Thoughts on Lent

Is it too late to think about Lent the second day into it? As I believe each day gives us the chance to start anew, I don't think so. I just need to embrace that tense feeling that "I've missed something" or that I'd be doing something "wrong".

I know that Lent is usually a Catholic thing. I'm not going to go into my religious beliefs here. I will say, that I really like the idea behind Lent. Well, my idea that is. I've found over the years it's come to mean many things for many people. To some, you give up something you really love, as a reminder of Christ's sacrifice. To others, you give up something that's not good for you. To me, well, it's been many things. And then today, I read this:

http://willows95988.typepad.com/tongue_cheek/2009/02/lent-a-time-set-aside-for-us-to-look-at-who-we-are-and-give-it-away-freely.html

and something hit me.

There are many times I've been afraid to be myself. I've boxed me up, covered me up, tried to be something I'm not, and run away in denial, as far and fast as I could. And then I realized, I can't. Who I am leaks through into my writing, my speech, my words, my actions. There was a time when I didn't like who I was, when I was afraid of who I was, because I realized that I was guilty of what I was judging others for.

Over the years, I've been blessed to see the light within others, and in turn myself. That light has been able to grow, enlightening those parts of me I wanted to keep in the dark. And you know what? They weren't so bad. In fact, they are what make me the amazing human being I am.

So who am I? I don't have just one answer, and in many ways, I don't know the answer. I'm a woman, functioning as a mother, wife, lover, teacher, dancer, artist, homemaker, home keeper, muse, creator, friend, daughter, sister, aunt... I do so very many things on a daily basis, that sometimes I can not keep up.

And what do I give away freely this month? Inspiration. Creativity. Compassion. Listening. Support. Love. Who wants some?

Moments 7

Late night chat with my eldest, as she lounges back on my legs, propping her feet on her pillows. Leaning in, snuggling with me, telling me about her day, upset that we didn't do English, and that tomorrow she wants to do a lot of it, and filled with stories of growing trees. "Mommy, if we don't go to the park tomorrow, can we have an indoor picnic, with sandwiches?"

"Of course, and we can read to one another, and you can do English on the floor," I respond, stroking her soft hair.

"What a great day," she replies.

Waking up at 3 a.m. to the sound of crunching. Sneaking up, I take a peak at one very wide awake baby, playing with the toys in her crib. Fully attentive and totally present in her play. And quiet.

Softly I slip out, waking up hubby to share in the moment. He pulls himself from slumber, takes a peak, and together, we slip back into bed, under the covers, amazed and in awe of our little one. How they grow.

Moments 6

Remembering years of disappointment due to expectations of flowers, chocolates, and fancy dinners, and how it really wasn't all that when all expectations were met. Smiling in the realization that those expectations are long gone, and that Valentine's Day is everyday for our family.

Homemade Valentines made by each family member, save for baby.

A simple request from Pook, "Mommy, please make me a Valentine." Watching the excitement over getting a simple handmade card.

Secretly pleased Pook wants no flowers or candy, and that my daughters will be taught about the love behind the day, as opposed to the consumerism.

A handmade card from hubby. Him wishing later on in the day that he'd included that "You are the chaos to my order." :)

Being told not to be too hard on yourself by someone you wished you'd kept in touch with, and being invited to keep in touch after reconnecting.

Moments 5

Warm to the touch, her skin is hot. She is cold, telling me her eyes are burning. I wrap her in my arms, willing her to heal fast.

Later in the day, while I work, I hear her telling her father, "Daddy, I need you. I need some time with you."

The little one has discovered her feet. As I get close, she lifts them up. She gives me a flirty look, and lifts them higher. I lean down and nibble them. She smiles and giggles with glee. If we put socks on them, she manages to get them off. Bare baby feet, tiny toes, so precious...

Moments 4

In darkness, wrapped around hubby, I breathe him in, and bask in his warmth.

Early morning, I hear the alarm go off, and feel hubby turn it off. I snuggle against him. The thought of staying in bed all day crosses my mind. I pull myself from the covers to start the day.

Quiet time as the girls sleep late. I use it to move my body, feeling the blood pumping, focusing on the breath.

Sitting in the warm sun, watching Pook talk to Popop. Hearing his amazement at having the longest conversation with her ever, and watching he strut around with the phone. So very precious as they connect.

Yoga in the sunlight. Baby giggles at big sister's poses. Baby laughter fills the house.

Cuddling up to read a chapter book about Tinkerbell. I breathe it in. I breathe it ALL in.

Moments 3

3:00 am I wake with a child snuggled against my back. I turn around and hold her in my arms. She's so big; growing so fast. I hold her hand, hear her breathing, feel her warmth and snuggle in around her, letting her hair tickle my nose.

How many more moments of these before she's "too old" to snuggle with Mommy in the middle of the night?

5:00 am I am greeted by a quiet smile from the youngest. That tender look, and then she starts to coo... I sweep her into my arms, breath her in, and hold her close.

7:00 am I ready breakfast. She needs her usual - 1 piece of buttered toast, a 4 oz Yo Kids yogurt, hot cocoa, a banana and her vitamins. She is excited to see how many servings of the food groups she's met.

The sun is rising on the snowy back yard, I look back at my two angels, awake for the day. I smile - my heart filled with bliss.

Moments 2

Snuggled up in warm, fuzzy blankets, with a sprinkling of baby skin and the leg of her sister, with a foot that begs to be tickled.

Snuggling in bed with a chatty child excited about her day. Leaving her awake, and calm, and ready to sleep on her own. Sweet, sweet moment.

Crawling into bed after evening tuck ins, sleeping husband reaches out. I take his hand, my lids already drifting to dreamland. I breathe in his scent, and smile and the love abounding in our home.

Sweet, rare, quiet morning moments in the darkness before the sun rises. Bliss.

In the morning darkness, I hear someone's chatter, and find myself greeted by her flirty smile. Picking her up, I breathe in that baby scent and hold her close. Bliss.

Early morning "chats" with baby. While drinking lemon zinger tea on a "scratchy" throat.

Ready to start the day, and welcome friends.