This past weekend I was forced to realize that there are some things in life I can do nothing about, regardless of the people involved and how much I care about them. The kicker is, that even if I wanted to help, I can't. Why? Because a simple phone call raised my blood pressure to the point where Pook noticed it, and I ended up sick for the rest of the evening. And, right now, that is NOT a good thing.
In the past, I would listen to each side, offer tidbits of advice, stay on the sidelines with support. But now, I can't even listen without feeling my chest tighten up.
So, because I value my health and need to stay healthy right now, I have to let it go and step away. I don't know how to tell these people that I love that I can no longer listen to who did what, and how horrible so-and-so is. All of my life, I've listened and been supportive. I love them unconditionally (even though they've driven me nuts on occasion).
Maybe I'm just living in my little fantasy world, but I need to stay positive right now. I need to surround myself with positive thoughts, people, and events. I love these people. And they each have their faults (who doesn't), and frankly, all I want to do IS love them. I don't want to judge them. I don't want to get involved.
I just want to love them.
Sometimes, I wonder if that is enough. To just love, even though I am physically unable to listen and support each of them as they all deal with their issues. Looks as though it has to be. It's all I can give right now.
And then, how do I tell them I can't listen? Then mere thought of telling them - I can't hear this anymore, flushes my face and my chest tightens. I feel like a wuss. Maybe, I'll just write them a letter. But will that work?
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