In 2010 I have realized a quite a bit:
- I have not been taking the best care of myself, and it's taken a toll. I am, however, very aware of this.
- I have not been eating the best. I am also aware of this.
- I have some seriously amazing people and friends in my life who've amazed me and supported me beyond expectations, hope, and dreams. There are some really great people in my life.
- I took a chance and found a new "home".
- I have been making the most of quite a few things in my life, and it's been great.
- Creating personal policies is a good thing.
- We took a chance, and had an amazing, simple, yet rich and thoroughly enjoyable month and holiday in December. It was perfect for us.
- I can never seem to get enough of PJ days. I love them.
- I gained a new, truer perspective in a few aspects in my life - and though some were painful, in the end, it's been a blessing.
- I've become more aware of the blessings in my life.
- Reading, journaling, painting and crafting bring me joy - and I would like to do more of these.
- I have been feeling disconnected from quite a few things. It's time to reconnect I think.
2010 has brought sorrow, joys, delights, disappointments, and a bevy of emotions to go with the ride. I've almost felt as though it's been a year of stagnation in many ways. Leaves me feeling rather positive about 2011 at least. :) Which reminds me... will I create a focus for 2011? Or will I venture something a bit different. I need to ponder this for a bit.
For 2010, this is what I planned to focus on, and which, as you can see, I didn't really do such a great job of it:
1. Myself .I honor myself and recognize that I deserve time to regroup. I am taking time out for me so that I can be a better mom and wife. I can do this through massages, time with friends that really nurture my soul and help to relax me, getting out of the house, reflexology, and doing things I truly enjoy - even if it's going someplace where I can read or paint. <-Looking over the year, I realized that I did more of this than I thought, yet still realized that what I was doing, wasn't enough. I did do the massages and spent some amazing time with good friends. However, I have learned that I need to do things on a weekly basis.
I exercise on a regular basis, focusing mainly on strength training with a side of yoga, walking, dancing, pilates, and cardio. <-I slacked off on this big time, but picked it up again, then it slid, then picked it up again. I'm going into the New Year exercising though. :)
I am eating healthier by starting clean eating and trying new recipes and foods. <-A good plan, that went awry. Very, very awry.
I plan to get a physical and eye exam this year. <-Eye exam, yes. Physical, put it off and still haven't found a doctor I like.
2 Finances <-Room for improvement.
Buy only what we really need. If we don't need it, we won't get it. <-Um... well, in terms of big things we stuck to this... other things... we could've done better... Continue to save up. <- We've actually gone into savings a bit this year. Donate to Heifer.org.<-This is on hold for the moment.
3 SimplifyI'm taking it to the next level. <-I changed my mind.
- Stuff - Declutter and purge project throughout the entire house. Organize. Something comes in, something goes out. <-We started this wholeheartedly in January. And then it pittered off as things came up, life happened, and we decided to spend out time doing other things - like traveling and time with friends. We didn't get the Good Will pile out until summer, and within a week, there was another pile... this time with leftover flooring bits, and there are still boxes we need to go through, as it's not all Good Will stuff. But, maybe it should be.
- Time - New calendar with less space, thus less room to schedule things. Keep scheduling to a minimum. Respect boundaries and keep things uncomplicated. <-Oh! Oh! Score on this one for the most part! We really rocked it for the month of December. We did have quite a bit going on in the Autumn, but a good chunk was for Squeak's therapy.
- Homeschooling - Make time to breathe. Determine what is really important. <-This one still needs work. We still haven't found a good balance. We did stick to what we felt was most important though. At least... I think...
- Food - Clean eating. <-Well, we made some of the recipes...
4. Living consciously with awareness and joy.
I am slowing down and stopping to smell the flowers. I am present in the moment. I enjoy the moments and life. I am basking in laughter, gratitude and joy, and I am willing to encourage, inspire and share these with others.<-I have had moments of this through the year. It wasn't a constant though. And really, I'm okay with that, because I've made the most of those moments I've been aware of.
I continue:
-to respect my inner voice and listen to it.<-I have indeed gotten better with this...
- to hear and listen to what I need. <-and this...
- to bask in joy and gratitude. <-and this...
- to maintain a home environment of peace, love, nurturing and joy. <-this one could be better
To Complete:
- Get Information book updated and completely <-Didn't even start this.
- Huge decluttering/purge of the house <-Started it, and completely lost momentum when spring hit.
- Find a good doctor and get a physical <-That would be a no.
- Get eye exam and new glasses <-Score!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Reflections on an Amazing Holiday
This morning, I had some quiet time to think and reflect over the past few days. I'm still in awe that our holiday is still continuing through today... and I've hope to keep that sense of peace, slowness, joy, and relaxation going throughout the week despite the "work" thing.
The best gifts of this Christmas, weren't those found under a Christmas tree. They've come in different shapes and sizes...
* The scent of my house on Friday (turkey) and on Saturday (pumpkin pie).
* The feel of a solid half hour of snuggling, giggling, watching, and "chatting" with my youngest all to myself.
* Watching my children dance to carols, under a tent they made.
* Holding my eldest in my arms while she slept. Breathing her in, all too aware of how she is growing...
* The taste of turkey mixed with sauerkraut, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes and string beans...
* Savoring the flavor of pumpkin pie with real whipped cream.
* Realizing, that journaling, with pen and paper is a gift I hadn't really appreciated until I made time for it again.
* Making time to read.
* Finally feeling that the amount of presents for the girls was just right - not too many, and not too few, and each and every gift was fully enjoyed and played with that day.
* Dancing together as a family.
* Having my husband tell me that he's been enjoying dancing with me.
* Hearing my youngest tell me when she's tired, then off to "Night! Night!" and snuggling up in bed or on the couch to rest up.
* Hearing my eldest tell me about how she can see the improvement in her drawing and dancing.
* Watching as she enthusiastically creates books for each of us, using the empty books we made her using construction paper for Christmas... she's lost track of how many (at least 5 by my count). She got them Saturday... it's Monday.
* The slowness, the lack of feeling rushed, the sweet joy of sleeping in, and gracefully moving through the day...
Yes... an amazing holiday indeed.
The best gifts of this Christmas, weren't those found under a Christmas tree. They've come in different shapes and sizes...
* The scent of my house on Friday (turkey) and on Saturday (pumpkin pie).
* The feel of a solid half hour of snuggling, giggling, watching, and "chatting" with my youngest all to myself.
* Watching my children dance to carols, under a tent they made.
* Holding my eldest in my arms while she slept. Breathing her in, all too aware of how she is growing...
* The taste of turkey mixed with sauerkraut, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes and string beans...
* Savoring the flavor of pumpkin pie with real whipped cream.
* Realizing, that journaling, with pen and paper is a gift I hadn't really appreciated until I made time for it again.
* Making time to read.
* Finally feeling that the amount of presents for the girls was just right - not too many, and not too few, and each and every gift was fully enjoyed and played with that day.
* Dancing together as a family.
* Having my husband tell me that he's been enjoying dancing with me.
* Hearing my youngest tell me when she's tired, then off to "Night! Night!" and snuggling up in bed or on the couch to rest up.
* Hearing my eldest tell me about how she can see the improvement in her drawing and dancing.
* Watching as she enthusiastically creates books for each of us, using the empty books we made her using construction paper for Christmas... she's lost track of how many (at least 5 by my count). She got them Saturday... it's Monday.
* The slowness, the lack of feeling rushed, the sweet joy of sleeping in, and gracefully moving through the day...
Yes... an amazing holiday indeed.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Decisions
The last few months my mind has been filled with thoughts, and a sub-conscious that has been screaming (very loudly, and via all of my writing outlets and then some), that I need to slow down, maybe even stop. But I was terrified to stop, afraid that I'd loose momentum if I did.
And yet, it kept getting louder, and it was clear that I was feeling off balance, as was my family.
My time has been really full the last few months - work, homeschooling, activities, Squeak's allergies and therapy, not getting enough sleep, travel, and probably other things that I've been forgetting. Life had become overwhelming, and I couldn't keep up. Then, I'd ream myself out for not keeping up. Yet I still wouldn't slow down.
Finally, I realized, I had some serious decisions to make. Something needed to give. I needed to slow down and stop. I needed to stop comparing myself to how much others did and were doing, and just stop. I was unbalanced, and until I regained that balance, I was going to continue struggling and fighting a loosing battle.
And so, I stopped, took a breath, decided to tweak our schooling for the month to be more laid back to help with the burnout. We choose to homescool for many reasons, one of which was that I wanted to take most of December off to really enjoy the holiday. And I've not done that yet - until this year.
Instead of opting to do all the activities we've done in the past, we opted to do something that suited our family. We needed to soothe our souls, rejuvenate out minds, bodies and spirits, and to slow down. And through the years, we have discovered that means NFP weekends (No F'n Plans).
And so that is what we are doing. We've opted to stay in for the month. I do not work (my computer is turned off all of Saturday and most of Sunday), nor do I do work, on the weekends. We won't be attending fancy holiday parties, or running all over the place. We make it a point to read, play games, do something creative as a family.
Winter is generally a time for hibernating for our family anyway. It's a natural rhythm that we all enjoy and benefit from. We have for years, and one day, it may shift. For now, I want to honor it, nurture it, and savor it, as opposed to fighting it, or not doing it because someone else thinks that we shouldn't be doing it.
I've decided it's time to listen to that voice of intuition I've spent the last 5 years denying (questioning and doubting), and have reconnected with (in Spring).When I used to listen to that voice, I was able to trust and let go of fear. Because I knew, from the depths of my soul, I knew where to go based on how I felt about things. Even if logically it didn't make sense, and the rest of the world tried to convince me otherwise, when I listened, and I mean really listened and followed that gut instinct - I found I was right where I was supposed to be.
So many times I have reached out to others for input on a decision, instead of trusting that "feeling". Actually, I ignored it because it was just a "feeling" and there was no "proof" behind it. But this year, I've known when I walked into a building, I was meant to be there. I've watched things fall into place when the time was best, and not before. I've remembered what it felt like to "know", and that enabled me to move past the guilt and self-doubt, to trust myself.
In trusting myself, I am taking time to ask myself some questions, to give things some thought, to dare to do things that others might not like or approve of.
It's been snowing here, and if I don't feel comfortable driving in it, or if I choose to stay home and enjoy it, so be it. Mind you, this decision came after an intense struggle involving "to go" or "not to go" to an activity for Squeak when it was snowing. I felt guilty for not going, for not making the most of the money I'd spent, and for not "doing enough" for my child. Thankfully, it was canceled, but it got me thinking, and I didn't feel like getting so stressed out about it again. Giving myself permission to "bow out" to say no - is liberating.
I've decided that I'm not sending out the yearly Christmas letter updating the details of our life over the year. There has been SO much that has happened, that I'm not even sure a letter will do it justice. And frankly, there are other things requiring my time and attention. So this year, I'm deciding to "bow out".
We've chosen to be nontraditional in regards to Christmas this year. We're taking a long weekend, just our little family, with no guests or visitors. We will drink hot cocoa, tea and chai lattes and create our own little feasts. We'll probably stay in PJs the whole time.
There are Christmas movies that we'd like to watch. Wii we'd like to play. There will Christmas music. We'll probably dance and sing. We might be inspired to paint, sketch, or sculpt. We'll hopefully read. We might not leave the house the entire weekend. There are no plans set in stone.
Pook is excited about Christmas this year - more so than those of the past. Da Hub is glad that we won't be traveling, and excited that he can sleep in and stay in PJs all weekend. Squeak is just happy to have us all around. And as for me, well, it feels right for us, and I'm excited that we've made this choice.
And yet, it kept getting louder, and it was clear that I was feeling off balance, as was my family.
My time has been really full the last few months - work, homeschooling, activities, Squeak's allergies and therapy, not getting enough sleep, travel, and probably other things that I've been forgetting. Life had become overwhelming, and I couldn't keep up. Then, I'd ream myself out for not keeping up. Yet I still wouldn't slow down.
Finally, I realized, I had some serious decisions to make. Something needed to give. I needed to slow down and stop. I needed to stop comparing myself to how much others did and were doing, and just stop. I was unbalanced, and until I regained that balance, I was going to continue struggling and fighting a loosing battle.
And so, I stopped, took a breath, decided to tweak our schooling for the month to be more laid back to help with the burnout. We choose to homescool for many reasons, one of which was that I wanted to take most of December off to really enjoy the holiday. And I've not done that yet - until this year.
Instead of opting to do all the activities we've done in the past, we opted to do something that suited our family. We needed to soothe our souls, rejuvenate out minds, bodies and spirits, and to slow down. And through the years, we have discovered that means NFP weekends (No F'n Plans).
And so that is what we are doing. We've opted to stay in for the month. I do not work (my computer is turned off all of Saturday and most of Sunday), nor do I do work, on the weekends. We won't be attending fancy holiday parties, or running all over the place. We make it a point to read, play games, do something creative as a family.
Winter is generally a time for hibernating for our family anyway. It's a natural rhythm that we all enjoy and benefit from. We have for years, and one day, it may shift. For now, I want to honor it, nurture it, and savor it, as opposed to fighting it, or not doing it because someone else thinks that we shouldn't be doing it.
I've decided it's time to listen to that voice of intuition I've spent the last 5 years denying (questioning and doubting), and have reconnected with (in Spring).When I used to listen to that voice, I was able to trust and let go of fear. Because I knew, from the depths of my soul, I knew where to go based on how I felt about things. Even if logically it didn't make sense, and the rest of the world tried to convince me otherwise, when I listened, and I mean really listened and followed that gut instinct - I found I was right where I was supposed to be.
So many times I have reached out to others for input on a decision, instead of trusting that "feeling". Actually, I ignored it because it was just a "feeling" and there was no "proof" behind it. But this year, I've known when I walked into a building, I was meant to be there. I've watched things fall into place when the time was best, and not before. I've remembered what it felt like to "know", and that enabled me to move past the guilt and self-doubt, to trust myself.
In trusting myself, I am taking time to ask myself some questions, to give things some thought, to dare to do things that others might not like or approve of.
It's been snowing here, and if I don't feel comfortable driving in it, or if I choose to stay home and enjoy it, so be it. Mind you, this decision came after an intense struggle involving "to go" or "not to go" to an activity for Squeak when it was snowing. I felt guilty for not going, for not making the most of the money I'd spent, and for not "doing enough" for my child. Thankfully, it was canceled, but it got me thinking, and I didn't feel like getting so stressed out about it again. Giving myself permission to "bow out" to say no - is liberating.
I've decided that I'm not sending out the yearly Christmas letter updating the details of our life over the year. There has been SO much that has happened, that I'm not even sure a letter will do it justice. And frankly, there are other things requiring my time and attention. So this year, I'm deciding to "bow out".
We've chosen to be nontraditional in regards to Christmas this year. We're taking a long weekend, just our little family, with no guests or visitors. We will drink hot cocoa, tea and chai lattes and create our own little feasts. We'll probably stay in PJs the whole time.
There are Christmas movies that we'd like to watch. Wii we'd like to play. There will Christmas music. We'll probably dance and sing. We might be inspired to paint, sketch, or sculpt. We'll hopefully read. We might not leave the house the entire weekend. There are no plans set in stone.
Pook is excited about Christmas this year - more so than those of the past. Da Hub is glad that we won't be traveling, and excited that he can sleep in and stay in PJs all weekend. Squeak is just happy to have us all around. And as for me, well, it feels right for us, and I'm excited that we've made this choice.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Lost in thought...
A lot has been happening in our little world these last few months, and it's been time for some quiet introspection. I'm not sure if I'm ready to return to the world of blogging just yet... but it's so nice to know that it's here.
This is a phrase that's been getting me through, and enabling me to make some recent decisions:
Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it.
So I'm taking things one step at a time. Working through, figuring things out, and trying to get in touch with something I've misplaced over the last few years.
It's been snowing here, and I'm loving that silence. I'm currently fighting the urge to just stop everything. I long to hunker in the house, save to leave for sledding, and just BE. I want to hunker under a blanket for days, leaving only to make a new cup of tea, get a new book, and snuggle up with my children. But life seems to be getting in the way of that.
So until I return, I'm taking things step-by-step. We'll see where I end up.
This is a phrase that's been getting me through, and enabling me to make some recent decisions:
Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it.
So I'm taking things one step at a time. Working through, figuring things out, and trying to get in touch with something I've misplaced over the last few years.
It's been snowing here, and I'm loving that silence. I'm currently fighting the urge to just stop everything. I long to hunker in the house, save to leave for sledding, and just BE. I want to hunker under a blanket for days, leaving only to make a new cup of tea, get a new book, and snuggle up with my children. But life seems to be getting in the way of that.
So until I return, I'm taking things step-by-step. We'll see where I end up.
Friday, November 05, 2010
NaBloPoMo Day 5
Today's question: What makes you notice someone?
It depends on the person. The first thing I usually notice, would be the eyes followed by the smile. And then, I take them all in- the physical and the personality. What makes someone stand out to me, is the way they carry themselves. I notice if they laugh a lot, or smile a lot. I notice if they seem to be carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. And some people just radiate an energy that causes me to look deeper and talk to them.
Want to join in? NaBloPoMo.
It depends on the person. The first thing I usually notice, would be the eyes followed by the smile. And then, I take them all in- the physical and the personality. What makes someone stand out to me, is the way they carry themselves. I notice if they laugh a lot, or smile a lot. I notice if they seem to be carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. And some people just radiate an energy that causes me to look deeper and talk to them.
Want to join in? NaBloPoMo.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
NaBloPoMo Day 4
Today's question: Would you rather be wealthy and ugly, wise and sickly, or beautiful and stupid?
When I first read this, I though it was asking two things:
But then I realized it was three things. As I don't like to be sick, that nicks out the "wise and sickly" part. Plus, I don't consider myself to be wise, and I'm not so sure I'd want to be anyway. And, I'd nick out the beautiful and stupid, because of the stupid part. I'm not sure that being beautiful is all it is cracked up to be either.
Which leaves me with "wealthy and ugly", so I suppose that is what I'd choose. Because at least I could use my wealth to help others - and travel. Because I love to travel. Besides, when it all comes down to it, beauty and ugliness are really in the eye of the beholder. What is beautiful to one culture, is not to another.
Either way, I think these are all dangerous combinations to choose from. If I could mix and match them, I'd like to be wise and wealthy. Then, perhaps I could increase my wealth and possibly make a real difference to the world.
When I first read this, I though it was asking two things:
Would you rather be wealthy and ugly, wise and sickly
or
Beautiful and stupid.
But then I realized it was three things. As I don't like to be sick, that nicks out the "wise and sickly" part. Plus, I don't consider myself to be wise, and I'm not so sure I'd want to be anyway. And, I'd nick out the beautiful and stupid, because of the stupid part. I'm not sure that being beautiful is all it is cracked up to be either.
Which leaves me with "wealthy and ugly", so I suppose that is what I'd choose. Because at least I could use my wealth to help others - and travel. Because I love to travel. Besides, when it all comes down to it, beauty and ugliness are really in the eye of the beholder. What is beautiful to one culture, is not to another.
Either way, I think these are all dangerous combinations to choose from. If I could mix and match them, I'd like to be wise and wealthy. Then, perhaps I could increase my wealth and possibly make a real difference to the world.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Since hubby's doing NanoWrimo...
Perhaps I'll try NaBloPoMo. Thanks to J and R for this(I think). J was inspired by R, you see.
Anyway, I don't know if I'll do it every day. But some of the prompts have interested me. That being said, the prompt for November 1 was "How would your life change if you didn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, i.e., if your housing was free?" Unlike some of my friends who are doing this, I am a homeowner and still paying mortgage. Realistically, if I didn't have a mortgage, I'd have more income each month that I would put to savings and use toward travel, and house projects.
Anyway, I don't know if I'll do it every day. But some of the prompts have interested me. That being said, the prompt for November 1 was "How would your life change if you didn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, i.e., if your housing was free?" Unlike some of my friends who are doing this, I am a homeowner and still paying mortgage. Realistically, if I didn't have a mortgage, I'd have more income each month that I would put to savings and use toward travel, and house projects.
Nov 2: "Tell us the story of a piece of jewelry you own. Where did it come from, and what does it mean to you?" My engagement ring has a cool story behind it. I did not want a traditional diamond. I wanted a ruby. My hubby (who was my fiance' at the time) and I were walking around, looking into the various shops. I came across a gorgeous ring, but it had an emerald in it. I made the comment to hubby, that I'd totally have that ring if it were a ruby. The shopkeeper heard me, and took me over to look at rubies that would fit. I found the perfect one that sparkled just right.
Two weeks later we returned, and the shop owner reported that the emerald had been crushed when her removed it for the ruby. I'm not sure if that was true or not, but, I love my ring. Hubby then reproposed in the store - complete with the one knee bit. It's by far my favorite ring - a queen (the ruby) among kings (small diamonds the surround each side).
Nov 3: "Describe the plot of the next book you want to read, even if the book doesn't exist yet." I'm having a hard time with this. You see, I'd love to read a book that leaves me feeling really good at the end, that draws me in, and that I feel rather sad having finished. As for a plot... I really can't say, because so many have done this for me. Hmmm...
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