Being mindful through chaos

March has been an appropriate month to be mindful in. It would seem, that life has picked up on my end, with all sorts of joys, concerns in regards to the health of a friend and a father, more appointments then planned, and quite a few projects hanging in the queue. Thankfully, I've been able to find moments throughout the day, to pause and breathe.

I've also discovered a certain awareness I was lacking. I discovered a confidence I didn't know I had; the ability to take a step forth despite my fears and face them. And to realize, that it was a very beneficial step.

I've been breathing in my children, pausing and taking them in with all of my senses. I've been listening, watching, noticing. I am treasuring the way my eldest reads to my youngest. Seeing how well she's learning. Catching her sitting in sun spots, and spontaneously sketching when she wants. And seeing the smile on my youngest's face when she sees her sis awake...

All wonderful things to notice amidst life's chaos...

I am mindful...

Of my lil one's anime hair.

Of sweet, sweet toddlin' feet.

Of my eldest's love for tangrams. (And she's good mind you...)

Of a sleeping babe in my arms...

Of the fact that I still enjoy Winter's bliss...

Yes, I am enjoying slowing down, and noticing the little things. Taking a deep breath, and putting myself out there for a change. I am mindful of facing a fear without knowing the consequences. I am mindful of how much I adore my husband and my children. I am mindful of what happens when you take a chance and open up.

March 1 - Mindful Visuals

This morning, I was mindful of my body. Breathing in, feeling the movement, getting the heart pumping.

Instead of the usual jumping into schooling, we took a pause to watch the birds. The girls really got into it, and we tried to discovered what the song was we heard. We think it's a type of wren or sparrow. We are not certain.

Then, we took time to read some poetry by Frost.

I was mindful of the dishes piling up, and how quickly it took to clean them up.

While the little one slept, the eldest and I worked together.

And this little miss (Spider) helps with math, by jumping from problem to problem.

And now, it's to work and then to mindfully sink under the covers and to bed.

March 1 - Mindful of Feelings

This morning, I am mindful of how I feel. There is a tiredness, an anticipation and an anxiety within me. I can feel the tightness in my chest - the solar plexus and heart area. Today, I am breathing through it, letting myself really feel it instead of running from it.

I breathe in, and I go and dwell there. I face the fear and tension. I focus on my breath... I breath in... I breathe out and I let go...

And as I breathe, I am gifted to hear the sweet spring song of a bird. I listen. I listen and I breathe.

March Mindfulness

March has always been a bittersweet month for me. It's the month when I celebrate the birth of my father and brother, and my grandfather until he passed. It's also the birthdays of two other sweet friends. It contains the spring equinox, bringing us one step closer to April and spring.

It has also been the month of letting go. Two of my grandparents let go of life in this month, and my husband's grandfather as well. Last year, I witnessed the letting go of a friendship before my eyes, that resulted in me letting go and stepping back.

And thus, I've always watched it approach with a strange anticipation and fearfulness. This year, I want to associate it with something more positive. So, I'm dubbing it "Mindful March" or instead of March Madness, we can have March Mindfulness.

I'm not sure yet, how I want to celebrate this month. I am thinking of capturing photos, which help me to slow down. And finding ways to be fully present in the various areas of my life. Perhaps, I'll commit to blogging about it. We shall see...

It looks as though I'm not the only one focusing on mindfulness this month either. (I can't help it, after I thought of it, I had to google it to see if I was the only one to connect March and Mindfulness.) Shambala Sun appears to be focusing on this topic as well for their March 2010 issue.

Any they've got some great sources of information:

A peak into the March 2010 Issue

How to Do Mindfulness Meditation

10 Tips for a Mindful Home

So, this March, I'm going to practice being Mindful. Anyone else wish to join me?

A Weekend Away...

"Give me your hands, if we be friends." - Puck, From A Midsummer Night's Dream

I had the pleasure of being able to run away this weekend, and spend it with four phenomenal ladies. The hands were dealt, the cards laid out, and then the universe stepped in to add its two cents.

It was a weekend where each one of us was given the opportunity to grow and stretch. It was a lesson in honesty and voicing feelings, in connection, letting go, and in discovering what it was like to be me without the walls (and I don't think I'm the only one who let the walls come down). I stepped away from my usual roles into a place where I just was.

It's been a long time since I've just let things flow, and stopped worrying about what the end result was. Here I am! I splay my cards upon the table, throwing them down with no real set pattern. The whole deck is there - there aren't any in my hands. I've been so tired of holding in, that I just let go.

Thankfully, it was in the midst of those who embraced it, who caught the cards that fell off the table, threw out their own to let them lie as we chatted, bonded, and shed a few tears. Each of us managed to give and receive this weekend. We stepped away from our roles as momma and wife, and let ourselves slip back into who we are as individuals. It enabled us to breathe, and explore that part of ourselves that is easily misplaced or lost, in an environment where we just are "us" and we are loved.

It's an amazing feeling when you can just be who you are, and let it flow without worry. I found a part of myself this weekend. And I found four other marvelous souls to share it with.

Lookout world... for here I am. And I don't know if I could close that door again... or if I want to.

I didn't know love, until I met him.

I remember when I first knew I loved him. It was the day when I knew that I didn't want to be without him in my life. The day when I tried to imagine not being embraced by him, not being able to feel his whispers against my cheek, or having his arms around me.

Everyone else in my life seemed to know that he was the one for me, save for me. I was scared to lose him, as I'd lost so many other friends once that line was crossed. Fate, as it has its way, had other plans.

When my grandfather, Popop, was in the hospital, I couldn't drive home after the visits. I was too emotional. There were a few times I made it in on my own, but my love would travel to my house, pick me up and take me there. He and I were the last ones to see Popop conscious, and you'd have thought I'd known then, when my grandfather who was lying there miserable with the tubes in his throat, trying desperately to communicate with me, saw him walk in the room.

He walked in with a confidence, his black trench coat swirling about him. And my grandfather's face lit up and glowed with a smile that I hadn't seen in months. He knew. HE KNEW. And it would still be over a half year before I accepted that this man was for me.

We started out as friends, and then it blossomed into something more. He saw inside me. He believed in me.

I'd always doubted myself, until he came into my life, and showed me a glimpse of what he saw. He shared himself with me on so many levels, and love me - as I was. He listened to me. He paid attention to the details. He loved me.

Since then, he has taught me so many wonderful things. He has encouraged me and shown me what love is - from the willingness to let go of love, to embracing it with passion and vibrancy.

He showed me through his words, music, and touch. We connected on a level I didn't know was possible.

And now, he is my husband. Yes, it took a while, but he proved himself correct that day he told me I'd be his. Because I am - heart and soul my love, heart and soul.

Je t'adore. I adore you, my sweet. Thank you for finding me. Thank you for persevering. Thank you for convincing me that I am worth it. Thank you for choosing your equal.

AMLHCK