She now has a sweet reading nook to enjoy.
Hubby asked if we could work on one room a weekend. (I think he misses the pictures.) I could still leave them off the walls... though I did agree we'd take a room at a time. We'll go through the stuff and figure out what we want in it, and what we don't. Eventually making our way to the basement.
Having the pictures down, I realized how limited I was. I was blessed to get a ton from my sweet Grams before she died, and some from my ILs, but are they really me? A friend has a gorgeous picture of a woman smelling a rose in her home. When I first told her I liked it, she blinked and looked at me, and made the comment that she couldn't imagine me liking that, nor it fitting in my home with the current pictures hanging there.
Perhaps, I thought, she was right. That wasn't for me. But I still think about that picture, and how I'd love to walk in the front door and have it hanging in my foyer to greet me when I came home.
So many things have changed for me over the years, and especially lately. Who would've thought I now like pink, floral prints, and delicate rose patterns - and that I'd want them in my house? (Ok, those of you who've fallen off your chairs can get up again.) :) Who would've thought I'd like a picture of a woman sniffing a rose? (Which reminds me, said friend, if you are reading this, please send me the name of the picture. Thanks!)
I'm still enjoying the space of the walls, and recognizing that some of the pictures will probably not go back up. I only want to put up those that I enjoy looking at, that leave me feeling good, and that Hubby enjoys too. That's important to me.
I have to smile, because I am enjoying the space in between deciding how the rooms will look and what will hang on our walls. But then, I'm also loving all of the possibilities... Hmmm... might take more than a weekend to hang up a few pictures in a room. Who knows? The possibilities are endless.
Hubby asked if we could work on one room a weekend. (I think he misses the pictures.) I could still leave them off the walls... though I did agree we'd take a room at a time. We'll go through the stuff and figure out what we want in it, and what we don't. Eventually making our way to the basement.
Having the pictures down, I realized how limited I was. I was blessed to get a ton from my sweet Grams before she died, and some from my ILs, but are they really me? A friend has a gorgeous picture of a woman smelling a rose in her home. When I first told her I liked it, she blinked and looked at me, and made the comment that she couldn't imagine me liking that, nor it fitting in my home with the current pictures hanging there.
Perhaps, I thought, she was right. That wasn't for me. But I still think about that picture, and how I'd love to walk in the front door and have it hanging in my foyer to greet me when I came home.
So many things have changed for me over the years, and especially lately. Who would've thought I now like pink, floral prints, and delicate rose patterns - and that I'd want them in my house? (Ok, those of you who've fallen off your chairs can get up again.) :) Who would've thought I'd like a picture of a woman sniffing a rose? (Which reminds me, said friend, if you are reading this, please send me the name of the picture. Thanks!)
I'm still enjoying the space of the walls, and recognizing that some of the pictures will probably not go back up. I only want to put up those that I enjoy looking at, that leave me feeling good, and that Hubby enjoys too. That's important to me.
I have to smile, because I am enjoying the space in between deciding how the rooms will look and what will hang on our walls. But then, I'm also loving all of the possibilities... Hmmm... might take more than a weekend to hang up a few pictures in a room. Who knows? The possibilities are endless.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Being radical, well, for me
After our guests left this weekend, I succumbed to my urge to purge. Hubby and I took down most of the pictures in our house (save for the really difficult ones) leaving nothing but space on the walls.
At first, I think that he thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. And, I fully expected to go crazy by Tuesday and put them all back up, but something else happened. I started to like the space.
My basement has piles of pictures in it. And, following the pictures were various knickknacks. Things, I once thought I could never part with, are finding their way to the piles. I've even given him permission to place things on the pile, just to see if I'd actually miss them.
Even the piles bring me a sense of comfort. (And, those who know me are probably wondering what alien race has invaded my being - cause Otter can't usually stand piles!) But seeing them there, I smile. Seeing the walls void of pictures makes me smile.
Space. I'm loving the space. And I remember when I used to fear it. For some reason, no wall could go untouched. Something had to be hanging there. When I was into Feng Shui, the pictures had to fit. I put things I wasn't particularly fond of up on my walls because they fit the "rules".
But now, I'm wanted more space in my life. I'm only wanting things up on my walls and in my house that I enjoy looking out. How many things have I kept because they were Feng Shui appropriate? How many things have I kept because someone gave it to me, even though it wasn't really me? How many things have I kept out of guilt?
I am done with guilt. I am done with looking at things on my walls that don't make my heart sing or fill me with a sense of joy. I am creating more space. I am embracing the space that I was once so afraid of.
We are going to be welcoming a new babe into our lives at the end of August or beginning of September. At least, that's the ETA. With the amount of moving this babe's been doing, who knows? :)
Preparing for this babe means creating more space - both in the home and in my womb. We have a comfortable house that I love, and which we aren't willing to move from. So, we make space where we can and organize things to function smoothly.
This time (and maybe it's just because I'm nesting) there seems to be a shift. A new level to purging the clutter from our home. It's going beyond the stuff. As we purge our things, we are making room for the new. We are making room in our lives as well. Weekends seem to have more space to them. Even days seem to slow down. Where there was once "no time", we are finding and creating time for tender moments and ourselves.
As the spring flowers bloom and blossom, and the bulbs burst forth from the ground, so do we on many levels. Pook is blossoming, talking to people instead of hiding. My belly blossoms (and grows with life). Hubby is finding that he does have time here and there for things.
For once, I'm not concerned with what will happen, or what will be, or how we will handle things. Fact is that we will. Right now, is the now. I bask and bloom in the present moment. Embracing the moments of bliss and joy for what they are, and letting them go when it's time.
Peace. Bliss. Moments. Life.
At first, I think that he thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. And, I fully expected to go crazy by Tuesday and put them all back up, but something else happened. I started to like the space.
My basement has piles of pictures in it. And, following the pictures were various knickknacks. Things, I once thought I could never part with, are finding their way to the piles. I've even given him permission to place things on the pile, just to see if I'd actually miss them.
Even the piles bring me a sense of comfort. (And, those who know me are probably wondering what alien race has invaded my being - cause Otter can't usually stand piles!) But seeing them there, I smile. Seeing the walls void of pictures makes me smile.
Space. I'm loving the space. And I remember when I used to fear it. For some reason, no wall could go untouched. Something had to be hanging there. When I was into Feng Shui, the pictures had to fit. I put things I wasn't particularly fond of up on my walls because they fit the "rules".
But now, I'm wanted more space in my life. I'm only wanting things up on my walls and in my house that I enjoy looking out. How many things have I kept because they were Feng Shui appropriate? How many things have I kept because someone gave it to me, even though it wasn't really me? How many things have I kept out of guilt?
I am done with guilt. I am done with looking at things on my walls that don't make my heart sing or fill me with a sense of joy. I am creating more space. I am embracing the space that I was once so afraid of.
We are going to be welcoming a new babe into our lives at the end of August or beginning of September. At least, that's the ETA. With the amount of moving this babe's been doing, who knows? :)
Preparing for this babe means creating more space - both in the home and in my womb. We have a comfortable house that I love, and which we aren't willing to move from. So, we make space where we can and organize things to function smoothly.
This time (and maybe it's just because I'm nesting) there seems to be a shift. A new level to purging the clutter from our home. It's going beyond the stuff. As we purge our things, we are making room for the new. We are making room in our lives as well. Weekends seem to have more space to them. Even days seem to slow down. Where there was once "no time", we are finding and creating time for tender moments and ourselves.
As the spring flowers bloom and blossom, and the bulbs burst forth from the ground, so do we on many levels. Pook is blossoming, talking to people instead of hiding. My belly blossoms (and grows with life). Hubby is finding that he does have time here and there for things.
For once, I'm not concerned with what will happen, or what will be, or how we will handle things. Fact is that we will. Right now, is the now. I bask and bloom in the present moment. Embracing the moments of bliss and joy for what they are, and letting them go when it's time.
Peace. Bliss. Moments. Life.
Early morning Thursday Thoughts.
I sit here, looking outside, watching the darkness lighten as the sun makes it's way round the earth. Soon, the sun will rise. The birds eagerly sing to welcome the sun and to bask in the glory of Spring's sweet bounty.
I love this time of the morning. It's peaceful. It's my time. My one child sleeps, and even the babe in my belly is still this morning. I don't need to think. I can just be. And yet, thoughts of gratitude find their way in.
This past weekend was spent with dear friends. Good chats. Good food. Blissful little sunlight moments.
This morning, there is no sun up yet, but it's still one of those precious moments, those blessings. This has been an interesting week for me. Filled with tender surprises and productivity.
I indulge in the bliss.
I love this time of the morning. It's peaceful. It's my time. My one child sleeps, and even the babe in my belly is still this morning. I don't need to think. I can just be. And yet, thoughts of gratitude find their way in.
This past weekend was spent with dear friends. Good chats. Good food. Blissful little sunlight moments.
This morning, there is no sun up yet, but it's still one of those precious moments, those blessings. This has been an interesting week for me. Filled with tender surprises and productivity.
I indulge in the bliss.
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