Yesterday, we discovered I'm now 60% effaced and 4 centimeters dilated. I haven't felt "right" since the midwife checked, and my contractions aren't that regular. Reality is setting in though. In a matter of time, I'm going to be a mom to "another little darling" as my eldest tells me.
I was teasing about how I was enjoying my quiet time, how there was more I wanted to get done. The projects are so clear in my head, on my list... Last night, I lie awake, my thoughts moving rapidly, yet my body needing to just rest. So much has been going on here the last few weeks - a whirlwind of activity and nesting.
The fence that I've wanted for so long is clearly moving along, as based on the evidence of the posts and supports that now line our property. Our neighbor reminded me, "When I get started, I like to get finished." And he is true to his word.
Last night, thinking about the fence excited me. I am looking forward to seeing what the back yard is going to look like, and the possibilities. What will it be like to actually walk down from the back porch into my back yard?
Then my thoughts turned to how ready are you really for that next little bundle of joy? Should I push myself today to get things done? Should I just rest?
There is this sense of nervousness in me today, mixed with fear and excitement. The reality of getting to meet this little one I've been carrying the last 9 months is so close. Part of me wants to dive into productivity mode. Part of me just doesn't feel so great. The other part of me wants to just spend the day lazing around and resting. And then, there's this other part of me, that really just wants to have a good cry...
I'm not sure what I'm going to do today. I think step-by-step is best. I hope this anxious feeling with dissipate a bit. Until then...
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Life Speaks.
What does your life say to you (or about you)? Anyone tuning into my blog right about now, or looking back, might notice that I'm going through an intense nesting phase, that I declutter and purge my material possessions on a regular basis. I also home school our eldest, and plan to home school the rest. Hopefully they'll see that I love and adore my family, that we are eagerly expecting a new arrival, and that I'm just making my way as I go along.In the years since I've started this blog, I've learned a lot about myself. When I first started it, I was discovering a lot. I remember that my description was more who I wanted to be than who I was. Now, I'd say it's more in tune with who I am.
I've a friend who reminds me that "Lives Speak." Her life speaks volumes. Sometimes I wonder if she truly realizes how unique and amazing she is. She's one of the smartest people I know, and our friendship always challenges me. (Her memory is amazing compared to mine. :) )
I never really thought about what my life was saying until she brought it up one day. And she's right, what we say and how we present ourselves are no match for how we live our lives. What we do speaks volumes - if someone pays attention.
I like to dream, to talk about what I'd like to do, and then I either do it, or it gets lost in the void until I want to play with the idea again. I'm great at talking about what I'd like to do, and letting myself picture what it would be like if I did it. And yet, I don't always do it. I once said that I tend to think out loud sometimes. Which can be frustrating as I verbally figure things out, then decide not to do it. (I've often wondered if this drives others crazy.)
Over the years, I've gone from being interested in "every little thing" to finally focusing on things that really bring me joy. Sometimes I'll try something based on another's suggestion (I used to do this a lot), but for now, I am getting to know myself and my likes better, which makes it easier to decide if it's something I really am interested in.
So I'm not entirely certain of what my life says about me to others, and then, that doesn't matter to me so much as what my life says to me.
When I first started looking at my life, "hearing" what it was speaking, I was appalled. Now, it's growing on me. I'm accepting who I am, working on being less judgmental, and determining what really is of value to me. I'm okay with the realization that I enjoy talking the talk, even though I might not walk that way after talking about it. And knowing I do this, helps me to focus back on what I am doing with my life currently.
I'm playing with the idea of regularly connecting to what my life is speaking to me. Either with pictures or words. I'm not sure, but there is something about "listening" to life.
What does your life speak to you?
Monday, August 11, 2008
Gorgeous Monday morning and a delightful August Airing
Lately the weather here has been really lovely. We've spent the last two - three days with the windows wide open and breezes dancing through the house accompanied by bird songs and symphonies of crickets in the evening. Bliss.
It's been wonderfully freeing to enjoy the cooler weather and be serenaded by the sounds of nature. Obviously, autumn is around the corner, and yet it's still blissfully summer. Perhaps that is why I am so inspired to let go (other than that little fact that I am in full blown nesting mode).
This weekend, in my extremely productive nesting mode, we began to reorganize and go through our "stuff". (My husband is going to be happy to have a "break" after the baby comes. :) ) After my last post on simplicity, as much as I love the idea of getting rid of all our stuff and replacing things, and not obsessing about stuff, the fact is, we have stuff, and we use the stuff, and though I'm not passionately attached to the stuff, I do enjoy some of it.
I like the way I feel when I picture having only the essentials, and I do believe that it would be more freeing. Honestly though, I'm not ready to take it that far. It's one thing if the stuff were destroyed, or if I had an easy way to sell it. Then, maybe I'd reconsider. But for now, I don't want to spend extra money or go through the trouble of replacing something that is being used - that'd be a waste. However, it doesn't mean I can't take a good look at the stuff around me, and figure out what's not being used or not working, and let it go.
So, this weekend, we started with the dinning room. In my dinning room, we have the dinning set that was my grandmother's. The table and chairs are showing their age, the display cabinet is huge and bulky, and if someone offered us a price that would enable us to get something more practical, we'd probably sell it.
After this weekend, I took something that had been annoying me, something that I wanted to replace, and made it useful. What once was a display for dishes and tea sets, is not a serene cabinet that still holds those things, but also 2 book shelves of homeschooling and art supplies, neatly tucked behind gorgeous fabric panels.
The end result was not only a more serene dinning room (serene is good with a pregnant momma), but spilled over into part of the kitchen, living room, and bed room. Another Good Will pile has been started, and this time, it was much, much easier to let things go. There are still things that will end up on our ambivalence pile as well, but if we have a doubt, it goes there for now.
Thus, we may not be down to the bare essentials, I'm not sure if we ever will, unless moving across county or to another country, or some other event where we would absolutely need or have to, we may not. And that is okay. The thing is, it gave me a great perspective on what is possible, and what is present. And the end result is a divinely spacious, better functions, and much more organized dinning room with less stress over having to look at all the stuff.
It's been wonderfully freeing to enjoy the cooler weather and be serenaded by the sounds of nature. Obviously, autumn is around the corner, and yet it's still blissfully summer. Perhaps that is why I am so inspired to let go (other than that little fact that I am in full blown nesting mode).
This weekend, in my extremely productive nesting mode, we began to reorganize and go through our "stuff". (My husband is going to be happy to have a "break" after the baby comes. :) ) After my last post on simplicity, as much as I love the idea of getting rid of all our stuff and replacing things, and not obsessing about stuff, the fact is, we have stuff, and we use the stuff, and though I'm not passionately attached to the stuff, I do enjoy some of it.
I like the way I feel when I picture having only the essentials, and I do believe that it would be more freeing. Honestly though, I'm not ready to take it that far. It's one thing if the stuff were destroyed, or if I had an easy way to sell it. Then, maybe I'd reconsider. But for now, I don't want to spend extra money or go through the trouble of replacing something that is being used - that'd be a waste. However, it doesn't mean I can't take a good look at the stuff around me, and figure out what's not being used or not working, and let it go.
So, this weekend, we started with the dinning room. In my dinning room, we have the dinning set that was my grandmother's. The table and chairs are showing their age, the display cabinet is huge and bulky, and if someone offered us a price that would enable us to get something more practical, we'd probably sell it.
After this weekend, I took something that had been annoying me, something that I wanted to replace, and made it useful. What once was a display for dishes and tea sets, is not a serene cabinet that still holds those things, but also 2 book shelves of homeschooling and art supplies, neatly tucked behind gorgeous fabric panels.
The end result was not only a more serene dinning room (serene is good with a pregnant momma), but spilled over into part of the kitchen, living room, and bed room. Another Good Will pile has been started, and this time, it was much, much easier to let things go. There are still things that will end up on our ambivalence pile as well, but if we have a doubt, it goes there for now.
Thus, we may not be down to the bare essentials, I'm not sure if we ever will, unless moving across county or to another country, or some other event where we would absolutely need or have to, we may not. And that is okay. The thing is, it gave me a great perspective on what is possible, and what is present. And the end result is a divinely spacious, better functions, and much more organized dinning room with less stress over having to look at all the stuff.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Identifying the Essentials
Okay, so, while exploring Zen Habits, I came across this link about The First Rule of Simplifying: Identify the Essentials.
In the article, the author poses several questions that got me thinking. And, *gulp* I'm daring to put a few of my answers out here into the void of the internet and take some accountability for them. So, here we go.
1) What is most important to me?
My family. I love my hubby, Pook, and the baby on the way. My health (so that I can care for my family). I love exercising and yoga. I love writing and to journal (online and on paper). I love to read (from books to blogs baby!). I love to sit outside and feel the breeze and listen to the sounds. I love to learn about things I enjoy (simplifying, Buddhism, Taoism, frugality and finance, etc.). I love to create when the mood strikes me - watercolors, sewing, among other things. Spending quality time with friends and people who feed my soul.
2) What are things that are going on in my life and how are they related to what is important to me? (This answer could take a while, and I'm not sure if I want to share it just yet... so, I'm reserving the right to return at a later date to evaluate.) I will tell you, that staying healthy and getting exercise so that I have the energy to be a good mom is up there, along with homeschooling Pook (whom is important to me, as her education), taking time for me (keeps me sane and able to nurture the family), enjoying the moments until Baby's arrival, enjoying moments with hubby, reading a good book or two or three, blogging, bill paying, filing, letter writing, getting groceries (we DO need to eat), homemaking and keeping, time with friends, and I'm sure there is more out there... :)
3) Possessions - Do you really love them? No! That was my first answer. Just popped right into my head. Although, there are a few pictures we have up that I really enjoy looking at. But seriously, I'm not attached to any of it.
Are they truly essential? Looking around, many of my possessions hold things (bookshelves, cabinets, etc.). I've a few sentimental things, but I like to look at them, and rarely use them. So, I don't know if they really are. Although, not having a computer would make it really hard for me to work. ;)
And the biggie - if my house burned down, which things would I want to replace? If my house burned down, these are the things I think I'd replace. They are in no particular order. Some are "necessities" and others are little things that really brighten my day.
- Clothing and shoes
- Beds to sleep in - King, kid's, and maybe a queen for guests (or those nights when the king would be too crowded) - pillows and really nice sheet sets - 2 for each
- Crib
- Table to eat meals and do projects at - seating for 6-8
- Laptop computer
- Comfy Sofa to sit in, and 2 comfy chairs to read in
- Books to read in the comfy sofa and chairs
- Washer and Dryer
- Homeschool materials and supplies
- CD player/alarm clock
- Outdoor swing and bistro table for backyard
- TV and DVD player (per Hubby's request - I'm either or on this)
- Hub's computer
- Freezer (maybe)
- File Cabinet (maybe)
- Desk or table to sit computer on (I suppose...)
- Sewing machine and kit
- Exercise DVDs and weights
- Tea pot and tea cups, plates, bowls, glasses, utensils, pots and pans
- Art supplies - pads, brushes, pencils
- Shelves for pantry if not enough room in kitchen
- Cloth napkins
- Bath towels, wash cloths, hand towels, kitchen towels and cloths
I think that what really took me by surprise, is that thinking about not having to clean, organize, or deal with my stuff was extremely freeing for me. It got me thinking about what my life would be like if we didn't have all these things in it. So many things I've been holding onto with the reasoning that some day I might use this or not being able to get rid of something because of the emotional attachment.
In an email to a friend this morning, I wrote, "Then I started to think about things like, what would our lives be like if we didn't have all this stuff in them? Cleaning would be a breeze! (I'm having trouble wanting to clean this week with the leggo invasion in my living room. It's a mess!) If I didn't have all the seasonal decorations, I'd probably just use things from nature. Maybe I'd actually STOP obsessing about all the stuff!"
And I DO obsess about our stuff. Just check the archives and look at my obsession with decluttering.
In any case, I'm looking at our stuff in a new light. That new dinning room set I thought I wanted? I'm not so sure anymore. The dinning room would make a cool library/homeschooling room if we got rid of the current dinning set... And do we really use all these books? Do we really need all this furniture? Hmmm...
In the article, the author poses several questions that got me thinking. And, *gulp* I'm daring to put a few of my answers out here into the void of the internet and take some accountability for them. So, here we go.
1) What is most important to me?
My family. I love my hubby, Pook, and the baby on the way. My health (so that I can care for my family). I love exercising and yoga. I love writing and to journal (online and on paper). I love to read (from books to blogs baby!). I love to sit outside and feel the breeze and listen to the sounds. I love to learn about things I enjoy (simplifying, Buddhism, Taoism, frugality and finance, etc.). I love to create when the mood strikes me - watercolors, sewing, among other things. Spending quality time with friends and people who feed my soul.
2) What are things that are going on in my life and how are they related to what is important to me? (This answer could take a while, and I'm not sure if I want to share it just yet... so, I'm reserving the right to return at a later date to evaluate.) I will tell you, that staying healthy and getting exercise so that I have the energy to be a good mom is up there, along with homeschooling Pook (whom is important to me, as her education), taking time for me (keeps me sane and able to nurture the family), enjoying the moments until Baby's arrival, enjoying moments with hubby, reading a good book or two or three, blogging, bill paying, filing, letter writing, getting groceries (we DO need to eat), homemaking and keeping, time with friends, and I'm sure there is more out there... :)
3) Possessions - Do you really love them? No! That was my first answer. Just popped right into my head. Although, there are a few pictures we have up that I really enjoy looking at. But seriously, I'm not attached to any of it.
Are they truly essential? Looking around, many of my possessions hold things (bookshelves, cabinets, etc.). I've a few sentimental things, but I like to look at them, and rarely use them. So, I don't know if they really are. Although, not having a computer would make it really hard for me to work. ;)
And the biggie - if my house burned down, which things would I want to replace? If my house burned down, these are the things I think I'd replace. They are in no particular order. Some are "necessities" and others are little things that really brighten my day.
- Clothing and shoes
- Beds to sleep in - King, kid's, and maybe a queen for guests (or those nights when the king would be too crowded) - pillows and really nice sheet sets - 2 for each
- Crib
- Table to eat meals and do projects at - seating for 6-8
- Laptop computer
- Comfy Sofa to sit in, and 2 comfy chairs to read in
- Books to read in the comfy sofa and chairs
- Washer and Dryer
- Homeschool materials and supplies
- CD player/alarm clock
- Outdoor swing and bistro table for backyard
- TV and DVD player (per Hubby's request - I'm either or on this)
- Hub's computer
- Freezer (maybe)
- File Cabinet (maybe)
- Desk or table to sit computer on (I suppose...)
- Sewing machine and kit
- Exercise DVDs and weights
- Tea pot and tea cups, plates, bowls, glasses, utensils, pots and pans
- Art supplies - pads, brushes, pencils
- Shelves for pantry if not enough room in kitchen
- Cloth napkins
- Bath towels, wash cloths, hand towels, kitchen towels and cloths
I think that what really took me by surprise, is that thinking about not having to clean, organize, or deal with my stuff was extremely freeing for me. It got me thinking about what my life would be like if we didn't have all these things in it. So many things I've been holding onto with the reasoning that some day I might use this or not being able to get rid of something because of the emotional attachment.
In an email to a friend this morning, I wrote, "Then I started to think about things like, what would our lives be like if we didn't have all this stuff in them? Cleaning would be a breeze! (I'm having trouble wanting to clean this week with the leggo invasion in my living room. It's a mess!) If I didn't have all the seasonal decorations, I'd probably just use things from nature. Maybe I'd actually STOP obsessing about all the stuff!"
And I DO obsess about our stuff. Just check the archives and look at my obsession with decluttering.
In any case, I'm looking at our stuff in a new light. That new dinning room set I thought I wanted? I'm not so sure anymore. The dinning room would make a cool library/homeschooling room if we got rid of the current dinning set... And do we really use all these books? Do we really need all this furniture? Hmmm...
My newest inspiration
And, as the baby's not here yet... you can guess it isn't the baby.
Blame it on the nesting instinct, blame it on my past track record or what have you, but the sheer fact is, that simplifying has been an important part of my life for many, many years. Recently, I've been having that desire to toss and purge (mind you, I just got finished one of these sprees before baby, and here it comes again) my material possessions again. But it's not just about the material possessions, it's about mental things, daily/weekly/monthly activities - the base question - what is really important to me? What do I really enjoy? Why do I feel so overwhelmed with all of our stuff?
Perhaps, it's due to this site: Zen Habits that has been inspirational to me for quite a while. If you have not checked out this site, you might want to. Of course, what might really be behind my inspiration to re-evaluate and simplify my life further (aside from the new baby arrival which will make things interesting I'm sure), would be the discovery of this:
Everything You Wanted to Know About Simplifying Your Life, and Way More
And, yes L, I should really be using the timer when checking these out. :)
I'm thinking about blogging my experiences and thoughts on simplifying my life based on some of the questions and articles from Zen Habits and a few other sites. Of course, with Baby's arrival, I'm making no promises, but it is something that's been interesting me.
Over the past few weeks I've found myself asking questions like - Do I really need this? What would my life be like without this? Why in the world am I holding onto these things? Could we get rid of that piece of furniture - and not replace it? What would my life be like if I lived and did those things I absolutely enjoyed and loved? What would the basics of my life be? What would my life be like if I lived with the bare minimums?
Hmmm.... what will my answers to these questions be?
Blame it on the nesting instinct, blame it on my past track record or what have you, but the sheer fact is, that simplifying has been an important part of my life for many, many years. Recently, I've been having that desire to toss and purge (mind you, I just got finished one of these sprees before baby, and here it comes again) my material possessions again. But it's not just about the material possessions, it's about mental things, daily/weekly/monthly activities - the base question - what is really important to me? What do I really enjoy? Why do I feel so overwhelmed with all of our stuff?
Perhaps, it's due to this site: Zen Habits that has been inspirational to me for quite a while. If you have not checked out this site, you might want to. Of course, what might really be behind my inspiration to re-evaluate and simplify my life further (aside from the new baby arrival which will make things interesting I'm sure), would be the discovery of this:
Everything You Wanted to Know About Simplifying Your Life, and Way More
And, yes L, I should really be using the timer when checking these out. :)
I'm thinking about blogging my experiences and thoughts on simplifying my life based on some of the questions and articles from Zen Habits and a few other sites. Of course, with Baby's arrival, I'm making no promises, but it is something that's been interesting me.
Over the past few weeks I've found myself asking questions like - Do I really need this? What would my life be like without this? Why in the world am I holding onto these things? Could we get rid of that piece of furniture - and not replace it? What would my life be like if I lived and did those things I absolutely enjoyed and loved? What would the basics of my life be? What would my life be like if I lived with the bare minimums?
Hmmm.... what will my answers to these questions be?
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
This too shall pass
This has been my latest mantra. I've used it before, and lately, it's been really keeping me on track in many aspects.
I find myself saying it when the baby within me stretches into tender sections of my side or rib cage, or when I see a bump in my belly that is most definitely a knee. When I rub my belly and feel movement within, or think about how my belly will be gone once this baby joins us on the outside.
When I start to think about labor, I remind myself that "This too shall pass". I won't be in pain forever, and at the end, I'll get a sweet little gift to hold and cuddle.
I'm sure that it will be at the forefront of my thoughts on those nights I'm getting up to feed, changing diapers, and caring for the new little one.
And too, when I'm counting little fingers and toes, taking in that baby smell, I will be reminded that "this too shall pass". Especially when I look at my sweet 5-year-old.
Yesterday, when I went for my check up, we discovered that I am 50% effaced and 1-2 centimeters dilated. Oh yes, reality of how close I am to holding a new little one is hitting hard. I am treasuring each moment, taking it all in, basking in the belly, the free time, the quiet mornings... because I am all to aware, that "this too shall pass".
I find myself saying it when the baby within me stretches into tender sections of my side or rib cage, or when I see a bump in my belly that is most definitely a knee. When I rub my belly and feel movement within, or think about how my belly will be gone once this baby joins us on the outside.
When I start to think about labor, I remind myself that "This too shall pass". I won't be in pain forever, and at the end, I'll get a sweet little gift to hold and cuddle.
I'm sure that it will be at the forefront of my thoughts on those nights I'm getting up to feed, changing diapers, and caring for the new little one.
And too, when I'm counting little fingers and toes, taking in that baby smell, I will be reminded that "this too shall pass". Especially when I look at my sweet 5-year-old.
Yesterday, when I went for my check up, we discovered that I am 50% effaced and 1-2 centimeters dilated. Oh yes, reality of how close I am to holding a new little one is hitting hard. I am treasuring each moment, taking it all in, basking in the belly, the free time, the quiet mornings... because I am all to aware, that "this too shall pass".
Friday, August 01, 2008
August already?
Where has the time gone?
According to the little electronic record keeper that is programmed with my due date of September 3, 2009, I've got 31 days until the due date.
Although between last night and today, I'm convinced this little one is ready to make an appearance at any time. Between the back pain, the moving little being within, and the braxton hicks contractions... I am feeling it.
And I'm giddy. I'm excited to greet this new life within me, and at the same time, doing my best not to remember too much about the pain from my first birth. I'm on my way to being a momma twice, and with each day, each moment, it becomes more real.
Seeing the little bumps as the feet move across my belly. Feeling the discomfort as the little one stretches, pushing the head deeper into my cervix, and those little feet along my rib cage.
I've found myself wondering what the baby will look like, what my body is going to look like after this one, what my life is going to be like... And I don't know. There's something to that not knowing I think. :)
In about 30 days (or more or less) - my life is going to change. Our lives are going to change. Wow.
According to the little electronic record keeper that is programmed with my due date of September 3, 2009, I've got 31 days until the due date.
Although between last night and today, I'm convinced this little one is ready to make an appearance at any time. Between the back pain, the moving little being within, and the braxton hicks contractions... I am feeling it.
And I'm giddy. I'm excited to greet this new life within me, and at the same time, doing my best not to remember too much about the pain from my first birth. I'm on my way to being a momma twice, and with each day, each moment, it becomes more real.
Seeing the little bumps as the feet move across my belly. Feeling the discomfort as the little one stretches, pushing the head deeper into my cervix, and those little feet along my rib cage.
I've found myself wondering what the baby will look like, what my body is going to look like after this one, what my life is going to be like... And I don't know. There's something to that not knowing I think. :)
In about 30 days (or more or less) - my life is going to change. Our lives are going to change. Wow.
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