Back from the pilgrimage

I have returned from over two wonderful weeks reconnecting with family and a freind I hadn't seen in years. Instead of trying to fit everything in, I made the choice to focus on family. So, dear friends in the area, I'm sorry I didn't get to visit this time around.

Usually when I return to MD, I rush around, sometimes going 3 and 4 places in a day. It's exhausting for me, and leaves Pook and Hubby cranky. Sometimes, our families will have big gatherings where we can invite family and friends - just to be able to see them - although I don't get to talk or spend much time with them. I used to stress out so much trying to just see people because I didn't want to loose the connection.

This time though, I needed to be with family. Both of my grandmothers are not in the best of health. I seem to be all too aware of mortality. I was able to spend a few hours on a Saturday with Grams. She didn't know me. She smiled, and was agreeable, but as I kissed her check, I could see her trying to figure out who I was. She was quiet most of the time, but then, when she saw her great grandchildren playing in the pool, she smiled and said, "I'm so glad I decided to come today."

The moments with her were short and bittersweet. Many times I held back the tears. She can barely walk now. She's lost weight, and she's very weak. I treasured that Saturday. I hold it close to my heart. I don't know when or if I'll get to see her again. And if I do see her again, I don't know what she'll be like, or if she'll let me kiss or hug her.

My other grandmother is doing well, though not as good as she was. At my cousin's wedding, she didn't look good. I took a day to visit with her, and she lit up getting to spend time with us and Pook.

All of my visits were enlightening and amazing. I got to visit with aunts and uncles I'd been so distant from. Before I chose to do this trip, I'd had past anger and pain. After this trip, it's gone. All of it is gone.

The only thing I feel is love and peace. I don't know how much longer these people will be in my life or on this planet, but I know that I don't want to waste time being angry when I have the opportunity to just enjoy them for who they are.

Pook was able to connect with family as well. It was a really amazing experience on so many levels that I'm not quite ready to put into words yet. Perhaps someday, I'll be able to share more. In the meantime, I'm just basking in the feelings of the heart.